Listen to Me Get Coached by Alpha Male Coach, Kevin Aillaud

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? It's Mark Sing from The Unapologetic Man Podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you're first joining us, welcome. And if you've been riding with us for a while, welcome back. As you might hear in my voice, I'm a little bit sick right now. Now, the guys who've been listening to my podcast will laugh at that because just a couple weeks ago, I was on an episode and I was like, dude, I never get sick.

0:28 Bring that coronavirus on. I'll never get nothing. So then my daughter comes home from daycare. She's super sick, has a big fever, gives it to Marissa, my woman. And so I'm like, I'll power through that. No big deal. And then my daughter starts coughing. She coughs into my eyeball, coughs into my mouth, right? Because you're just there with your daughter and she's coughing all over you. Whatever. Two nights ago, man. Went to sleep and I woke up with strep throat. So I'm in the hurt locker right now.

1:03 But I wanted to persevere and film this anyway because I made a promise to you, my guys, that I drop three episodes a week. So I'm not going to be a little punk about it. I'm going to persevere. I'm loaded up on Advil and lozenges. And I have with me my good buddy, the alpha male coach and the host of the alpha male coach podcast, Kevin Ayo. What is up, my dude? What's going on, brother? I'm so excited to be here and appreciative to be here.

1:32 I've been looking forward to it. You know, you and I have had a lot of dialogue and it's just amazing to be able to have this dialogue now delivered to your audience and definitely letting my audience know that I'm going to be on this podcast so that, you know, just helping people continue to better themselves, be more of the greatness that they already are. I love it, brother. Yeah. And, you know, we were first going to do something about, you know, perspective on coronavirus. Make sure to be careful what sources you're listening to and all that.

2:12 But when I came down with the sickness, I was like, well, what if he coached me through it? Because I realized that I have some negative thoughts around sickness. All honesty. I fucking hate it. I absolutely hate being sick. Why, Kevin? Because it stops all progress. It feels disgusting. Nothing gets done. Can't lift. Can't go to jiu-jitsu. I'm just laying around like a turd all day watching movies. Had to cancel my coaching calls. Barely got on this podcast. Can't work. I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

2:45 And, you know, that's a problem. And I'm going to work on this both with you as well as my coach and actually do some NLP stuff on myself. Because I didn't realize, I don't get sick very often, as I mentioned in my podcast previously. But I didn't realize how utterly, passionately, I hate being sick. So what Kevin does is he challenges your thoughts. And his coaching is about getting you to see things from a different perspective. So I thought, man, what a great opportunity. He can coach me so you guys can see what he can do.

3:17 And then you can see kind of the process of how to challenge your own thoughts. Because really, and forgive me if I'm putting words in your mouth, but these are my words as well. This is what I always tell my clients that the nature of reality is you think of the picture, then you paint it, then you step inside of it. So you're creating your thoughts all the time anyway. So why not create thoughts that are beneficial for your life? Well, clearly, based on my reaction to the sickness, I don't got the best thoughts going on around strep throat and being sick and not making any progress.

3:47 So with that being said, Kevin, why don't you lead us into it, brother? Yeah, it's interesting you say that. It's very fascinating because even though we have different audiences and we have different terminologies, we're really talking about the same thing. You know, you talking about thinking and painting and stepping into really is the same process with different words for what I use with my students. And it has to do, you know, you say thinking and I say thinking. You say painting and I say feeling. And then you say stepping into and I say take action.

4:22 And so it's very it's very it's very clear that we're talking about the same thing. So when you're thinking and painting, that's what it's the thought emotion that's always going to drive the action. But unfortunately, the illusion that most people, most humans live in. And if I can kind of step even step back and kind of define alpha and beta in a new connotative sense where it doesn't have to do with, you know, the observation of wolves in captivity or even the observations of human in a.

4:52 Courtship scene or a or a, you know, social scene, but more having to do with your empowerment. You as an alpha being able to determine your cognition about a neutral circumstance rather than allowing that circumstance, that event, whatever it is, to determine your emotion, which is disempowerment, which is where you are now not in control of your life. Because life is emotion, the experience of life is emotion, how we feel is what will determine whether life is good or bad. If we feel good, life is good.

5:24 If we feel bad, life is bad. So our emotional regulation, our emotional ownership will always determine for us our quality of life, but it will also drive our actions and determine for us the very quantity, the very results that we have in our life. So understanding how to own our emotions is preceded by mastering our cognition and deciding what we want to think about the neutral circumstances. The illusion, like I say, is the beta condition. That's the alpha. The alpha is the master. The alpha is the cognitive master, the emotional owner.

5:57 It's the beta condition that gets caught up in thinking that their emotion, the way that they feel, has to do or is transferred to them by the environment, by the circumstance. Right, right, right, yeah. So really the first place to begin, brother, is to separate how you feel about being sick with what is sickness in itself. It's kind of like, are you, my question is, do you want to feel this way about being sick? How is feeling this way serving you? Because certainly there's nothing wrong with any feeling.

6:34 There's nothing wrong with frustration. There's nothing wrong with irritation. There's nothing wrong with panic. There's nothing wrong with fear. These are all a part of our human experience. These are all a part of what it means to be human. Yeah. And so we want to feel these. But we want to feel them deliberately. We want to feel them because we're choosing to feel them, not because we think that we have to feel them based on what's happening in our environment. So you being sick, the first question I have is, are you choosing to be irritated with feeling sick?

7:01 And if you are, if those are the results that you want, you know, the results that you're getting from the actions you're taking when you are feeling this this irritation, this hatred, this hatred, you said, I hate being sick. So when you're feeling this hatred, this feeling in your body, this cellular vibration, you are acting. Those actions are creating results. And that is where we want to begin to look to see if you want to continue to hate being sick. Because if you're getting the results that you want, then there's nothing to change.

