Why Handsome, Good Looking Guys Are at a BIG DISADVANTAGE With Women & Dating

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. And today, we are going to talk about why being a good-looking guy is actually a disadvantage with women. A lot of us think that being good-looking is an absolute shoo-in. All you have to do is be tall, good-looking, and ripped, and women will just jump into the air and slide right onto your dick.

0:37 But obviously, that's not the way it works. How do I know this is true? Because I get tons and tons of really good-looking clients who, despite their looks, they struggle with women. And this is actually a really common thing that us, who aren't so good-looking, underestimate. We don't think it actually exists. So if you're a good-looking guy and you're listening to this, I'm sure some of you, at least, are nodding your head enthusiastically saying, man, this guy has it completely right. Because while people think I should just be an absolute girl magnet, it really doesn't work that way for me.

1:08 And I want to explain why that is and what you can do if you're a good-looking guy to increase yourself and make yourself more attractive. Also, if you're not good-looking and you're simply listening to this because you're an avid listener or you're curious as to why it might be that good-looking guys don't get success as easily as we think they do, I want to give you some tips, too, because this certainly applies to you. And if I have time, I want to talk about why not-good-looking guys actually have an advantage when it comes to attracting women.

1:37 So before we get into the content, gentlemen, you know what I got to do? I got to read yet another testimonial. I have about 17 screenshots on my desktop, and I haven't read a lot lately on the podcast. But I just got one, and I shuffled it to the very front of the line because this is my absolute favorite testimonial to get. It's a guy who's in his mid-30s, was a virgin until he came into my program, and in 10 weeks, he lost his virginity in the program.

2:06 So I want to go ahead and read his testimonial. Obviously, when you're 35 years old and a virgin, you probably want to stay anonymous, so I'm going to do this champion the service of not saying his name. But if you're listening, brother, I'm so fucking proud of you. You had the perseverance. You had the drive. You had the intestinal fortitude to get this part of your life settled once and for all. And I'll tell you what, guys. This dude was a really, really hard case. I mean, extra hard case.

2:31 So if you think that you can't improve with women, if perhaps you're a virgin listening to this and you think it's impossible for you, believe me, if this guy can do it, you can do it too. And that's not an insult to this gentleman. It's actually a compliment because he was in a really bad situation. He had a lot of things about him that naturally repelled women. And through following his fears, through sucking it up, doing the hard work, he was able to get laid within 10 weeks.

2:58 And now he has a girlfriend that he's really into. And I'm just so proud of the dude. So this is what he says. Mark, I was always envious when you mentioned your clients losing their virginity on your podcast. I was hoping I would be one of them too, but was skeptical that I could actually achieve that during the 12-week program. To be honest with you, I have a secret desire to make you proud as you care so much about your brothers. The experience of holding hands with my girlfriend in the street, cars stopping so that we can cross the road, and seeing other guys turning their heads to have a quick glance at her is absolutely priceless.

3:31 It's been a massive boost to my confidence because I've never experienced that before. Not many men will congratulate a male who got success with women. I told my mom that men will not faint when they see a stash of cash, but will certainly lose some focus if they see a very attractive woman, no matter how old they are. You truly are the best dating coach in the world. Hope more men will find your podcast and hire you as their dating slash life coach. If not, they have certainly lost an opportunity of a lifetime.

4:00 And that's end quote. So gentlemen, that is absolutely what's possible in this program. And it's a testament to the power of the program, to the power of NLP, to reprogram your brain, because this dude here was in a really, really dark place. Never kissed a girl before in his life. And now he's got a girlfriend, got laid 10 weeks in, so I couldn't be more proud of you, man. Keep it fucking going, brother. It only gets better from here. All right, let's jump into the content. So you're a good-looking guy, and you can't understand why you struggle with women.

