Episode 322 · January 27, 2022 · 28 min
How to Make Girls Chase You, Work For You, And How to Be a Challenge
About this episode
As a man, it can be tempting to do everything for a woman, but if we can make her put in some effort on her side and 'work' for you, it's going to increase her investment in you thus increasing her attraction to you. Today's episode will show you exactly how to do that.
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My lord, this is Bullvite. Come from across the sea. I know the man. I knew him as a child, and I know him now. Grown to a man. Grown to a fine, fine man. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Uniform Mike Papa, The Unapologetic Man Podcast. I really do appreciate it. If you've been listening for a long time, you know what to do, brother.
Smack yourself on the ass so hard when the concussion hits, it goes around the globe twice. Finally ends up in my home state, Colorado. Hits my girlfriend, Marissa, so hard the concussion blows the implants out of her chest. For those of you who have come to this podcast for the first time, no, I am not psychotic, at least not clinically proven. And yes, that was a soundbite from what I feel is the most underrated movie ever made, The 13th Warrior. I was just listening to it as I was lifting weights in my office.
I have to lift weights here because as I spoke about in our recent podcast, we are on quarantine due to our nanny bringing COVID into the house. So far, nothing has really happened, but we're keeping an eye on our two-year-old daughter. Hopefully, she doesn't get sick. So I've been watching The 13th Warrior while lifting weights, and God, I love that movie. It gets me so fired up, man. It gets at least three extra reps out of me during every set, and I was just watching that part.
And I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to drop that into the podcast because all you champions need to watch that movie. So unbelievably underrated. It's from the 90s. It's a little bit older, but God, it's a good movie. It's so fucking masculine, man. All about testosterone and being a Viking warrior. He throws the sword to Antonio Banderas, and Antonio Banderas is like, I cannot lift this. And he's like, grow stronger. That's what the fuck I'm talking about right there. So today, boys, we're going to talk about one of the central tenets to attracting women.
As I've been discussing in January, I'm going kind of back to basics, teaching you guys the 10,000-foot perspective, talking about goal setting, talking about why you should never be insecure again, talking about the most important thing in seduction, frame control. And now we're going to talk about something called qualifying, being a challenge to women, getting women to chase you, basically being out of their grasp and not giving a shit what they think. Before I jump into the content, I want to read you guys an unsolicited email that I got from my client, Eric.
Eric, what is up, brother? As you know, man, I'm super goddamn proud of you. You challenge yourself on a week-to-week basis, and what's happening? You're getting the results. But I really like these unsolicited emails, these unsolicited testimonials, because they're legit. You know, they're completely genuine. I didn't ask him to say this. He just sent me this. And I think he's only in week six of the program, and here's what he had to say. I just wanted to let you know, the way I feel after our group meetings is incomparable.
I've never felt so happy, safe, and hopeful in my entire life, and I'm a little sad that I might never find something like this again, but I'm so grateful for having this. It's shown me a different world that I didn't even know existed. I've never felt emotionally supported and helped before, and I'm wondering what life will be like when these meetings end. I know I will miss them a lot. Well, Eric, brother, you have lifetime access to the brotherhood, so that feeling of community, accountability, and other dudes who are just like you trying to fire you up is yours for life.
And boys, if you want to come into my three-month coaching program, started with a free one-on-one breakthrough session with me to talk about how you can get into the brotherhood, start getting tons of women into your life, and yeah, get on those coaching calls where we're just a bunch of best friends chopping it up, really supporting each other, getting each other fired up, and for every guy, he's always like, man, those group coaching calls are my absolute favorite part of the three-month coaching program. Guys look forward to them on a week-to-week basis because it's that community.
We're communal by nature. We want accountability. We want brothers to fight shoulder-to-shoulder within the trenches, and to see that guys have problems just like we do, guys have struggles just like we do, and that's what my course is all about. So, Eric, really respect you, man. Thank you so much, and we will be friends for life, man. All guys who come into the program, I'm always friends with them for life. I've been to upwards of 12-plus weddings. I'm looking at a wall right now that has paintings on it of past clients who have painted me things and made things for me, and I hang them up on my wall.
