How to Get a GROWTH MINDSET!!!

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me today. If you've been listening for a long time, you know what to do. That's right. Smack yourself on the ass so hard when the concussion hits, your balls fly up and hit the brim of your hat. Today, I'm going to give an amazing, spectacular, awesome speech about one of my favorite topics, and that is mindset.

0:41 Your mindset and what exactly that means. The difference between a growth mindset, a fixed mindset, and also what it means to be internally and externally motivated. On Wednesday, we're actually going to do an NLP process that pertains to exactly what we're speaking about today. This is kind of a two-part series that I'm doing where I'm really excited to tune you guys up and make you internally motivated because being internally motivated is the essence of masculinity. It's the essence of being highly motivated to do what you want to do, to get what you want to get, and to not let your fears, ego, and insecurities hold you back.

1:20 Before I jump into the content, I want to let you guys know that I literally just woke up from one of the most amazing dreams I've ever had in my life. Have you guys ever heard that song from Pennywise called Bro Hym? It's one of these songs where everybody's kind of like cheering together, and everyone's singing, and they're talking about being brothers. They're talking about being part of a brotherhood. Well, in my dream, I had this song going on, and all of us, you included, bro, were in this big auditorium, and we were all singing this song, and we had this big mosh pit.

1:53 And it was just me and all my brothers from the Unapologetic Man podcast listening, all my clients, all you guys who have left me a review, even all the guys who I've gotten on the phone with to do these one-on-one consultations. All you. You're all my fucking brothers, and you were all there. And it was just one of those dreams where I felt like I could do anything with the help of my boys. So what I want to do to start off this podcast is do a few shout-outs to some of my current clients, some of my past clients, my friends, guys who have left me reviews.

2:21 And listen, if I don't include you on this, don't take it personally. There's a ton of dudes. I'm just reading off a list that I made just kind of off the top of my head of remembering all you champions. So I want to do a quick shout-out to you. And the purpose of this shout-out is to just let you know that I love you, man. I respect you. I really hold you highly in my life. I thank you for trusting me as your coach. I thank you for trusting me as your podcast host and trusting my advice because I know your time is valuable.

2:48 I know your money is valuable. And I know you could be doing a million different things right now. So I'm just going to go through this quickly. If this is you, man, thank you so much for being my brother. Thank you so much for listening. I really do appreciate you guys. All right. Seth, Kale, Alan. Alex, Mike, Victor, Adam, Phil, Ramon, Lester, Ben, Benjamin, Patrick, GJ, Chip, Eric, Stephen, Chris, George, Brian, Roy, Evan, Jake, Ralph, Benjamin, Dylan, Dante, Wesley, Eric, Evan, Russ, Jairos, James, Layton, Mark, Fody, Harp.

3:32 What is up, what is up, Harp? Jeffery, Jeffery, Connor, Jeremy, Andrew, Andrew, Nikhil, Sean, Christopher, Mohamed, Saif, Eric, Joshua, Kevin, Scott, Joe, Matthew, Miguel, Bill, Wahid, Uduak, Nicholas, Ivor, Bryce, Cal, Riley, Jarek, Eduardo, Narian, Jared, Min, George, Rodrigo, Ryan, Shiraz, and Evan. Ken, Kenneth, Brian, Kirk, Ben, Ben, Navid, Michael, Brandon, Chris, Ralph. And of course, my best friend of all time, the person who I'm closest with in this world, who isn't one of my bros, but might as well be, is Marissa. I want to give a shout out to all you guys, as well as Marissa.

4:17 You guys just make my life so much better. I respect you so much. Thank you for listening. If I didn't say your name and you're just listening, bro, I'm saying your name right now. You, right now, the guy listening. I thank you, man. I thank you for listening to me, trusting me. You were there in that auditorium as we sang that Pennywise song, Bro Him. And if you want to check that out, I do have a playlist on Spotify. It is called Mark's Lift Heavy Ass Weights.

4:39 I actually put that song at the very end. Dude, the thing is so sick. One of the guys in the band died and they got all their boys together and they sang the song for him. And that's the song that was going on. It seems so real. I felt like I was there with you guys and we were just, you know, having that brotherhood that I will not let you down. I will be there for you. Let's fucking get the job done. Let's be the best versions of ourselves.

5:02 And we're going to do that today by talking about growth mindset, one of the most important elements for your success. So I've spoken about this briefly in a previous podcast. I can't rightly remember which one it was, but there's fixed and growth mindsets. So the fixed mindset says that you are born how you're born. You have the skills that you have. You cannot develop into a better man. And the way you are is the way you are. So people who have a fixed mindset are afraid of failure because they feel that failure proves their worth as a man.