7:32 So the question is, do I like being frustrated? Is that is that the question about being sick? Do you are you getting the results from frustration that you want? Because there's nothing wrong with frustration. Like, I'm not going to say, do you like being frustrated? Because, of course, probably don't. We don't like being frustrated. We don't like feeling hate. We don't like feeling anger or disappointment. But not liking it is our subjectivity around the way the cellular vibration feels. So we don't necessarily want to say, I don't want to feel frustrated.

8:07 How do I stop feeling frustrated? Because then we're just removing frustration from the human condition. We're removing frustration from our life experience. And we want that. We want to have that to contrast the positive emotions that make life feel good. So it's not about, do you want to feel frustrated? Because I think your answer would be, no, no, no. I want to resist frustration. I want to avoid frustration, right? It's more about, is the frustration that you're creating for yourself, is it serving you? Is it giving you the results that you want in your life?

8:37 Is it driving actions that are producing for you your intention? No, definitely not. And I'm fighting it, Kevin. So like when Marissa came down today, I was pissed. She's like, how are you feeling? She calls me tall. She's like, how are you feeling tall? Because I'm very tall. I'm 6'2". How are you feeling tall? And I call her small. I'm like, I'm good, small. I'll get past this. And I really wanted to say, fucking pissed. But you can't, you know, you got to be the man in front of the woman.

9:07 Be the leader. Show you're unaffected. And to my clients too, right? Is, ah, I'll bust through this. And there is a part of me that knows that, that I'm going to get through it. So it's kind of like I work a lot with my clients on parts. One part of you feels one way. The other part of you feels the other way. So part of me is definitely like, dude, I'm a Spartan. I'll get through this. That's even when I texted you, bro. I was like, I'm a Spartan, bro.

9:28 Let's do this podcast. I don't give a shit if my throat hurts. Let's do it. Right? But then there's another part of me, the part I'm ashamed of, that's like, fuck, I hate this. I hate this so much. Like, dude, please just hurry up so I can get back in the gym. So no, I don't, I don't see that the frustration is serving me. No. Yeah, and that authenticity is so beautiful because what you're saying is you're, you're just, oh gosh, brother, you're describing your, you're describing your best self.

10:01 You're describing behaving as your best self while at the same time abdicating your emotion to the circumstance, but not allowing. And that's, and I think that's where people kind of get into that people pleasing role, right? I think people kind of get into that people pleasing role because you're upset about being sick and you think that your upsetness is coming from the sickness. So rather than elevating your alpha to take control of the cognition that will change your emotion around the sickness, it's more just I'm going to hide the emotion and pretend that everything is good.

10:36 Right. Right? Yeah. And that's so funny because that's what most people do because they feel like they have to feel bad. Like sickness is bad. I have to feel bad. I have to hate this. I have to be pissed off about this. But that's not acting as my best self. So in order for me to act as my best self, I have to pretend to be something I'm not. Right, right, right. Yeah, totally. Yeah. But the truth is that you are not the thought that says I hate being sick.

11:03 That is your brain. And you are not the emotion of frustration that is in your body. That is the cellular vibration caused from the brain creating that thought, that belief. So you are your best self. Just you're not that thought that is preventing you from behaving as your best self, kind of like hiding that thought, kind of hiding that feeling so that you can be your best self. Mm-hmm. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. So really what we're going to do here is we're going to just – we're just going to get rid of all that hiding.

11:37 Let's do it, man. Right? We're going to kind of get rid of all that hiding and like, okay, so how do you – so you took a different action. You said, okay, I'm feeling frustrated. I'm feeling pissed. I'm feeling hate for this. But for my smalls, I'm going to act this way. And what we're going to do is we're going to say instead of kind of resisting that emotion, allowing it to be there and still acting that way, you can determine and actually change how you want to think about it because it's not coming – because again, it's not coming from the sickness.

12:09 So that's the first question. That's where we begin. So my question is where is the frustration coming from? What is creating – and maybe it's not frustration because you've said other words. You've said anger. You've said hatred. But where is the emotion coming from? Just to kind of be very general. Like where in my body? No, where in – like what is creating the emotion? Well, and correct me if I'm going on the wrong channel here, but I love progress. I love making strides forward, and I feel that this prevents it in every way possible.

12:44 So it comes from thwarting what I cherish most, which is vitality, health, and progress. Okay, so what is the thought there? Like you're – so let's put it in the C. What's the circumstance? The circumstance is what? What would we all agree to? Now here's the thing. This is beautiful for your audience because we want to make sure that we really have – a circumstance and not a thought because it's not the thought that we're having thoughts about. It's the facts that we're having thoughts about.

13:14 So what is the circumstance, brother? I can't lift. I can't coach. I can't film podcasts, although I am doing it right now like a champ. Boom, and there we go. And that's what I love is because right away you're giving me thoughts, right? I can't lift. That's a thought. I guarantee you if you drop the pencil in front of you, you would bend down and pick it up. You are lifting something. You know, I can't do podcasts. And then right away you said, but here I am.

13:42 We're doing one, right? So all of those are thoughts. Like your brain is telling you I can't do these things. And those thoughts are what are creating the frustration, the anger, the resentment, the being pissed off, the hatred. Because you're thinking the circumstance – I would even go so far as to say maybe the circumstance. You could say sickness. Like you could say I'm feeling sick. But even that's a thought, isn't it? Because not everybody would agree to that. If we were all to kind of look at you, I would put – I would say strep throat.

14:13 Have you been diagnosed? Yeah. Okay. That's what I would put then. I would put strep throat in the C-line. Oh, okay. Because if – because that's a fact, right? Strep throat is something that a doctor can go in and take a culture, take a swab, put it under a microscope, look at it, and say there it is. And then everybody can look at it and say, yes, that came from Mark. He has this virus. He has strep throat. Right? Yeah. So from that, from that C-line, you – your brain is now telling you stories.

14:45 Your brain is running stories for you. And it's running all these stories. I can't lift. I can't coach. I can't do podcasts. That is what's creating your emotion, not the strep throat. Right. Absolutely. So I want to stay here because most people, most of my students and most people in general from here want to say, okay, coach, awesome. I get it. I see it. I understand it. I recognize it. I really – now I see that my thoughts are creating my emotions. So what do I do to change my thoughts?

