How to Harden the F up and BE MORE MASCULINE!!!

0:00 Hold the line. Stay with me. If you find yourself alone, riding in green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled, for you are in Elysium, and you are already dead. Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. Yeah, what is up, my dudes? I love that movie. If you don't know that movie, you know what to do.

0:30 That's right, smack yourself in the face so hard you fly upward through a skylight. The greatest movie ever written. The one movie that I can watch over and over again without getting tired of it. That's right, Gladiator. And in this episode, we're going to talk about how to toughen up, harden up, and how to be more masculine. This is so unbelievably important that several of these points I have made before in different podcast episodes, but I think it's so important. Not only do you need to hear it again, but I added a bunch of stuff to it.

1:15 I'm going to give you guys tons of tips on how to harden yourself up and some of the things that I did, because I'm a perfect example of being a complete wuss and getting to a point where I can actually be my own hero, look myself in the eyes in the mirror, and respect myself as an unapologetic, masculine, silverback, alpha male. And that's what I want to get you guys to as well. So what do you say we just jump right into the content, man? No dicking around with me telling you about my awesome, amazing NLP coaching services.

1:47 No dicking around with me telling you about Instagram. And I'm definitely not going to tell you about that free program that I'm giving away on my website, CoachMarkSingh.com. Nope, we are going to harden the fuck up and get straight into it. So modern life has made us a pussy. It's really made us soft, man. All you have to do is walk into your room and flip on the light switch. Walk into your bathroom and turn on the hot water. Walk up to the thermostat and turn up the heat a few degrees if it's a little bit too cold.

2:16 Board the cuddle shuttle with your girlfriend as you guys watch Netflix. It has made us soft. It has made us weak. And it's not the way your body was designed to live. Actually, if you think about it, modern life is the antithesis of the way we're supposed to live because your body is meant to suffer. And I mean that quite literally. You were born to persevere, to suffer, to go through trials and tribulations, to have pain and rise above it. And on the other side of your pain is not only your joy, but also your peace.

2:50 Modern life, it's amazing. I'm not knocking it. We were born in a time and place in this society where we literally won the lottery. In fact, it could be said we won the lottery 10 times in a row. We are so unbelievably lucky. But here's the thing. The oak tree does not grow to six feet. And that says, okay, I've had enough. No, it keeps pushing. It keeps trying. It keeps trying to grow more. And unless you're pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, which is another way to say unless you purposely impose suffering on yourself, you too are going to stop.

3:23 So here's what I want you to do. I want you to watch the YouTube channel Weird History. That's right. Weird History. And they go over all these really cool things throughout history that are going to show you just how bad it sucked, just how much our ancestors had to suffer, and just how easy we have it in today's world. They talk about what it was like to be a Roman gladiator. They talk about what it was like to be a peasant in the medieval times, what it was like to be in Egypt, what it was like to be in the Old West on the Oregon Trail, Indian civilizations.

3:56 I'm really into, I've read a lot about that kind of stuff, and I'll tell you, the amount of suffering that people have had to go through throughout history is what's in your DNA. That is what your body has adapted to, and there's a reward system, not only on a physical plane where you're rewarded with success, you're rewarded with harder girls, but it's also a dopamine hit, melatonin release. Everything that comes from pushing yourself is given to you to prove the point that on the other side of your fear, on the other side of your pain, rest your joy, rest your peace.

4:30 There is no way around it. Growth comes from pain, and growth certainly doesn't happen in your comfort zone. Seneca said, soft living imposes on us the penalty of debility. We cease to be able to do the things we've long been grudging to do. So in this episode, I want to share with you some real life things that you can do every day, and like I mentioned, some of these I have talked about, but others I haven't, so that you can get your masculinity up, so that you can become harder, so that you can look yourself in the mirror at night and say, you know what?

5:03 I am my own hero, because that's the point of this whole thing. Can you look at yourself, you, the listener right now, can you look at yourself in the eyes and say, dude, I've done everything I could. I'm proud of myself. I'm a champion. I'm an unapologetic man. I'm hard. I could take care of a family. I could take care of a woman. If I have a child, I can take care of him or her. Can you really look at yourself in the eyes and do that?

5:27 Are you doing things every day that suck? Are you pushing yourself? Are you getting outside your comfort zone? Are you imposing social pressure on yourself to better yourself as a man? Well, if the answer to any of those questions are no, then this episode is specifically for you, and we are going to jump into how to harden the fuck up, but first of all, why to do it? Not only does hardening up release that dopamine, not only is your happiness on the other side of your suffering, but women are also designed to see our masculinity, and their attraction is highly based on your toughness.

