How to Have Sex With a Girl FOR THE FIRST TIME With Stephanie Ganowski

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. And today, I have a guest on my podcast, which I rarely do. And you guys know, if I invite somebody to come speak on the podcast, then he or she definitely delivers the results. And Stephanie, my guest today, definitely delivered. We just had her interview.

0:34 It was a lot of fun. And we talked about how to have sex the first time you have sex with a girl. And we actually get into what to do before that, how to get her into your place, what to do once you're on the couch, how to escalate, and the best way to make her feel comfortable. And of course, most importantly, not get rejected in the process. So, Stephanie hosts the podcast, What I Love About Sex. And after listening to this one, once you see the value she gives, it would be awesome if you guys could jump over there and check it out, which link will be in the description below.

1:08 So, without further ado, gentlemen, let's jump into the interview. What's going on, Stephanie? How are you? I'm good. It's a great day. It's like 85 degrees in New York City. So, I am very happy. I'm jealous. It's snowing out here in Colorado. Although it was 85 degrees two days ago, which is the nature of Colorado. It snows, and then it's hot, and then it snows again, especially in spring. But good for you. And, you know, I came across your podcast, and I really like what you're doing. Amazing.

1:32 You have a 4.9 star out of 5 with all these haters out there. I just read one of your 1 stars. Did you see that last one? This hater. The 11-year-old boy. I know, right? Like, who are these? How do they let these kids have these accounts? So, I just got two haters that came onto my podcast, and it's like, incel garbage. You're living in your mom's basement. I saw that. I saw that. It's like, whatever, dude. How bad does your life have to suck to go leave somebody a negative review?

1:57 But I'm rocking a 4.8. You're rocking a 4.9. I'll tell you what. As dating and sex coaches, that is exceptionally rare because of the amount of haters that are out there. So, salute to you on that. You're crushing it. Oh, nice. Cheers. Yeah, for sure. So, today, boys, what I want to talk about with Stephanie, as I mentioned in the intro, is how do we do sex for the first time with a girl, right? Because it's a really scary moment for a lot of guys. It's uncomfortable, not only for men, but also for women.

2:26 So, what we want to talk about is how to initiate sex initially. It could happen on the first date, second date, typically third date, how that's usually going to work. And obviously, we can't do a complete deep dive into that. We're going to give you some general 10,000-foot perspective tips, and then really some skill sets that we can get from Stephanie to execute correctly, leave her wanting more, hopefully give her an orgasm, right, Stephanie? Pull out the mirror on the top of our ceiling, pull out the swing, the freaking death suit that we're going to put her in.

2:58 I'm kidding, of course. But we're going to make it fun for her, and we're going to get into that. So, first thing I want to say, boys, is never under any circumstance should you push sex on a woman. It's always with her comfort level. And what we really want to do is get her so attracted and turned on that it kind of just happens naturally on its own without us trying to convince her of it. So, as I always teach my guys, and Stephanie, you probably teach this too, you never want to try to rationalize a woman nor convince a woman of anything.

3:28 It's always based on attraction. So, you're using attraction as much as you can. You're trying to get her sexually fired up as much as possible without pushing it and without trying to convince her. Do you teach that too, Stephanie, that it's all about the emotional brain rather than logical brain? And what tips could you give about how to kind of start eliciting that even before we get into the bedroom? Well, I think it's really most a matter of being very curious about the woman. And a curiosity leads to you having an emotional bond with her.

4:05 When you're genuinely curious and you're not trying to impress her, you're trying to be interested in her, it's such a difference that women notice and really get turned on bisexually. So, it's this, I remember when I was, I mean, I have a boyfriend now, but when I was in the dating world and I was dating a lot of guys, the guys I was most sexually drawn to were the ones who were most curious about me and then took that information and used it in our future conversations.

4:35 It would show that they were actually listening to me, which was a very sexy trait for guys to have, especially a guy you just start dating. It's like, oh my God, you remember that? Like, oh, okay. Like, and then they, they, to make fun with it and inject humor with something they know about me personally is like icing on the cake and humor is tricky. So, not every guy naturally gets the humor aspect, but that's like, you know, the best way to get a woman turned on and actually excited to be with you sexually.

5:04 So, I would say a lot of it is building that emotional connection through interest, genuine curiosity and interest in her and listening. They say it takes 12 hours of getting to know each other before a woman is comfortable enough to have sex and it takes a man 12 seconds. So, yeah, I mean, right? I believe it. Those guys, guys listening are probably laughing because we look at a girl and it's like, okay, I'd have sex with her immediately. I know it. But with women, obviously boys, it takes more time.

