Should You Have Kids or Nah? (My Experience of Being a First Time Dad)

0:00 Can you say blue? Can you say purple? Can you say bathroom? Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP, and today we are going to talk about my experience as being a first-time dad. Do I recommend it? What do I think about it? What's been my experience thus far? This is going to be an unfiltered truth about whether or not I think you guys should go out and have some kids, what my experience is, and whether or not I regret it.

0:50 Because as a lot of you know, I was a pretty big playboy there for a number of years, and I've recently settled down with my soulmate. Her name is Marissa. I've never gotten along with a woman the way I get along with her. She's the only woman I've ever met who genuinely makes me laugh, and I knew she would be a great mother to my child, so I went ahead and dipped into that and got her pregnant. And we have a little baby daughter named Lucia, whose voice you heard in the beginning of the podcast.

1:16 And I have to be honest with you, brother. Here's the answer. Do I feel like having a kid is worth it? Yeah, I absolutely do. It's been the absolute best experience of my life. I've never felt more in love with another human being than I feel for little Lucia, man. She's my everything. And you hear dads and moms say this all the time. You don't really get it until you've had the kid. I always thought, like, bro, you guys are crazy. You want to have kids?

1:43 All they do is cry. They're annoying. They're such a hassle. Why would I ever want to have kids? Well, when I became 40, you know, that itch started to really overcome me, and I was like, I really want to be a dad. And I'll tell you, I wanted a boy. I wanted a boy, and I was really, really hoping to have a boy. But because I've been telling myself I am a girl magnet for the past 15 years, karma has an interesting way of doing things, doesn't it?

2:10 I was given a little girl. And sometimes people ask me, you know, you really, really wanted a boy. Would you trade her for a boy? No. Not all the money in the world, not all the tea in China. I will die for her. I love her so much. And I'll tell you, a lot of times we think that, you know, gender makes such a difference. Sometimes I'll even get emails from listeners who are like, dude, I just found out I'm going to have a girl. I'm so bummed.

2:32 I really wanted a boy. Bro, it doesn't matter. After the first couple months, after you get attached to this child, you realize not only does it not matter, but I'm going to teach her all the shit I teach a boy. I'm already teaching her how to kick a soccer ball. She's only a year and a half old. I'm already teaching her how to run. I'm teaching her all kinds of things that I teach to a boy. I'm going to teach her bushcraft, wilderness survival, camping. She's going to go on the ATVs with her dad.

2:58 I'm going to show her how to shoot a bow and arrow, how to shoot guns. I'm going to enroll in a jujitsu when she's four years old. This little girl is going to be a ninja assassin because I've been with many women throughout the years. And a little bit of a side note, women being molested, women being raped, women being taken advantage of by dudes. Usually it's about, I think, three to four girls have some sort of experience like that. So rather than me living under the delusion that I can protect her her whole life, I am going to train her to protect herself.

3:28 This little girl is going to be an assassin, bro. And that's what I'm going to do to have her protect herself. But it's pretty sad. So if any of you guys listening have ever done anything fucked up to a girl, hey, man, like I don't approve of that, dude. Like I'm pretty disappointed in you. If you did something like that, you can change though and you can make amends. It's never too late to change your ways. So I want to talk a little bit about my experience being a first-time father.

3:52 And, you know, I have some truths to reveal that many people don't admit when it comes to being a dad. And I want to talk forthright about it, be completely honest with you guys, and tell you about what my experience has been. So I want to start this off with a little story. The other day we were at Carter's and Carter's is a baby store where they sell clothes. And Carter's was closing down and for some reason they put like a hopscotch thing on the ground in the back of the store.

4:19 So I was walking around with Lucia and, again, she's one and a half years old. She comes up basically to like my kneecap. That's how tall she is. She just started walking. She can only say a few words as you heard in the beginning of this podcast. So we're walking around and these two boys, they're probably like six and seven years old, are doing the hopscotch thing. And you remember hopscotch, you go like one foot, two foot, one, one, two, like that. So she's standing there and Marissa and I are standing off to the side watching her.