My purpose is to help guys just like you attain their results with women, and it's the best thing ever, man. It's literally the best thing I've ever done. So, with that out of the way, guys, let's go ahead and talk about this thing called qualifying. So many times, guys chase women. So many times, guys give women all the power, and they think that women are the prize, and they think they have to work for women and earn their endearment, earn their respect, earn their sex. Have you ever thought about turning it around on women and making women work for you?
And for those of you who are listening who have tried this, let me ask you about the results of that strategy. I can guarantee you for all you guys who have tried this effectively, it's ridiculously fucking effective, isn't it? Girls get absolutely sprung when they meet that rare kind of guy that actually knows his worth and actually makes her work for him. Makes her work for him. So what we're going to do is we're going to break this out in the entire context of seducing a woman, and I'm going to tell you kind of where this comes in your quote-unquote seduction.
So to begin with, what we always do is we go up to women and we give them what I call value. So many times, guys come to me and they're like, look, I don't like to flirt with women. I don't like to hit on them. I feel like I'm being creepy going up to a woman and trying to get her phone number. And I say, no, no, no, man. Put that notion out of your mind. We're not going up to get her phone number. The context, the frame is that we're going up to see if she's interesting.
And I'll literally say that. I'll say that to girls. I'll say, hey, I saw you from over there. I wanted to come meet you and see if you were interesting. That sets the context that she's the one submitting the application and I'm coming over to see if she's interesting. So when it comes to flirting with girls, hating on girls, escalating sexually with girls, either physically or in conversation, we don't do it until they're attracted to us. So what we do initially is we go up with our opener, which of course I'm going to talk about more on this podcast.
We stack, which means build conversations that get her attracted. Then once she's attracted, we can do this thing called qualifying. Okay. So again, I really want you to get this rule in your head. Generally speaking, once she's attracted to you, you can get her to qualify herself to you, work for you and chase you. But until she's attracted, it's not advisable that you try this because most times they won't do it. For example, a very simple qualifying question that I'll ask girls all the time is what's good about you beyond your looks or my favorite one, what would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you?
Okay. So that question to a girl who is not attracted to you, she's not going to answer it issue. She's like, I'm not going to tell you that. And I've had girls tell me that before many times. Like, I don't know. They'll just say like, I don't know. There really is no good quality about me. And frankly, that's what I tell girls too, when they try to make me sell myself to them. I'm like, nothing. There's literally nothing good about me except for I've almost mastered night hearing where I can hear at night.
I'm like this close, not there yet, but this close. I'm so close. And I turn it into a joke. But if you can get anybody to sell themselves to you, if you can get somebody to work for you, they have to convince themselves that they like you more because of it. This is called cognitive dissonance. So for example, if you're driving along and you absolutely hate snakes, okay, you fucking hate snakes. You're terrified of them. You think they're the worst thing ever. And you see a snake in the middle of the road who's, I don't know, caught in a coffee can.
And you're like, oh man, I got to help this fucker. So you pull over, you get the snake out of the coffee can and you huck them into the woods and then you drive off feeling good about yourself. You're a goddamn hero. Smack yourself on the ass. The concussion goes around the world twice, ends up in Colorado, hits my girlfriend and the implants get knocked out of her fucking chest. Cause you're a legend, bro. You saved that snake, bro. Good job. All right. So you saved the snake.
Now what you have to do is convince yourself that you actually like snakes. Can you see how this works? Cognitive dissonance. Our actions create our attitudes, which means if a girl is working for you, putting in effort for you, including driving far to come see you, getting her makeup on to come see you, putting effort into you in whatever way she is getting more attracted to you. And this is why we always want to try to get women to work for us. If I had the choice between driving to a woman's city and her driving to my city, when we meet on the dating apps, I'm always going to try to get her to drive to my city.
Why? Because every minute she's on the road driving, her attraction for me is raising, even though she hasn't even met me yet. She has to convince herself, man, I'm putting a lot of effort into this. So obviously I must be really interested. And then her attraction goes up. Expanding this out and applying it to the first conversation. We go up, we open, we stack, we get her attracted. And what are some signs of attraction? I'm going to go through them really quickly. So you guys have these in your head.
