How to Stop Being So Nervous Around Women (Kill Your Approach Anxiety)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Welcome to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me. If you've been listening for a long time, smack yourself on the ass. You are a goddamn champion. If this is your first time listening, welcome. What I try to do is give the best information in the most succinct way possible. And today, I'm going to get into that brain of yours and kind of talk to you about how you're so afraid of girls.

0:37 Oh my God, it's a girl. Run, bro. Run away. Dig out, dude. She's going to kill me. She's going to destroy my self-confidence and make me into a trembling little ball of fear who can't even look at a girl, let alone go talk to one, which by the way, I was that guy. And now when I look at a girl, it's like, whatever, bro. She shits just like I do. She farts. She burps. She gets that white stuff in the corners of her mouth, just like everybody else.

1:05 She is not a goddess. She is a human being. So we're going to reframe a little bit your absolute terror of women. Talk about the psychological reason for it. Talk about how we can get you over it and talk about some strategies to deploy when you're out in the field. So you don't take this shit so fucking seriously, man. You guys are like so intense with this stuff, man. You're just a trembling ball of fear. And you think if she rejects you, it is absolutely going to ruin your life.

1:32 And that's what we're going to start as our first point is you are basing way too much importance on her validation of you. As I've talked about in previous episodes, the need for somebody to validate us comes from the feminine energy. And just because it's feminine energy, I want to say a little caveat here. It's not a bad thing. I'm not saying it's lesser than masculine energy, but I'm saying you are a man. So you need to predominantly come from your masculine energy. Women need to predominantly come from their feminine energy.

2:02 Nobody will convince me otherwise. We are tuned like motorcycle carburetors to operate certain ways. If you're a dude, you have two balls and a penis, you are 80% masculine. Unless of course you got some, you know, tranny stuff going on. We're not going to get into that. If you're a woman and you have a vagina, you are tuned to be 80% feminine, 75%, 80% feminine. So with that being said, when you are looking for the validation of women, that means that you're afraid to talk to them. Why are you afraid to talk to them?

2:38 Because you might get rejected. If you're rejected, you are relying on their final conclusion about you, which by the way, is not even a conclusion at all because they don't know you, but you are basing your feelings on her opinion of you. You are basing your feelings about yourself on her reaction to you. What does that say? It says that you don't even take your own opinion that seriously, that you're so afraid to get rejected because if you do, it means you're not attractive. It means you're a bad guy.

3:05 It means that your mom was right. You shouldn't inconvenience people. Sex is wrong. Your sexuality is shameful. Shame on you. I caught you masturbating. I saw those Playboy magazines underneath your bed. Shame on you, Brian. Shame on you, Kevin. How dare you, Mike? How dare you? It's like, fuck that, dude. That's your mom's bullshit. That's her wiring, probably given to her by some overzealous religious belief, wherever it came from. It's bullshit. So you have shame about your sexuality. You want women to validate you. So you're terrified to approach them.

3:40 You are basing way too much importance on what a woman does or says when it comes to you. She doesn't know you. She doesn't know about all your accomplishments, your awesome personality, how fun you can be, how funny you are, what a great dude you are, a good heart that you have beaten in your chest. She doesn't know any of that. She rejected your approach. She didn't reject you. So when we are afraid of what women do to us, that means we are in our feminine energy.

4:02 We are externally validated, externally meaning outside ourselves, not internally motivated or validated, meaning our validation comes from within. And then we get afraid to approach her. We take it way too seriously. We have this massive anxiety. And you guys all know, we've all been there. Let me explain the situation. You see a super hot girl and you're like, oh my hell, that girl is so my type. What do I say? I don't know what to say. And then you start making excuses. Oh, her ass is too big.

4:34 She probably has a boyfriend. She's too good for me. I don't want to disturb her. Don't disturb people, little Kenny. Don't you do it. It's really rude. Don't try to sell them anything. So I shouldn't disturb her. And then she walks out of your life forever. And for the rest of the day, you're like, fuck, that chick was so hot. I wish I knew what I could have said to her. I wish I just had the balls to go up and talk to her. Well, here's how to get the balls.

4:59 Okay. It's twofold. First of all, reprogram your brain. You guys know all about that. If you listen to my podcast for any amount of time, I do NLP, which is neurolinguistic programming. I basically reprogram your brain so that you don't have that approach anxiety. You don't have this need for her to validate you. You are self-validated. So you don't give a fuck what she says. You don't care what happens. And you take it a whole lot less seriously. On that less seriously note, the second step is to get experience and realize it's not a big deal at all.