5:31 And what Stephanie was saying is trust and connection. You want to show interest in her. You want to show that you're not just in it for the sex, but that there actually is some interest in her genuinely. And where it goes after that remains to be seen, obviously, but if you're just going to hit it and quit it and you telegraph that, that'll turn a lot of women off. So, I think coming from a woman's perspective, it's interesting to hear. And a lot of my girlfriends say the same thing.

5:55 I want him to be into me, but boys, I always preface this with you got to make sure she's into you first. And you're giving her what I teach, Stephanie. I don't know how much you know about my teachings, but we want to give her about 80% of the pull, which means like trying to get her, complimenting her, pushing towards things like trying to accelerate what's happening in the interaction. 80% of what she wants from us is about what we give that she can feel comfortable without you pushing her into it.

6:24 Because if you give her 120%, you're too thirsty. That's going to push her away. So, being naturally attractive boys, having interest in her, not just telegraphing that you want sex. And what I always say, especially if it happens too quickly, is it just happened, right? And we almost have to give each other an excuse that it was chemistry. It just happened. We kind of just were too attracted to each other and we couldn't help it. So, getting her into your place, what I often do, a little technique is I tell her usually, and especially if it's first date, second date, and it's really not implied so much that we're going to have sex, where if it's third or fourth date, she may be like, hey, why don't you sleep over or can I come over tonight?

7:04 Why don't you come back to my place? Those kinds of things. If it's not implied, what I'll usually do is say, hey, you can only come in for 10 to 20 minutes. I got to get up early tomorrow morning. And it kind of gives us an excuse for her to come over and then sex just happens. So, we have her over. And it gives you both the opportunity to, you know, if she's not ready in the moment, once she's there, she feels comfortable enough to leave because you gave her that timeframe.

7:27 So, it just works for both of you a lot better. It's a false time constraint. So, let's assume we got her inside. Okay, we're on the couch and we're making out. Now, Stephanie, this is where you come in. Like we talked about, you're a full-blown expert when it comes to this. And I'm just a very advanced teacher of it. But when it comes to the sex, sex stuff, I really want to hear your opinion. So, we're making out on the couch. How long should our guys be making out for before they try to go to second base, third base?

7:54 How would you think that should go down? Well, I think the most important thing is, as you're talking about, make sure that she's into it. So, it's like, what are signs that a woman's actually into the makeout with you? Because you'll notice that when a woman's really horny for you, she's leaning into you. She's grabbing your leg. She's squeezing you. She's moaning. You know, she can make eye contact very easily with that seductive look that she's giving you. So, if you're aware, there are plenty of signs to make you feel confident to make the move.

8:24 But if you're not aware, and you're too in your head, and you're just thinking about getting laid, then you won't pay attention to those signs. And you will make a move too quickly. Then you'll feel like an idiot because she'll reject you. And it's all because you didn't have awareness. So, really pay attention to the signs and look out for the signs I just mentioned so that you can go in confidently at the point when she's giving you, you know, two of those signs. What I always say is women are the barometer for our escalations.

8:51 So, we get them attracted, attracted, attracted, turned on, not only with just kissing, but also what we're talking about, you know, sexual escalation via speech, which I teach. And you guys can listen to podcast episodes about that. And if she's doing things like Stephanie said, like grabbing the inside of your leg, a lot of girls would be like, oh my God, I'm so turned on right now. Or the zipper to this dress is on the back and those kinds of hints, right? Yeah, like I'm so horny or like, oh my God, it's hot in here, like making jokes, you know?

9:19 Yeah, it's so hot in here. Do you have any AC? Oh my God, right? Like, I can't believe I never do this, right? That's the only thing that I've heard a million times. Okay. So, then you're like, all right, I'm getting those signs. As Stephanie said, two to three signs that she's down with it. And then we're going to escalate to possibly touching the breasts, maybe like rubbing the inside of her thigh. I always say, Stephanie, and correct me if you have a different opinion here, but the first time you touch a breast, you don't want to just up and grab it, right?

9:47 Just like, yeah, like honk, honk, honk, honk. No, you don't want to do that. What I like to do is just kind of go over it. So, while we're making out, my hands will just go over the breast. And then if I don't get slapped in the face, right, I know that I'm pretty good. And then maybe go for it again. Do you feel that's good advice when it comes to touching the boobie for the first time? I do, because you definitely don't want to squeeze it right from the start.