15:16 Is that a question? Right? Well, that's usually what the question that I'm asked. Mm-hmm. What do I do to change my thoughts? Yeah. What do I do to change my thoughts? That's because the move, the move that we tend to want to go to as humans is to always feel better. Okay. We want to always feel better. So once the universal truth is seen, like once there's a – once you see that it's not the fact, it's not the – in your case, it's not the strep throat that's causing you to be angry, but it's the way you think about it.

15:55 But then the first move, the first place a lot of my students want to go is, okay, cool, coach. What do I think? Mm-hmm. Change my thoughts. Right. Yeah. Right? Tell me to think something different. Tell me to think something different. But that is ineffective. Mm-hmm. And as an NLP coach, you probably understand this as well because the cognition is fairly – the cognition is – it has to be gotten through from the emotion. Okay. Because if you rush to change the thought, then really what you're doing is you're resisting the emotion itself.

16:33 Right. And if you – right? Right. Yeah. And if you resist the emotion itself, then what you're doing is you're training your body to tell – you're training your brain to tell yourself that you shouldn't, that you're – that feeling this is bad and that in some way you are less whole, less worthy, less complete, less powerful. In fact, I think you said it in the beginning is like I never get sick, right? Yeah. Yeah. So you tell people I never get sick. I even said it on my podcast.

17:05 I made a public declaration bragging about how I never get sick. Bring that coronavirus on. I'll crush that shit under my heel. Week later to a couple weeks later, I'm sick. So it's almost like the universe says, oh, really, brother? Try this one on for size. I love that you say the universe says that because that is what the emotion is. The emotion is for you to go into the way you think about, you know, this circumstance about having strep throat so that you can find out what it is that is untrue.

17:46 Your thoughts that are holding you back are untrue. Your thoughts that are saying I can't lift, I can't coach, I can't do podcasts, these are untrue. And they hurt. They feel bad. They feel frustrating. Yeah. So your brain is lying to you. But the only way you're going to find out your brain is lying to you is if you allow yourself to understand that feeling, is if you stay in that feeling without rushing to change it, without rushing to think something different and feel better right away.

18:07 It's going in there and saying, okay, why is my brain telling me this? What is my brain trying to protect me from? What is my brain trying to keep me safe for? Because those thoughts were created by you. They didn't come from nowhere. They came from you, but they came from a former version of you, the version that I call the beta condition, which is always a flight to safety, which is always looking for danger, which is always scarcity-driven, always fear-driven. And so because of that scarcity-driven flight for safety, there's going to be a sense of I have to, right?

18:41 I don't have control. I have to do this. Or I'm unable. I can't. Right? Sort of a disempowering. Sort of like this is not for me. Because it wants you to stay safe. It doesn't want you to take risks. It doesn't want you to put out there. Right. Are you with me so far? Absolutely. My question is – Absolutely. Okay. So my question is in NLP, we work under the premise that thoughts come from beliefs, and beliefs are metaprograms that are installed typically early in life, right?

19:09 So when I work on myself with this, I'm going to do a process to remove the belief system that being sick is bad and or being sick is counterproductive to progress. Because that's what's really pissing in my river right now. Yeah, absolutely. You've said that. So we'll go back and find the first time we had this belief system, remove it, and remove all the other belief systems. And like a pearl necklace, all of them fall away. Then in so doing, removing a belief system, it's almost like a car being parked in a parking space.

19:49 You remove the car from the parking space. Now the space is open. You can install a new belief system. And then through another NLP process, we install that new belief system. So how does that run parallel to what we're doing today? A very parallel and also somewhat different. I mean, you know, because the brain is what it is, I would say that what we're doing today is looking at separating the belief system from the fact. So when you say going back and finding what the belief systems are, and even beliefs and thoughts, yeah, like these are the same, right?

20:30 A belief is like a super thought. It's a thought that gives you an emotional response. Because I can think a thought. In fact, you're thinking a thought. You're thinking a thought. I can't coach. I can't do podcasts. I can't work out. And that's creating an emotional response. So that's a belief. You believe those thoughts. In fact, you believe them so much, you think that they're true. You think that everybody who would be sick would be thinking the same thoughts maybe, right? Like, of course. Like, you're sick.

20:55 You can't work out, right? Yeah. It's almost like it's a fact. Yeah, and it gets me pissed. And that just shows how much I've bought into it. Complete buy-in, dude. How you bought into it. I mean, I showed up at the car lot with a suitcase full, $100 bills, kind of buy-in, right? Bought into it 100%. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Millions of dollars, right? Like, this is it. Yeah. If you don't think this, then there's something wrong with your brain, right? Yeah, totally. You got to feel like you can't do stuff when you're sick.

21:22 But that thought is just the belief because you have the emotional response from it. You think it's a fact. If I were to say that you could think and believe the opposite, you would reject that. If I were to say to you, yeah, but brother, you can think that I am going to do all, I'm going to coach all my clients no matter what. I'm going to, like, right here we are. Yeah. And I'm going to do this podcast no matter what. I'm going to Spartan up.

21:50 There is no virus that will beat me. I am stronger than any virus. My body can destroy anything. I can conquer, I can climb mountains. I can conquer diseases, right? So whatever it is, like, I can do hard things. Hard things for me are easy, right? Right. Whatever it is that you tell yourself, but if when you start to think those thoughts, you probably don't have any emotional response to them. And maybe you do, but in the opposite effect. Maybe it's like psych, right? Like, you tell yourself that, but then your brain's like, yeah, but that's not true.

22:18 And so that's where we want to look at the difference between thoughts and beliefs, because the beliefs feel like facts. They feel we get the emotional response from them, where thoughts don't. Thoughts we just kind of make up, and then we observe. And where we want to get to with the alpha state is, is the alpha state allows you to observe the perspectives, but also to believe them. But also to jump into believing hard things. So when we make the parallel to NLP, we definitely look at thoughts and beliefs, because thoughts are sentences.

