How to Get Endless MOTIVATION: Finding Your WHY

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. If this is your first time riding along with me, welcome. What I'm going to do today is try to give you the best information in the most succinct way possible. And you know what to do if you've been riding with me for a long time.

0:34 That's right. Smack yourself on the ass. You are a goddamn champion, bro. Jesus, look at you, man. If you're not looking in the mirror and saying, yeah, man, you're a fucking champion, then you really need to do that. Because, bro, you are tuning in to the right podcast. You're doing the right things. You're maximizing your life and becoming the best man you can be. And for that, you should be your own hero. As some of you are aware, I do have a website where I offer some awesome content, including the free program, The Approach Formula, which you can grab if you just jump over there.

1:11 It's called The Approach Formula, and it'll teach you how to approach a woman without fear or rejection. I actually just read it over last night. I haven't looked at it in a couple months, but just read it over last night. And I was like, you know what? It's pretty damn good. Pretty damn good advice in there. Real succinct, just like my podcast. So head on over to CoachMarkSing.com. Grab yourself that free program. And you'll also get on my mailing list, which I don't inundate you with information, but instead, I only send you the good shit, the shit that's actually going to help you.

1:41 So in this podcast, I want to talk about how to create endless motivation, a bottomless supply, atomic motivation that's going to last you the rest of your life. And that all starts with your why, W-H-Y. When you have a strong enough why, no matter what adversity, no matter what calamity, no matter what bad news comes your way, you'll be able to persevere past it. So I've been watching the show alone. Have you guys ever seen this? It's where they take a bunch of contestants. God damn, these chicks texting me.

2:11 Got to put my shit on silent next time. So it's where they put a bunch of contestants on this random place like Patagonia or in Alaska, and you have to survive, and you're all alone. Well, what I notice is the ones who win the competition, which is basically who can last the longest, are the ones who have the deepest why, W-H-Y. And I know from my own experience that the reason I got so good with women is because I had a ridiculous, powerful why. So when I first get on the call with coaching clients, I always ask them, first question I ask is, what's your why?

2:46 Why are you doing this? Why not just continue forward the way you have been? Seems like you're doing all right. You know, you're getting by. You haven't committed suicide yet, so you're doing okay. Why don't you just continue on that trajectory? And I hear a lot of different answers, and I can tell immediately based on the answer whether or not they're going to have success. Now, my job as the coach is to dig deep and get to that why. So in this podcast, I kind of want to help you dig deep and get to your why.

3:13 Why are you doing this? Why do you want to improve with women? Do you just want to get laid, just have some sex, just get some pleasure, some transient sense gratification? Or do you actually have a really deep purpose for wanting to do this? Going back to my other podcast, the one that landed before this, the one that hit on Wednesday, this takes a long time to master. So unless you have a deep-seated purpose as to why you're doing it, you're just not going to succeed.

3:40 I mean, I hate to say it that way, but you're not. What's probably going to happen is this. I've seen it happen a hundred times. Is the guy will get kind of decent with women. He'll meet a girl who's just good enough, pretty hot. She's got a good personality. He's comfortable with her. And then he stops. That happens all the damn time. And usually when my clients hire me, they get success relatively quickly. And the first thing I tell them when they get laid, they're starting to date a girl.

4:06 I'm like, look, bro, don't get one-nitis. I want you to keep looking. I want you to keep dating because rarely, I mean, come on, let's be realistic here. Just statistically speaking, is that really the best girl you're ever going to find? Hey, it may happen. It may happen. You might meet your high school sweetheart and genuinely think she's the best girl for you in the world, but usually what happens is complacence. These guys find a girl. They don't want to go through any more challenges. They don't want to improve themselves.

4:32 They get comfortable. They get lazy and they settle down with her. Trust me, man. After you come inside of a woman, it is very demotivating. Unless you have a very powerful why, you're going to be stifled. You're going to be held back. You're going to give up and get complacent. I've seen it happen so many damn times. So what is your why? Okay, let me tell you what mine is. And as I'm talking, you may be thinking about yours. As some of you have heard, I was cheated on by my first love.