6:01 I've talked about do looks matter in the past, and my conclusion was they don't matter except for the fact that women see your looks as a representation of your masculinity, your testosterone, and your toughness. So when you have looks that communicate a high testosterone, high masculinity, high toughness, they do get attracted to that. So do the pretty boy looks matter? No. Does looking tough, does looking masculine, does looking like a fucking warrior matter? Yes, and their attraction is based on it. So when you go into that discomfort purposefully, you're going to notice that not only will you succeed in many areas of your life which you weren't succeeding before, but women are also going to get highly attracted to you.

6:46 All right, so let's get into some tactile tactics. I want to give you guys some really good roadmaps on how to do this. First and foremost, and for those of you who know my material, you need to stay highly, highly in your testosterone, highly in your masculinity. How do you do that? You have a towards mindset. Femininity is always worrying about what could go wrong. It's always looking behind itself. It's always saying, what could go wrong here? Whereas masculinity says, what could go right? What are my ambitions?

7:17 What are my goals? What do I want to achieve? How can I go crush that goal in the fastest way possible? And after I've done that, I'm looking to the next goal. It's highly motivated. It's highly ambitious. It's highly impatient. And it just wants to get the job fucking done. And that's called towards mentality. Any of you guys who have anxiety, I guarantee you without a shadow of a doubt, and I want to say I'm not judging you because I had this too. You're highly in your feminine energy.

7:46 Femininity, again, is worried about what could go wrong. Anxiety comes from what could go wrong. When you toughen up and you start looking at what could go right, you start tackling your objectives like a fucking man does, your anxiety goes down significantly. A couple of things I want you to do. Go to Spotify and go over to Mark's Lift Heavy Ass Weights playlist. Okay, if any of you guys listen to that and you're like, this music is too hard for me, it's just screaming, man. I don't get it.

8:17 I don't understand that Mark saying, bro, check your pants because there might be a vagina in there. Of course, I'm just kidding. I know that kind of music isn't for everybody, but I put together this epic playlist that's hardcore music, metal, gets you highly in your testosterone. Check out song number two. Oh boy, that gets me so fired up. I can't even believe it. And I'll tell you, when you get highly in your testosterone, this is why I don't understand why people don't like to lift weights.

8:44 After I lift weights or during I'm lifting weights, it's like war is going through my fucking veins, man. I just like feel so good. I feel so high on that testosterone. And maybe some of you need to persevere past that uncomfortable first few months to get there. But I'm telling you, when you listen to music that pumps you up, when you lift weights, you get highly in your testosterone, you clean up your diet. Remember, fat is estrogen. So maybe that's causing you to be unable to get into your testosterone in that way.

9:12 But I'm telling you, when you feel that war flowing through your veins and you're pumping those weights and you're lifting and you're seeing hot girls walking around you, man, it's the best thing ever. I can't believe guys don't love to lift weights, but Mark's Lift Heavy Ass Weights. Check that out on Spotify. Also, and you guys probably know I'm going to say this, my 100th episode special, and it's literally called that 100th episode special, The Spartan King. Listen to that before you lift, listen to that right now.

9:43 You want to toughen up, that's going to get you super fired up to do it. That's going to motivate you, get you out the door, and get you started towards this new lifestyle of going into pain willingly. One other thing I want to talk about is I take these pills that are all natural, they're all organic. It's called Testosterone Force X7. So Testosterone Force, like don't force me to do that, X like x-ray, 7 like the number seven. And I have no affiliation whatsoever with these people.

10:12 I just really love that stuff. It gets me super fired up. I notice when I take it versus when I don't take it, I get way more fired up, way more in my testosterone when I'm lifting weights on that stuff. The other day I thought I took some and I was lifting weights and I was like, man, I just don't feel the same. The shit isn't working the way it usually does. And then I got back in the car and I saw it. It was still in the plastic bag.

10:34 So definitely wasn't a placebo. The stuff really works. Again, Testosterone Force X7, definitely worth it to boost your testosterone if that's something you're having trouble with. So like if you try to go lift weights and you're like, I don't get this. What the hell is he talking about? I'm not getting fired up. Could be an issue with testosterone. And when you get into your testosterone, you want to move into that pain willingly. In fact, it feels good. And every day I lift weights, I try to sit in that pain, that really intense pain that comes when you're just holding a set or you're trying to go for one more rep.