10:11 You know, even with that caress squeeze, when you get really comfortable, it's kind of like a caress and like a slow, you know, pressure. That's really hot, but you don't want to go right into that. So, I do like the idea of just slowly going down from her shoulder, maybe start at her face, which is a very sensual touch. It kind of makes her feel like close to you and like, it's very trusting. So, to start with her face will actually make her feel more safe in the scenario if she's feeling it with you.

10:39 I mean, at this point, she should be feeling safe overall, but, you know, it's just a way to ease into it. So, caress her face, you know, slowly like touch her hair down her face, then down her chest. Then, like you said, just go down the breast and then like come up with a caress. Slow, you know, type motion. So, that makes it more personal. And a woman in that scenario won't feel like a sex object. She'll feel more like an intimate connection, which even if she knows it is just about sex, it's nice to feel like a certain level of intimacy, you know, even if it is just fucking and you both know that.

11:14 Yeah. Yeah. When you both know it and it's pretty obvious, you could be a little more cavalier in your advances. But when it's one of those spontaneous things that I feel Stephanie happens, you know, 80% of the time to my clients where they've just done so good with the attraction building stuff and the trust building stuff, she's at his place and suddenly they're making out super hard on the couch. And then this kind of stuff starts happening. You need to make sure that she doesn't feel like a slut.

11:39 She doesn't feel like a sex object that you're into her, right? And these are the things you should be telling her. Like, I love your energy. You're, you're really like sensual and my God, you have a great kiss and little compliments here and there to make her feel safe. And she also wants to know many times, boys, that you won't quote unquote fuck her and leave her, which is why it usually takes women 10 to 12 hours to get to that point. So you need to show interest in her and show that there is some possibility of things continuing after this sex happens.

12:07 And that's going to make the sex more likely to happen. So, okay. I do have a point about the first kiss. Okay. Oh, I love it. Go for it. I feel like there's a lot of guys who are uncertain today about like, when should I go in for the kiss? And should I ask her? I don't think you should ask her. And I think it's so unattractive to say, can I kiss you? It's like, come on. Like, don't ask me that. It just ruins, it ruins the moment.

12:31 It's not sexy. You go 80% of the way and then she should come to you, you know, like think of it like that, like go in for it. And it kind of like hitch, right? Isn't that what he says? That's what my girlfriend always tells me. She's like, you're hitch. Um, you go 80%. I come 20. I'm like, no way, dude. I go 20%. You come 80. And then we always have this little fight back and forth. And then it's just awesome. Cause even when you have a relationship, boys, you gotta do this shit.

12:56 So yeah, you go 80% and then let her come in. Love it. Continue. Yeah, no, that way. Like you're, you're being assertive and confident to the extent where you're still respecting her decision to kiss you, but you're not asking that question, which is just super awkward and not, it's just not a turn on. It's, it's very timid. It makes her feel like, oh, just do it. Come on. You know, another signal for the first kiss is the triangle. She's going to look at your mouth, your eye, your eye, your mouth, your eye, your eye.

13:24 Right. And she's going to get in like, should they make it pretty obvious boys. And when you, when you talk to a woman and Stephanie can probably agree with this, they feel like they make it so ridiculously obvious sometimes. And guys are just like, oh, I'm a knuckle dragging gorilla. I don't understand what's happening. So look for the signs. You know, she's obviously not trying to run away from you. She's standing there right there in front of you. She's looking in your eyes and then do as Stephanie said, go in 80% and let her come back to it.

13:49 I can't wait to let Marissa listen to this. She's going to crack up. Okay. So let's assume now we're on the couch. Okay. The boobs are out and that's kind of going down. What I always struggled with, or at least I always thought was a little awkward, was trying to move it into the bedroom. So I want to give you a second to think about that as I ramble on for a minute. But what usually will happen there is if she's into it and boys, this is on her own accord.

14:15 Maybe she's going to start groping you down below, grabbing your dick and maybe stroking it, rubbing it from the outside. Maybe she'll take off your belt and give you a little sick duck. Stephanie, you're a sex expert. Have you ever heard of the term sick duck? No, please. Switch the S and the D and you'll know all about it. It's what I refer to it as. We always make jokes about that. A little sick duck. Oh, that's great. Oftentimes, that'll happen there. So getting her from the couch to the bedroom, I'm just going to say what I would usually do and what I advise my clients to do is be like, hey, it's a little cramped right here.

