My Fascinating Story of Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and Agoraphobia (And How I Beat Them)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. And today, I'm going to tell you about my story of panic attacks, agoraphobia, and massive anxiety, and how I overcame it. This is actually a podcast episode that I've been wholly procrastinating on. Just didn't want to do it, man. It's just a lot of pain. And when we go into the past and think about our pain, it sometimes brings up current pain.

0:42 But I believe it's important for you guys because I know a lot of you guys suffer from some level of anxiety. Some of you guys feel a consistent and perpetual distant sense of threat where you think that something's going to go wrong. Or if you're happy, you think you're going to lose that happiness. Others of you are like me who actually experience panic attacks, complete fear, complete terror, wanting to get the hell out of the situation. And others, too, suffer from what I suffer from, agoraphobia, which is the inability to even get outside your house because you have so much anxiety.

1:14 Now, I've been able to completely overcome all three of those things. I have virtually zero anxiety these days. Yeah, I get a little stressed out sometimes, but that pales in comparison to what I used to experience in my 20s. And, you know, I have a lot of responsibilities. I have a lot of shit on my plate, and it like hardly ever affects me because of the techniques that I'm going to share with you guys today. So here's how this episode is going to unfold. First of all, I'm going to tell you a really, really interesting story about my experience in Japan.

1:42 You'll be absolutely fascinated, if nothing else, if you're not even into anxiety-related stuff, you're going to be super entertained by this story because it's 100% true and it's fucking crazy. And then the second part is going to be me giving you at least five different ways to start addressing your anxieties, to start overcoming it, and kind of tell you how I overcame it. All right, let's get into the content. Man, so, man, I hate talking about this shit. Never really told anybody about this except my close friends, family, obviously my woman, Marissa, a few other people who I'm very close to, my brother.

2:15 But I don't like to talk about it, man, because it was just a horrible, horrible, horrible time of my life, man. Like, I wouldn't even wish what I went through on my worst enemy, but I know a lot of you guys suffer, so I'm doing what I tell you guys to do. Light yourself on fire and let other people watch you burn. Be completely vulnerable. Be completely genuine. And I'm just going to tell you what happened to me. I don't know why it happened to me.

2:39 I don't know how it manifested. But this is what happened, and it's a completely true story. So, when I first lived in Japan, I lived in a rural area where I taught English for two years. Now, when I went into the program, and it was called the JET program, Japanese Exchange Teaching Program, or was it Japanese English Teaching Program? Don't remember. It was called the JET program. Some of you guys may have heard it. Super fucking competitive to get into it. And the only reason I was allowed entry is because I killed it on my interview.

3:08 You're, like, interviewed by, like, six people, and I just charisma-bombed the shit out of them and got into Japan. So, I went to Japan, taught English for two years, and then I moved to Osaka, and I was actually a wedding announcer for Japanese couples. Now, the reason why I was able to do this job is because the Japanese typical wedding ceremony is extremely stressful. It's extremely expensive. It takes a long-ass time. They have to dress in these, like, elaborate kimonos and, like, do all these different rituals, and it's a big old pain in the ass.

3:37 So, they watch Western-style movies. And when I say Western-style, I mean, like, America, England, Australia, et cetera. And they like the idea of Western-style weddings, quote-unquote. They like the veil. They like the tuxedo. It goes quick. It usually lasts, like, 15 to 20 minutes. So, they actually hire white people, or I should say gaijin, and gaijin means outside person, basically anybody who's not Japanese, who can speak Japanese to do weddings. Okay? This is a huge thing in Japan. I'm sure if you looked it up on the internet, you'll find it.

4:08 It's, like, a non-Japanese dude basically doing a Western-style wedding, and I got hired on by this place to do these weddings. So, I would do probably, like, eight weddings a weekend. Okay? So, you do, like, you know, four a day. You have an hour between each one. Each one lasts about 20 minutes. And I had the script so dialed, I had it completely memorized. Like, completely speaking for 20 minutes in Japanese. And the thing about me is, I'm not great at listening and understanding, like, my comprehension is really bad, but my accent is super fucking good.

4:39 I'm able to imitate sounds really well, so I literally sounded fluent. So, I got hired by a lot of them, and they really like me. Well, so I get hired onto this thing. I memorize my script, and I do my first wedding. Goes absolutely perfectly, and then I'm doing my second wedding. That one goes perfectly, too, and it's time for my third wedding. So, during my third wedding, and I don't know what happened, but I was doing the Bible reading, right? It's basically a Bible reading.

5:03 And I'm doing the Bible reading, and I have it memorized, so I'm just kind of looking out at the crowd. And I'm like, dude, you're doing it, Mark. You're doing it. As I'm speaking, I kind of, like, say to myself, man, you're here. You're doing it. And I don't know what it was, but all of a sudden, panic, fear, absolute terror washed over me. I don't know where it came from. I don't know why it happened. But all I wanted to do was run. Now, a lot of you guys listening who have never experienced this are like, okay, that doesn't sound too bad.

