How to Unscrew Your Life (By Killing Your Pain Body!)

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. If you've been listening for a long time, you know what to do. Smack yourself in the ass so hard when the concussion hits, you're launched up through a skylight. If this is your first time listening, welcome. What I try to do with so, so success is give the best information in the most succinct way possible.

0:39 And today, we're going to talk about this thing called the pain body, the pain body, what it is, why it's ruining your life, how to get attention on it. And as I say, awareness alone is curative. So for those of you who have never heard of this, which I assume would be the majority of you guys, I really think this is going to be a life-changing concept that will completely change the way you live your life. That is a life-changing concept, isn't it? Because when you realize this, you realize you're more in control of the mechanism that is you than you actually think you are.

1:12 You realize why things go bad for you. You realize why you may have bad luck, why you get angry so easily, and why all those negative energies have been ruining your life, keeping you from success, not only monetarily, happiness-wise, but also with women for all those years. When I understood this concept, it completely changed my life. It was one of the biggest things that affected my own success. It was one of the biggest things that convinced me I'm way more in control of this mechanism than I give myself credit for.

1:44 And when you take controls, it's like you've been on a dune buggy that's going through the dunes without a driver, or you're sitting in the driver's seat, but you don't have your hands on the wheels. And the thing is running into dunes, it's falling into canyons, it's just getting its ass kicked left and right. And that's how a lot of people live life. But when you realize, holy shit, I actually can control this thing. And when I do control this thing, I can avoid all those pitfalls, dunes, walls, and scorpions that have been fucking up my life for as long as I can remember.

2:16 So this is going to be a really exciting one. Now, this is episode 248, I believe, 248. So I have some big news to drop on episode 250. I want you guys to tune back again. This is major, major news that I've been planning for a very long time. You know, this podcast has been going strong. It's growing exponentially. I'm almost up to 500 reviews now, total reviews from all over the world, not just on the American iTunes. But on the American iTunes, I have a five out of five star rating.

2:48 Things are going so well. The popularity is increasing exponentially. So I'm going to do a big move on episode 250 that I'm going to introduce to you guys. So please stay tuned for that one. I'm going to make it a real clickbaity, or I should say a real content rich, important episode that I hope a lot of you will click on. So come back for that. That is going to drop this Friday. While we're on the subject of reviews, boys, I really would appreciate one. If you find value in the content, of course, listen to it first.

3:18 See if it does better your life in any way whatsoever. And if it did, and you're like, you know what? This Mark Singh guy is a pretty nice fella. So I'm going to go ahead and reciprocate some of the kindness that he's shown me by giving me all this free information by giving him a review. Now, I know doing those reviews are an absolute David Hasselhoff. So if you do one for me, not necessarily only on iTunes, although iTunes is the preferred one because you can actually write something and tell the other guys what you found interesting, but also on any of the other podcast apps, or you know what?

3:50 If you vibe, subscribe. If all you can do is subscribe, then do that. Whatever you can do for me, bro. And then email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com. I will send you three programs, Conversation Sniper, Guide to the Female Orgasm, and three texts to build massive attraction in women. Impress your friends, baffle your enemies. All right, boys. So what is this thing called the pain body or the shadow? Well, pain body is a term that was created by Eckhart Tolle. Now, Eckhart Tolle wrote the book, The Power of Now.

4:21 I'm sure a lot of you guys have heard of it, but if you haven't, if I had one book to take into solitary confinement with me, if I was sentenced to life in prison, or if I was on a desert island alone for the rest of my life, this is the book I would take. It's called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This is, in my opinion, the most important book that humanity has ever written. This is the most important book that I've ever read.

4:46 This thing has absolutely changed my life. Well, one of the concepts in it, and there are several, but one of the concepts in it is about this thing called the pain body. Now, the pain body is essentially the negative accumulation of pain, suffering, anger, and anything negative that you have inside of you. Okay? So all the things that have ever happened through your life, all the negative things, they've accumulated into an energy field that we literally carry around inside of us. Now, this energy field is, like I said, accumulative.