Okay. Laughing at jokes that aren't funny, asking you personal questions, touching you, moving into your personal space, playing with her hair, licking her lips, touching her face, the general deer in the headlights look, which is essentially dilated pupils and, or letting you touch her and sticking around in the conversation when the conversation dies and asking you more questions. You guys aren't stupid. You know, I have a lot of guys tell me, I don't know what the signs are. You know, you'll know when you see him, just like you'll know when you absolutely decimated it in the bedroom.
If you have any question, like, did I do good or did I do bad? Listen, I'm sure you did fine, but when you do really good, you know. And that's why I always say, make her look like a screaming demon that just got hit with a tornado after an earthquake launched through the wall and projected out of a catapult and then lands into your bed. That's the way the chick looks. She's got a smile on her face. Her eyes are half closed. Her legs are still spread and there's vagina juice on your ceiling.
That's when you know you fucking crushed it. And if you guys want to crush it, leave me a review, email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com and I will send you guide to the female orgasm as well as a couple other programs. But for most of you, you'll have no doubt when a girl is attracted to you. When she's attracted, you flip the script and then you go into, okay, work for me, little girl mode, right? What's good about you beyond your looks? Are you loyal?
Yes. What's the most loyal thing you've ever done? If she jumps through your hoops, okay? If I say to a girl, are you loyal? Because loyalty is super important to me. If you're not loyal, we cannot be friends because I do not get along with disloyal people like myself. They're the worst. They're the worst. She's like, ha ha. Yeah, I'm totally loyal. Like super loyal. Or really, what's the coolest thing you've ever done for your best friend? If she jumps through your hoop, she's like, well, you know, one time I rescued my best friend.
She was stuck in the desert. She ran out of gas. I drove three hours to go find her, got her, brought her back, and it was like two in the morning. If she jumps through your hoop, you always reward it. You would be stupid to say, dude, that's fucking gay, man. You went and like rescued your friend in the desert. What idiot. Can't believe what idiot. You're such an idiot. Don't do that, boys. When she jumps through your hoop, you reward it and you're serious and you're genuine and you're honest and you're like, you know what?
That's pretty cool. I actually really respect that about you. Most people aren't that loyal. They'll just like stab their best friends in the back. And I know if I was in the G spot, it would be very difficult for me to get out of bed and go rescue my best friend in the desert. But truthfully, I'd probably do that too. And then what you say is jokingly, you know what, Kelly, you just went up 20 points in my book. You are now at negative 600. Congratulations. I say that all the time.
Anytime a girl like earns my respect, I'll seriously say, hey, that's cool. And then I'll jokingly say, you just went up 20 points in my book. You're now at negative 99. Congratulations. High five. And then she'll smack you in the arm because she's attracted and her attraction for you just went up. Okay. So these are qualifying questions. Are you loyal? Yes. What's the most loyal thing you've ever done? What would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you? Out of the top three things in your personality, what's like number one?
What's the best thing about you? What's good about you beyond your looks? Are you a hard worker? Are you honest? Do you lie? She says no. And you say, good. Cause I don't get along with liars like me. You can also jokingly say, Hey, listen, if we ever hung out, just want to let you know, just want to be upfront with you. Um, if this friendship continues, I go to jail probably like twice a week. So I'm going to need to be bailed out. You good with that?
Cool. Yeah, you are cool. And then you were like high five or assume that close. That's something funny. I always do. And just basically your standards. This is the time when you can literally ask her questions about your standards, but of course you have to be careful and you have to temper it with other type of material and don't have it be like an interview or an interrogation. Just a couple of questions, like literally two to three is all I need to qualify her in this.
By the way, boys, is the difference between getting a phone number where she actually texts you back and a phone number where she doesn't. I could go in and do value, value, value, value. She hardly says anything. She hardly has to work for me. I hardly allow her to present her personality to me. Do you think she's going to text me back? Probably not. Cause she thinks the only reason I want her is for her looks, her sex, and I'm not really interested in her as a person.
So oftentimes guys in my program will start getting numbers, but they don't get text backs. They need this little bit more of attraction building material and frankly, rapport building material and cognitive dissonance building material to get those texts back. So oftentimes like guys will start getting numbers when they never did before and they won't get texts back and they'll get all down on themselves. This actually happened to Eric, the dude who I read the testimonial from in the beginning of this episode. He like got all down on himself and I was like, brother, you've gotten this far through the attraction spectrum.