5:30 But those of you who have had panic attacks, it is the absolute most terrifying thing you can ever experience as a human being. And all I wanted to do was run. And I saw the door to my left, and I was like, dude, get the fuck out. Run away. And, in fact, it was like the tubes were closing in. It was like my vision started closing, and I could see the blackness coming into just a little circle in front of me. And it was absolute terror.

5:54 I thought I was going to throw up. I thought I was going to pass out. It was just like, go, go, go. I must have been fucking pale. I feel so sorry for that couple because I must have just turned stark white, right? And I started sweating, of course, profusely. Like, after the wedding, my entire shirt was soaked. It was the single most horrible experience of my life until when I'm about to tell you what happened next. So I said to myself, and I'm really proud.

6:18 This is one of my proudest moments. I said, I will fucking die before I ruin this couple's wedding. I will fucking die here. If I pass out, if I throw up, I don't give a shit. I am not fucking quitting on these people. So fortunately, I didn't pass out. Fortunately, I was able to eke through the rest of the ceremony and pull off the wedding. And then I get to the back, and I'm like drenched in sweat. And the lady comes up to me. She's like, are you okay?

6:41 Like, what happened? I was like, I can't do the next wedding. Like, I'm totally terrified. I can't do it. And she starts freaking out because she had a wedding scheduled for like an hour later in that same location. So somehow she convinced me. My boss called me. They both convinced me to do it. And of course, before that fourth wedding, I had a fear of the fear. And a lot of you guys listening who have had panic attacks can relate to this. You fear having a panic attack, which actually creates the fucking panic attack.

7:10 So long story short, and it's a very long story. I did weddings for a year, and I've done 200 weddings. Every single one of those, brother, I had a fucking panic attack in. I was absolutely terrified of. I would throw up before every single one. I used to not sleep before. I used to not eat the entire week leading up to it. I looked like a fucking skeleton. I went home for Christmas, and my parents actually pulled me aside. And they're like, dude, are you eating in Japan?

7:39 Like, what the hell's with the Japanese diet? You look horrendous. My eyes were sunken in. I look like bones with skin on it. So I couldn't tell them. You know, you can't tell people. They don't understand. Like, you don't get how much fear I'm going through and this misery that I'm going through. And every single day, it was war, dude. I used to jam this lemon candy that was super sugary up behind my molar because I felt I was going to like pass out. And I felt if I just pumped enough sugar into my system, I could keep going through the wedding.

8:11 Some weddings were better than others, but other weddings, like little things would trigger me, and I'd have that same panic attack. It would just be pure panic. And what it was, dude, is I couldn't escape. I was stuck there for 20 minutes. And it felt like I was like in the back of a cave, and there was like a demon coming to kill me, and I couldn't escape. It was that kind of feeling. Now, some of you guys might be wondering, why would you do 200 weddings when it was like the worst thing that ever happened to you?

8:37 I was applying for a visa through the wedding company, and I couldn't go. I couldn't get out of the job. So I kept trying to get out of the job, but then they told me, well, if you get out of the job, your visa is going to be revoked, and then you got to go back to the United States. So as my visa was pending, I had to do the job. And I didn't have any other monetary prospects, right? I could have taught English. Those guys don't make dick.

9:00 I was making $100 per wedding, which at the time was a lot. I'd make like $800 in a weekend and then have Monday through Friday to study Japanese. So that's why I stuck with it. So as I talk about it, this is why I avoided it for all those months is I just fucking hate talking about it. I hate thinking about it. But interestingly enough, it feels like somebody else's lifetime, not even my own lifetime. It doesn't even feel like it happened to me. It feels like it happened to somebody else because I've gotten through it.

9:26 Now, here's the ironic thing is Marissa and I yesterday were talking about God and she's like, well, you know, if there is a God, then why are kids born to drug dealers? Why are there murderers? Why are there these horrible things that happen such as what happened to you? And I was like, listen, that thing that happened to me, that panic attack, anxiety, agoraphobic thing was the best thing that ever happened to me. There needs to be darkness to set up the stage for greatness. And if you too are suffering from anxiety, if you're suffering from panic attacks or agoraphobia or whatever you're suffering from, that darkness is there to set up your ability to rise from it as I did.

10:02 And I literally do not feel that I could be your dating coach today. I don't feel I could be a coach to all these amazing guys that come into my program unless I went through that crucible. It's kind of like hell week, right? You go through that shit and prove that that which does not kill you only makes you stronger. So through that year, I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I was an absolute mess. All I did was study Japanese because I was trying to become a Japanese translator, which eventually I did become.

