How to Know When a Girl is Using You: 3 Tell-Tale Signs

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What's up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. Thank you so much for coming. And today we're going to get into something really common with guys and talk about three telltale signs that a girl is using you. You are being used. She has no intention of hooking up with you. And she's just stringing you along, brother.

0:39 And there's nothing worse than when girls do this to guys. And they're so good at it. Girls are little mind manipulators. They could write a freaking 200-page program on how to give guys mixed signals. And they just get them confused. And they're using you, man. And it's really easy for cute girls to do to guys. And it's a pretty sad thing. So we're going to destroy that. It's never going to happen to you again. Because now you're going to learn how to avoid it. Before we jump into the content, I want to thank all y'all for the epic reviews.

1:06 They're freaking awesome. I read every single one. And by the way, when you follow me on IG, I do check you out. I do a little stalking. And I see you champions creeping on my IG page. I know you're stalking me. And I'm stalking you in reverse. But it impresses me how many champions follow me. How many guys that I could definitely be homies with if we lived in the same area. So if you want to check me out, it's at CoachMarkSing. C-O-A-C-H-M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G. And also, if you would leave me a review, you can email me CoachMarkSing at gmail.com.

1:44 And I'll send you a bunch of programs. So leave me a review on iTunes and hit me up. I'll send you way more shit than you'll ever expect. You'll be super stoked. You'll have enough content to last you a long time and get you more attracted to women. So what do you say we jump into the content? All right. So there's this funny thing in the pickup space called orbiters. Have you ever heard of this? It's when a girl turns a guy basically into a guy friend and they call them orbiters because it's like a little like a moon orbiting a planet, right?

2:13 It's orbiting around, waiting to get in, doing favors, supplicating, being there at all times, being the best friend, quote unquote, that she's never going to have sex with. And what's interesting is every time I meet like a really hot girl, her best friend is always a dude. Why is it a dude? Because this is the guy that's using the under the radar strategy to try to get in with her. But as we both know, it never works. Once you're in the friend zone, it's very, very difficult to get out.

2:43 Although there are ways. And I've helped a lot of my clients nail friends that were girls, really hot girls, and finally get them. But it's very counterintuitive. So what are some of the signs that a girl is using you? Okay, so first and foremost, what women do to guys is they do what are called requests. Okay, so a request is basically in the beginning, she's going to ask you for a little favor. So let's say you meet a girl. She's a friend of a friend. She's really cute.

3:10 You guys are talking. You're hitting it off. And in your mind, you're like, all right, dude, I think I have a chance with this chick. Well, she's going to throw out what's called a request. And a request is just a little favor. Hey, can you get me a napkin from the bar? Hey, would you mind picking me up? Hey, can you do fill in the blank? If you do it, boom, you're going into the friend zone. You just got locked up and thrown into the holding cell.

3:33 Now, can you get out? Hell yeah, dude. I'm about to give you the shovel to escape that shit. And here's how to do it. When she asks you for a favor, you always make her do a little favor for you first. Okay, so let's say you meet a chick. You guys are out with some friends. She's talking to you. And boom, she does the compliance test, which bro, every time they do it, I smile. She says, hey, can you get me a napkin from the bar?

3:53 Now, if you've listened to this podcast for any amount of time, you know what I always say, which is sure, you got to ask me in an Australian accent though. So she asks me in an Australian accent. And then here I go. Here I go, Nick. Here it comes, brother. Nick is one of my Australian clients. I've got a couple of them right now. Love you Aussies, dude. Fucking champions. Nick is just a legend. As is my other client, Chris. What is up, Chris? But here we go.

4:16 Here we go, guys. All right. Can you go get me a napkin from the bar? Sure, but you got to ask me in an Australian accent. Then she's like, right, can you get me a napkin from the bar? Right away, ma'am. Like a boomerang, I'll be right back. That's all right. I give it a 7 out of 10. But I always do that. She cracks up. Boom, I get her the napkin. So what happened there? What happened is I'm showing her like, look, my favor must be earned.

4:39 I'm not going to be your lap dog. I'm not going to jump through hoops for you. If you want me to do something for you, you got to do something for me in return. Then what happens is every time she asks me a favor after that, I do the same thing. If she's like, hey, can you pick me up? I'm stuck at my friend's house. Sure, but I'm kind of hungry. You're going to have to take me through Taco Bell on the way home. Sound good?

4:59 Yeah, sounds good. Perfect. Pick her up. Okay, let's go. We're going to Taco Bell. And then you order just the double beef burrito del jalapeno. I don't eat Taco Bell myself. I don't know what they have. And then you just throw your leg up on the steering wheel and fart in her face. Super effective attraction building technique. Just kidding. Okay, so always make her do a favor for you first when she asks you for a favor to stay out of the friend's own prison. So sign number one is she's ho-hum or she tries to avoid any suggestions that you two hang out.