You're this close to getting texts back, but you just have to get a little bit more attraction and then boom, they'll start sticking. So it's a step on the trajectory of getting better with women. But this thing qualifying really gets them to stick because think about it. She thinks to herself, okay, he likes me for me. He knows that I'm loyal. He knows that, for example, I can cook and that's something I'll tell women all the time too. Do you know how to cook? And she says, yes.
And I'm like, oh, that's awesome. That's the weight of my heart right there. What can you cook? She's like, oh, lasagna with tiramisu. And I'm like, dude, you're amazing. You just went up five points in my book. You're now at negative 3,600,431. Congratulations, Ashley. And she smacks you on the arm. But as I was saying, when you get that much more attraction, she can justify to herself like, okay, I get why this guy wants me. I'm going to give him my number. And not only that, but I'm going to text him back.
So that's qualifying. And that's actually the fourth pillar of the four pillars of attraction that I teach in my program. I teach four pillars of attraction, which are frame control, value, sexual tension, and qualifying. Qualifying coming last because it kind of comes after things like value and sexual tension, although they're all kind of mixed up together, but definitely qualifying comes after she's attracted. So when it comes to this game, boys, listen to this really carefully. You don't even really ever have to get rejected because most times it depends.
Okay. But most times, if you want, you can go in kind of under the radar and try to get her attracted to you first before you even show interest. And that's what I do is I'm interested in getting to know her. I'm interested in learning more about her. And yeah, I'll even sometimes tell her, I want to know more about you and see if you're interesting because I thought you were really attractive. That communicates that being attractive is one check mark off of the box of 10 different check marks.
But then I say, I want to see if you're interesting. So as I'm talking to her, dropping value, making her laugh, many techniques that I've dropped in this podcast, many more to come, but all of them in my three-month coaching program. While using those, she's getting attracted. Once I get three signs of attraction, again, things like touching her hair, dilated pupils, licking her lips, asking me questions, laughing at jokes that aren't funny, touching me, personal space, not leaving when the conversation drops. When I get at least three of those, boom, I go in with the qualifying questions.
Once again, the one that I like the best is, what would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you? Or do you cook? She's going to say, yes, most girls do. And I'll say, what's the best thing you cook? Then if she asks me that same question, and I want to test you right now, what do you do? Okay, so you ask a girl, hey, so can you cook? She's like, yeah. And you're like, what can you cook? She says, lasagna and tiramisu. And you're like, oh my God, that's awesome.
You just went up 20 points in my book. You're now at negative 30. Congratulations. She's like, screw you. What about you? Can you cook? You'd be like, oh yeah, fucking world-class chef right here. I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And sometimes, Kelly, sometimes, about two-thirds of the time, I even toast the bread. What's up now? Or my freaking cereal game is on point. I can pour the cereal and the milk at the same time, Kelly, so that each flake gets the right proportion of milk over it.
I'm a goddamn culinary genius. Maybe one day you can experience my semi-famous spaghetti. Semi-famous, because it only comes out good half the time. Ha, ha, ha. Okay? If she jumps through your hoop and asks you the same question, you can answer her question in a joking way, like I just explained, and then answer it honestly. Okay? So going back to the peanut butter and jelly thing. Yeah, I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I even toast the bread. Watch out. No, actually, I'm an okay cook.
I make this thing called pop slop. It's basically ground turkey, gravy, and rice. It's essentially Viking gruel, but I like it a lot, so I'm decent at it. Okay? That's the way I would take that conversation. So if you look at everything I just did, that just gained a lot of attraction, right? Because I guarantee you, for some of you listening, some of the shit I said was kind of funny, right? You just went up five points in my book. You're now at negative 10. I can do night hearing.
I can make peanut butter and jelly, and watch out. I toast the bread. I actually make this thing called pop slop. It's essentially Viking gruel. So this is how the conversation gets substance into it. Can you see how much better this is than, what do you do? Where are you from? Oh, do you like weather? She's like, yeah, weather's great. You'll be like, yeah, it's awesome. That's like the conversation that most people have with girls. But what we're doing here is making it much more interesting, not only for you, but for her as well.
