How to Shape a Woman's Behavior With Preemptive Compliments & Negative Reinforcement

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, you champions? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Uniform Mike Papa, The Unapologetic Man Podcast. I really do appreciate it, and today we are going to talk about preemptive compliments and negative reinforcement to shape a woman's behavior. Now, immediately, as you guys know, I always say this, somebody out there is hyperextending their butthole because they're pissed because I said that we're going to shape woman's behavior, right?

0:42 I almost said in the title, how to shape a woman's behavior like dog training, but dude, I didn't want to deal with the influx of hate emails and death threats that I would get if I put that. So, instead, I put preemptive compliments as well as negative reinforcement, and I'll tell you what, this can work on men, it can work on children, it's simple psychology, boys, but it's a really good way to shape a woman's behavior, at the very least, reward those things that you want her to do so that she keeps doing it.

1:12 And for any females listening, you just do the same thing to do. This is human psychology, this is human behavior 101. I have a degree in psychology, I don't often talk about it, but I have a bachelor's in science, BS, because that's exactly what it is, in psychology. I went to UC Santa Cruz and I got that, and the only thing I remember from my college education was my social security number because we had to use that in order to get into the dining hall. So, you rifle off your social security number and then you get in the dining hall, that's about all I remember.

1:42 Me and Marissa always have arguments about this because she wants to save for our daughter's college education, and I'm like, fuck that, dude. Let's save for her future, but let her be an entrepreneur because college, I don't know, dude. A lot of times I think it's a bunch of bullshit, it's a waste of time. However, if it wasn't for college, I probably wouldn't be the good communicator I am. I definitely wouldn't have been able to get in Japan. A lot of you guys know I lived in Japan for four years where I taught English, I did wedding ceremonies.

2:08 So, there were things that were an advantage of going to college, which Marissa always argues with me, but the only thing I learned is my social security number and this, okay, preemptive compliments and rewarding and punishing behavior. Before we jump into the content, gentlemen, you know I don't advertise on this podcast, and I often get people hitting me up asking for me to advertise pretty much every day, and they're starting to offer me a lot of money. But I don't want to inundate you guys with that stuff because I personally hate it when other podcasts do that to me, so just let me flex up a little bit.

2:39 I'm going to read a review from my three-month coaching program, and then we're going to get right into the content, which is good, by the way, so stay tuned until the end. This is from my boy, O. I'm not going to say his name because it's very, very unique, and I don't want him to get upset because I used his real name, so we'll just call him O. I started Mark's three-month coaching program at the lowest point in my life, just got out of a relationship that ended because my girlfriend cheated on me multiple times.

3:02 My self-esteem was completely shattered. I started doing Mark's program, and with the NLP, I found my masculinity again, and I've been outcome independent. My first priority in life is my own growth. Mark's coaching program has given my self-esteem back, and it's funny to realize that everything he teaches is true and works very well on the other side of the world. Very complex and invisible things are translated into simple concepts, and there were more answers than I found in his program than 10 years working with a psychiatrist, as sad as that is.

3:33 Mark Singh is a legend and the highest priest of the game. If you're interested to succeed not only with women but in life generally, I strongly recommend you to his coaching program. O isn't a native English speaker, by the way, and he says, Thank you, Uncle Mark, with your help. I've found my way back to my path. I also want to say hi to Marissa and Lucia. Wish you all the best. I do appreciate that, O, and for the rest of you gentlemen, we are open to you.

3:57 I have a three-month coaching program. I don't sell information. I sell a transformation. There is a high level of accountability where we go with you step by step through the process to make sure that not only are you getting success with learning all the tactics, doing the NLP, the brain reprogramming, but I want girls in your bed, and I'm going to hold you accountable until we get girls in your bed. What's the point of paying a coach unless you're held accountable to actual results? There's tons of information out there.

4:23 What I offer is a transformation. If you're interested, click the link in the description below. Sign up. We're going to get on a call with you and my team, and we're going to talk about if we can at least 10X your results with women. Yes, immediately. I want you getting girls ASAP, and if you're not, it's going to seriously piss in my river. It's going to launch a 50-foot rope of diarrhea into my morning coffee, so I'm going to hold you accountable because my guys not getting results pisses me off, and my guys do get results because of that.

4:50 Being held accountable is so damn important, and it works so damn well, and that's why it's a huge part of my coaching program. So, gentlemen, today we are going to talk about preemptive compliments and how dealing with women is like dog training, although I'd never say that in the title because I have enough haters as it is. So, what is a preemptive compliment? Okay, you remember in the Iraqi war, they had a preemptive strike where we went in on them before the weapons of mass destruction could kill us all, and then they never found them, and nobody questioned why, and $2 trillion was lost, and all this bullshit happened.