5:32 And I get clients all the time and they hit me up with text message examples where the girl's like super ho-hum, she's not participating, she seems interested one day and she's not interested the next day. Well, here's the thing is women love attention. Okay, they're very much attention seekers. They want validation. So she's using you for your attention when she's not willing to hang out, when she's not like eager to hang out with you, she's using you, man. And this is what I call fence sitters.

6:00 She's sitting up on the fence and it's like no matter what you do, you can't get her to come out with you. And even if she agrees, which she will sometimes, she's going to figure out a way to flake, right? My cat died. My friend got diarrhea. I got a big pimple on my ass. The guy that I'm fucking pissed me off last night, so I'm not down to hang out. Like this is literally how women think and this is what they do. So when they're kind of like flaky with you, not texting you back, agreeing to hang out and then flaking on you, dude, she's definitely using you.

6:30 What is she using you for? Entertainment. Because look how hard you're working and she's keeping you in the bucket in case she needs a favor. So if she needs help one night and she knows she's got you in the bucket, she's going to call you up and be like, hey, can you help me? I'm stuck at this club and all my friends are drunk and there's this guy hitting on me and I think he's on drugs and I think he put GHB in my water and the date rape drug and can you come get me, bro?

6:54 I've fallen into that trap. I've fallen into that trap. And what did I get? Nothing. All I got was a bunch of hard work that didn't pay off is because I was supplicating to her. I was buying into her frame. She was giving me mixed signals and I was just trying to dance around them and try to get her to come out with me asking like, you want to hang out? What about next Thursday? Well, next Thursday doesn't work. What about Sunday? Well, in my coaching, I show you how to reverse that.

7:20 And one of the ways to reverse it real quick, give you a quick tip. But if she's sitting on the fence and she's flaking on you, don't respond. Pull away. Guys think that the way to get girls is to chase, chase, chase and like go after her more. No, it's the opposite. You want to pull away and show her that you're dating other chicks, which we'll talk about in subsequent episodes. But if she's on the fence, if she's flaking on you, bro, she's using you, dude.

7:45 Drop her. Now you think to yourself, yeah, dude, but she's so hot. I mean that ass, right? Like, oh my God, those tits, bro, you have to have an abundance mentality, which is if I can't get this girl, fuck her. I'll just go get another girl. Plenty of fish in the sea. If I miss this bus, I'll just take the next one. Turn on the faucet and out comes water. That's how abundant women are. There are literally millions of girls immediately around you that you could date.

8:12 So why are you so focused on this one girl who's flaking on you and being ho-hum about you? Drop it. Now, the interesting thing is when you drop it and you're like, hey, I'm good, and you don't respond, she's going to get more attracted to you and you might get yourself out of the friend zone that way. Now, you may be thinking, yeah, but she flirts with me, okay? This is the second way that she's using you. She flirts with you, but then she doesn't have sex with you, okay?

8:36 It's very simple. Is she having sex with you? Is she hooking up with you? Yes or no? No? Then you know what's happening. It's not because she's like, oh, I'm prude and I don't really want to do that. I'm Christian. And oh, oh, my mom. Oh, my dad. Bro, if she's super attracted, even a super Christian girl will sleep with you. So if she's not sleeping with you yet still flirting with you, there's a big problem there. Now, I understand sometimes there's legitimate fence sitters, okay?

9:05 Which means she's kind of on the fence about you, doesn't know if she's super attracted, is kind of feeling it out. And there's this concept where attraction is like a dimmer switch, okay? For guys, attraction is just either on or off. You see her, she's hot, it's on. I'm attracted to her. You see her, she's fat, it's not on. I'm not attracted to her. Well, with women, it's more like a dimmer switch. So she could be like at a six for you and then sometimes it's a seven, sometimes it's a five.

9:32 And yes, it could literally change in real time based on the high value or low value things that you do. But her attraction for you can change. But if it's sitting there at a six and a seven and you don't have the skills and training to do what's right to get it up to a nine, the longer it sits at a six and a seven, the more consolidated it's going to be and the harder it is to be to get out of that. So what do you do there?

9:58 When she's flirting with you a little bit, but she's not sleeping with you, you pull away. Stop responding to her texts. Don't be as available. Post on your Instagram, you with other chicks. You know, text her something funny and then don't text her back for a couple of days. You want to do the exact same thing that chicks do to you. She's giving you mixed signals. Give her mixed signals back times 10. She's pulling away and flaking on you. Pull away from her. Now, I don't suggest flaking on a girl.