5:00 Now I'm talking love. I was fucking totally in love with this chick. I was cheated on by her when I was 21. Heard her having sex with a guy in her dorm room. Do you know? Can you even conceptualize how bad that hurt? I mean, it was the most pain. It literally felt like there was a sword plunged deep into my heart. I drove home. It was on campus. UC Santa Cruz is where I went. Cowell College, if any of you guys know about it. And I drove home on the freeway.

5:29 And I think maybe I was driving like 15 miles per hour. I was in the slow lane, just like both hands on the steering wheel, just completely in shock. Not even crying yet because I was so in shock, bro. Oh my God. I don't even want to think about it. Went home, got into bed, was in the corner of my bed in the cannonball position, crying like a schoolgirl for two weeks. My roommates actually like came in and were like, bro, like, are you going to commit suicide?

5:54 Like, we've never heard anybody cry like this before. I was a little bitch, but dude, you know, that shit hurts. And I'm sure a lot of you guys can relate to that. So after the two weeks of feeling sorry for myself, I was like, man, what the fuck did I do wrong here? You know, I treated this girl like gold. I did everything for her. I was always there for her, complimented her, showed up whenever she needed me. I was the quote unquote best boyfriend she's ever had.

6:19 But I was a little bitch. I supplicated to her. I gave her the power position. And that, by the way, is the reason I'm so into frame control is because I didn't realize what I did wrong. But what I did is I gave her the power. I gave her the frame. So it was like this huge epiphany for me when I started researching this stuff. Now, this was back in like 1999, just when the PUA industry kind of started taking off. The Internet started to exist a little bit.

6:45 And I started to research like how to get a girlfriend. What did I do wrong? And I got into this when just the first people were starting to do this stuff, like mystery method, real social dynamics, etc. Got into it and I was like, whoa, dude, like this really makes sense. This is what I did wrong. So my why at that time, and this propelled me for probably about eight years, my why was to get revenge on Krista. Her name was Krista. I wanted to show her that I was an extremely attractive man.

7:19 I had tons of girls in my life and she fucked up by doing that to me. And you know what? I did that. I got tons of girls. And I remember one day, dude, like I saw her. I was with the super hot girl. I saw her. I was totally cooler. I was like, hey, what's up? How you been? And I saw the look on her face because, dude, she was a seven. I mean, I don't want to be a dick, but back then I had no game.

7:39 So the best I could pull was a seven. She wasn't even that great. Fell in love with her because I was ready to fall in love. I was primed for it. But honestly, she didn't really deserve me. And I know that's kind of fucked up to say, but she's just a seven, like not even not even that great of a chick. But I just fell head over heels in love, was a little bitch. And because of that, she cheated on me. I got really good. And then I got some really hot girls.

8:04 I remember seeing her, man. That felt so good. But then suddenly my why was gone, right? So then I kept going because I enjoyed my new skill set. And then I got this new girlfriend who was super fine, like super hot. She was from Ukraine, super fucking banging, like super model level. I used to go out with this girl. And this happened to me with several of my girlfriends. And I would get like thumbs up from guys. Guys would pat me on the back. I remember one time we were on an escalator with a different chick.

8:34 And this guy was going up the escalator, this black guy. And he's like, damn, like that to my girlfriend. And we were just laughing. So when you get really hot chicks, some funny shit happens like that. But anyway, this chick was super fine. And we went to Jamaica together. And I remember sitting at the poolside with her, just feeling like this isn't the chick for me, right? She doesn't really connect with me. Yeah, she's hot. But it's like she doesn't really, really connect with me. Am I going to settle?

9:01 Am I going to settle just because she's hot? Then, dude, I look over and I see a man and his wife in the pool, kind of like floating around, kind of like cuddling. You know, like she's in his lap in a way and they're in the pool and she's kissing on him. And I can tell he's not liking it. Like he's pulling away. He's trying to move his head. And this guy's like 50 years old. He's with this blown out wife, like probably a six. She's kind of fat.

9:28 She's let herself go. And like this dude was checking out my girlfriend the whole time. Here he is with this wife that he doesn't love, that he doesn't connect with. And here I am with this like supermodel chick who I don't love, who I don't connect with. And it just occurred to me. I'm like, dude, I don't want to fucking be that guy. I don't want to end up on my deathbed and look back and be like, man, what the hell did I do? I settled for a girl who was just good enough.