4:46 She's standing there watching these two boys do this hopscotch. And there was this look on her face of such innocence, such interest, such appreciation, such enthusiasm and happiness. She just had this like smile on her face and this interest in her face. She's never once been rejected. She doesn't know what ego is. She is absolutely pure, absolutely genuine, that uncarved block in Buddhism before anything can come along and tarnish it. And I will never forget the look on her face for the rest of my life.

5:22 And in that moment, I was in Carter's watching two kids doing hopscotch. And by the way, I do not like other people's kids. Just a little side note. If I was there without her, it would be the most boring, mundane, stupid thing I've ever done in my life. And when I was a playboy, when I was just hooking up with girls and getting rid of them, that's what I always thought about kids. You got to like go to Disneyland. You got to go to like stupid petting zoos and animal parks and SeaWorld and like stand in lines and deal with this bullshit that you don't want to deal with.

5:51 But here's the thing. It's not fun for you. It's fun for them. And you have fun through them. When you see what they're experiencing in their eyes, you get to experience that too. And when she was standing there with that look on her face, I will never forget it for the rest of my life because it was the absolute example of purity, innocence, and sincerity that when I saw that, I felt that myself. Everything that she feels, you get to feel. And this is why I never understood it.

6:20 This is why people pay 500 bucks to go into Disneyland and go stand in lines. It's just for the opportunity to see their kid look at Mickey Mouse and light up. Because when they feel that, you feel that too. You feel that same joy and there's something that's brought into your life that you cannot get any other way. I have never felt these feelings before and I've actually researched it. They say when you're kissing and loving on your kid and oh my God, their skin is so soft and they smell so good and they feel so good in your arms.

6:48 And like when she hugs me, she puts her head on my shoulder. It's like, bro, it destroys me, man. I've never, ever felt anything like this. Apparently, there's a chemical that's released in you that bonds you to this child. And I will, man. I will die for her gladly. And I talked about in my other podcast about protection. Part of me kind of wants to die for her, as weird as that sounds. But when I say it's worth it, it's worth it almost because it comes with those headaches.

7:15 Like I'm not saying it's headache free. In fact, the first six months, I'm going to be completely honest here. I was like, what the hell did I do, man? This is horrible. This totally sucks. I used to – not to her face because I believe that children are programmed, yes, even as early as just a few months old. I even believe they get programmed in the womb. Different conversation. I would never say this to her, but like I would say to Marissa and to my brother and my friends, I'd be like, she's just like an annoying machine.

7:42 Her entire job is just to annoy me, to wake me up in the middle of the night, to shit in her diapers, to cry for food. Anything she wants, she gets. She's like the lord of this household, the king of the manor, the princess all the way around. Like we can have an entire family room full of adults and baby Einstein will be playing on the TV because if it's not playing, she's going to be crying. It's just worth enduring the baby Einstein in order to not make her complain.

8:09 So the first six months was hard. It really was, and I tell that to all new dads. I was like, look, before they can interact with you, before you've really bonded with them, at least this was my experience, it's hard. And you wonder, is it worth it? But each month that goes by, it not only gets easier, but you start bonding with them. And then they become an absolute necessary part of your life. Like I can't even see my life without her. I can't imagine it.

8:34 Every morning I wake up, my number one thing that I want to do, beyond any payments I get from clients, beyond any like texts I get from girls who are still chasing me, beyond like wanting to go see Marissa. God bless her. I love her to death. But who I want to see is my daughter. And I walk upstairs and she's always kind of playing in the family room. And then I go in the hallway where she can't see me. And I'm like, Lucia, Lucia. And then I hear her running and laughing.

8:58 She's like, ha ha. And she's running. She runs around the corner and then gives me a big hug. Bro, that is by far the best part of my day. The best part times a million. Better than me being with three solid nines, you know, in a hotel room. Better than me having a line of girls wanting to talk to me who are all super hot. Better than me, like I talked about in my other podcast, storytelling, dancing with that super solid nine and that girl yelled at me.