14:47 How would you feel about moving into the bedroom? And if you feel some discomfort, you can be like, hey, we don't have to do anything more. Let's just go cuddle and make out a little bit. That's totally fine with me. Do you have any thoughts about that, that whole movement from the couch to the bed? Yeah, when there's an uncertainty, I would say, yeah, if you're uncertain and you're not sure, giving her the option right off the bat of, hey, do you want to go in the bedroom or do you want to stay here?

15:11 Are you more comfortable here? Yeah. You know, like it's giving her that option. So once again, she feels the safest because she's like, I get to make a decision here for my safety. So, and he's giving that to me. So it's very reassuring to have communication like that. That term, would you feel more comfortable is so powerful, boys. I use it all the time, right? And even when picking her up for the first date, I say, hey, would you feel comfortable if I picked you up or would you rather meet there?

15:37 It's something I tell my boys to say all the time because it gives her that option. And it shows her boys that you are cognizant of her comfort, that you're cognizant of how she feels. And that alone is very attractive. Yeah. And just to add to that, I've had guys when I was the most recent of my dating life before my boyfriend, I would have guys assume that I would just not be comfortable with them picking me up and they would say, hey, let's meet there.

16:01 And I found that such a turnoff. I was like, you're not going to pick me up because in my eyes, like I would like them to pick me up. And I find that so sexy when a guy does that. So for them to make the assumption and in my early twenties, this didn't happen. And then later twenties, when guys were saying this, it just was total turnoff. So I would say, yeah, definitely ask her, always ask her. It's just sexy. And it adds to the whole beginning process of you guys dating, you know?

16:29 Stephanie, would you be comfortable if I touched your boobie now? Would that be okay? Right? Should I do that? Is that a good tip? No. Gotcha. All right. So are you comfortable going to the bedroom? She's going to say yes, because you're a goddamn champion. And now Stephanie is going to take over boys because I've only had sex, I think like one and a half times. I'm a one dip skip. So all the times combined together only makes a time and a half for me. So I'm going to let you take it away.

16:54 How the hell do we blow her socks off? How do we make her look like a screaming demon that just got hit with a tornado? What do we do in the bedroom, Stephanie? I would say that the more you know about her sexually, the better the sex is going to be with her. So as I mentioned the curiosity and you got like, you know, you mentioned the typical time you have sex is like date three, date four. It's when most people have sex for the first time.

17:22 So if you're having, let's say three dates and then you're communicating in between those dates, you're texting or whatever, having conversations within those conversations, make sure that you're actually engaging with her and you're actually learning about her because the faster you learn about her and play with her. And, you know, even if it is just for fun, like playing, like sending her some jokes and some funny memes saying, Hey, this reminded me of you today. Like, how's your day? Hey, beautiful, you know, putting in those words that make her feel special and connect with her, then you will more quickly get to the point where you can have some flirtatious communication and maybe it's not overtly sexual because you didn't even kiss yet.

18:03 Maybe. And maybe you did, in which case you can make it a little more sexual, but I think it's important for guys to have some sort of obviously flirtatious conversation before they try a makeout session. And, but before they try getting her in bed, because if you don't feel like that connection with that flirtatious play, it's going to be really hard to just jump straight to the physical thing and connect and feel like you're not panicking, not really knowing what she likes or what she's about or what really gets her going.

18:33 Or, you know, like the more, you know, about someone, the better the experience is going to be. So always ask yourself, like, how can I play with her today? Even just through texting, like, how can I be playful? How can I play around with her? How can I make her laugh? What's a funny thing I could send her? And these are ways to open her up so that by the time you do get to this experience where you want to knock her socks off, make her feel like she came out of a tornado.

18:57 You are more familiar with her and you're more comfortable doing things with her and to her. You're also more comfortable asking her questions in those moments in a calm, sexy way, you know? So maybe you're going down on her and you're like, well, you want faster? Oh yeah. You like that? Yeah. And you're like, you're actually able to communicate because you have a sense of comfort. And there's way too many guys who are just quiet the whole time and they do something to her and they don't really know if she's liking it besides her moans.

19:27 And I will tell you, there are so many women that fake it. So many women can moan. I can moan on command. It sounds very real. You got to do it. Like now you have to do it. Let's hear it. I know. I shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't have said it. You're in a trap now. I shouldn't have said that. I don't know. Come on. All right. If it comes out bad, you got to erase it. I promise you. I'm shaking my head. No, boys.