22:54 Beliefs are just super sentences. And we definitely look at separating the belief from the fact, like tearing, like I guess we would say we break the ceiling, right? We break the ceiling and the fabric of, that integrates a thought and a fact, which is that belief, that woven integration. But I don't necessarily go back in the past so much. So for you, for example, I wouldn't necessarily want to go back and say, where did you start thinking that having strep throat was going to prevent you from doing things, was going to start throwing cants in your brain, right?

23:31 We could probably assume that as a kid, and this is more what I would do as a causal coach, is because of the general beta condition that comes from our making something of the world, our collection of knowledge from the outside world that we don't understand, to make it mean something to keep us safe. And when we take that and we carry it into adulthood, it's not so necessary, I think, and again, this is my opinion, this is my methodology, it's not necessarily to go back to that childhood place and say, why did we come up with this safety, please?

24:08 But to know that it was for safety. To say that all thoughts, when they are unconscious, are driven to keep the organism safe. It's basically keep the organism in the cave, right? Keep it in the cave, front of the fire, warm, sheltered, safe, no predators, you know, no coldness. And as long as you're not intentionally wanting to grow, wanting to push towards discomfort, wanting to change your results, then your brain is going to create a groove. It's going to run that rut of familiarity. And then you're going to feel like you don't have the choice.

24:43 You're going to feel like, well, yeah, strep throat means I get pissed off. Because it's not up to me, it's just the way it is. Right, totally. You know what I mean? So we would want to go into today and say, okay, this thought, I can't, is not serving you. And we would do models. In fact, I brought my whiteboard out. I know your audience can't see the whiteboard. You know, I would do models with you, brother. I would look at, okay, your C is strep throat.

25:10 Your thought is I can't work out. I can't lift. I can't coach. I can't do podcasts. Your feeling is angry. I would say, what do you do when you're angry? How does this manifest in your life? Well, usually I'll go lift. Right? But I can't do that. I'll meditate. You know, I've gotten a lot better in my old age, 43 now, of just, if not believing everything I think. Right? And that's a big quote I love from Wayne Dyer. Don't believe everything you think. I'll tell myself that.

25:41 Relax, bro. You're going to get over this. Go outside. Take your shirt off. Get some sun on your skin. Look at the baby. Right? Play with my bird. Listen to music that makes you happy. So I can change my state pretty quickly. So that's what I do. Interesting. Fascinating. And that's why this is, oh, brother, like, I love this, man. I love this. Because here's the thing. Like, this is something that I get with a lot of students, too. We call it jumping models. So there's a model jump there.

26:08 There's a model jump from when you're feeling angry and not wanting to feel angry. And in anger resistance, you kind of, you say, I change my state very quickly. So you think a new thought, you feel differently, and you do something differently. Right? Yeah. But I want to suggest to you, and I want to suggest to you, and I want to suggest to this very, I'm suggesting this cautiously because I don't want to throw you under the bus in front of your own audience or on your own podcast.

26:32 But I want to suggest to you that when you're angry, when you're hiding, when you're resisting anger, you lie. Because that's what you did. Yeah. Oh, I admit it. The thing, I want to be thrown under the bus because, see, I teach my guys, look, we all have work to do. Right? And just because I've started the process earlier than a lot of you guys have, it doesn't mean I'm better than you. Like, I'm human, too. I got issues, too. And I've been from the bottom of the bottom of the bottom.

27:00 And I can help you get to a better place than you are now. So I like this kind of vulnerability because if I'm going to preach being a coach, I need to be coachable and I need to be humble and say, hey, I got some work to do. And I do, clearly. That's why I wanted to do this session. Yeah. And I love it because you did. That's what you told us, right? It's like, yeah, this is what I did with my smalls, right? I, I, I, I showed her something that I wasn't, I wasn't vulnerable.

27:33 I hid myself. Yeah. I wasn't vulnerable. I thought that I shouldn't be angry. I was resisting my own anger. I was telling, my brain was telling me that anger made me weak. And so I didn't want to be weak. And so I lied. And so that's what we do, right? That's where it comes from. That's the A line. And how does that, what is the result of that? The result of me not being honest with Marissa this morning? The result of, the result on you of not being honest.

28:03 Not on her or not on your relationship, but the result of you not being honest. What is the result? Inauthenticity. And thus, yeah, thus not feeling good about that. Yeah. The depletion of the relationship you have with yourself, right? Because when you're not on, when you're showing up as somebody other than your best self, you are depleting your mind. You're telling your brain that you're in that, you're kind of like depleting self-confidence. You're kind of increasing the doubt in the relationship, in the integrity that you have with yourself.

28:33 Right. Because confidence is keeping the promises you make to yourself. Boom. Authenticity. Absolutely. Yeah. Boom. Yeah. And that result is going to reinforce the thought of I can't. But I will say that she worries. So part of it is doing it for her from my perspective. Because if she knew how blown out I was, dude, like last night I was so hot. I sweat like completely through my bed. And then literally a minute later, I was freezing like I was in Antarctica. It was so weird.

29:07 It was like going back and forth, back and forth. I don't know. I don't think I should tell her that. Because she'll be like, why didn't you call me? Because we sleep differently. I sleep in the basement. She sleeps upstairs. We like to have our own beds. And she would have been like, why didn't you call me? I could have taken care of you. So I just kind of, you know, I'm just like, oh, I'm good, dude. I'm going to get through this shit. And I love that, too.

29:27 I love that, too, because this also goes into the universal truth. And this is something I do with my students who are working on their relationships, whether marriage or, you know, monogamy or even polygamy. It depends. Not polygamy like in marriage, but what's the word? Polyamorous? Polyamorous, yeah. But whatever it is that my guys are working for in their relational lives, I hear a lot of that sort of, I am acting in order to, in some way, control the emotions of my partner. And that's just impossible.