9:25 And like it was that whole like big awesome story of like me being chased by girls. Pales in comparison to the love that I have for this little girl. She is my everything. And you hear people say this like, what? Like, really? Yeah, man. Yeah. And you listen, like if you're listening to this, you're like, yeah, I want to have kids eventually. Not right now. I get it. I was the same way. And in fact, I suggest you play the field. I suggest you get that out of your system.

9:50 I suggest you date as many girls as you can. And then from abundance, you pick your queen. But if any of you have the illusion that you are not here to be a father, I disagree with that. Look at your anatomy. You are a man. What does that mean? You have two balls and a penis. What is the point of that? The point of that is to have children, to spread your seed, to continue the lineage, to continue humanity. It's why you're here. You as a man, the very definition is to father children.

10:20 This is the very definition and because this is your purpose here on this earth, it is so rewarding. It is built into it. And this is why I never understood, dude. I never understood like guys get married and have kids and the picket fence and the dog like hell. I had that in my mind. Like I used to watch Married with Children, that show in the 90s where it like totally gives a bad image of being married with children. And there's lots of media out there that totally downplays how unbelievably fulfilling it is to be a quote unquote family guy.

10:53 Even the cartoon family guy in a lot of ways rips on being a family guy. You don't get to greet girls anymore. You get fat, out of shape. You're miserable. Your wife gets ugly. Marrying a woman is like pulling the cord on a life raft. She just blows up and becomes fat. This is what I believed. And I believed you put that rock on her finger. You commit to her. She turns into a total bitch. Life's a bitch. And then you marry one, as they say.

11:17 I bought into that 100%. And then I started, you know, me and Marissa got really close. We moved in together. We were living together. And that was amazingly satisfying. And then when she got pregnant and watching that baby grow inside of her, bro, hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time will be one of the best moments of your life. When I heard that heartbeat for the first time, it was like, I like broke down in tears, man. That was like one of the best moments of my life.

11:44 I'm not going to give the birth story on this episode because I actually want to save it for a special moment in Lucia's life because it's a really good story about how she was born. But when she was born, best moment of my life. Right there. The best moment of my life. Beyond all the nines and tens I've had. Beyond all the attention I've gotten from girls. Girls stalking me, having sex with gorgeous girls. Beyond that, times a thousand. Watching this baby get born and holding her for the first time, knowing she's your DNA, knowing she's a part of you.

12:14 It's over, bro. This is your purpose here. So do I suggest having babies? Yes. Yes. Kids are amazing. I mean, she just becomes your life. It's the best part of your day. You have a purpose for existing. You will do anything for her. You become a more responsible man, hopefully, for a lot of you. You look forward to your life instead of just sludging through it. You have something that you can live for and even more importantly, to die for, to fight for, to work hard for, to become the best man you can be for and to teach her.

12:45 I mean, how great is it going to be the first time I teach her how to light a fire, the first time I teach her how to shoot a bow and arrow, the first time I coach her soccer game, the first time she rides a bike, she drives a car, when we dance together at the father-daughter dances. These are all things that I'm looking forward to and it gives me a reason to live. It gives me a reason to slay it in my business, to be good to Marissa.

13:07 And when Marissa and I are up there with little Lucia and she's running around and her and I are holding each other and are watching Lucia proudly and then my bird Jack is there and we're like one little family. I like being that family guy. I like being it. And you know, I used to be the playboy. I've done both. Listen, being the playboy is fun and I think you should do it because it's an experience I'm not telling you to miss out on. And I think guys who jump into the marriage and kid thing too quickly are sometimes maybe using an excuse to just get out of the game.

13:35 Sometimes, not always. But while that's very satisfying, this gives you a purpose, man. Gives you the reason to live. And I had a client a long time ago who told me the best day of his life is when he took his son to some amusement park and his son really wanted to meet like Mickey Mouse, I think it was. And he's like, bro, seeing my kid's face when he met Mickey Mouse was the best moment of my life. And at that time, I didn't have a kid.