4:29 So the first thing you should know is that when you're good-looking, people, specifically women, expect you to have confidence that's equal to your attractiveness. So let's say you're the quintessential 6'2", super good-looking face, ripped body. Women expect you to be extremely confident, extremely sure of yourself, have good metaprograms inside your head, have good belief systems, schemas, and archetypes to be congruent with your looks. So immediately, good-looking men are at a disservice because they look a certain way, but most of us have had shit happen to us in our childhood.

5:05 We have insecurities that go beyond just the way we look. And even with good-looking guys, which I'm going to get into in a second, they actually become dependent on the good opinion of others because they're complimented so much and they're expected to be a certain way, even though their internal belief systems might not match what's going on on the outside. So immediately, right off the bat, they're at a disadvantage because they're good-looking, they're expected to be equally confident, and most guys simply aren't. Now, the reason they aren't, as I alluded to earlier, is because they're so often given credit for being good-looking that they become needy for that credit.

5:42 They become needy for that attention, and they become needy for the adulation. So a good-looking guy goes through life being told all the time, hey, man, you're good-looking. And it sets a precedence in his life that he becomes dependent on that positive feedback from other people, no longer relies on his internal feedback, but becomes what I call externally validated. Now, as I talk about all the time in this podcast, external validation is what? That's right. It's feminine. It's a feminine quality. This is why women are externally validated.

6:14 They want us to compliment them. They want us to give them attention. They spend hours on their looks. They spend thousands and thousands of dollars on their hair every year, not to mention all the other bullshit they have to do to maintain their appearance so that they can get attention from men. I mentioned this, too, in a previous episode. Why do you think it is that women will dress kind of slutty and provocative when they go to the gym? It's because women are externally validated. They want attention from men.

6:41 They want to feel like they're beautiful. This, too, is why women will get on the dating apps and just be on there with no intention whatsoever of meeting anybody, just being on there for attention. Attention from men is what fills the cup of the female mind. Now, when you put a man into a very good-looking body, he gets attention naturally, and attention is very addictive. Believe me, I used to be addicted to it myself when I was, A, of all, a bouncer in a nightclub, and I used to get more attention than I could possibly ever explain to you guys.

7:13 And, B, of all, when I go to the nightclubs with my three hot girlfriends and or go along with a really good wingman or even by myself and spit game, and I start getting attention, that shit is super addicting. So, guys become addicted to the validation they get, and this often creates inside of them that neediness for more attention because it's a bottomless pit. Anytime you're addicted to anything outside yourself, it becomes wholly unreliable, and it will never fill you up completely. This is the reason for addiction.

7:44 We get addicted to something such as a drug or, in this case, attention, which is external to ourselves. Therefore, we become externally validated. It's never enough. We need more and more and more. And, unfortunately, with looks, they're difficult to maintain. The older you get, usually the less attractive you get. And then it becomes a downward spiral, which we hear all the time about when it comes to women. You'll have a woman who is famous in her younger years for being beautiful, and then she gets older.

8:13 Her appearance gets ravaged by old age, and then she spirals into depression. That's because it's a bottomless pit that we become reliant upon. And what happens when you become reliant upon it? You don't want to lose it. So then you start fearing what? You start fearing rejection. And this is the third struggle that good-looking men have is because they're so reliant and used to getting that validation from women, they don't want to put themselves out there and possibly get rejected, which, of course, would question their attractiveness in the first place.

8:44 So they're expected to be super confident, and a lot of them aren't. They get reliant on that external validation, and then they start fearing rejection, which leads to the fourth and most insidious part of their experience, which is they get put in their feminine energy. So now they're in their feminine energy, which makes them fundamentally unattractive to women. Now, I'm not saying all good-looking guys go into this, but this is typically what happens to a good-looking guy who isn't good with women. He's expected for his confidence to be super high, and it isn't.

9:14 He's reliant on the external validation of others. He has approach anxiety because he doesn't want that delicate castle to be crumbled, and then that puts him into his feminine energy, which makes him less attractive to women because obviously women are attractive to highly masculine men. When you are dependent on what other people think of you, when you need people to validate you, you go highly into your feminine. When you get into your feminine, you begin acting feminine. You begin doing feminine things. You let go of being internally validated, being goal-oriented, having a I-don't-give-a-shit-what-happens kind of attitude.