And what happens here? She begins to chase you. She begins to work for you because you're putting out hoops for her to jump through. Hoops to jump through, take effort. They take work. They take cognitive energy to be able to answer. And here comes that thing, cognitive dissonance, which is, well, I'm really fighting for this guy. I'm really selling myself to him. So I must really like him. After boys, she jumps through two, three are your hoops. This is what I always say. You know what, Kelly?
You seem pretty cool. I think we should catch up some other time. Do you agree with this brilliant conclusion? And she says, yeah, definitely. You're like, cool. Here, put your number on my phone. Okay. It's just that easy. And Eric, if you're listening, that's how you get the text. And you're going to get texts back literally any day now. It's just part of the process. And by the way, one thing I want to tell to all you guys, Eric was a little bit jealous of another guy in the coaching program.
Who's absolutely fucking crushing it. This guy's getting more ass than a toilet seat. What I want you guys to always remember is that never compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to yourself when you first started. Eric had no dates, no prospects. Couldn't pull a phone number if he was walking around with a clipboard for the publishing clearing house, $60 million free giveaway. And all you have to do is put down your phone number and you're entered into the drawing. Eric probably couldn't pull a number even if he had that clipboard.
Okay. So he's really come far, but what's happening is he's comparing himself to another dude. And I said, no, no, no, man, never compare yourself to other people because it's them against them. And it's you against you. And I learned this the hard way in Brazilian jujitsu. There's guys that come in there who have wrestling experience, who are a half my age, who understand grappling to a very deep level, just intrinsically. And when I compare myself to those dudes, I'm like, yo, I've been doing Brazilian jujitsu for almost four years now.
I'm still a white belt. I fucking suck at this. And here's this guy. He's been doing it for six months and he can tap me. Well, the problem is, is I'm comparing myself to that 22 year old collegiate D1 athlete who comes into Brazilian jujitsu with a very deep grappling background. And then me, a 44 soon to turn 45 year old grumpy old man expects to be better than him when I've only been doing it a few years and I'm old as fucking dirt. So you have to compare yourself to yourself.
Am I better than I was six months ago at BJJ? Yeah, I could kick my own ass for sure. That's what matters. So Eric, if you're listening, could you kick your own ass when you started this shit six weeks ago? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. I see the change in you. So never compare yourself to other people. And when it comes to this episode, boys, I really want you to consider this qualifying thing. This is how you get girls working for you. And this is how you get girls chasing you.
Girls are going to text you out of the blue. Girls are going to show up at your house. Girls are going to fight for you at the nightclubs when you make them work for you. Remember that cognitive dissonance. And this is something salesmen do. They make their prospects qualify to them. Why should I choose you as a client? Why should I let you into this program? Door-to-door salesmen who are really good, you know what one of the first things they do to prospects is? They ask them for a glass of water.
Hey, Ms. Anderson, I've been walking around all day. I'm really thirsty. Would you mind giving me a glass of water, please? Would that be too much to ask? She's like, oh no, sweetheart. Not at all. She goes and gets the water. What's happening? She's convincing herself that she likes the salesmen more than she actually does. And that's why they do it. And this, boys, is what they do at car dealerships. This is what they do when you're trying to buy a motorcycle. Anything you're trying to buy, look out for when they try to make you jump through hoops and make them jump through hoops.
You're the prize. And this goes back to my frame control episode. When you know that you're controlling the frame, your reality is number one. She's submitting the application. You don't give a shit what happens. Girls are going to chase you naturally. And then you throw in these qualifying questions. It's over, man. It's absolutely over. And then you put some spiciness on top of it with the, you just went up 20 points in my book. You're now at negative 6,300,000. With a smile, boys. With a smile. This is going to make her so ridiculously attracted to you.
She's going to chase you because you're immediately from the get-go putting her into a chase mentality. And that's what we want. When a woman fights for you, this is where she falls in love. This is where she goes crazy. And by the way, it's the same with guys. When a woman is very hard to get, and all of us have been there, just remember back to that moment when you had a girl who was like on the fence about you, not really wanted to go out, kind of pushing you away, making you work for her, making you chase her.