5:22 So things that happened when you were five years old, 10 years old, 15 years old, however old you are now, they've all accumulated, and it's almost like it has its own consciousness. Now, here's what it wants, and this is a really important thing. It wants more pain because like attracts like. So you have an energy inside of you, and as do I, that wants to be in pain, that wants to suffer, that wants more pain, wants to argue with people, gets pissed off, gets road rage, wants to see people get hurt, wants you to suffer.

6:00 Now, you may be saying to yourself, why would I want to suffer? That makes no sense. I don't want to suffer. I don't want pain. Who wants pain? I mean, let's be honest. The vast majority of us are doing just about anything to avoid pain. So this really doesn't make sense. Well, let me ask you this. Have you ever had road rage? Have you ever gotten super pissed off? Have you ever like yelled at somebody, and there's almost a part of you that's disassociated, looking at yourself, yelling at somebody, or getting pissed off in your car at somebody, and you say to yourself in a way like, this isn't me, this doesn't feel like me.

6:33 Or have you ever had an argument with a girl where you feel this negative energy come up, and you just want to fucking hurt her. You just want to snap at her. And then when you do snap at her, it's almost like her pain body comes up, and you guys are two entities, two almost like dragons lashing at each other. This person who you love, suddenly you want nothing more than to hurt them, because they've hurt you. That's your pain body. Now, here's an interesting thing.

7:00 Pain bodies, their entire point in life is to get more pain. And all they want to do is come up, creep up, and create situations in your life, create thoughts in your head, create circumstances, and create drama so that they can get more pain. That is their entire purpose. Now, as I said in the beginning of this podcast, awareness alone is curative. Right now, for some of you, hopefully the vast majority of you, you're listening to this, and hopefully some of you are having that aha moment, saying, holy shit, this guy is right.

7:34 That, in fact, when I get pissed off, I'm not at its whims, meaning I don't not have control over it. In other words, what this means is that that pain, that anger, that rage is not you. It's not really you. It's part of your lower self, or what we might call the ego. And as I always say, boys, the ego is not your amigo, because the ego is based on fear. I've talked about this in previous episodes. We are two components, we as human beings. And there's a big point for this.

8:06 And I'm going to do what I feel the purpose of life is down the road, because I think there's a really big point for this. And I think it's beautifully designed, elegantly executed. And there is a point for the pain body. But here it is, is that you are love, and you are fear. You have both parts inside of you. Love is your higher self. Fear is your ego. And that's right, bro. Your ego is not your amigo. And part of your ego is that pain body.

8:33 It wants to suffer. Now, while it wants to suffer, there is a strange feeling that comes from it when you are suffering that feels good, that feels familiar. This is why you have people who are, let's say, meth heads. Like, the reason I always talk about meth heads is because, from my experience, they're super fucking negative, super negative, because they're just in their pain body most of the time, right? They're angry. They're pissed off. People who live in extreme poverty are oftentimes super in their pain body because they've bought into it.

9:05 They think it's them, but it's not. It's the entity that took over their body. It's almost like a ghost, a demon for some of you religious people, if you will, that took over their body and now is living through them, creating pain upon pain upon pain. Being in drug addiction is pretty much the biggest perpetual pain vortex you can go down. And some of you have been there. I've even gotten emails from some of you guys that have struggled with drugs. It's this pain body that's feeding.

9:34 And people who are on drugs, it's like, part of them is like, man, why am I doing this? This is hell. Why am I doing this to myself? And they just keep doing it because their pain body is at the controls. It's deliberately steering you into the dunes and into the ravines and fucking into rivers and destroying your car and destroying your life. It wants to destroy your life like a cancer. Its only point is to destroy your life. So some of you listening are like, oh shit, this isn't me.

10:01 I don't have to buy into this. I'm not my anger. This is a separate entity, if you will. And it's not really like a demon living inside you. You don't have to look at it that way. It's just a consciousness, a low vibrating consciousness inside of you that is you, but it's not you. It's that ego part of you. It's that fear part of you. And it wants more pain. So Eckhart says that the pain body is like a cat that's sleeping, right? It's dormant inside of you most of the time, at least for the majority of you.