10:28 Two wrongs don't make a right. But I'm not going to agree to freaking see her again if she flakes on me. Or as I told my other client, Peter, who's in England, he got flaked on by a girl and she comes back around. Right. He gets flaked on by a girl. Boom. He doesn't reply to her. Stops texting her. She replies. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to flake. Blah, blah. No reply. She comes back two months later. Hey, how you been? Do you want to hang out?

10:53 I promise this time I won't flake. So I told him to say this. Yeah, we can hang out. But just to let you know, if you flake again, that's going to be a deal breaker for me. So please respect my time. My time is very valuable, as is yours. I'd appreciate it if you didn't flake. If you agree to that, I'm cool to hang out. How's that sound? And she said, good. And they're actually hanging out tonight. So we're going to see how that goes. But that's how you deal with it.

11:17 You are not to be fucked with. Guys who show girls that they can be fucked with, they can be pushed around, they can flake on them, and they'll come back. These are the guys that end up in the friend zone, and these are the guys that get used. All right, sign number three. She only hangs out with you when there's other people around. So she rarely hangs out with you one-on-one. And I've had this happen to me too. So if this is happening to you, believe me, I have been there.

11:42 But what's happening is she's having other people around so she doesn't have to be with you one-on-one under the threat that you're going to try to physically advance on her. So she always has an excuse, right, to get out of it. Now that begs the question, well, bro, why does she want me around then? Because she likes the attention. That's the thing. Girls love attention. They love to be social. They love company. They love guy friends. That's why every single hot chick you meet, her best friend is always a dude.

12:10 And it's funny because when I meet this guy, he always, like, crushes my hand. This has happened to me. I'm telling you, it's happened, like, a hundred times where I'm dating a hot girl, okay? And she says to me, oh, yeah, my fucking best friend, Brian. And I'm like, oh, here we go, dude. Brian the orbiter. Okay. Let's go ahead and meet this dude. So I meet him and then, like, he crushes my hand. I'm like, what's up, man? Ow! Ow! Nice to meet you, right?

12:35 Because he's butthurt. And, I mean, God help the dude, you know? Like, I appreciate him. I'll actually help some of these guys myself once I've been hooking up with a girl. I'll be like, hey, you know, Brian's an orbiter, right? And she'll be like, what's an orbiter? I'll be like, oh, he's trying to get in with you. And she's like, no, he's not. I'm like, okay. Does he do this? Yes. Does he do this? He does favors for you. Yes. Is he always coming around or is he asking you to hang out?

12:57 Yes, but that's just because he's a great guy friend. Really? How many fat chicks have guy friends? I don't know. Well, I'm going to tell you, very, very few. Why is it that all hot girls have, like, five guy friends? Oh, I don't know. Because they're trying to get in with you, you dingbat. Obviously. Like, let's do the math here. Girls are so funny, bro. Because, like, they're little Jedi masters, but it's like they don't even know they're Jedi masters, right? They have this skill where they can do magic, yet they don't even know why they do it or how they can do it.

13:29 They just do it. It's so funny to me, and I love female psychology. So I'll always tell them about this, and she'll be like, oh, my God, he's trying to get in with me. And I'll be like, yeah, but look, it's cool. You know, you may want to let him know that there's absolutely no chance so that he can have the decision as to whether or not he wants to stick around or bail. But it happens to all hot girls. So don't feel bad about it.

13:52 It's just like what girls do. And I mean, literally, bro, like, girls will use you without even really knowing that they're using you. That's the crazy thing is they're going to do this shit with the thought that, like, you guys are just friends. They don't even know they're doing it. Or they'll do it thinking, well, maybe in the future I'll get attracted to him now. I don't want you to get hope because of that. I don't want you to misinterpret what I'm saying. She's thinking rationally.

14:18 Maybe in the future something can happen with me and Brian. But right now I'm not really feeling attracted to him. Dude, she's never going to get attracted to you if you keep doing the favors, keep showing up. She flakes on you. You're OK with it. She's super flaky over texting. Like she just replies with like, LOL or yeah, that's true or ha ha ha. And you're putting in all this effort. You're getting put in the friend zone. She doesn't even know why she's doing it. You don't know what the fuck she's thinking either.

14:47 It's this whole big mess. So what you have to do is realize that she's using you either consciously or unconsciously and pull away. That's my advice in this podcast. Pull away. When a girl's using you, goodbye. See you. Peace out. Catch you on the flip flop. Right? See ya. And then she's going to, dude, I have girls hit me up all the time, dude, from Facebook and all these other places. And I've been with Marissa for a while now. Just had a girl hit me up this morning.