5:37 People who have a growth mindset, on the other hand, feel that failure is beneficial because they think that they can change and they can become a better person. They have a mindset where I can get better by failing. I can get better by playing with people who are better than me. I can get better by improving myself and developing myself. And even my intelligence, even my abilities to be artistic, even my abilities with women can be adjusted and improved upon. And that comes from a growth mindset.

6:07 A person who is in a fixed mindset is from an insecure position of not wanting to fail. A person who's in a growth mindset is from the highly confident position of wanting to succeed. They take risks not for what can be lost, but what can be gained. They see things as a potential rather than a potential for suffering. They think they can get better with women. They think they can get more intelligent. They think they can raise anything about themselves, even their appearance. They actually believe that through the manifestation of their own belief systems, they can actually become better looking in the eyes of women.

6:44 They can give themselves a higher IQ. They deal with the world in a way where they think their growth is unlimited. And they know that they can change the world, not because of luck or because they get a free hand in life, because they themselves can actually change it. This is a forward masculine towards mindset where you believe if I fucking want that girl, I can have her. Even the hardest girl in the world, the last girl who you jacked off to on Pornhub, you can have that girl.

7:11 You right now can have her if you have a growth mindset where you believe that you can do anything and you deal with life with a positive growth towards thinking mentality. Now, one of the most important things of mindset is what we call this thing in NLP, internally versus externally motivated. So let me ask you a question to illustrate this point. I want you to think about something that you're extremely good at. Maybe you're really good at surfing. Maybe you're really good at skiing. Maybe you're really good at baseball, art, music, or like me, talking endlessly without even taking a breath.

7:45 And I want to ask you, how do you know you're good at that? How do you know you're good at it? And I want you to take a minute to answer. So if you're internally motivated to that particular thing, you will answer me because I know, because I just know. It's just something I just understand, something I just feel within myself. If you're externally motivated, you will say because people tell me I'm good, because the outside world is paying me well for my coaching, because people like my podcast.

8:15 See, when I'm asked this question, how do you know you're a good coach? I immediately responded just because I know. After I get off the phone, I can just tell, dude, you kicked ass in that situation. Now, that means that I'm highly internally motivated. And here's the thing. When you're internally motivated, that's part of a growth mindset. When you're externally motivated, which means looking for the validation from others, looking for other people to tell you, okay, to pat you on the back, to hand you a trophy that you can display on your shelf.

8:45 That means you're externally motivated. Here's another thing. Internally motivated is masculine. Externally motivated is feminine. Internally motivated is highly motivational. Externally motivated is demotivating. So, if you're externally motivated, you're likely to start something and quit. Has that happened to you? Something where you're trying to get better at, if you have an externally motivated setting, you are probably going to quit unless other people kick you in the ass. When you're internally motivated, you will get the job done, you will succeed, no matter what the fuck happens.

9:22 You will not fucking quit, you will never give up, and every day, you have motivation to do that job. You're enthusiastic. And what does enthusiasm mean? It means to be possessed by a god in its original translation. So, to get internally motivated, I want you to ask yourself, in every area of my life, how do I know I'm doing well in that area? Let's take money, for example. Are you doing well with money? Well, look, you may be making $4,000 a month, and to you that seems like not a lot because somebody else is making $10,000 a month.

9:55 But compared to people who live in India, compared to people who live in Vietnam, who almost don't have anything, that's a ton of money. The real question is, are you satisfied with yourself and the effort that you're putting in, not the result? See, internally motivated people aren't focused on the result. They're focused on the effort. Did I do my best in this podcast? After I get off a coaching call, did I do my best with that client? After I create a product, did I put everything I had into that product?

10:23 Yeah, it may not have turned out perfectly in my eyes, but if I did my best, then I can say that I did a good job. So when I'm asked, how do you know you did a good job with the client? And I say, I put 100% effort into that client. I really tried. I really tried. I really tried to be compassionate with him. I tried to give him the best option. I didn't try to squeeze a round peg into a square hole. Even if it means not signing up with me, it doesn't matter to me.

10:50 If I put him onto somebody else who can help him better, then I feel good about that. But if I was externally motivated, I would base all my feelings off of what other people told me. Take the podcast, for example. I'm getting tons and tons and tons of great feedback from you guys. And that's good because it shows me a general direction. Like, okay, bro, you're in the right direction. You're doing good. But it's not like I base myself worth off of it because I'm highly internally motivated.

11:16 Right now as I'm speaking, I'm happy with what's happening. I'm putting in my best effort and I'm concentrating. I'm literally staring as hard as I can into the acoustic panel that's sitting in front of me, concentrating as hard as I can to say the right things in the right order, to be eloquent, to deliver this in a way that's going to give you the best results. So that when I press pause, yeah, I made some mistakes. I didn't put everything in the perfect order, but it was the effort that I based that on.