5:24 But whatever, we have problems now. Who cares about the past? Preemptive means doing something before they can do it to you. So, if you're dating a woman, and you feel like certain behaviors aren't going to continue, certain behaviors that you like, such as, she shows up on time. Okay, you just have a feeling that this girl is often late, right? You look at her Facebook. She's taking selfies in her room, and her room looks like a goddamn hovel, a pigsty. You look in her car, and there's freaking cheese stuck to the ceiling because she didn't like it off her Whopper.

5:56 She's like, I don't want this cheese, and she just tried to chuck it, and it's stuck to the top of the ceiling. There's french fries in between her seat. She basically is a dumpster fire, a train wreck on wheels, Hurricane Ashley. All right, and you're like, dude, I just kind of get the feeling that this chick isn't going to come on time. So, what you do is two things. First of all, if she does come on time, you compliment it, and brother, you compliment it quickly.

6:20 One of the things I learned in college, oh, I actually did learn something, is when you're rewarding and or punishing behavior, you want to do it quickly. So, the moment she comes on time, you reward it. You say, awesome, you're on time. I love it when people are on time. I lived in Japan for four years myself, and the freaking trains arrive to the minute, and I really inherited that. My girlfriend, Marissa, she's always late because she's an optimist. She's always late, and it kind of pisses in my river.

6:47 I'm always on time, if not 10 minutes early. So, when a girl comes on time, I immediately reward that. Now, in Marissa's case, when I first started dating her, I did this. I said, hey, I like how you're on time. I like how you're a woman of your word. It was a preemptive compliment to hopefully shape that behavior moving forward. Now, in the case of Marissa, it didn't actually work because she's still late most times. But in the beginning when you're dating a woman, you really want to reward those things that you want to keep happening.

7:16 In addition to this, you want to tell people how they are, and they will behave that way. If I said to you that you're responsible, you're willing to invest in yourself, and I really like that about you, you're going to be responsible. You're going to invest in yourself. So, in order for me to hold you to my high standards, I need to list out to you my high standards. Okay, if a coaching client comes into my coaching program, and he's like, Mark, what I like about you is that I have unlimited access to you.

7:45 I like how I can talk to you. I can be friends with you. I love that that's part of your program. What am I going to do as a coach? I'm going to be extra there for them because that's what they expect of me, and that's what we want to do to women. You list out your expectations by telling them that they're that way already. So, this is true for raising a child as well, and you guys probably all know this. You tell the kid what they are, and then they will be that.

8:10 One of the worst things you can ever do to a child is have him wear a t-shirt that says, Here comes trouble. My friend's son has a t-shirt that said that, and I pulled his dad aside, and I'm like, Bro, you got to throw that t-shirt away because you are shaping his behavior. If he has a t-shirt on that says, Here comes trouble, and all the adults laugh at it, and he knows what it means, he's going to be trouble. You're just cultivating that behavior. So, people act as you expect them to act, and they also act as you compliment them to act.

8:39 So, as you're dating a girl, anything that you fear, you should compliment the opposite, right? If you just feel like she's not very trustworthy, tell her she's trustworthy. If you feel she's not that great, if you feel she's a liar, say how you love how she tells the truth. And another thing you can do is say how her friends says that she tells the truth. Even though it's not true, and you're kind of lying in order to shape trustworthy behavior from her, it does work, and it works really well because, again, you act as people expect you to act.

9:10 It's almost like your third-grade teacher who said that you're a great student. You always deliver your homework on time. You're going to deliver your homework on time because, in a very, very important way, we don't want to let people down. We don't want to shatter people's preconceived positive notions of us. And that's really important. I want to say it again. We don't want to shatter people's preconceived positive notions of us, which means if you feel a certain way about me, I'm going to deliver. Okay, I get love all the time from guys on my podcast.

9:38 I'm delivering two a week, dude, and I'll never fucking miss it. Like, me missing a podcast, I'll have to die or be severely injured in order for me to miss it. And even then, I have podcasts in the bucket that I have in reserve just in case that happens because I want to own up to what you guys think about me. I want to own up to creating good content for you. So I really think about this stuff and study it and write it down. I want to own up to dropping two podcasts a week on Monday and Thursdays.

10:06 I want to own up to the promise that I made you guys that I'm going to post on Instagram five times a week, which I'm doing, and I'd really appreciate it if you guys went and followed me on Instagram. It's at Coach Mark Singh. Dude, the thing is moving slower than pond water. I have like 3,500 followers, and compared to this podcast, it's fucking ridiculous. It's like, do any of you guys have Instagram? If you do, please goddamn follow me because it's straight up embarrassing to have 3,500 followers on Instagram as big as my podcast is.

10:34 Come on, help a brother out. Oftentimes, you guys are like, how can I help you, bro? You've done so much for me. Follow me on Instagram, you idiot. That's the only thing I'm asking of you. Follow me on Instagram and YouTube. Sign up for my coaching program. Leave me a review. Tell everybody about me. Get my name tattooed on your neck. That's the only thing I'm asking. Not a lot. All right? So help a brother out. So if you have an expectation of me, I'm going to behave as you want me to behave.