11:06 Man, it really makes a difference. So every day, guys, you got to do something that sucks. And literally, I make that a part of my daily ritual. Do something that sucks. Whether it's something you need to do, like get your taxes done, make a phone call you really don't want to do, confronting somebody you really don't want to talk to, getting some mail done, mowing the lawn, bringing in the trash, whatever it is, every day, give yourself the challenge to do something that sucks. And while you're doing it, know that you're hardening up.

11:36 Because when you voluntarily go into something you don't want to do, that's actually boosting your testosterone. All right, cold showers. And you guys knew I was going to say this and you freaking absolutely hate it. And so do I. But actually, I kind of don't. So here's how I do it. I start with a warm shower and then I slowly make it colder and colder until it's basically an ice river pouring over my head. While I'm doing that, I'm playing that hardcore music I told you about, Mark's Lift Heavy Ass on Spotify, go ahead and follow that.

12:06 And as I'm doing that, I get highly in my testosterone, I get super fired up and then I go to the gym. Just push through it. That's all you have to do. Just harden the fuck up. Push through it. This is how to get harder. Take the stairs when you're going somewhere. You got 10 flights of stairs to go up? Go. Take the fucking stairs. Be a man. Feel the burn. When you feel the burn in your thighs, remember that's building you as a man. Don't eat for 24 hours.

12:31 You may say to me, well, Mark, I'm going to lose a bunch of muscle. No, you won't. No, you won't. You can go days and days and days before you start burning muscle. This has been proven time and time again. Your body's going to go for fat first. Anytime I'm about to go to the beach and I really want to cut up, I just don't eat for a couple of days. Yeah, it sucks. It hurts. I've actually done a 28 day fast. Yes, 28 days. There was a little bit to eat in the first three weeks.

12:57 It was like barely anything, like a couple pieces of salad and the entire last week I didn't eat anything. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It's crazy how your mind works when you're fasting. You actually just show up in the kitchen and you'll have a cupboard open. You didn't even realize you got there. You're like, what the hell? I have a piece of bread in my hand. Didn't even realize I got there. I started with five people. I was the only one who completed it.

13:22 Everybody else either quit or cheated. You got to push past the feeling of discomfort. Or as I say, embrace the suck. Now, when you have a different viewpoint of the suck, suddenly you realize that the suck is in fact building you. So you want to go into the suck. Every time you're like, God, this sucks. I hate this. This is so painful. God, get me out of here. This is when you're building up. This is basically being like a frontiersman and having that cold ass wind blowing across the Great Plains through your goddamn adobe hut and freezing your ass off as you're wrapped in some meager bearskin blanket.

13:55 Do you think that those guys had high testosterone? You're damn right they did. They've compared the testosterone of modern day men to those men in World War II and it's like exponentially lower than it used to be. A big reason for that is because we're soft. Life is too easy, at least physically too easy. I think modern day has more stress, but I think physically as well in some ways emotionally, it's way easier. And that's actually a bad thing unless you're putting that stress on yourself.

14:26 So doing one thing one day, like tomorrow morning, you may get pumped up with this podcast. You may be like, all right, dude, I'm going to do something that sucks. And then you don't continue doing it. It's not going to have any kind of long-term effect. This needs to become a daily part of your life. Every day, do something that sucks. Listen, I know it sucks. Sorry, bro. Hate to be the bearer of bad news. But if you want to harden the fuck up, you want to toughen up, this is what you have to do.

14:51 So shut the hell up and just do it. I love to study Indian tribes. And I read this one book you guys should read. It's absolutely fascinating. It's called Nine Years Among the Indians. This book is so amazing, man. This white kid, when he was like 10 or 9 years old. This true story, too. I can't even believe this story. He was kidnapped by a bunch of Apache. And he went through all these amazing situations. You learn a lot about what the Apache tribe was like. And they just beat the shit out of him.

15:20 And he had the roughest life ever. But then he was eventually adopted into them. And then some shit happened where he had to leave the Apache tribe. He lived on his own in the wilderness for a couple of years. Then he joined the Comanches. And then he did all this stuff with the Comanche tribes. And then he was brought back into civilization. Reintroduced to his mom, who he had forgotten. Brought back into modern white man society. And he refused to adapt. Anyway, it's the craziest story ever.

15:49 But one of the things they talk about is how Apache kids would attack wasp nests. So what they do is they go up to a wasp nest when they're kids. They'd attack it. They'd throw it on the ground and break the wasp nest on the ground. And all the wasps would come out and attack them. They'd be stinging them. And they'd be looking up at the heavens saying, Make me brave. Make me brave. Because these guys are going to be warriors. And in order to be a warrior, you had to harden the fuck up.