10:30 So as those months went on, somehow I got used to the panic attacks. I got used to the fear. And it's just amazing what the human body and the human soul and the human spirit can endure, what it can get through when it has to go through. And the thing too about it was like, I was in a foreign country. I didn't really have any friends. I just moved from the countryside to Osaka. So I literally had one friend in the area who I happened to meet in America before I moved to Japan.

10:56 We weren't like best friends. So like, dude, I was alone on top of everything else. At least if I had a brother like you, a shoulder to cry on or something like that, it would have been okay. But the sheer isolation that I felt of being in Japan in such a completely different society, going through these panic attacks and being in a situation where nobody can relate to me that like exacerbated it. So the years going on and I'm completely unhealthy and I started looking around for solutions, obviously.

11:23 So I get on the phone with a cognitive behavioral therapist, worked with him for a few months. I didn't really feel like he understood me. It didn't help at all. In fact, in some ways, I think it made the situation worse. Then I went to a doctor, explained it to him, a Japanese doctor. He looked at me with wrinkled eyebrows and like people pretend to understand what you're going through, but you'll never understand. Like you listening, if you're dealing with something like this, no one will ever understand what you're going through.

11:49 Not even me. Okay. Like Marissa, my girl, I've told her about this and she's like, oh my God, that sounds horrible. But you can tell they just don't get it. Like the biggest fucking fear you can possibly imagine just washing through your entire body and you feel like you're going to fucking die unless you run and you have to stay there because you can't escape. You can't breathe. You can't see. You can't feel. Everything is pain and you just got to get through it because you don't want to ruin these people's experience.

12:17 So I got through it, man. It was the worst year of my life. And by the way, I was 28 years old and oftentimes these anxiety things usually happen to guys in their 20s. So I'm going to give you some tips. Stick with me. I'm going to give you tips. Even for you guys who don't have panic attacks, the tips I want to give you are super, super effective for just managing yourself, for managing stress, et cetera. Okay. So I was on medication, didn't fucking work, just made me feel like a zombie.

12:42 Got off of that. I was researching. I was hopeless. I just needed a solution. And that's when I found NLP. And a lot of you guys questioned me like, why are you so into NLP? Why do you believe in it so much? Because bro, it fucking saved my life. It saved my life. And I'm kind of getting teary eyed right now. Woo. Got to walk that one off, man. Tear came out of my non-shooting eye. But I believe it, dude. It saved my life. And I've seen it have so much effect on my brothers and my clients and everyone who's been through my program who has experienced this NLP fucking saved my life.

13:14 So I researched this and I found this guy. He's an NLP practitioner who was willing to jump on the phone with me. We get on the phone. He takes me through a series of NLP protocols. I swear on my father's grave. And I need to stress, I do not swear on my father's grave unless I'm completely serious. That shit was gone within two fucking weeks. Gone. After that, man, I was sold, right? I'm like, this shit's the shit. I'm doing this. I'm going to become an NLP practitioner myself.

13:41 This shit saved my life. And that's what I believe too. The reason I had to have this anxiety was to discover NLP. The reason I had to be horrible with women. Couldn't get laid in the Amsterdam red light district with $100 euros strapped to my penis. I was so bad with women. The reason I had to go through all that is so I can ascend to where I am today, which is what I was always meant to be, in my opinion. So even your calamities have reason because they set the stage, they set the foundation for your future success.

14:10 They are the black to your white. And without that blackness, without that pain, without that anxiety, you cannot rise to become what you are meant to become. And I truly believe that. I truly do. So when I get on a call with a dude on one of my free one-on-one breakthrough sessions, I never judge, man. I don't care how deep in the hole he is because I've been there too. And frankly, I've been lower than most people. So I always have compassion. I always have love because I know what suffering feels like.

14:37 And up to this point, bro, I appreciate you listening. I appreciate you lending me your ear for me to explain that literal worst fucking year of my life. And eventually, what happened, by the way, is I was trying to apply for a visa through that wedding company. But the Japanese government doesn't like wedding companies of these Western-style weddings. So they actually denied my visa, deported my ass. And then I landed in Hawaii. And that's when I was a Japanese translator. I had gone through my anxiety already.

15:07 That's when I got really into spirituality. And that's when I got really deep into getting girls. And then the rest is kind of history, as they say. But I was deported, which in Japanese is pronounced Kiyosei Silkan. And it's kind of funny to me because I always say that to Japanese people. I was like, Kiyosei Silkan Sareito, which means my ass got deported. It always makes them laugh. So I was deported, which also was a great thing that happened to me. Landed in Hawaii. Had amazing good times there.