5:33 It's so not a big deal that approaching a girl is the same level of big dealness as you going through the cashier today when you were at the grocery store, Starbucks, 7-Eleven, wherever you were. And the cashier says the same shit. How are you doing today? Good. How are you? Oh, I'm doing good too. She will not remember you. And that's the same level of importance when you approach a girl. When I see a hot girl, I literally think, who gives a shit? And secondly, if she rejects me, she's an idiot.

6:03 She's a total moron because she missed a great conversation with an amazing guy. I don't blame it on me. I blame it on her filters. I blame it on her perception. I blame it on her ability to judge and to see an attractive man in front of her when one comes. It doesn't mean I'm unattractive. Why do I know I'm attractive? Because I say I am. I'm internally validated. And because I say I am, girls go along with it. Check that out. Masculinity leads, doesn't it?

6:35 So your opinion of yourself leads women's opinion of you. That means that if you accept yourself, if you feel attractive, if you feel like a 10 and you feel like a champion, women are going to think the same thing. It's literally how it works. And that starts on the level of mind. The biggest battle you'll ever fight is the one between your two ears. And the way to start this battle is again, to reprogram your brain. The second step is to get out there and get experience.

7:00 Part of the reason I have my guys open 20 girls per week in my coaching program, which over the three months that the program is amounts to 240 girls. And so you proved your subconscious mind. People are cool. Chicks are almost always nice to you when you're nice to them. Strangers are friends I haven't met yet. When I put out good energy and improve somebody's state, I'm actually making them feel better. And that's charisma. So it's my job to go open people, to go spread the love, to spread that energy that I have inside of me.

7:36 I'm going to go give it to her as a gift, just like you give money to a homeless person, or just like you give a smile or a compliment to somebody, right? If I compliment you, I'm like, bro, you know what? I really admire you, man. You listen to podcasts, you're working on yourself, you're taking the self-improvement seriously, bro. You have my stamp of approval. Smack yourself on the ass. You are a goddamn champion. That feels good, right? When I tell that to you, it doesn't necessarily have to feel amazing specifically when you're self-validated, but it feels good.

8:07 It's the same thing. When you go approach a girl, you are giving her something. You're being a go giver, go give her good energy, give her a nice compliment. I was literally just a sprouts, this grocery store. This girl had the cutest little outfit on. I went up to her and I was like, hey, listen, I have to let you know that outfit you're wearing is so cute. And she's like, oh my God, thank you so much. I left her smiling and I could see the pop in her giddy up when she left the store.

8:31 She was super stoked. So what's the big deal? I just made her day better. Am I going to feel bad about that? If I start talking to her and she says, sorry, I have a boyfriend, or even she says, sorry, your nose is too big. I'm not attracted to you. Do you think I'm going to take that personally? No, in my head, I'm like, you're an idiot. If you don't see the value of Mark Singh. And this is the way you guys have to think about yourself.

8:49 Okay. So that's the first step to stop taking this shit so seriously. Second step. Okay. Is what I said a little bit in the beginning of this episode, which is women are just humans, bro. You know, that big, massive dump you took where you threw your leg up on the shower and you just launched one. Or for some of you, it was more like laying cable and it took 15 minutes just to get that bastard out of you. Women do the same thing. I have experienced many women, bro.

9:14 Some of the times walking in the bathroom after they've been there and there, holy shit, dude, these chicks can lay some cable, my bro. Don't get it through your head that just because you see some ultra fine girl on Instagram or Pornhub or wherever the hell you're going, that she's angelic. She doesn't shit. She doesn't fart. She doesn't puke. She doesn't get, like I mentioned in the beginning of this podcast, that stuff in the corner of her mouth that she isn't on occasion a fucking sea donkey.

9:45 And furthermore, that on occasion she doesn't laugh like a freaking canyon mule or fart while she sleeps or knuckle dunk herself and masturbate and get all into it and look like a total retard. And when she's coming, she gets that retarded look on her face where her left eye is half closed and her right eye is like pointing up at the ceiling and she's she's snarling her teeth. She's like, ah, right? That's a person. That's a human being. This woman is. And I know when they're super hot, they look perfect.

10:10 They look perfect. But you need to get that out of your fucking head. And even if it means watching her slapping a biscuit the first time you look at her and saying, oh my God, this girl could probably take dumps that are the size of my head because I just saw her smashing some Taco Bell. And God knows Taco Bell is so efficient at creating those biscuits. They might as well just pump it straight into your toilet. You know that this girl is going to take a big dump later.

10:37 You know that her underwear stinks. She gets BO. You know that sometimes she gets a hangnail or like fungus in certain areas. Sometimes these chicks get yeast infections. These chicks can let such nasty farts. It'll clear a room. Yes. Even that girl you're idolizing. The girl who you just masturbated to on Pornhub. That's a human being, bro. So stop giving them so much credit. Why do you guys give them so much credit? I see this all the time. I get contacted by dudes and they're like, I just can't go approach girls, man.