11:42 And I pat myself on the back and say, bro, you're your own hero because you're internally motivated. It's the effort you put in, not the result. Some of my quote unquote worst podcasts were some of the ones I was the most proud of because I tried the hardest. So as we become more alpha, we become more internally motivated. And I'm going to give you a secret real quick. One of the things I screen for when I get on the phone with potential coaching clients for my three month coaching program is, is he externally motivated or internally motivated?

12:14 Externally motivated clients. I have to get them to be internally motivated because no matter how much I pep talk them, no matter how much I say, come on, that a boy, pick yourself up by your bootstraps. Come on, harden the fuck up. All your excuses are lies. Those are just words and they're going to bounce off the wall of being externally motivated because that's the way they're set deep in their unconscious mind. And once again, on Wednesday, I'm going to do an NLP process for this to get you internally motivated with money, with women, and with anything else you want to do.

12:43 We're going to get you internally motivated. And now, initially, I can get clients internally motivated, but I notice that when they're externally motivated, it's the hardest to get them success. So one of the most important things I have to do as a coach is to get them internally motivated. They show up, they do the work, not because I say, hey, bro, make sure to show up, make sure to do your homework, because they'll fucking do it even if I was dead. The other day, we were on a coaching call, and my phone went out, my internet died, and I was off for like 10 minutes, scrambling, trying to get my hotspot up, trying to get it going.

13:16 I get back on, and all my clients were there all talking to each other, coaching each other. Those motherfuckers were internally motivated, like, we don't even need Mark Singh, we're just going to coach each other. And I was laughing when I came back on, I was like, dude, I don't even need to be here, you guys just take it, I'm going to go for a walk, you guys got this. But it's those internally motivated guys that get success. So you look at every area of your life, money, am I externally or internally motivated?

13:42 How do I know I have enough money? Because I just know, I just do. I'm plenty wealthy, I feel rich already. And you can say that even if you're making just eight grand a month. How do I know I'm good with women? Is it because they approve of me, I'm getting lots of phone numbers, I'm getting more ass than a toilet seat, more vagina than a tampon, more sick duck than a Tijuana whorehouse on Thursday night free blowjobs? No, it's because I know I'm doing a good job.

14:04 I'm just internally motivated. And that's what an attractive man is, is he doesn't give a shit about what she thinks. You see how this works? He's outcome independent, meaning he doesn't care about outcome, because he himself is the only source of validation he needs. So that after he approaches her and she rejects him, he's like, I don't give a shit. I'm proud of myself because I had the balls to approach her. I had the wherewithal to endure that rejection and it didn't affect me. No matter how much negativity you can throw at me, I'm unaffected, bro.

14:37 I'm happy. I'm secure. I love myself because my validation comes from within myself. Now that begs the question, can you be too internally motivated? Yes. And where I like to set my clients is 90% internally validated, 10% externally. Why do we even need 10% external? Because we need feedback from the outside world to tell us that we're at least on track. Because you can be a complete psychotic, a complete slimy, disgusting guy and think that you're the shit and you're getting rejected after rejected after rejected. You're not seeing it because you don't have enough external motivation.

15:14 You're not even checking with the outside world. And we can look at this with children. Okay. So you take a baby and right now I have a one and a half year old and her psychology absolutely fascinates me. When they're a baby, they're 100% externally validated. They look at you. Am I doing this right? What do I do here? How do I do that? They're completely relying on us for feedback to tell them whether or not they're good. But eventually they evolve to an age where they do externally motivated with an internal check.

15:44 So you say to her, hey, you want to get on the swing? It's going to be a lot of fun. And she says, I can see my dad wants me to get on the swing, but I'm going to check inside real quick to make sure I want that. No, I don't want that. And no, thanks dad. I don't want to do that. And then she walks away. Eventually we want to get her to the point where she's highly internally motivated, 90% with a 10% check. Now that begs the question, how do you become that?

16:08 Once again, you have to show up on Wednesday so we can do this NLP process where we can switch you from being externally motivated. And I know, bro, if you're afraid of rejection, if you have anxiety, you are externally motivated. Because you care too much what she thinks. You're basing your self-worth on the rejection. In fact, you could be 100% externally motivated when it comes to women. 100% externally motivated when it comes to money, happiness, your job, anything. But I guarantee you, take the thing you're really good at, be it a hobby, video games, poetry, whatever it is.