9:50 And this is the secret if you're a good-looking guy is you have to fucking let go of how you look and not care about it anymore. Now, I'm not saying not to maintain your looks, not to keep working out, not to keep trying, but it has to work like this, and this is a secret for all of us listening. I want you guys to look the best you can, and the second you step out of your house, forget about it. Don't care about it. Be loose.

10:12 Be natural. Don't try to maintain the way you look, like stand next to a door, flexing your muscle, or when you talk to the girl, make sure your jawline looks a certain way. Your eyebrows are freaking trimmed perfectly. Your nose hairs are pulled. Your anus is bleached. You had taint reconstructive surgery. You got nipple enlargement. All that bullshit, you got to freaking forget about it and just be natural. Let go. Have fun. Don't try to be outcome-dependent. And once again, when good-looking dudes are being complimented all the time, they become outcome-dependent.

10:45 And what does that mean? Outcome-dependence means I'm dependent on a good outcome. Validation. Her confirming to me that I'm good-looking. And then when I need that, she can sense it from me, and she gets unattracted to me because I'm in my feminine, needy energy. So the most successful good-looking guys are the guys who don't give a shit if they're good-looking. They maintain it, yes, but at the same time, they let it go. And that, too, is the secret of life. I want it, but I don't need it.

11:15 I'm going to try my best, but I'm going to let it go. Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity. One of my favorite quotes that I come back to again and again in this podcast, which is from the Tao Te Ching. So a good-looking guy is put at a natural disadvantage because he's slammed into the feminine just by being good-looking. Let me ask you this, brother. A lot of guys tell me they want women to approach them. Do you think, you the listener, that's a good thing?

11:41 You're absolutely right. It's not a good thing. Why? Because she's in the masculine energy and you're in the feminine. So immediately when a girl approaches me, I flip the frame on her. So she's like, hey, I just wanted to come meet you. I'll say, actually, I wanted to come meet you, too. What's your name? Immediately, I take that frame control so that she knows I'm now in the masculine energy and I'm going to lead this interaction. If you have a girl approach you and lead you, or worse yet, take control on a date, make all the decisions, you're being put in your feminine energy.

12:10 And this happens time and time again to good-looking dudes. So if you're a good-looking guy, yes, brother, maximize that shit. Because I will tell you this, one of the big advantages you have is you're going to get tons of matches on the dating apps. But oftentimes what happens is she immediately detects that this dude is low value because he's coming to her from a feminine frame, being needy, being thirsty, asking for validation, giving her the sense that she needs to compliment him and keep his confidence, quote-unquote, up because he can't do it himself.

12:41 And that is extremely fundamentally unattractive. So yes, be good-looking. At first, you have an advantage. It's kind of like being the good-looking dude gets your foot in the door easily. You have that initial advantage as a lot of you good-looking guys listening know. But you can lose it quickly if you don't have confidence, self-esteem, and meta programs that match, that are congruent with that attractiveness. Furthermore, you can't be outcome-dependent. You can't give a shit what she thinks about your looks. If she says you're so hot, you should laugh as if she just told you a funny joke because it doesn't matter to you.

13:15 Then what you have to do is get in your masculine energy, lead the interaction, approach girls not giving a shit, letting go, having fun, not maintaining yourself, like trying to pose in certain ways, or hold your face in certain ways, or like being concerned what you look like by going to the bathroom every 20 minutes to like check your teeth and your eyebrows and your bleached anus. But instead, let go, have fun, don't give a fuck, want her but not need her, and lead the interaction. Do not let girls take that frame from you because you will be put in the feminine and they will lose attractiveness for you.