11:09 They're just so scary. Why are they scary? They're just a human. They put on their fucking pants one leg at a time like we do. They make mistakes. They learn to walk just like we did. They were babies just like we were. They get stuff in their teeth. They get bad breath. They have issues. They're not all perfect. So when we give them so much credit just based on their appearance, we're really doing a disservice against ourselves. And actually, we're doing a disservice against them because we're depriving them of the opportunity to meet us.

11:33 When you guys listen to podcasts like this one and even better, you champions who invest in yourself by joining a coaching program like my coaching program, bro, you are the kind of guy that women dream of being with because the most attractive thing a man can do is try to improve himself, to try to become the best version of himself. That is so insanely attractive. It shows ambition. It shows the drive to succeed. You listening this far into this podcast, right there makes you attractive. Right there makes you better than probably 95% of other guys.

12:09 And yet you're afraid of her rejecting you or afraid of not being good enough. You're good enough by the virtue that you're trying to improve yourself. And again, stop giving her so much credit. She shits. She throws up. She farts in her sleep. She does all those nasty things. And furthermore, she has to have a great personality. She has to be educated. She has to have good humor. She has to know how to text. She has to have a good heart. Is she going to be a good mother to your child?

12:37 Is she fun to have sex with? Like you guys, you idolize these chicks so much. Believe me, I've been with many hot girls. Most of them don't even know how to have sex right. They just lay there like a dead body or they're freaking like spazes, like bunnies going at it and they scream weird and they, oh dude, like when they fucking pull your hair out or like scratch your back. There's so many things that a woman can do wrong that you making her win the battle right off the gate just because she's hot is stupid.

13:06 Do you see how that's stupid? You need to have standards in place. When you have those standards in place, the vibe that you bring to her when you first approach her is correct. That vibe is, hey, you're cute. I wanted to come meet you. I wanted to see if you were interesting. That's the vibe you have. What do you got? Who are you? What kind of attributes do you have? Are you good enough for me? Now you never say this and a lot of you guys misinterpret what I say, but you communicate it through your body language.

13:33 So no longer are you so fearful. You know that she was just a baby like you were, who needed her mom to raise her, who made tons of mistakes just like you did, who, and listen carefully, you fuckers, has insecurities, has insecurities just like you do. I have been with goddesses like, oh my hell, dude. This girl literally looks like she came down from heaven and within a couple of weeks, she's like, yeah, you know, my teeth, oh, my butt isn't right. And I'm getting fat right here.

14:02 Please don't look at me when I'm in my underwear. I'm like, what the fuck, dude? You're like a goddamn Victoria's Secret model. Like, what the hell is going on in these chicks' heads? People who don't work on themselves are all insecure. You think that dude at the gym who's 6'2 and jacked, you think he has no insecurities? You are absolutely incorrect. You would be amazed at the dudes who hire me. Some of these guys are millionaires, fucking ripped. I had an army ranger captain hire me recently, and they have insecurities too.

14:26 These guys who you put on a pedestal, just like you're putting women up on a pedestal, you think they don't have insecurities, you're fucking lying to yourself unless they've done tons of work on themselves. In fact, having insecurities, in my opinion, is just naturally the way we're set. The reason we're set that way, it's an anthropological thing, is we constantly want to improve to guarantee our survivability. So these girls are insecure too, and they're going to bring that up. And if you are securing yourself, amazingly attractive, and you're no longer fearful of them.

15:00 So let's remember, bro, they're just human beings. Stop being so afraid of them. My final point, a lot of times it's a good idea to just mess around when you're going out, especially for you guys who are terrified to approach women. You completely reframe it. Where do you say to yourself, I don't care if I get any girls tonight. I don't care if I get any attraction. My job is to have fun, make it into a game, and just fuck around. Now, this doesn't mean being a douche to women.

15:31 This doesn't mean insulting them, being a scumbag, or just generally annoying. But what I often do with my boys that I take in the field is I say, listen, let's just have a good time. Let's say some crazy shit to girls. Let's laugh. Let's challenge each other. And this is something really good that you can do with your boys is be like, bro, I dare you to go up to that girl and say this, that, and the third, right? And he goes and does it, and you guys all laugh, and you come back, and you slap high fives.

15:57 Now you're putting playfulness into the vibe that you're bringing into the nightclubs. So many guys, and I see it time and time again, not only with my clients, but also dudes who I observe in the bars and the nightclubs, they are so stiff. They look like statues. Like their arms are closed in front of them. They're super stiff, and they're standing by the bar, and they're just staring at the girls on the dance floor. They're taking it way too seriously, way too seriously. It's like you guys have a thought in your head that if I don't get this girl tonight, I'm never going to be able to marry.