10:58 It's the same thing with the woman. So list your expectations, but do them in a preemptive compliment and or tell her that's how she is already. If, on the other hand, you say, I wish you were this way, what's going to happen then? She's going to resist you, and she's going to be more of what you don't want. So if you're like, Marissa, I wish you'd come on time more, she's going to be like, well, fuck you. I'm not going to come on time anymore. I remember I lived with my grandma for six months, and it was so funny because it's a really funny story.

11:26 She didn't have peripheral vision. So imagine that when you're looking out your eyes, you have two toilet paper roll, those cardboard things over your eyes, almost like night vision goggles, right? All you can see is directly in front of you. That's how her sight was. And I was seriously gaming girls. I would sneak girls into her house because I was living with her at the time. I had to save money. We would walk right by her, and she wouldn't even see us. It was like Rambo.

11:52 You ever see that Rambo movie when homeboy's sneaking through the camp and nobody sees him somehow? That's the way it was when I would sneak chicks into her house. Well, anyway, when I first moved, she really wanted to spend a lot of time with me. So I'd put in like six hours a day. I was really trying to put in a lot of time. Then one day I put in like five hours, and she's like, you're not spending enough time with me. I'm really disappointed in you.

12:13 You're not doing a good enough job. And so what did I do? I stopped spending time with her. I was like, fuck it. If I can't satisfy you with how much I'm spending time with you now, then no matter what I do, it's not going to be good enough. So screw it. I'm not going to even try anymore. What she should have done is she should have been like, hey, listen, I really appreciate how much time you're spending with me. It's been so beautiful. I feel like I'm really getting to know you, and I just appreciate it so much.

12:36 Thank you, Mark. I love you. I would have been like, grandma, I'm putting it eight hours tomorrow. Because again, you behave how people compliment you to behave, and you behave how people expect you to behave. So what I want you guys to do is list out to her those things that you want her to do and say that's how she is. In addition to that, compliment things and catch her doing things right, which is my next point. The second you see her doing something right, compliment it, right?

13:04 She makes you a piece of toast, okay? Like hardly any effort, and you want her to cook for you. Then say to her, I love how you cook for me. I love how you take care of me. You make food. I think that's so sexy. The weight of my heart is through cooking. So the fact that you just did that for me is awesome. Okay, now she's going to be like, okay, I know what this guy likes, and then she's probably going to cook for you.

13:24 Then what do you do when she cooks for you? Do you push the plate away? And you're like, the chicken? It's just a little stringy, okay? Take it back. Take it back to the kitchen. Let's get something else. No, you reward it, even if it sucks. I've had many girls cook for me, and sometimes it really sucks, but you just act like it's the bomb because you want it to continue. All right, guys, now we're going to get into punishing bad behavior. Based on what you know, based on what I've taught you thus far, how do you think you punish bad behavior?

13:52 That's right. When she does shit you don't like, you pull away. You take away attention. You take away positive reinforcement. You punish it. Now, instead of punishing it in a negative way where you're like, dude, why'd you do that and being negative towards her? Instead, what I want you guys to get is apathetic, apathy, pulling away, not being as communicative, for example, when she doesn't text you the way you wish she would. So she's really boring over text, right? Which is so common with chicks. LOL, ha ha ha, I don't know, all that kind of bullshit.

14:25 You pull back. So you're basically punishing the bad behavior, showing her that when she behaves this way, you lose attraction. Okay? When she's late, which I really hate, as you can obviously tell, I talk about it a lot. When she's late, I pull her aside and I ask her, is that how you are? Because I thought you were a girl of your word. Like, I thought you showed up on time. And girls, if you're listening, dude, do that to a dude. Be like, hey, it's really attractive to me when a guy is on time because that shows his integrity.

14:54 That shows that he's responsible. So that's not how you are, are you? You just happen to show up once, right? That's the way you do it. And he's going to be like, oh yeah, I just showed up late once. And then he's going to come on time every time thereafter because you're essentially punishing. You're saying, it's unattractive to me when you behave that way. And I've done that a few times where I've straight said that. It's unattractive to me when you behave that way. And then I always follow up with that.

15:21 Like, hey, do it. You be you. But I'm just letting you know how I work. When you behave that way, I don't really like it. Okay? So for example, I hate negativity. Absolutely despise it, especially when a chick complains. So what I'll do is I'll call it out. But I'll do it not in a way that punishes her, but shows in a way that I lose attraction and I almost lose respect for her when she does that. So at first, I'll be curious. I'll be like, so is that how you usually are?