16:14 They would jump into cold streams. They would beat each other up. I mean, look at the Spartan nation. Spartans were literally taken from their mothers when they were babies. And when they would cry, they would not be attended to. They joined the Ogogi when they were seven years old and beaten mercilessly. They were hit over the back with sticks as they sat there holding on to a branch. And they would have competitions where whichever kid would let go of the branch first would be shamed by the entire city.

16:42 And the kid who lasted longer than his buddy would be honored and be the champion as they're fucking whipping you over the back with these one inch thick ash sticks. Just whack, whack, whack, whack, whack. Can you imagine that? They said their backs were so scarred up there was hardly any virgin skin left. Now, this is extreme. Certainly, I'm not suggesting this. But this is where you came from. And yes, you too could endure that. If you were born into that kind of civilization, born into that kind of society, this would have been your reality.

17:12 And you too can endure that. That's what your body can take. That's what your mind can take. You are infinitely stronger than you give yourself credit for. So what are you going to do next? Are you afraid of a cold shower when your forefathers, for all you know, you're a descendant of a Spartan, for all you know, you're a descendant of an Apache, or any number of warriors who fought to the end and didn't fucking quit? You're from that DNA, as am I. And we are a lot tougher than we give ourselves credit.

17:38 And the way to get into happiness is to choose that pain voluntarily. In order to reach your potential, you have to suffer. Back to the Spartans, when they were training, they were constantly left hungry and thirsty. Why is that? Because during battle, while on campaign, you can't guarantee you're going to get food. You can't guarantee you're going to get water. So harden up now to deal with and to prepare for that which is inevitably coming to you. You are a warrior of the city. You are owned by the city.

18:10 Harden the fuck up. Get it done. And I want to ask you, what if tragedy befalls you? What if you get a call tomorrow that your mom passed away? Or your dad? Or your best friend? What if you lose your legs? What if fill in the blank? Are you going to be hard enough to be able to deal with that? Well, as unapologetic men, it's our duty to train for those calamities. If tragedy were to befall my family, I have to be the strong rock. I have to be the man, the provider, the protector, the presider.

18:38 And take Marissa and my daughter and protect them. Show them that I'm the strong rock. And how do I do that? If I'm laying around watching Netflix all day, eating wham wham, zip zips, and ho hoes, I'm not going to tighten the fuck up. But instead, I make discipline a daily habit because I know that day is coming. I know that I'm going to get that call one day that my mom died. I know I'm going to get that call one day that my brother is hurt.

19:00 I know I'm going to get that call one day that somebody hurt my daughter. And I have to toughen up so I can prepare for that. So that when it comes, I have the wherewithal to deal with it. Look, you are a fucking man. It doesn't matter what you want to do. Get disinterested in what you want to do. Get more interested in what you have to do. It only matters what you need to do because masculinity isn't concerned with wants, desires, and feelings. Those are of the feminine realm.

19:27 It's concerned with being the best motherfucker it can be. So it's your job to put yourself in that discomfort every single day. Put yourself outside your comfort zone so you can grow. Put yourself in pain so that the pain that is inevitably coming to you because you have a human body and it's a truth of life that none of us can avoid. When you go through that pain daily, you can deal with whatever comes to you. Masculinity is concerned with rising to the occasion and conquering.

19:57 It isn't concerned with immediate fulfillment. It's concerned with future fulfillment. It isn't concerned with the dopamine hit that comes from masturbation, watching porn, eating bad food, sitting around, watching Netflix. It's concerned with the fulfillment that comes from doing what you really want to do, what you're really here to do. And you're here for a mission. I don't know what your mission is, but I know the purpose of it. Your mission is to give value. And you're not giving value when you go into weakness. You're giving value when you toughen up and choose strength.

20:32 Finally, there are only two emotions, fear and love. Think about that. Only two emotions, fear and love. You can't feel fear when you love. Here's an example. Have you ever seen that baby that fell into the gorilla pit? It was like a little three-year-old kid. It fell into the gorilla pit. I'll tell you what. If my daughter fell into the gorilla pit, the silverback gorilla pit, I would go die for her. I would jump in that gorilla pit. I would rescue her. I would fight that silverback gorilla until it tore my fucking arms off my body.

21:02 And that's love. Love is the opposite of fear. Philadelphia is brotherly love. And that was what they had in the Spartan ranks. Love for your brother on your left. Love for your brother on the right. When you have that love, it overcomes all fear. It overcomes all laziness. It overcomes all sloth and all attempts by your egoic mind to keep you in your comfort zone. So I say love yourself. Are you giving yourself the nod to be the best version of yourself you can be? Or are you sitting in fear and not allowing yourself to be that best version?