10:33 For some of you, it's awake most of the time. But it's dormant inside of you. But even while a cat sleeps, its ears are still moving, meaning it's picking up different noises. It's constantly paying attention to opportunities where it can feed. So let's say your pain body is dormant, right? It's sleeping. You're not pissed off. You're fine. But you're driving down the road and somebody cuts you off. Suddenly, it comes up inside of you and you're like, motherfucker. And then what happens? Think about this. When you guys get pissed off by something else, you begin thinking about other things that piss you off.

11:06 So let's say you had a fight with your dad. Let's say your boss yelled at you. Let's say whatever it happened to be, when that guy cut you off, it's not really the act of him cutting you off that pissed you off. It's all the accumulation of pain and suffering and anger that you've been pushing down and corking like a bottle that is coming up and it's about to explode. Now, this happens to people who are, quote, unquote, unconscious. Unconscious means not conscious of the fact that this is a separate entity inside of them and it's not you.

11:43 This pain body is not you. So when you disassociate from it, meaning you step back from it, you know it's a separate entity that's temporarily taking control, you can look at it with what is called attention in Buddhism. And this is a whole different episode as well. I can go down some rabbit holes right now, boys. But attention is one of the most important things in Buddhism. I've told you guys this before. I had this professional calligrapher write up the word attention for me and I'm going to get it tattooed on the inside of my left bicep because it is so important when you're becoming a superior man, when you're reaching self-actualization, to have attention on not only your life but things like the pain body.

12:27 Because when it comes out on you, if you can step back from it and say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is not me. This is my pain body. Am I going to feed my pain body right now? Is it going to be beneficial for my life, for my success, for my goals, for my happiness to feed this pain body right now? And you say no. Now, look, I'll admit forthright, I get road rage so quick, so fast. But lately, and I'll tell you what really pisses me off in a second, lately when I feel it come up, I'm able to say, no, no, no, this is my pain body.

12:59 I'm not going to buy into it. I'm not going to feed you, motherfucker. So sit the back down. Go back to sleep, kitty cat, because I'm not going to give you the energy. I'm not going to waste energy to feed you. Okay, so attention, back to attention. When you put attention on it, which is what you guys are doing right now, you're realizing, oh, shit, this isn't part of me. It's a separate entity. It's a separate energy. It's not who I am. I don't have to buy into my anger.

13:25 It's not just the way it is. Oh, I'm angry now. There's nothing I can do about it, bro. I'm just angry. I'm just going to go off and fucking pull out a gun and shoot people. No, you can step back from it and know that this is something that wants you to be sad. This is something that wants you to suffer, and then you can get distance from it, put your attention on it, look at it, and here it is. Have compassion for it. Have compassion for yourself.

13:49 Forgive yourself for having a pain body. It's the way it's meant to be. You were programmed to have this pain body. We all have it. We all have it. And in fact, some of you, like me, have a thicker pain body than others, and it's because of the pain body that you've come to podcasts like this one. It's because of the pain body that you're doing work on yourself. So can we say the pain body is a bad thing? I have that saying, the ego is not your amigo.

14:15 But if you look at it from the 10,000-foot perspective, it kind of is your amigo because it's the suffering created by the ego that makes you want to change and have self-actualization, grow into the best man you can be. So can we really say the suffering that brought you here is a bad thing in the grand scheme of things, in the total picture? No. And this is what I believe is part of the purpose of life. Purpose of life is to wake up to what we really are, which is love, compassion.

14:44 But we cannot wake up to that unless we've had its opposite. So its opposite has a purpose. So the amigo is your amigo in some ways. But when it takes you over and you're about to pull out the mace or the baseball bat and go crack somebody in the head who cut you off, this is when you need to back up and say to yourself, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is the pain body. This is the accumulation of pains that I've had since I was five, five years old, even three years old in the womb.

15:10 My little daughter, she fucking stuck her hand in a mousetrap last Thanksgiving. That's going to be a little piece of her pain body. There it begins. And as she gets older, there's going to be more and more and more. I'm going to teach her this. I'm going to tell her. I'm going to say, hey, you know, the other day when you got mad, who was that? Was that you? Or let's give it a name. And when I do that, I'm going to show her to disassociate from it, to not associate, not say, this is me.