19:47 I promise you. I will definitely erase it. If it comes out bad, Stephanie, I promise you. Okay. Oh my hell. That was awesome. You're saying girls fake that every time. Girls fake it. It's very easy to fake. And there are so many guys I talk to who are like, she loves it. She comes every time. And I'm like, just because she comes doesn't mean it was great sex. You know, just because like, I've been with a guy where I came every time and he was the worst sexual partner I've ever had.

20:20 And I don't look fondly on him. Yeah. Okay. So I think for guys to think of the sexual experience as connecting with her and having like a moment, I don't want to get too like emotional here, but it really is what makes sex great for women is like feeling connected. And that's not just emotional. It's like the senses are connected. Like he's talking with her. Like he's feeling different parts of her. He's asking her like faster. So, yeah, you like that baby? Yeah. You like that?

20:52 You want me to slap you? What do you think? You want me to spank you? You know, like getting into the play and just being in it. And there's, as I said, there's too many guys that are quiet. Too many guys go in focusing on their performance and they're like, I better stay hard. Like, what if I lose it? You know, I lost it last time. And especially guys with ED issues or PE issues or DE issues, they tend to approach sex with this nervousness and this obsession over their self instead of being with her.

21:21 Yes. And women will notice that and they'll be like, he's just not, he's not in it. Like he's not here. He's somewhere else. And it's like, it's not hot when you're not there. So they fake it and then they try to just get it over with. Amazing. Yeah. And I found too, boys, that especially when going down on a woman, you got to tell her how much you enjoy it. You have to almost worship her body as if it's a goddess. And that's the way I look at women.

21:45 I mean, I love women and I will spend 30 minutes to 45 minutes just foreplay, just kissing her, just licking her tits, going down on her. Just like, and that's the way you got to be boys, because when she feels like you're really enjoying it, it releases the pressure of her having an orgasm and it makes it that much more likely to happen. And you don't even want to make her feel like you're trying to give her an orgasm. In fact, sometimes I'll say, Hey, I don't want you to come.

22:09 I just want to lick you down here for a little while. I just want you to enjoy it. And I want to enjoy it. And I'm like, Oh my God, it's like making out with your, your essence. It's like the, the flower of you. And I love it so much. And I'll talk to her in that way where it releases the pressure. And then, and then they come and they enjoy it because as Stephanie said, you're focusing and making it about her, not just about yourself and getting your, you know, red helmeted warrior satisfied because you're so horny.

22:34 You'd fuck a snake. If you could hold it straight, you guys need to, to calm that penis in your pants, make it about her. How long would you say Stephanie foreplay is, is good before you actually have intercourse? Oh my God. So important. And I was right about to stress this. I'm glad you brought it up. So important. And that's when the makeout, like I've had experiences with guys where we started hooking up on the couch or even the bed. And then within like one minute, they're like trying to go down on me or they were taken off their, but they were like, Oh, are you ready?

23:08 And I'm like, wait, what? It's been like one minute. Like I'm not ready. No. And there have been a lot of times where it was just like very uncomfortable because it was either uncomfortable physically, or I wasn't mentally prepared. So I wasn't aroused enough. So I wasn't into it. And it's like, Oh my God, no. Like we just, we just got going. Let's like keep this whole, you know, anticipation building going. Cause that's for women. I think that's some of it. Like, that's the best part of sex is like the foreplay, the anticipation, the buildup and getting us really warmed up and more and more ready and the touching and not even like, I think a lot of guys think that foreplay is going down on her and it's like, Oh, I eat her out.

23:50 Like that's foreplay. But that's not even before you eat her out, like there, you have to be stimulating her in other ways to get her. You want to get her to the point of begging you to eat her out. Like you want her to be like, Oh my God, go down on me, please. Like, like begging, like, Oh my God, please, please. Like that. Please, please. This is probably the best place you can be because you know, you, at that point you're like, or I could do any that, like, there's no pressure.

24:16 There's no uncertainty. Like I know what to do now. So to build her up and get her more and more, you know, built up with the making out with the eye contact, with the light stroking, with the teasing, like you said, I don't even want you to come. Like, that's a really powerful thing to say. If guys did that more. And I've, I've been with a lot of guys sexually. I've only had like two of them do that, but it works like every time to say, you know, don't come even to order me, like, do not come.