21:35 Not allowing yourself to go into your uncomfort zone in order to become the best man you can be? Then love yourself more. Respect yourself more. Look yourself in the eyes and say, what would I do if I was my own hero? What would I do if I really loved myself and respected myself? I would go lift weights. I would discipline my diet. I would wake up earlier. I would take cold showers. I would harden the fuck up because of love for myself. And when you have that love for yourself, that respect for yourself, you can do what you were meant to do, which is to go give value to the world.

22:09 A couple other things I want to say on this point. One of the best ways to toughen up, and this has been so true for me, and you guys know I'm going to say this, is to learn how to fight. And I cannot suggest enough Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. The reason I suggest Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is because it's real. And what I mean by real is you're actually going to have guys trying to break your arm, trying to choke you out, trying to lock your leg, and put you in extremely uncomfortable situations.

22:36 Unlike karate, boxing, and even Muay Thai, you cannot go full attack on each other unless you're in certain situations. Like with boxing, you've got to get in the ring, maybe wear some armor, and then go at each other. But with Jiu Jitsu, you can do it every single day, and you can go full speed. And what Jiu Jitsu is, is basically wrestling. So you're on the ground. You're trying to choke each other out. You're trying to get arm locks, wrist locks, leg locks, basic submissions, right?

23:01 And there's nothing like having a dude laying his complete weight on you, and you are completely helpless. That is toughening you up by the second. And I see it all the time. Guys who join Jiu Jitsu and actually stick with it, there is a 90% failure rate because people these days are weak. They quit because it's scary, because it's hard, because it's humiliating, and it kills your ego. But I'll tell you, those guys who stick with it for over nine months, you can see them toughening up.

23:27 Just like guys who I coach, within a few weeks, man, I can see it's like they're going through puberty. They're a different person. Lastly, and I talked about this a few episodes ago, is the social pressure experiments that I dared you guys to do. And what surprised me was the amount of emails that I got from you champions who are actually putting that social pressure on yourself. I'm really proud of you guys. You know who you are. You went out there, and you did those social pressure experiments to put the social pressure on yourself, harden up your mind, realizing that the fear of rejection is just based in weakness, and when you purposely go into social pressure by doing things like laying in the middle of Target, which me and my buddy Kale did.

24:08 One of my clients, Kale, what is up, my dude? We both went and we laid in the middle of Target, different places. He was in Iowa. I was in Colorado. But we both did it, and we sent each other pictures. Or screaming out, these carrots look delicious, like what some other client did. Another client before that burped really loud while he was at the gym. He was all proud of doing that. Another client, this guy is such a champion, walked out of the dressing room in his underwear, pretending not to notice, and let a bunch of people see him before he pretended to notice and went back in.

24:37 Dude, that was gnarly, man. I really respect that one. And all the other ones that you guys emailed me. See, it's when you go into your discomfort zone, when you choose to be uncomfortable, when you do that which you don't really want to do, that's where you toughen up. The only way to grow is through pain. The only way to grow is through discomfort. But you realize that the pain is worth it because you get 10 times the joy, the happiness, the self-fulfillment, the feeling of being your own hero out the other side.

25:08 And therefore, choosing that pain, choosing discipline, choosing to go into that which you fear willingly becomes absolutely worth it when you realize all the presence and all the gifts and all the joy and all the dopamine and all the feeling like you are your own hero that comes out of it. It becomes absolutely worth it. So I challenge you guys to do all these hard things. I guarantee you when you do, not only will you become more attractive to women, you will respect yourself more. Your confidence will go up.

25:40 Your body language will change because you're toughening up. The way you look, the way you feel, your bearing will change because now you're choosing to do something that sucks every single day. And it's that guy that is so rare in today's society that not only will he attract bunches of women, but he will also get success monetarily and he will reach happiness because the only way to happiness is to go in the opposite direction of what you think. Comfort is not the answer. Discomfort, suffering, pain, discipline is the answer.

26:15 And that's my message for today. All right, boys, I hope you enjoyed this podcast. I sure enjoyed recording it. I'm going to listen to it myself when I'm on the way to the gym and I just don't feel like doing leg day because there's a certain kind of pain that comes with leg day that can't even be explained. Biceps, triceps, shoulders and chest, easy peasy compared to leg day. That's a certain kind of pain and because it's a certain kind of pain, I know it's maximizing me the most.

26:42 All right, guys, thank you again so much for listening. I do appreciate it. I have another awesome podcast dropping on Friday, so please stay tuned for that. And I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.