15:15 A girl I used to hook up with. Hey, how's it been going? Da, da, da. When you pull away, that builds a ton of attraction. Okay. So as we talked about, guys, in the beginning, girls are going to test you in this way. This is all part of frame control. They're going to ask you for favors and you know now how to pass the favor. Okay. Either ask her to ask you in an Australian accent, have her do a favor for you in return. Sometimes I'll make them spin like a ballerina.

15:40 She'll be like, well, you buy me a drink. And I'll be like, yeah, but you got to do two ballerina twists and a dip right now. Ready? Boom, boom, boom. And then I'll dip her and I'll be like, that was awesome. Come on, let's go get a drink. Or I'll challenge them. She'll be like, hey, will you buy me a drink? And I'll be like, yeah, if you can snatch this 25 cents out of my hand before I close it, I'll buy you the drink. If you can't do it, you buy me a drink.

16:01 Deal? And she'll be like, okay, deal. And she never gets it, dude. Ninja speed with this guy. I freaking close my hand. I'm like, oh, it looks like you're buying me a drink. Well, fortunately for you, I don't drink alcohol. So go ahead and get me a Diet Coke. I'll wait. Right? That's what a high value guy does. When she's flirty with you and then she pulls it away, you pull away when she does. When she does behavior that you like, you reward it. When she does behavior you don't like, you punish it.

16:29 Her flaking on you, unacceptable. Quick thing. If you have plans with a girl, okay, and it's about the time for the date to happen and you get a phone call an hour, two hours before your date, that's a very, very bad sign. So here's what I would do is I would drop the call, send it into voicemail. Then I'd text her what's up, question mark. She texts back, my cat died, my friend's in shambles, I have diarrhea, whatever her stupid excuse is. What do I say to that?

16:59 I reply back with two letters, okay. Why do I do that? Because it's showing I'm not butthurt about it or she thinks maybe I am pissed or maybe she thinks I don't care or maybe she thinks this or maybe she thinks that and that's the point. I want her wondering, text back, okay. Then I don't text her again until she texts me. Then when she texts me, I'm a little bit standoffish, a little bit harder to reach. Then as the vibe grows, we make plans to go out again.

17:28 With me personally, if we make plans to go out again, I say, hey, listen, my time is very valuable. I understand that your best friend had projectile diarrhea and you had to hold her leg up as she shot diarrhea outside the kitchen window. I get it. But I'm just letting you know that I don't like to be flaked on and if it happens again, hey, it's cool, but it's a deal breaker for me, okay. So I'd appreciate it if you show up tonight. Just like what I said, Peter, to say to that girl that was coming over tonight to his place.

17:57 She's going to be like, yeah, cool. I guarantee you, dude, that chick's over there right now. He's in England. I'm in the United States. I don't know what time it is, but let's assume it's the evening. Peter is banging it out right now. It's my boy right there, dude. He's killing it. So that's how you deal with a girl. A girl who's putting you in the friend zone, who's using you for attention. That's what they want. Attention, validation, favors. You are not that guy, are you?

18:24 So the next time you see these things happening, the key is to pull away. But remember, pull away in the right way. Never let anger or negative emotions come in to your interactions with women. Like I said in a previous podcast, when you let negative emotions come over you, you're giving away your power. So you're always chill. Hey, you flaked. It's cool. I'm just letting you know. That's a deal breaker for me. So please don't let it happen again. Cool. Sound fair? I mean, is it really too much to ask for her to not flake on you?

18:56 No. I think that's pretty justifiable to ask for. And you're asking for that. And then boom, she's going to show up. So this is how to keep yourself out of the friend zone, how to keep yourself from getting used by women, which they do all the time. And frankly, guys, you know, we can start doing this to girls. I mean, I have lots of girlfriends. I don't use them because I understand this stuff. I actually understand how this all works. But I friend zone girls all the time.

19:21 I see the value in it. I love having feminine energy around me. They're great for opening other girls. I just love women. So I love having them around. So I'm not saying that it's bad to be friend zone. I'm saying it's bad to be friend zone when you're using the person and you're doing it with malevolent intent, either consciously or unconsciously. All right, guys, that's it for me. I thank you so much for listening to this podcast. If you found any value in this whatsoever, I'd appreciate a review.

19:48 I'll tip my hat to you. I'll get your name tattooed on my neck and I'll smack you on the ass because you're a freaking champion. Email me and I'll send you a bunch of cool stuff that you will seriously benefit from. And I look forward to seeing you in the next podcast. I'll see you in the next podcast. I'll see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.