24:42 It's like, I'm going to, it's the kiss to the first kiss. I'll do that. I'll just make her want it so bad. She'll be like, fucking kiss me. I want her yelling at me. And that's when you get the breathless kiss boys where they're like, ah, ah, and then you've done really good in that first kiss. And then you continue on that trajectory. Always leave women wanting more and wanting that anticipation, right? You got to control yourself. And, you know, remember that movie, something about Mary, where he ejaculates before he goes out.

25:10 It's kind of a good point. You don't want to go out with a loaded gun. Remember that whole thing? It's kind of a good point because then you can actually control yourself. And as I always say to my clients, I say, control that red helmeted warrior in your pants, because if you knock it out of the park on the first go, and we're giving you tips on how to do that, boys, she's going to stick around. She's going to be more invested in you. And you're going to separate yourself from all the other douchebags who, which has happened to Stephanie many times, just want to get it in because they can't control themselves.

25:37 So we've gone down on her. What percentage of girls would you say have an orgasm through cunnilingus? If you had to guess. Um, it's about 75% of women can only come from cunnilingus, right? Clitoral stimulation. That means what? 25% of women can only come with intercourse. They can 25% also come with intercourse. So it's more likely that they can come both ways. But yeah, 75% of women need your face in between their legs. Yeah. I remember the first time I did it, it was scary. It's like, you know, you're, you come out of the Amazon rainforest starving and you're, you see a clam on the beach and you just got to go for it.

26:14 You're terrified. Don't know what's going to happen to your face. And so it's scary for a lot of boys, but guys, I give a book called a guide to the female orgasm that you can get. If you leave me a review and email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com, but also Stephanie's podcast. I mean, there are so many episodes on her podcast, which is called what I love about sex. And it has a 4.9 out of five, which means it delivers the goods. So many titles on there for how to go down, how to have sex correctly, et cetera.

26:41 So check that stuff out. But guys, you really want to focus on the cunnilingus in my, in my opinion, it's just as important if sometimes more important than the actual population part, the actual sex part, because you can really make her calm and take your time down there. And then oftentimes boys, I know you love that sick duck. She'll return the favor when you've done that. So I also, I want to, I want to give your audience something. I have a, a blog that's out there.

27:06 If you search my name along with the title, how to eat her out like a God, you will get some valuable information there. I've, I've got some great feedback from guys from that blog. Nice, nice. All right. So now we're in there and we're giving it a go. How long do most guys last? Most guys, the normal time of penetration is around five minutes. So there's a lot of misconceptions out there. Like there are a lot of guys who think they have to last a half hour or that she wants them to last 40 minutes to an hour, which is definitely not always the case.

27:41 In fact, most women do not want to have sex that long. So it's really a matter of, like I said, communicating with your partner and also understanding that five minutes is the normal timeframe of penetration sex. So, you know, I have a friend who goes for like three hours and I'm getting broken up with and I'm like, bro, you're a legend, like you're Superman status. But dude, it's too long. Her fricking squishminton is killing her by the end of that shit. Like 45 minutes in, most girls are going to be like, yo, let's wrap this up.

28:13 But women are oftentimes maybe a little insecure in the bedroom. Maybe they just don't want to be confrontational. They like them a lot and don't want to ruin it. But eventually it begins to hurt them so much that they break up with the dude. And I had to tell him the other day, he's like, oh my God, really? I was like, yeah, you need to work on that. See, just the fact that that's happening just shows how little people communicate around sex. Like we should know that about our partners, regardless of whether or not we're in a long-term relationship.

28:41 We should be asking each other like, oh man, it was so hot when you did this. Oh man, that was so sexy. Like, what did you like most? You know, like have a little conversation and it's not only going to show her that you actually give a fuck about like your sex and how you are as a lover and like her and her pleasure, but it's also going to boost your confidence. Because once you get specific information from women about, oh my God, I love when you do this.

29:05 I love how you do this. You're going to like, you're going to feel like, all right, I'm going to go into the next one with this and then ask that woman again, you know, and just, you just keep collecting feedback. It's good for both of you. It's just, yeah, totally got to talk about it. One other tip I wanted to say is oftentimes if you don't have a lot of communication from her and you have nothing to go on, it's good to have sex with her the way she kisses you.