15:47 Are you usually kind of negative like this? Because I notice, and I don't want you to get upset with this, but I notice you've kind of been complaining, you know, for the past 20 minutes that we've been having dinner. That's not how you are, are you? I mean, I know you from Facebook. I've seen you in the nightclubs and you seem really positive. This is just a fluke thing, right? Okay, when you say that, not only are you punishing her behavior, but you're giving her an out.

16:10 You're giving her an out to say, oh yeah, this isn't usually me. I usually behave this way, the way that you want her to behave. And then what's going to happen? Not only have you set expectations, but cognitive dissonance. And I know it's getting a little complicated for some of y'all, but listen closely. When I tell you that I'm a certain way, I'm going to behave that way because of a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance. And yes, now I think back, I learned that in college too.

16:36 We have three things I learned in college. Cognitive dissonance is I'm going to behave the way you expect me to behave, or I'm going to change my attitude about something based on my actions. So if I save a snake from the middle of the road, and before I did that, I hated snakes, I will start to love snakes because I saved the snake. My actions create my beliefs and create my attitudes. So if you say to her, you're not that way, are you? I thought you were different.

17:03 She's like, oh, I'm not that way. Her saying that is going to make her behave in that way moving forward, the positive way. So anything that a woman does, you need to address it and say, oh, I thought you were different. But you have to be obviously persuasive, right? You got to have that silver tongue, be a lawyer, be a politician, talk your way through it. It's verbal jujitsu, or as sometimes we call it, tongue-fu. Ah, you get it? Tongue-fu. Okay, use that tongue-fu on her.

17:30 When she's doing some shit you don't like, be like, oh, I thought you weren't like that. This is just a one-time thing, right? Because of, and then give her an excuse. Because you had a bad day, because you're feeling especially emotional, because whatever. Give the excuse, give the out. She's going to take the excuse, agree with you, and then her behavior will be shaped from that point forward. So not only do people act as you expect them to act, they also act as you compliment them to act, and they're going to stop behavior that you say is unattractive to you, makes you pull back, makes you not give as much attention, and or say to them that you thought they were different, and then give them an out.

18:10 Works really goddamn well. So in the first two weeks, boys, and I really want you to hear this, your dynamic with her is shaped, okay? You guys are going to establish the dynamic of the relationship. Can she get away with XYZ? Can you get away with XYZ? If she's late, are you going to reward it? Are you going to punish it? If she's flirting with other dudes, going out, being kind of slutty in your opinion, how are you going to deal with that? Okay, let's take that example.

18:35 She's going out all the time. You see pictures on our Instagram of her with other dudes. You don't really know how to handle it. You don't want to be peanut butter and jealous because that makes you look bad. But you just say to her, like, hey, you know, I notice you go out a lot. I notice there's lots of dudes on your profile. I mean, there's a lot of girls on my profile too, so it's not a big deal. But I was kind of under the impression that you were over that phase.

18:57 I mean, am I right? Or is it just kind of a fluke thing? You're having a hard time. You're just kind of doing a couple more laps around the track as a reminisce. Is that what's going on? Now, obviously, she may feel that she wants to keep doing that. And I'll tell you, it does happen a lot. I've lost and or gotten rid of many girls because they can't get over the club scene stuff, which is part of it. And you just have to accept that.

19:19 But many times when you say that, especially if she really likes you, that is the way to curtail that negative behavior of her kind of hamming it up all over the city. Some of you guys are cool with it. Honestly, I've been cool with it because I was doing the same thing, right? Like, you want to go talk to dudes and honestly probably sleep with dudes? That's fine because I'm sleeping with girls over here. But if I'm trying to get serious with the chick and she's still in that phase, I may try what I just said.

19:43 But at the same time, I may say to myself, look, she's still in the phase. You can't control people if they don't want to be controlled. So the chances are she's going to stick in that. But this method is really good for changing small kind of behaviors. Coming late, not cooking for you, lying to you, being super negative, things like that. So that's my advice on that, boys. It's called preemptive compliments and or rewarding and punishing behavior. It's really effective. And I strongly suggest you guys deploy it, not only with the girls you're dating now, but keep this in mind for the future for when you're raising kids.

20:17 I mean, when you're raising a child, this is really important. You always want to be supportive and love the child. But at the same time, you need to guide them in the way that's in their best interest. It's a very, very difficult balance to manage, as I'm finding personally. I have a four-year-old, but I feel like I'm getting it with a lot of these types of techniques. I love you, but I'm letting you know that if you keep doing that, it's not going to work out well for you.

20:40 So I'm going to punish it and or false reward it in a very intelligent way so that you behave in a way that's conducive to your success, to your health, to you becoming the best person you can be. And that's what we do with women, too. And women listening, that's what you do with guys, too. Okay, so no butthurt emails. God damn it. I'm sick of getting them. So, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays, so please stay tuned for the next one.

21:04 And I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.