9:53 Now, a lot of the times we think that a girl is good enough. She's hot enough. It's not. It's not that way at all. The girl has to be connected to you. She has to be your soulmate. You have to read each other's minds. And even further than that, I can feel the energy from women. My current girlfriend, Marissa, we do this thing at night called the cuddle shuttle. Now, this is a little personal, but I'm comfortable sharing it with you guys because you're my brothers.

10:17 But what we do is the cuddle shuttle and we kind of laugh. We call it the cuddle shuttle. And we just watch like half an hour to an hour of TV every night. And I hold her from behind and we like spoon. Bro, I'm telling you, like her energy cleanses me. I can feel her energy coming through me and cleansing me. And it feels so good. It feels so right. And I just love the girl, man. I mean, she's my soulmate. And that's why I've dropped the pickup artist stuff.

10:44 Man, I can get laid all the time if I wanted to. I've done it. But dude, when you meet a girl who you really connect with, that's when you settle down. So when I was at the pool with that other Ukrainian chick, I said, dude, I don't want to get to the end of my life and be on my deathbed and look at my wife who's fat, who's controlling the way that Ukrainian chick was. She was like trying to shape me into like her perfect boyfriend.

11:07 Fucking hated that, dude. We'd fight all the time. And I don't want to end up on my deathbed looking back or looking at that girl saying, man, what could I have done? What could I have done? So when I coach you guys and you come into the coaching room and I ask you this question, what is your why? If you're like, you know, I just I really want to get girls. I want to get sex and I'm tired of being alone and things like that. That's like an OK why.

11:32 But I'm telling you to get to the level that you all really want to be at. And you can't bullshit me. I know the level you want to be at. And you can't bullshit me number two, which is if you marry a chick who's like a seven and she's like, OK, I know you don't want that chick. I've been to tons of weddings and I'm like, bro, like this dude is settling. I hate to be a dick like that, but it's fucking true. You know it.

11:54 I know it. Hell, even you know it. So what are you going to do? What is your why? What is your deep seated purpose? Then you can have multiple whys along your journey like I did. My initial why was to get revenge on Krista. Well, I accomplished that. Then suddenly that why was taken from me. Then soon after, fortunately, I got the why of I don't want to end up on my deathbed with regrets. I don't want to end up on my deathbed. Now I want to go into your why.

12:23 Why are you doing this? Seriously, is it just to get your dick wet or is there a deeper purpose? Do you want to be the best man you can be? And you know that if you end up on your deathbed looking back, you're going to have regrets. Do you want to do it for maybe somebody else? Maybe you think about your children. Maybe you think about your legacy. Or maybe you even think about your mom and you're saying, I want to get the best woman so I can make my mom proud.

12:49 Whatever fuels you, you have to make that your purpose. Okay, so this podcast, for example, sometimes, bro, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't want to do it. I'm fucking tired. I've been coaching all day. I have a very busy life. Honestly, sometimes I'd rather be doing other things. But dude, I have the deepest, deepest why there is for this podcast. And that's why I'm able to drop three a week that are high quality, well done. I prepare them and I'm always on time.

13:17 I haven't fucking missed one, even though I've been sick. Even though that one time I was on the road and we couldn't even get back in time, I freaking filmed the podcast in somebody's house with a pair of iPhone headphones. That's how committed I am. Why is that? Because my daughter, my one-year-old daughter, I know that this is my business. I get business from this. This is my living right here. When I do a podcast, I attract clients to sign up for my coaching and that's how I make my living.

13:45 So if I don't do a podcast, then I'm neglecting her because it's my job as her dad to support her. There is no stronger purpose than that. When you have a daughter, when you have a loved one, when you have a mission to get to the end of your life and be proud of yourself, be your own hero. There's nothing stronger than that. There's nothing stronger than that. So why do you want to develop into a man? Why are you even listening to this podcast? Why not just fucking fuck off?