16:23 I'm never going to be able to have kids. My parents will be disappointed in me, and my entire life will be over. That's literally what it looks like is going through these dudes' heads. Now guys who are good with women, even myself, we don't give a shit. We're just there for fun. In fact, here's the way I want you to frame it. You're there for your fun. Your fun is the most important thing to you, and if that means you and your friends fucking around, challenging each other, actively going out just to have a good time and not to get girls, but in fact just to meet people, why don't you reframe in your head?

16:57 Listen, I don't even want to get girls right now. I just want to meet a bunch of people. I want to be a go-giver, give good energy, give good compliments, no outcome in mind. The crazy thing is this, is when you have an outcome in mind, women can usually feel that from you. Oh, he's trying to get me. He's trying to get my phone number. Ugh, this again. But when you have no outcome in mind, which is basically, I don't care what happens with you. Whatever happens, happens.

17:20 It's all good. Let's just have fun. And by the way, this happens when you're dating four girls at once. You get this vibe. Then it works for you. Then the girl gets attracted, and suddenly that which you are not trying to get comes to you. This is the universal law of the universe. I'm going to tell you this right now. You have to want it, but you don't need it. See how that works? You want her, but you don't need her. You don't need her validation.

17:41 You don't need her phone number. You don't need to have sex with her because there's a million other girls out there. You do want her though. So it's that balance of want, not need, not give a shit, but still give good energy, have fun, fuck around, and for God's sakes, see her as a human being, which she is. Stop letting her win. Stop saying, that's my wife right there. That's the perfect girl for me. Oh my God, she's so perfect. Just because she looks perfect, bro, it doesn't mean she is perfect.

18:14 In fact, I have had girls that were absolutely my type, so 100% my type. I was like, oh my hell, I would marry this girl. I would be happy to have sex with her and only her for the rest of my life. And then you talk to her and it's like, oh shit, this chick is as boring as watching paint dry. No personality. She's an absolute sea donkey, but not only because what she looks like because of her personality. By the way, when I say things like sea donkey, canyon mule, mountain troll, it's not just about her looks.

18:40 I'm also talking about personality stuff. I'm talking about who she is as a woman. Some women just have bad energy. They just have a bad vibe, just as guys do. And that's the thing. We all know a dude who's just a vexing guy who nobody wants to be with. Just because a girl's hot, it doesn't mean she can't be that girl. So all these attributes matter. Stop taking it so damn seriously. Make it into a game. And finally, I said my final point was before I got one more.

19:06 You could even make it into a game where you have a different identity. Call yourself, I don't know, my name is Mark. I'd call myself Shane on some nights. I'd say that I was a professional race car driver. I would wear clothes I never wore before. And I'd just make it into a big simulation and just fuck around and see what works. This is oftentimes where I would test shit, like way on the boundaries. This is where I came up with that move where I was like, do you like to travel?

19:32 And she says, yes. And then I push her away and I say, travel over there. And it fucking worked. And I did it on a night where I was just testing shit, testing out a different identity, wearing clothes I don't usually wear and saying things I never say. And then genius came out of that. So sometimes you just got to do that. And for you guys who are like super scared, go to a different city, go approach girls and have no dependence on outcome. And if and when it goes bad, say, listen, it was their approach.

19:57 It wasn't me. This is a good way to start. But again, stop giving them too much credit. They're humans just like us. They shit, throw up, fart, they snore, they do all these unattractive things. And when you give them too much credit, you're blowing yourself out before you even get into the set. And finally, the most important thing is to reprogram your brain so you're internally validated. You know you're a 10 and that's all that matters. Because again, masculinity leads. So you as the masculine man, when you believe you're a 10, they'll believe you're a 10 too, because femininity follows.

20:29 That's the way it works. It'll always be that way. It is law. So follow it. All right, gentlemen, I hope you did get some value out of this podcast. If you did, I very much would appreciate a review. I am also given those free one-on-one breakthrough sessions with me where you and I jump on the phone and I tell you exactly how long I think it would take you to get to the goals that you want to get with women. I'm also pretty damn intuitive about some of the issues that you probably have going on inside of you.

20:55 And listen, even if it's not with me, I'll usually suggest for you to go to some other coach or suggest some coaching things that you could do to improve yourself. Because you, as a man who works on himself, who's unapologetic about wanting to better himself, that's what makes you attractive to women. And you can get a 10 no matter where you are right now. But remember, a 10 just isn't looks. It's personality, it's intelligence, it's humor, it's everything. So stop giving them so much credit. She's just hot.

21:22 Who gives a shit? One thing off the list of 10 things. Congratulations, you were born hot. Now what? Now what do you have? Never say that. Never say that. You communicated through your actions. All right, gentlemen, I drop podcasts on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and I have an excellent one lined up for the next drop. So please stay tuned for that. And I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.