15:34 I'm angry. No, it's that part of me that lives inside of me is angry. One time I was meditating on my pain body. I was really mad about something. And I went deep into a meditation. And when you meditate, meditation is all about attention, right? Attention again. Attention is so important. And I was putting attention on this feeling inside of me. And I had this clear vision. It was almost like an epiphany or what felt like some kind of divine vision, if you will, if you believe in that kind of stuff.

16:03 And I saw, dude, it was so creepy. I saw this spider with super sharp legs crawling up out of my body. And it had my head on it with eyes that were like blazing red and really angry. And it crawled up real quick. And then it went back down into my body real quick. And that was the visual representation of my pain body. So I want to ask you, bro, like what does your pain body look like? The next time you get pissed, picture that pain body and said, that motherfucker is not my friend.

16:34 That motherfucker wants me to be unhappy. Am I going to feed him this? How do you feed him? By buying into the anger and lashing out at somebody. So when Marissa and I have a fight and I'm starting to get really pissed off, I know it's my pain body wanting to feed on her pain body. And then her pain body comes up and we like feed each other. Now with her and I, we've worked so much on this that we can put attention on it. And it's almost like I have to speak to her, like I'm yelling to her from behind the pain body.

17:04 And I say, Marissa, and I almost like sound like this. I'm like, Marissa, my pain body is really out right now. I'm just going to take a few minutes to go downstairs and just focus on it. She's like, yeah, mine is too. And like we're both like struggling or like yelling from a deep pit because the pain body is now taking control. But if you let that pain body strike, if you let it say something passive aggressive or just lash at that person, she's going to have no choice.

17:29 And look at that, no choice but to lash back. And we can't control it. And then we get in a big fight. Next thing you know, I'm driving down the street all pissed off and I need time away from you and I need to cool off. And that whole thing happens. But we've advanced far in our relationship where when I feel the pain body coming out, I speak through it or like from behind it. I'm like, hello, hello, hello. I'm back here. I'm back here. Just give me a few minutes, minutes, minutes.

17:53 And then she's like, yeah, me too. And then we're able to watch the pain body. Then we come back and we communicate like two adults do. Like, hey, I'm so sorry I said that. I didn't realize that you were feeling that way. I didn't want to hurt you. And then we hug it out. We've avoided so many fights like that. But here's the thing too is you see couples who just feed on each other's pain bodies all the time, right? They go through cycles. Pain body feeding and then the relationship seems good again.

18:20 This is often the reason for abusive relationships, physically abusive relationships. The guy will like beat up the girl. Then he'll come back and be like, I'm so sorry. And he is sorry. Think about this. He is sorry. His pain body took over, beat her up. Now her pain body thrives on being beat up because that's the way she's been with her dad when she was a kid. For example, I'm not saying with every girl, so don't take this the wrong way. This is just an example.

18:45 Everybody calm down. Relax, bro. Don't come unpeeled. But some things that happen is the guy beats her. She subconsciously wants to be beated because that's how her pain body feeds. And then they break up. They get in a big fight and then they come back together like, I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. And she's like, yeah, I understand. And then the cycle continues. They're feeding each other. And it's also with verbally abusive relationships, people who fight all the time. And again, people who have road rage.

19:12 Do you really think it was you cutting him off that made him that pissed that he's going to get out of his car with a baseball bat and fucking bust out your lights? No, he's pissed because his life isn't going the way he wants it to go. And he hasn't figured this out. That the pain that comes from frustration, the pain that comes from failure can be overcome because all of us fail. All of us fail. Do you think the guy who's happy, who I dare say is me, fails less than the other dude does?

19:41 No. I've probably failed more than he does because I'm willing to fucking have balls and put myself out there and try different business things and put myself out there. I've failed more than most people. But here's the difference. I know that the pain that comes out of that is not me. I don't associate with it. I watch it. I put attention on it. And that's the way to defeat the pain body is simply to watch it, to know it's not you, to observe it, to be kind towards it, to have compassion towards it.