You just wanted her more and more and more. And this is used in human psychology in sales. When they put up, for example, a house on the market, the first thing they say is, oh, there's like five other people applying for this. Why? Because when you think there's other people that want it, it's scarce. And when it's scarce and hard to get, you chase after it and you want it even more. If you get a girl who basically jumps in the air and slides onto your dick without having to work for her, you're like, what's the deal with this girl?
Is she on meth and she's just trying to get some money out of me? Why is she doing that? I saw a video the other day of this like super hot girl on the side of the highway who was pulled over off the side of the road and her like trunk was open. She was pretty hot, man. She had a pretty banging body, pretty banging face. And the guy pulls over. He's like, hey, miss, are you okay? She said, hey, do you have any meth? I'll suck your dick for 20 bucks for some meth.
And he's like, hell no. And he like gets out of there, right? As most of us would do. But look at the difference there. She was pretty hot. And under other circumstances, say she's at a nightclub dressed up, she would be the prize. But because she's throwing herself so hard onto guys because she's a meth addict and she's trying to suck your dick for 20 bucks, you're like, get the fuck out of there. This is too easy. There must be something wrong with it. Now, in that context, there certainly is something wrong with it.
She's addicted to drugs, which is really sad. And I don't want to downplay it. But you see what's happening here. The more scarce you are, the more women think that other women want you, the more you make women work for you by qualifying themselves to you, the more attraction is going to ramp up. And Eric, the higher likelihood she is of texting you back. So boys, this is what you do once you see that she's attracted. And remember those simple questions. What would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you?
Are you loyal? Yes. What's the most loyal thing you've ever done? And or the way to my heart is through cooking. Do you know how to cook? OK, and only ask these when she's attracted. Very important. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening to this episode. If you want to get on that one on one free breakthrough session with me, what we're going to do is basically hop on a Zoom call and we're going to talk about your issues, your goals with women. And I'm going to give you a no BS assessment of how long I think it will take you to get there, either with my help in the three month coaching program or just by yourself.
And a lot of guys don't sign up because they're afraid. They don't think they're confident enough. They think I'm going to reject them because they have too many problems, too many issues. That's not true whatsoever. I meet with guys on a day to day basis who are probably less confident than you, less skillful than you are when it comes to women. They get into the program and they get the results that they want with girls. So the only thing I have to ask you is what's holding you back?
Hey, maybe you don't trust me and that's cool, but one thing I'd highly advise is get somebody to coach you. If it's not me, go check out Tripp Kramer. He has the How to Talk to Girls podcast. I absolutely love that guy. I want to help him out. Go check out his shit. Marnie has some programs. She does the Ask Women podcast. There's all kinds of great coaches out there, but always get coaching. People who get coaching are always the most successful in life. I constantly hire coaches for everything that I do.
I actually just hired, check this out. I'm so pumped. I actually just hired a drifting coach, car drifting. I'm going to rent his car. He's going to take me to the track. He's going to teach me how to do it. I have a reservation set for April and that was one of my goals, by the way, to learn how to drift. And this guy just came out of nowhere through connections. I found him and I was like, what dude, I can fucking, I can pay you to train me.
He's like, hell yeah, we're going to use my car. It's a Mustang. It's completely set up for drifting. We're going to go to the track. It's only 650 bucks for the entire day. I don't know. A lot of you guys think that's like a ton of money, but to me, that sounds like a great deal to use somebody else's car for the entire day. And he's going to let me go through different sets of tires and he's going to teach me how to drift. I'm super pumped on that.
And that's what I do. I hire coaches to become the best. You hire the best. Why wouldn't you do that? Frankly, I feel I'm the best in this realm, teaching guys how to attract women and become insanely confident in themselves and be able to deploy things like qualifying, which we talked about today. Obviously, clients like Eric agree, as well as the myriad of testimonials I have on my website. But if you don't trust me or you feel I'm probably going to be too expensive for you, that's OK.
I still think you should apply and see. But if you feel that way, go hire somebody. Please just hire somebody. They will help get you to the top because they know the shortcuts. They know the shortcuts. So once again, boys, I do appreciate you listening. Stay tuned for my next podcast that is going to drop on Monday. And until then, I will see you in the next episode.
This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.
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