14:10 Go play video games, eat Cheetos, get fat, and marry the first fat girl who will accept you. Why not? You need to know why not. You need to know it so fucking clearly that the second I ask you, you got the answer just that fast. This is what separates people who get through adversity to those who don't. That show alone, for example, we haven't figured out yet who's won the competition. Season three, I think it's on Netflix. Could be Hulu or Amazon Prime. We have all three.

14:41 Can't remember which one it was, but check it out. It's really good. And it's also about bushcraft, which is something I'm really interested in, wilderness survival. Well, I think the dude who's going to win is the guy who's doing it for his daughter. He's a dude from Canada, and both Marissa and I are really vying for him because he wants to buy his daughter a new house and a piece of land. He's a drywaller, and he wants to do that. I think he has the deepest why of everybody in that competition, so I think he's going to stick through it unless something really tragic happens to him.

15:12 And right now, he's kind of struggling with hypothermia, so we don't know what's going to happen, but my money is still on that guy. In Navy SEAL training, the guys who quit don't have a strong enough why. The guys who get through it have that deep-seated why. I want to do it for my dad. I want to do it for my grandpa who died on the beaches of Normandy. I want to do it because everybody always told me I couldn't accomplish anything, and in 10th grade, I quit something, and everybody was giving me a hard time.

15:39 I want to prove them all wrong. Sometimes your why can be an egoic-backed why, and that is actually the power of the ego. You can leverage it, but you have to have that. You have to have that deep purpose. So in the title of this podcast, I said how to have endless motivation or whatever it is. I haven't titled it yet, but that's kind of what I'm thinking of calling it. Motivation isn't even the right word. The only reason I used it is because I know it's heavily searched for, and it's kind of click-baity, but really, it's not motivation.

16:08 It's purpose. Now, if I said purpose, no one would have clicked on it, so I use motivation, but motivation is a flash in the pan, right? It's a sugar high. It's listening to a cool song and then doing a set and then getting through the set, and that's it. That's all the motivation you have. Purpose, ambition, reason, enthusiasm. These are things that come from a strong why. So for me, I want to be ripped because I feel like that's the best way to be the best version of myself.

16:36 I don't want to end up on my deathbed having regrets like I've told you guys. I want to get to the end of my life and be like, fuck yeah, dude. You were given a hand of cards, and you made the meanest hand possible. You took life by the balls and did the best thing ever, and that's why I lift weights. To me, lifting weights is just something that is derived of discipline and something that a superior man does, and so I do it. I don't need a song to get me pumped up, or I don't need an energy drink to get me fired up.

17:06 I have purpose. I have a reason. I have a why. And like I said, everybody who passes Navy SEAL training, you ask them, how did you get through that? And they're like, because I'm a Navy SEAL. It's who I am. It's part of their identity. That's the deepest purpose. That's the deepest purpose of all, which is to feel like you are that which you're trying to become. Therefore, anything you have to do to become that is like a non-issue. It's not an obstacle. It's simply a thing you have to do because that's what you do because that's what you are.

17:39 So if you deeply feel like I have to be good with women because if I get to the end of my life and I don't choose the perfect girl for me, I am going to feel horrible. I'm going to regret it. I won't feel like myself. So that's where the why comes in. That's where motivation turns into purpose, turns into ambition and enthusiasm. The root of enthusiasm means to be possessed by a God. And God, if we want to get spiritual with this, put that why into your heart.

18:11 He put the purpose into your heart. So really, why do you want to do this? Do you have a strong enough why? Because if you don't, brother, then you are very much at risk of settling for the first girl who chooses you. But if you can think about this over the next days, hours, whatever it takes, and really get down your why, that is going to propel you forward. No matter what adversity happens, no matter what struggles you're going to go up against, when you have that deep-seated why, it'll get you through any adversity and you will achieve success.

18:45 All right, guys, that's it for me in this podcast. Once again, if you want to jump on over to my website, it's CoachMarkSingh.com. You can grab your free copy of The Approach Formula. You can also check out some of my blogs and also check out my coaching offer. I do do – I said do do. I do do one-on-one coaching. So if you're interested in that, check it out. Just click on coaching. You get all the details there. Thank you again for listening, and I will see you in the next episode.

19:11 Bye-bye. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.