16:45 I guarantee you, you're internally motivated. And here's another key. Guys who are internally motivated are highly confident. When you're confident in what you do, it means that you're internally motivated and all you give a shit about is your own opinion. You'll check with the outside, just like I check my reviews. Okay, cool. I'm rocking five out of five on iTunes. That means I'm doing a great job as far as what they think. I'm going to keep on this trajectory. But the real important thing to me is, after I press stop on this, which I'm going to do here in a few minutes, do I feel good about what I delivered?

17:19 Did I give you 100%? Is there a sweat bead starting to draw up on my temple? Yes, there is. I'm trying really hard right now. And that's what I'm going to be proud of. So, as you start this Monday, I want you to ask yourself, am I externally or internally motivated? All those things which are external, I want you to remember. I want you to make a list of them. And then on Wednesday, we are going to walk down the staircase of your subconscious mind. We're going to go down to the 60th floor, and we're going to open the panels on the walls of your motivation.

17:49 And we are going to set you over to being highly internally motivated with just a 10% external check. Once we set you to that, you're not going to care if you're rejected. You're going to feel good because you had the balls to approach her. You're not going to care how much money you make as opposed to other people. You're going to do it to live the lifestyle you want. You're not going to care how good you are at fill in the blank. It's all about the effort.

18:14 And then when you go to bed at night, you can be your own hero. And when you have these settings, things start coming into your life that you wouldn't believe because you're no longer depending on outside circumstances to validate you. You're not putting that neediness into the universe. And this is a podcast I'm going to do in the future, too. When you're needy, when you need it, when you're thirsty for it, you push it away from yourself because you're like, I need that. I need that.

18:39 And the universe says, yeah, you're right. You need that. You need that. And it gives you more of that needy feeling. But when you say, meh, I'm good with it. I'm good without it. Whatever happens, happens. Then the universe pours it onto you. And you get that when you're internally motivated. So show up again on Wednesday. We're going to do this NLP process. It's going to be a slightly shorter episode, but it will be extremely effective for you. We're going to set you to the right calibration to get you internally motivated with the 10% check.

19:06 And who knows, maybe once you're internally motivated, you'll get off your ass, stop procrastinating, and schedule that one-on-one breakthrough session with me where we explore your goals with women. We see how to get you there in the quickest, easiest way possible. And once again, I'm not externally motivated by money. If you're a good fit for me, I'm going to invite you. If you're not, I'm going to probably refer you to somebody else or give you advice as to something else you can do. Because the main thing to me, this is what I'm motivated about, and this is completely internal, is I want to help as many guys as I possibly can in this lifetime.

19:38 I want to get to those pearly gates and have that bro-him just like I had in my freaking dream last night where all my brothers are there waiting for me. Being like, patting me on the back saying, dude, you did a good job. You cared about your guys. You tried to help as many of them as you can. Money, yeah, it comes when you're on your purpose. It just does. I'm a fucking money magnet, and I love money. But it's not what I'm most motivated by.

20:01 I'm internally motivated by my purpose, and you need to be too. Internally motivated to be my own hero because I had the balls to approach that girl. Do an awesome job in my business and my coaching because I want to help as many guys as I can. Give 10% of my monthly revenue to charities like St. Jude and the Wounded Warrior Project so that when I end my life, I can feel good about who I am. Not because other people tell me, not because I'm at some banquet ceremony where they give me a ward of best philanthropist of the world.

20:28 Fuck that. It's cool, but fuck that. It's because of me. When you look yourself in the mirror, are you your own hero? Do you think you're good looking? Do you think you're a champion? If you're not, then come on Wednesday. We're going to get you highly internally motivated. 90% with the 10% check. You will have then that growth mindset where you no longer feel like you're fixed, and you're just born the way you are, and you can't change. You're internally motivated, so you know you can do whatever the fuck you want.

20:56 See that house over there? You can move it with your bare hands if you really wanted to. That mountain, you can move it if you really wanted to. Anything is possible when you have a growth mindset, when you're internally motivated, and when you place the importance on being your own hero, not because of the result, but because of the effort. Are you going to put in the effort? Are you going to do whatever the fuck it takes to be the best man you can be? You and I both know the answer to that, bro.

21:20 That's why you're still listening, and that's why you were in that auditorium with me during that dream, and I thank you so much for listening. I do appreciate you. I want nothing but the best for you. I want you to become the best version of yourself because I'll tell you what. When I get on the phone with you and I look at you, that's who I see. I see that best, perfect, most accelerated version of yourself who's internally motivated, who has a growth mindset, and who's going to fucking kick ass in this world because that's what you were born to do.

21:47 All right, brother. Thank you again for listening. I do appreciate it. Once again, show up on Wednesday. I got that awesome one dropping. We're going to do that NLP process, and I can't wait to do that with you guys, and I will see you in the next episode. We'll be right back.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.