29:27 So she kisses really aggressive and, and like, is really like on you and like scratching the back of your head, et cetera. You might want to give it a go like you're in a battle, but if she's very sensual, which I prefer generally, then you go kind of slow and be more sensual with her. Okay. So Stephanie, let's wrap this up with some tips about the actual penetration. How can guys do the best where that's concerned? Do you have anything good to share with us where, where that's concerned?

29:52 Well, I think just to back off what you said, I think that it's important for guys to know that porn is not the example to be set for great sex. There's a lot of just like inserting his dick right away, like pounding away. And I'm, I guarantee the majority of those women are faking it. Like, because it's just like, it comes out of nowhere. He's just pounding. There's hardly any clitoral stimulation. So for a guy to think that, you know, I just, the harder and the faster I go, the better lover I am and the better experience she's going to have.

30:27 No, you know, so don't try to boost your ego. Like try to read her body. Like you said, read the way that she kisses, you know, the way that she's, does she want to be dominated? Like, does she, is she acting a little submissive, like then take more control and like you flip her around and like show, show a little dominance there. Give her a few little slaps, like start very light and then ask if she wants it harder, you know, like find ways, find the best way to play with her and penetrate her.

30:55 Even asking her in the moment, you want to go on top, baby? Like, why don't you ride me? Like go on top, you know, and just giving her an opportunity to take the lead and see if she's how that works. And then you just go with it. But to make it like, uh, I want to say team effort here, but it kind of is, we're both like in this experience together. So don't just try to like do it one way the entire time and think that, you know, you're, you just got to pound away, read her, see what she, see what kind of feedback she's giving you through her senses, right?

31:25 Like, what is she saying? Like, what is she, how is she touching you? Like, is she like licking you? Like, that's a sign that she likes to involve more taste and saliva. Like maybe ask if she wants to be spit on, if she's like licking you a lot, you know, like you learn to read a woman and then you can be that much more confident playing with her in bed. And sex is so much more about penetration. It's about all the experiences in between and doing things like dirty talk and role play and licking and spanking and like grabbing and caressing and kissing, making out like spitting.

31:58 There's just so much more to it. So remember that, that it's not just about the penetration. It's not just about your dick or the size of your dick. There are so much more to make you feel confident about being a great lover. And you too have to listen to her language. I've been listening closely to Stephanie's language. I'm an NLP coach. So I always pay particular attention to language, which by the way, I'm going to talk about on your podcast, but I've been listening to you and I've heard spanking come out of your mouth like six or seven times.

32:23 I have a feeling boys and she's laughing right now. Yes. Okay. We are correct about Stephanie over here. A little, a little spanking. She, she digs that. All right. Any comments on that? No, no, no comments. All right. By you not saying anything, you've said everything. You read me. Yeah. Okay, boys. I like a good spank. Who doesn't like a good spank? Oh yeah. A lot of girls do, you know? And you got to do it. You got to do it where like your hand hits and then comes off of it immediately.

32:50 Like, like that. That's a really good spank. Yeah. It just comes off and not too hard now. And, and spit too. You're like, do you like to be spit in the face? And she's like, oh yeah. You're like, I'm out of here. So yeah, this is way too weird. Okay. So let's wrap this up with, I think the boys want, how do I pump? How do I insert it? Do I start inserting shallow first and do like 25 pumps and then go in a little further and go faster and slowly ramp it up as time goes on?

33:17 What's that kind of technique where the actual thrusting is concerned? Yeah. I think, um, you know, it's like a caress. It's the same motion of like a caress with a breast. Like you're slowly moving up, grabbing, there's some tension and then letting go and like going down and then pushing up some tension. So think of like that being the way you start off. I think that's the best way to just start fucking. And then you read her body. So you're, you're kind of like a passionate, like, uh, slow, uh, slow, right.

33:52 It's kind of like that tempo. And for guys to just go with it and read her body. And I think dirty talk is so powerful because it's such a sexy way to communicate around if she wants him to like, just knowing what he can do next. But I mean, don't be afraid to just, you know, yeah, pump it for, I don't know, a couple of a few minutes and then flip her around and like try a new position and do that and then have some play and like press up against her and maybe, you know, go up her neck and see how comfortable she is with like a little choking, you know, make sure you could do that safely, but just making out in the middle.

34:31 Like, I think for guys to think like they have to pump for minutes at a time, you don't have to, you know, like it's maybe like five minutes tops, then do something else and switch it up. That way you're just not, you know, pumping the whole time. But yeah, I would say starting with that caressed type motion and tempo. And then, you know, if she's like, oh, go harder or like asking her, oh, do you want it? You want me to fuck you harder? Huh? Like making her talk so that you know what to do.