14:01 And I was thinking to myself, really, bro, that's the best moment of your life? What an idiot. Like, that's so stupid, right? That's what I was thinking. But now that, you know, I had that hopscotch thing, like hopscotch, really? That's one of the best moments of my life? Yeah. Just seeing her face of just pure, genuine interest and enthusiasm and happiness before anything has tainted her. And I am. I'm afraid of her being tainted. And I know it's inevitable. I know there's pain coming to her.

14:27 And that hurts a lot. But just seeing that I hold that in my heart, and that gives me a reason to live. That gives me a reason to become a millionaire, a reason to become a great man, a reason to not cheat on Marissa, a reason to take this family to the next level. And hell, even growing old and watching this beautiful woman develop into this elegant, strong, confident woman, which, by the way, is the programming that I'm giving her. I'm whispering in her ear all these positive programs.

14:57 Can you imagine if your dad was an NLP coach just making you into an absolute assassin, billionaire, confident, elegant, beautiful woman? And I'll tell you something, too. This kid is beautiful, man. She looks just like her mom. She got her mom's eyes, which I wanted, those big, huge eyes and the tiny little mouth from her mom. Oh, my hell. She is going to destroy dudes. And just imagine when I teach her frame control. I'm going to teach her all this stuff. And not to blow out dudes and be alone, but to meet a super high-quality guy, maybe even a guy like you guys who are bettering themselves, who has a good heart and who, by the way, I am going to threaten very much so.

15:34 And I'm going to say to him, you fuck with my daughter, I'm going to fuck you up. And furthermore, I don't even need to fuck you up because she will because she's a black belt in jujitsu and Muay Thai and she could fuck you up probably better than I could. So don't do anything to her because you will regret it. So that wraps up my thoughts about the subject, boys. You know, certainly there's more where that came from. But I'll tell you, just having that little kid and right now she's gone.

15:58 She's out with her mom. They went to watch some soccer game of her friend's daughter and they're out. But right now I'm looking forward to seeing her. I like keep listening for the garage to open because when she comes home, I get to go run out there and give her a hug. And just when you feel that baby in your arms, when you feel your own child, there's just nothing better. And now I understand why everybody, they're always like posting pictures on Facebook. But bro, my iPhone is literally full of like thousands of pictures of my daughter.

16:25 I never understood it. And yes, sometimes I do post it to Facebook, to my family and friends because you just can't help it. It's your pride and joy. And that's how we're designed to be as men. So I strongly suggest it. Of course, play the field first. Pick your queen. Get the best one you possibly can. But when it comes time, do I suggest it? Hell yeah, man. Hell yeah. The first couple months is hard. You know, it's a gut check for sure. But once she grows and gets a personality, that first time she laughs is a game changer.

16:53 Then she smiles and she starts talking and then she walks. Are you kidding me? With the first time she walked, I cried, cried like a school girl. Man, you can hear in my voice right now, boys, I'm getting choked up. So definitely suggest it. Man, being a father is the best. So that's it for me, gentlemen. I do appreciate you listening. I'll be back in the fight with more information about how to better yourself as a man, how to get the skills to attract women so you can find one that's worthy of you as a man and have children and a family with her.

17:22 You will absolutely be happy when you get those skills to do so because I'll tell you, finding a super high quality girl that you jive with takes a skill set that can only be had by having lots of experiences. If you'd like to get those experiences, you can hire me as a coach. Learn more about my free one-on-one breakthrough session. Where we talk about whether or not I'm a good fit for you and you're a good fit for me for my three-month coaching program. You can find out more about that on coachmarksing.com.

17:50 Click on coaching, fill in the goddamn slap in the biscuit, and you and I will get on that free call together. In addition to that, I do very much appreciate reviews. Email me and I'll send you some cool shit. All right, boys, I drop podcasts on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and I got another awesome one coming up for you in the next few days. And I will see you in the next episode. Like, what's an elephant say? What's a dog say? What's a cat say? No, that's an elephant.

18:42 What's a cat say? That's right. What other ones do you know? What's a bear say? What's a bear say? That's right. What's a sheep or mule? That's right. Sheep. Ba, ba, ba. Ba, ba? What's a monkey say? That's right.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.