13:51 Now, the first thing I talked about, which was confidence and fixing the internal bullshit, that's easier said than done. And honestly, unless you're willing to get intrusive, it probably isn't going to happen. We can sit around telling ourselves all day, I'm confident, I'm a girl magnet, I'm a fucking 10. But until you get in there with NLP, which is what I use to remove the opposite belief system, such as I'm not enough, I need girls validation, I want to be wanted, I wish more girls would want me all that bullshit that not only you attractive guys are dealing with, but also the unattractive guys are dealing with, you're not going to get a lot of change.

14:27 So as most of you know, I do offer a three-month coaching program. And yeah, man, a lot of good-looking guys come into the program. And sometimes my other clients ask me like, dude, what's up with Richard? He's so good-looking and so fucking ripped and like a freaking supermodel. Why is he in this program? And I explain to them exactly what I just told you guys about. I say Richard actually has it more difficult than you do in a lot of ways because he's expected to be Mr.

14:51 Girl Magnet, charismatic, confident, full of charm and passion and just an absolute champion. And also, and this would probably be number five, girls will often pigeonhole really good-looking guys as being players. So now they have to get over that whole, oh, you're having sex with tons of girls, aren't you? Because you're so fucking hot. You must be utilizing that stuff. And now you have to explain to her like, listen, I'm social, but I'm not just banging everything that walks. In fact, I'm really, really picky. And I should ask you the same thing.

15:21 I think you're a player, Melinda. You're the girl going around talking to all the dudes, getting all the phone numbers. How many phone numbers you get tonight? I saw you out there playing those games. And you got to be able to flip that kind of stuff on women or they're going to just pigeonhole you and make you seem like a jackass and you won't be able to ascend past it. So being good-looking, despite what many people think, can actually be a major disadvantage. And yes, I get a lot of clients like that in my program.

15:47 So if you'd like to talk with us about your issues, whether you are good-looking or not good-looking, we work with everybody and we fix everybody. As I've said in previous episodes, I basically have a 10-magnet production plant where I feed you into the front of the system. We create a custom three-month NLP protocol on your specific issues, metaprograms, belief systems, traumas to turn you into that dude who is outcome independent, doesn't give a shit what people think about you, is internally validated, and always leads with masculinity.

16:20 This is the kind of dude it gets, girls. My final thought on this, gentlemen, is this. If you're not good-looking and you're able to construct the confidence of a guy who is quote-unquote good-looking, that is actually more attractive than a guy who's significantly more good-looking than you are, if you guys have the same level of confidence and the same level of bearing. The reason that is, is because if you're not attractive, you shouldn't be confident. You shouldn't be charismatic. You should care what people think about you.

16:50 You should be externally validated in your feminine energy, according to popular opinion. So when you come into a program like this one and we're able to reprogram your brain, where you feel fundamentally confident just because you fucking are, then girls react to you like never before. That client whose testimonial I read earlier, the dude was, by all intents and purposes, unattractive to women. But because I was able to instill a new belief system and metaprogram structure inside his head, updating those files that were telling him, I'm not enough, I'm not attractive, I smell bad, I'm gross, girls will never want to be with me, flipping the script on that shit and making him feel fundamentally worthy, he was able to lose his virginity in 10 weeks.

17:36 So if I can do that for him, I can't fucking T, I can do that for you. If you want to come join us once again, go to my website, coachmarkstein.com, click on coaching, fill in the quick application, submit it. You and I will email back and forth and yes, I do expect for you to reply to my emails within 24 hours. If I believe that I can at least 10X your results with women, as I did for that client whose review I just met, you will get on a free one-on-one breakthrough session with my partner, best friend, and wingman, Victor Lynch.

18:05 You guys are going to talk about your issues and see if I can at least 10X your results with girls. And if I can, we will welcome you with open arms into the program and you too will be one of my success stories, success story after fucking success story. Every single guy who comes in the program gets it and you can too, if you would just sign up with us. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. Remember that I draw podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. Your support really means the world to me.

18:31 And if you are good looking or even if you're not, I hope this shed some light onto why you are struggling with women and how you can go about fixing it. I appreciate you guys listening and I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.