34:59 And then you can, you know, go a little faster, try it slower. I personally love when it's more sensual too. And most guys I've had sex with first time, like go crazy with the pumping and they're super hard and fast. And I'm just like, oh, let's be a little sensual. Like to go to break from the, yeah, from the porn style. Like, I don't want that. It's not sexy to me. It doesn't get me going. So one thing that I discovered through my experience is to kind of go shallow in the beginning so she can get wet kind of deeper in and then slowly start going deeper and deeper as I pump.

35:32 And also keeping a consistent pace usually, although sometimes it requires going faster and slower, really reading her and reading the moment and, and depending on the vibe, you kind of freestyle it. But generally speaking, starting kind of slow and shallow and then going deeper and deeper until sometimes you can go really deep depending on what your size is. And then also, as Stephanie mentioned, holding yourself off of her sometimes, and then completely laying your body on her sometimes flipping positions, probably, I don't know, once every three minutes or two and a half, three, five minutes, something like that flipping positions.

36:07 What's your take on that? Yeah, I really like that. And I, what I think most guys should do is always go down on her first, make her come even once or twice. I think most women get a lot wetter the second time. Yeah. And if she came a couple of times, even once, like then you don't have to be as careful in terms of shallowness. I think it's still, still a good idea. I just, yeah, I feel like for me, I like once I've came, I just like crave my boyfriend's dick.

36:35 I'm like, I'm ready to get it to me. Like, it's kind of like this, oh my God, my body's like so ready for you. So you girls are so lucky. You can come five times, six times, seven times, 10 times. I had once and I'm like, I get one and then it's messy too. There's all this shit. There's all this crap that comes out. It fucking sucks. So you girls are awfully blessed where that's concerned. One last thing I want to talk about are toys I found.

36:59 And Stephanie, correct me if I'm wrong, but clitoral stimulators, those vibrators, if you can use those on the clit while having sex, I mean, the chances of her having an orgasm during sex go up exponentially. In fact, I don't think I've ever once not had it work. Mm-hmm. That is true. As long as you, and it will be even easier if you go down on her first and really spend time around her inner thighs, you know, her labia. Like you're not just going directly for the clit and going intensely right at the clit.

37:31 Cause that could be very, just like way too much. So really play around a lot down there before you get right to the clit. Maybe spend like, I don't know, four, maybe three minutes at least like all around her inner thighs and everywhere. And she'll just be craving at that point for you to get on her clit. And once you do, it's just so much easier to make her come. So that's one tactic. And then once you get to penetration and you use a toy like that, it's just, you know, even easier because she's so warmed up.

37:59 So use her whole body as a way to warm her up. Not just her clit. Awesome. Not just her tits either, or her ass, like her whole body, you know? Yes. I like to kiss on the inner thighs. And then just with my tongue, very lightly go over the labia to the other thigh and kiss it there a little bit. And then back over the labia and then around, and then like, maybe I'll lick her clit once and then I'll continue the lick up to her breast and then come back down.

38:23 Like that kind of shit, boys, works really well. So Stephanie, you've been awesome. Thank you so much for sharing all this with us. If you wouldn't mind sharing with the boys, your podcast, your IG, tell us about who you are, where they can find you and get more tips about sex. Yeah. So my podcast is what I love about sex. And there's about 300 episodes on there to help you guys out. So I speak directly to men. So it will be really valuable for all you guys.

38:49 I also am on Instagram almost daily. So definitely check out my Instagram at Steph Ganowski. And I have a YouTube with my name. I have a TikTok with my name. I have a newsletter that goes out weekly to give you sex tips. So you can find that on Instagram. I have some masturbation meditation. So different stuff that you could check out to, to just, you know, improve your, yourself as a sex partner and just feel a lot more confident. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming today.

39:15 I really do appreciate it. As my guys know, I'm very stringent about who I let come onto this podcast. And when I first saw your content, when I researched you, I was like, okay, this is definitely a worthy guest. So boys, check her out. She's cute too. So go check her out. I know you guys like to look at beautiful women. I have a boyfriend though. She's got a boyfriend. Stop hitting on her guys. God, too much hitting on women all the time. So check her out, boys.

39:38 Thank you so much, Stephanie and gentlemen. I draw podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. So please stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.