30:00 We cannot ever control how someone else feels. That's kind of like the big push, I think, in society with when it comes to don't be offensive and use political correct words. And, you know, what are some of the things that people have out there? Like, you know, there's so much legislation around trying to control behavior so that other people can abdicate how they feel to other people's behavior. It's like, let's control how everybody acts so that we don't have to worry about controlling how we feel.

30:36 Yeah. You know what I mean? Let's just control behavior. That way we don't have to worry. We don't have to spend any time managing our mind and managing our emotion. And that's the big push in society. But that's also going to be the precipice. That's also going to be the edge that many humans fall off of and the other humans jump over the momentous leap that I'm talking about. And that momentous leap is you can't ever determine how someone else feels. All emotion, all feeling comes from cognition.

31:05 So if you say to Marissa, if you say, I'm not feeling well, I'm feeling sick, I was very hot, very cold last night. That's all neutral. Yeah. These are all words. Mm hmm. She gets to determine how she feels about that based on how she thinks about that. And if she thinks, oh, man, like I wasn't there for him. I'm a bad girlfriend. I should have done something to help. She's going to feel pretty bad. But it's not because of what you said. Yeah. Because of what she thinks.

31:34 Yeah. Right. Yeah. Never say that to a woman when she's pissed, though. Never try to rationalize. Oh, I say that to women all the time. Oh, do you? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Because I tell them the truth. It's like, look, what I'm doing has nothing to do with what you're feeling. How's that work out for you? How's that work out for you, brother? Most of the time, very well. And here's why. It usually works out very well because I'm able to explain to them exactly what I'm explaining to you.

32:08 And it's that what they're feeling is coming from what they're thinking. And I can show that. But in that moment, the very first reaction I get, you're absolutely right. The first reaction is, I don't know if this is an explicit podcast or not, but I can tell you there's a lot of explicit work. Yeah, it is. That happen. It's like, what the hell? What the fuck? How can you fucking say that? You did this. You said that. Look, baby girl, you need to calm down because your emotion is not coming from me.

32:35 Your emotion is from you're thinking. But it does. And now you do. It is. It's all right. It's all good. Because the other thing is, it's 100% okay for other people to feel however they want. So for the situation you're asking me about, it's like, okay, so I'm with a woman who is frustrated because of the way she's thinking. And I don't need to stop her from feeling frustrated. If she's feeling frustrated, that's her journey, bro. That's her time. This is her time to be frustrated. This is her experience right now.

33:11 It's not up for me to change her frustration because only she can change her frustration. But I know it's not coming from me. She might think it's coming from me. I know it's not coming from me. And even if she thinks it's coming from me, I don't need to convince her that it's not coming from me. She can continue to think that. That's her thing. But it's still coming from her. And I don't need to go through and make her feel better because that's not my role.

33:38 My role is to make me feel better. Yeah. Like emotional ownership is for us, not for others. Don't get me started because this goes into frame control, which is one of my most favorite things to talk about. But back to me. Get started on that. We can go back to you. Yes, let's go back to you. Come on, man. This is all about me today. It's all about you. All about you. So the result that you create from that action is the depletion of your relationship with yourself, which is going to reinforce that thought.

34:08 And that's what I do want your audience to understand about the model is that whatever belief you have, whatever the thought is that's creating the emotional experience is always going to determine a result for you that you will use as evidence to support it and make it more true. Yep. And not always do these tie in together so cleanly, but you'll be able to see them when you do the model. So if your actions are to show up inauthentically or to – I don't even say inauthentically because you may in that moment have been telling her, hey, I'm good because now you're thinking I'm good.

34:40 But to show up where there's not full truth. There's not – there's kind of like a hiding. There's kind of like a resistance to uncomfortable emotion. In other words, if your brain is telling you that uncomfortable emotion is a sign of weakness, right? If I'm mad or if I'm angry, then that means that I'm weak and I don't want my girlfriend to think I'm weak. So I'm never going to tell her when I'm upset. I'm never going to tell her when I'm pissed off. Then that is going to create a result where it reinforces the thought that I'm weak because your result is you're depleting your strength from yourself.

35:14 You're depleting that integrity, reinforcing the thought that there is weakness in me that I need to hide. Yeah. Does that make sense? Totally. Totally. Totally agree with that too. Yeah. So that's what we call an unintentional model. That's what we call an unintentional model because that is how the universal truth is playing out for you in this situation when you are in your beta condition or – that's my terminology – or when I would say you are not intentionally deciding what you want to think about the neutral circumstance.

35:43 That's sort of the strep throat is determining for you how you feel. So that begs the question, we reframe it, right? Do we reframe it, yeah. So I have a belief that it halts all progress. But maybe – and I've been – I have this belief too. Like I said, it's kind of like half and half. Part of my belief too is this is like a – this is an extra challenge that's going to make me stronger. So when I have the strep throat and the fever, me getting through it without complaining but also me getting through it while still doing everything that I can do is that thing that makes us stronger.

36:27 And I always preach to my audience, do things that challenge you, right? Get uncomfortable, right? The old David Goggins thing. So would you say that that is the superior perspective? Say, hey, it's taking you out but you always say never out of the fight. You always say harden the fuck up. You always say be a Spartan. Let's see what you got, right? So there's that too. Is that, in your opinion, a superior thought process or is it just another illusion? That is probably one of the best questions I've ever been asked because of the way you finished it.

37:05 Because I was actually going to say, as you were asking that question, I'm thinking there is no superior, right? There is no superior. There is no inferior. And the way you finished that question with or is it just an illusion? Brother, it is all an illusion. That's the thing. That's the move is like to really understand that what is going on outside of us, our frame of reality, our data, all the organic cellular data, all the inorganic molecular data, everything that we try to grasp onto or understand or worship or whatever it is that we do with our external, we are never really – we're only receiving a fraction.

37:48 We're only receiving a sliver. We're only receiving just the tiny, tiny increment of the fullness of reality. That includes not just space but time as well. So we will never understand better. We will never understand worse because all of that is going to be in comparison to a huge portion of what we will never experience and what we will never understand. So it's all illusion. Right. It's all – it's equal part truth and lie. Like your brain is always lying to you but your brain is always telling you the truth too.