20:10 And if you have to, as I did that one day, meditate on it. Try to see it. And when that little spider came up and then went back down, I was like, hey, man, I love you, bro. I love you. Now, I know this sounds crazy. Like, what? You love it? Love is always the opposite of fear. And love transmutes everything. It is the light. If you ever have a problem in life, here's a big fucking secret, bro. Huge secret. If you ever have a problem in life, ask yourself, what would love do here?

20:39 What would love do here? That is always the solution. It works every time. Without fail, that is law. So, the pain body is not love. It's fear, isn't it? It's pain, fear, ego. Opposite of that is your higher self. You can turn that darkness into light. And here's another thing. A lot of you guys have problems with your energy. You don't feel like you have enough of it. A big reason that could be is because you have energy wrapped up into your pain body. But you don't know it's wrapped up there.

21:08 It's lying dormant and you wonder why you get so angry sometimes. When you watch the pain body, when you disassociate from it, when you know it's not you already, bro. Like if this is epiphany for you, if you're having the aha moment I'm hoping you're having, you're already reclaiming energy from that pain body. It's already starting to die. Now, in my opinion, it doesn't completely die until you've reached enlightenment as Eckhart Tolle has, different conversation. But you can take away so much energy from it, it almost doesn't come up at all.

21:41 And that's the place where I'm at now. I go months without getting pissed off. Marissa and I go, I mean, multiple months without having a fight. And when we do have a fight, we immediately talk it out because we understand this concept. This is not only the way to get happiness, but it's the way to a successful relationship. So here it is again. There is something inside of you that wants you to suffer. It is the accumulation of pain that you've had since you were born.

22:07 It wants you to be a pain and it feeds. It looks for more pain. So your job is to, when it comes up, disassociate from it, give it attention, give it compassion, give it love. And if it's really deep, which happens to me sometimes, you have to meditate on it. Sit with it. Feel that anger. Pay attention to it and give it compassion and say, listen, man, I know you're pissed, but I'm just going to sit here and watch you. Go ahead. You have a place inside of me.

22:34 I'm not going to try to get rid of you. There you go. Just relax. And you just watch it. You never have combative energy towards it because that's just more negativity, isn't it? You have love towards it. And what would love do? Love would be compassionate. Give it a space. Give it a pillow and a bed to sleep in. Give it a shower. Give it a meal. Be compassionate towards it. That will get rid of your pain body, which, by the way, is also called the shadow by, I believe, Carl Jung came up with that, the shadow.

23:02 But I like the pain body because it's such a good explanation of what the thing actually is. So I hope you guys found that episode to be beneficial. Like I said, the realization of the pain body was, for me, one of the biggest epiphanies I've ever had. It completely changed my life because simply knowing it, right? Awareness alone is curative. Now that you know it, you're not going to buy into it nearly as much as you used to. And now when you look at other people and be careful not to judge, it's very easy to judge.

23:31 But when you look at a person who's miserable, who's very angry, you know like, damn, dude, the fucking pain body's driving that battleship. The pain body's in charge of that meat suit. That person is completely unconscious, has no idea that they can take control of this. And the reason I thought of doing this episode is because today I was at Burger King and like the chick was so negative. She was so pissed to be there. And I gave her a $5 tip and she didn't even say thank you.

23:57 I was like, here you go. Thanks for your hard work. And she's just like, meh. And you know, she was like 20 and pissed off and fat. And I understand she's miserable. But man, if she just could know that she has the ability to change her life around, that literally she is driving in that dune buggy with her hands off the steering wheel and her eyes closed. And she thinks she's just at the whims of life and she has no control over it. She's living an illusion, man.

24:22 She has complete control. All she has to do is grab that steering wheel. It takes courage. It's not easy. And observe, put attention on those things that are happening. And when she does that, she will have control of the mechanism. That is how it works. It is law. We are here to design our own lives. This is how life works, boys. First you think of the picture, then you paint it, then you step inside of it. You get the life you choose. All right, boys, that's it for me in this episode.

24:49 I do appreciate you listening. If you could drop me that review, I'd very much appreciate it. Email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com and I'll send you a bunch of cool shit. I drop podcasts on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you next time.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.