38:21 It's always going to determine – it's always going to depend on what you believe, what you choose and that's the alpha state. The alpha is about deciding what's better or worse. The alpha state is knowing that it is all illusion, that you have an infinite – you have an infinite number of perspectives. You have an infinite number of options, choices, thoughts to choose from and believe and that it's not about the better choice. It's about the choice that gets you the result you want. Right. Exactly.

38:52 Hey, I'm going to turn off my camera because it's kind of starting to glitch. I think you should do the same. Okay. When we turn off our cameras, it makes the internet go better. Yeah, it should be fine now. Yeah, that's absolutely it. And that's what I say to my clients too is, hey, you're choosing them anyway. They're all illusions anyway. So choose the one that gets you the result that you want most. You would second that. Yeah, okay. Yes, 100%. 100%. And I think that the illusion, a lot of the illusion is that people think there is a better or a right choice.

39:24 And that's where they end up beating themselves up for making choices that they thought were worse or bad choices. And then that beating up goes into, well, now I've made a mistake. Now I have resentment. Now I have regret. And none of that ever serves your future. Right. It's like driving in a car and never looking at the road in front of you but just always staring in your rear view. Yeah. It's like how are you going to get where you're going if you're always looking at what's happening behind you?

39:52 But that's what most people do. I think most people are – and that's the perfectionist syndrome, right, is there must be the right thing to do. For you and your audience, having – being in this dating thing, I think there's guys that have this idea that there is a right way to approach a woman or a right thing to say to a woman. Or a right type of clothes to wear or a right place to be in a right time to be there. And all of that is illusion.

40:16 All of that is lie. Yeah. The only thing that's right, the only thing that's true is the perfection of what is being given to you, is what's unfolding in front of you. And to kind of make this full circle and maybe even tie this up into where we move from the unintentional model to the intentional model where we now want to determine the cognition that's going – that we're hoping will drive the results we're looking for. You know, it's almost like, well, you're thinking it halts all progress, kind of stopping your progress.

40:53 You know, it halts all progress. Then your result is my progress is halted, right? You can see that your progress being halted is going to reinforce the thought that being sick halts all progress, right? Instead, if the thought is – and this is a very broad, general, and inclusive thought that I kind of throw out there for my students that are struggling with nearly anything. But if the thought is, this is happening for me. This is exactly what's supposed to be happening now. What can I learn from this?

41:20 How can I grow from this? How can I – where's the opportunity here? I'm sorry to interrupt you, Kevin, but it's so blatantly obvious to me now just by having this conversation the exact thing that I teach my clients. And it's funny sometimes because you can teach it to somebody else, but for some reason, it doesn't become immediately apparent to yourself. But my number one passion is self-development, becoming the best man I can be. And this is a gift because this is putting a huge challenge in front of me, not unlike the challenge that I experienced when I had anxiety in Japan where I had agoraphobia, almost lost my mind, not unlike the challenge I had when my dad died and I got a stepdad when I was 12 years old.

42:07 I mean, we've all been through these calamities. But since self-development, becoming the best man I can be is my number one priority, then what the hell – why aren't I seeing this as or why didn't I see this as a benefit to that, a leverage point, a stepping stone, a stare up the ladder to achievement? Because it is. It's a challenge. And it's how you deal with the challenge that makes the difference. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. And even with so – it's so perfect for your audience today because how many challenges are people dealing with now with the change in the global order?

42:44 I mean, shifting from going to an office to working at home or going out every night and experiencing other people in connection to being at home and experiencing other people through computers or through some – You know, there are changes that are occurring in our circumstances, but what's so important – and this is why what we do is so important. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Because when there are changes in circumstances, all the changes are still providing us with a neutral framework, with just this objective sort of gift of like, Hey, here's something new for you to now step into the next version of you because it's never against us.

43:32 I think that most people think it's against us. It's like, oh, my gosh, the coronavirus is here to take us down. Or the strep throat, right? The strep throat is here to halt all my progress, right? But that's like – it's coming against me. Like, it's like the world is against me. But that's not the truth. Yeah. The truth is the world loves you. The creator wants you to unify and become a part of that so you can co-create. But if you abdicate that power, if you abdicate that thought, that cognition, your alpha state, then it will feel very oppressive.

44:02 It feels very like the world, the life is against me. Mm-hmm. Have you heard that quote from Albert Einstein, the most important decision you ever make is whether you believe you live in a benevolent or malevolent universe? I have not heard that quote, but that is pretty cool. That's pretty smooth, right? Right. Because it is – go ahead, my friend. You believe that you live in a benevolent universe, clearly. I believe I live in a neutral universe. Hmm. I kind of – and if you allow me to nerd out for just a second – Go nuts, dude.

44:35 You are so close to my age that I know that you are probably a nerd as well. How old are you? A 40. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. I'm older than you. I'm 40 years old. You are a little older, yeah. Yeah. I'm your senpai. I kind of – yeah, exactly. I kind of believe in – I kind of believe in the neutral sort of – and if I can go here, and again, it's kind of – it's a bit nerdy, but I kind of believe in like that Star Wars philosophy of the force, you know?

45:02 Mm-hmm. The force is neutral. It's a living energy. It's all around us, and it's all through us, and it holds everything together, and it's for us, and it's living, and it's creating, but it's a balance. It's just there. It's just there for us to engage with and integrate with and draw from and create with. But how we decide to create with it is still completely up to volition. It's still completely our free will. Yeah. So I don't necessarily want to say it's a benevolent universe that the universe is pulling us towards greatness.

45:35 We have to achieve greatness with what the universe is providing – with what the universe is giving us. Does that make sense? Absolutely. I love that. Yeah. That would be a whole different podcast, man, because I have and I intend to film a podcast about that whole philosophy, right? God, what is the purpose of life? What is the meaning of life? What do the spiritual guru say? What can we take from the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, and all these different books of wisdom? And what do I think they say collectively?

46:08 Holy crap, man, that would be a three-hour podcast right there. Oh, absolutely. And you layer all these things on top of each other, all the religious texts, all the religious teachings, all the spiritual texts, esoteric mystics, all their teachings, all the psychologists, all the philosophers, all the political ideologists, all the constructs that people have in their brain that they put out externally. And you put them all on top of each other, lay them down. And what you find is a lot more similarities than differences. What you actually find is a overlapping of the universal truth.

46:42 Yep. 100%. I spent eight years studying all that stuff, just totally ensconced in spiritual texts and religion and really trying to answer that question, you know, what is the purpose of this? And my conclusion was, well, those who achieved peace, those like the Buddha, Eckhart Tolle and similar, probably had a better insight into what the true nature of reality was. So I'll go study them. And you're absolutely right. They all said the same thing. And that'll be a different podcast, what that thing is. Yeah, I think that would be, that's a podcast that I will be eagerly awaiting release for.

47:26 That's going to be an amazing one, brother. But let me ask you now, since we're coming close to the end of the, maybe the episode, but definitely the hour here. Having gone through an intentional model and an unintentional model, like where's your brain now? And what kind of value, what are you thinking now about this neutral, about having strep throat, like kind of being that neutral diagnosis that you've gotten from a doctor? What is your brain telling you now? A hundred percent honest. It's an opportunity.

47:52 It's an opportunity to grow. It's a huge leverage point. And the most painful leverage points are often the ones that propel us forward the most. So, no, straight up, straight up. It was almost funny to me, hilarious to me, that it just took you pointing out something to me that I point out to my students all the time, particularly when it comes to attracting women and their own perception of themselves as to their worth as compared to an attractive woman, that you pointing that out to me.

48:23 And that's why, guys, it's so important to get coaching because even as a coach, you need a coach. All great mentors have mentors. And you pointing that out to me really gave me some good perspective on it. I feel great. I actually feel better. I don't know if it was because of the big old dump of Advil that I just took. But in this moment, I'm feeling pretty good, man. Feeling pretty good. That's good. That's amazing. See, and that kind of shift. Now, even if you don't believe it now.

48:53 And again, brother, like I don't expect you to believe that now. If your brain is telling you that, that's great. That's amazing because you can feel it. You know, say if you're feeling pretty good. I mean, looking at an intentional model, I'd wonder what that feeling is. Is it motivated? Is it excited? Is it driven? Is it, you know, whatever it is. But you are going to act from this place and those actions are going to create new results that then reinforce that thought of this is an opportunity.

49:17 So whatever those actions are, maybe you're going to create something new. Maybe you're going to run out and do something that is going to show you that you're creating opportunity. It's so funny, though, because when you're when you train this, like when you really train it and you practice it, you put effort into this principle, this methodology, this process, it's it becomes more automatic and it becomes more automatic because you rewire the brain. So imagine this, brother. And I know that this may sound like ridiculous.

49:45 This may sound so ludicrous to you because of what your brain told you when you woke up this morning. But I want you to imagine that you practice this thought, you practice this thought so much that your intentional model, the intentional model of this is an opportunity for me, becomes your unintentional model. It becomes it almost like an unconscious competence so that six months down the road, you practice this thought of this is an opportunity for me being having strep throat as a circumstance is an opportunity for me.

50:13 It's an opportunity for me. It's an opportunity for me. Having six months down the road, you're you're healthy, you're you're you're strong, you're capable, you're healthy, your body is is is vital and 100 percent. And you wake up one morning, you've got a strep throat, you've got fever. But instead of your brain saying all progress halts, you wake up and you are thinking this is better than waking up healthy. I get to wake up and feel sick. I get to wake up and be sick and use this as an opportunity to prove to myself that I can achieve even though I'm not 100 percent, even though I'm not feeling 100 percent healthy.

50:51 I can prove to my body that I can still go out there and create opportunity because that's going to be the thought. That's the natural thought that you've practiced and trained your brain that you now believe. Yeah. So it's almost like waking up being sick is better than waking up being healthy because you've practiced it. Right. Yeah. And it's so funny because although that sounds ludicrous and it's like, that's unbelievable, coach, that's unbelievable, Kevin. I don't I don't know if that will ever happen. I can tell you that that's just like practicing any other thought.

51:21 And, you know, because you've worked with plenty of students that have done this, that you can make that happen. You can be excited to be sick if you practice and train for that. Oh, yeah, totally. Totally. It's so fascinating how the brain works the same way we train the brain to be irritated when we're sick. We can train the brain to be excited and motivated. It's so interesting, isn't it? Yeah. That's why I love it, man. That's why I do what I do. Right. NLP, neurolinguistic programming.

51:50 That's why I'm a coach. I absolutely love it. Fascinated by it. Continuously interesting situations coming to my doorstep. Great guys hiring me. Get to meet all kinds of different cool people. Totally worth it, man. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. And for your guys, I mean, I guess it would be like, you know, them thinking right now. So the same way you're thinking, all progress halts because of the sickness. And maybe you've been thinking it since you were a kid. Like you get sick and you don't go to school and you can't get out of bed.

52:17 And your brain starts to create this belief that I can't do anything when I'm sick. And it becomes like this truth for you. And it grows and it grows. And then as an adult, you just kind of accept it as a fact. But the same way, you know, your students are kind of in that thought with their women's like, I'm not good with women or women aren't going to find me attractive or because of whatever, because I'm too short or too bald or not enough money or whatever it is that no women will have me.

52:40 I'm not worthy. That is the same as you thinking all progress halts. It's just a thought. Yep. It's not true. And it's something that you can change with practice to where it's so powerful that you wake up and you actually think the opposite and believe it. You wake up thinking I'm the man. I'm the most interesting man in the world. And all women love me. They just don't know it yet. They just have to meet me first. Yeah. Yeah. Totally, man. Totally. Fantastic. Well, thank you so much, Kevin.

53:09 This was amazing. You guys, if you want to check Kevin out, go check out his podcast, The Alpha Male Coach Podcast. And it's a picture of him in a suit with his nice bald head. And by the way, I'm rocking a bald head now too, man, as you saw on the video. Yes, sir. I saw a picture of you and I was like, man, that's one sexy individual. I got to shave my head just like Kevin. No, it's just that. That's right. That's right. It's a funny story.

53:35 It's not the bald head that makes me sexy, right? It's the way you think about me that makes me sexy. Definitely. It was funny because Marissa was going to give me like shave my head, right? Because all the barbers are closed. So I set everything up in the garage and I put on the number two guard, which is going to make it, I think, half an inch long. So we're going to try that first. So she shaves it and she's like, wow, this is really short.

53:57 And I'm like, it is. And then I see she's holding the clippers in her hand and it had no guard on it. And I was like, oh, shit, I forgot to put the guard on. So we just shaved it and I look like Mr. Clean. I was totally bald, but all good, man. It'll grow back in a few weeks. So anyway, Kevin, anywhere else that my guys can find out about you, obviously I want them to go check out the podcast. There will be a link in the description below.

54:23 What else would you like for them to know about you? I think the most important thing at this time, usually I would say, listen to the podcast, go to the website and investigate, you know, because I've got an academy for developing cognitive mastery and emotional ownership. It's a full year long school that is kind of like a month to month. It's kind of like a gym membership where you go month to month, but it's more like a school where you have a curriculum and a workbook and daily self-study and, you know, one-on-ones with me and all that.

54:49 So it's a lot like a school. But I think what I really want for you and your tribe, for you and your audience during this time is just to know that I'm here, just to know that if, you know, if anybody needs or wants to talk about what it is their brain is telling them, the stories that their brain is telling them that are creating emotions of fear and panic and insecurity and doubt, that I am here and that you can sign up for a free, 100% free, 45-minute consultation.

55:21 By going to my website and clicking on a link there, it'll take you to a scheduler and find a time that works for you. They're all Pacific Standard Time. Find a time that works. We'll get on a phone call, Skype, not Skype, but Zoom call. So it's all through the computer. You don't have to leave your house. I know things are, you know, happening where people are staying home. It's all going to be online. And for 45 minutes, I'll show you, I'll prove to you, I'll show you, brothers, that what you're struggling with is not the environment.

55:50 What you're struggling with is not the facts of the world. What you're struggling with is your brain. Your brain is working to keep you safe. And that safety is not serving you. Maybe it is serving you. Maybe you want to feel fear. Maybe you want to feel panic. But what I'm telling you is that during this time, you can feel calm. You can feel confident. You can feel inspired to create with the time that you have rather than sort of listening to everything that's going on out there about the way you think you should feel, which is fear and panic and all that kind of stuff.

56:31 So really, guys, anything you're struggling with, any problem, any struggle is always a thought. It's never a circumstance. Circumstances are neutral. Gravity does not create fear. What creates fear is gravity acting on you and you thinking, I'm going to die because you're falling. But gravity itself does not create fear. And just like the same, it's not the virus that's creating fear. It's the way we're thinking about it. It's the way our society is going about telling us about it. And it's all about how you want to control your brain to serve you best.

57:08 So to answer your question, brother, I just want your people to know, your brothers to know that I'm here, I'm available, and you guys can talk to me for free from your home anytime. Just go to my website, thealphamillcoach.com and sign up, book that call. 45 minutes. Fantastic. Well, thank you so much, Kevin. If you did come from Kevin's audience, I would appreciate if you check out my podcast. You can just click on some of the other episodes. As my current listeners will tell you, I really give away a lot of high quality content.

57:36 I try to do it quickly and give the most potent tips possible in respect of your time. So check that out, the Unapologetic Man podcast. Yeah, really appreciate it, Kevin. Hey, this was great, man. We need to collab on different things. Once this whole thing clears up, I'm going to come down to Irvine when I'm visiting my mom. Come meet you. We'll go have some lunch. Lots of good things to come. Yeah, brother. And you know, I don't want to jump the gun, but I'm going to say this.

58:03 And once I say it, I do it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. As a fellow confidence coach, right? Once it's out there, it's kind of like, well, my word is my bond. Yeah. So I think that, yeah, you know, this global change is going to, it's going to revert. You know, we're going to go back to our former lifestyle. People are going to come out, you know, this will all die down. And when that happens, brother, you know what I would love to do? I would love to get in front of people.

58:26 I would like for you and I and to maybe, you know, a couple other confidence coaches and a couple other guys that can, that are really putting out good stuff for people, a lot of value for, for, for men to do a weekend seminar. Brother, let's, let's hold weekend seminar. Let's invite some guys out. Let's give away some really cool stuff and, um, and get our, and get our audience to interact with us personally and with each other personally, because the power comes from the alpha.

58:55 The power comes from you, but we're all working in our alpha state. We put together an entire new community and a community that doesn't exist or hasn't existed yet. A community that knows about how to create and how to own emotion. You know, I could talk to you forever, brother, but yeah, let's do that. Let's make that happen. And now it will happen because I've said it, your audience has heard it, and now it's expected. It will happen. I love it, man. I want to get back in front of, uh, audiences like that again.

59:25 I've done quite a bit of public speaking, but it's been some time I do in infield coaching or I did infield coaching before, you know, Corona happened out at the bars and the nightclubs, but having a conference like that, being able to speak again and meet these guys and talk to them without, uh, blaring music in my ear would be fantastic. So I'm definitely into that. And obviously I have a lot of connections too in this space. I know a lot of great coaches. So, um, I'll keep making introductions for you and it's, it's all love, man.

59:54 It's all about, uh, helping other people out, helping your boys out, helping our guys out. And then it all comes around. So thank you so much, Kevin. It was a real pleasure. I feel so much better now. It almost feels like my throat. It might be the Advil, but it almost feels like my throat is, uh, less painful. So once again, thank you so much and guys, I will see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.