15:33 Then I went to California. Then I went to Arizona. Had to move out of Arizona because I was gaming so many girls. I got a horrible reputation there. And it completely blew out my whole situation, which is why I ended up in Colorado, which is where I'm at today. So I want to share with you boys the five things that I used to get over this. Now, obviously, NLP was the biggest game changer. And I'm not able to share the same NLP protocols that my coach did to me.

15:59 I do that for my paying clients. So if you come into the three-month coaching program, you have access to all of that. And by the way, gentlemen, I am intending to create an NLP protocol that I'm going to sell separately from my coaching program. For example, if you're not just into getting girls, but you just want to work on your anxiety, your approach anxiety, your panic attacks, I'm actually going to make protocols that are just individualized. And that's going to come out in the next like three to four months.

16:25 I'm going to do one on anxiety slash approach anxiety slash panic attacks. I'm going to do one on premature ejaculation, one on erectile dysfunction, and then a few others that I'm spitballing. But the ones where it's like confidence becoming more masculine, that is saved for my coaching clients and my coaching program. So rather than emailing me, asking me if I have anything that can help you out, go to my website and look under coaching. If you don't see anything there yet, I haven't released it, but I guarantee you it's going to be on my website when I do release it and you'll be able to find it.

16:55 I'll also talk about it on those episodes that I'm releasing at the time that I'm releasing those NLPs. Okay. So the first thing I want you guys to know, if you are suffering from this, is that you need to face your fears directly and you need to ask yourself, what's the worst thing that can happen in this situation? Okay. So you ask yourself, what am I afraid of? Okay. I'm afraid of losing all my money. I'm afraid of losing my mind during this wedding and ruining these people's wedding.

17:23 Okay. What would that look like? What is the absolute worst situation? Then you get that situation in your head and you accept it. And you say, you know what? Even if, and this is horrible, and this is what I used to think, even if I ruin these people's wedding, it's not going to be the end of the world. It's going to be a good story for their family. They'll get another dude to marry them. It'll be a little traumatic and I definitely don't want to be the dude who does that to them.

17:47 But like, is it the end of the world? Is it like a nuclear bomb going off? Not really. Okay. So I was able to somewhat reconcile with my worst fear, which was to ruin their wedding or pass out or throw up. Oh my God. This one time I literally threw up in my mouth. I know it's disgusting, man, but I was going through hell and I just like swallowed it. What do you do, dude? I was fucking on stage in front of all these people. I have pictures of myself.

18:12 I look like a goddamn skeleton. However, I always got good reviews because I really tried hard. And the thing I did is I always focused on love because I read somewhere that love is the opposite of fear. So I focused on love of my family, love of my brother, love of my friends, love of even the couple who I was doing this wedding for. And that helped a substantial amount. But you always imagine, boys, like when you have anxiety, first of all, identify what you're anxious about.

18:37 If it's money, ask yourself, well, what's the worst that can happen? If I lose all my money, would I be able to still live? Would I be able to eat X, Y, Z or do so-and-so job to keep myself afloat? Yeah, I could probably do that. And then you can accept it and you're not so anxious about it. The second thing I want you to know, particularly for those who have anxiety and panic attacks and even agoraphobia, is you cannot lose your mind because of your anxiety.

19:02 I know for me, I was afraid of the fear basically making me lose my mind, like go completely crazy in front of these people when I was doing their wedding or when I was at home, like suffering the entire week, dreading the next weekend's weddings. I would think that I'm going to lose my mind. I would tell myself, dude, if this stress continues, I'm going to fucking lose my shoe tomorrow. I'm going to go completely crazy, come completely unpeeled and lose my mind. But it's been proven that you can't lose your mind through anxiety.

19:31 They aren't interrelated. Okay. You can definitely lose your health as I did, but you can't lose your mind. And I'll tell you, the human body can take a fucking beating, dude. Like I took a beating like hell week for an entire year and I'm fine today. I'm super healthy. The body regenerates every seven years or whatever it is. So I don't worry about it. It was a crucible that I had to go through in order to get to my station in life today. And yeah, it was worth it, man.

19:57 It was the best thing that ever happened to me. The third thing to do is to watch the energy and accept it as if you chose it. Now, this is a huge spiritual practice that in conjunction with the NLP that I was doing helped me significantly to completely alleviate myself of stress. And I still do it to this day. You basically find where in your body you feel the anxiety. For me, it's in my solar plexus, which is right between my pecs. But other people get in their shoulders, between their ears, even in their hands.

20:27 Wherever it is for you, I want you to watch the energy and even meditate on it. Just sit there feeling it, accepting it, not trying to fight it, not trying to run away from it. But instead, when you're being chased by a storm, you turn around and run through it. And that was another thing I discovered when I was trying to heal this shit. I read a book by a Zen master named Thich Nhat Hanh, I think is how you pronounce it. And he said, when you're being chased by a storm, turn around and run through it.

20:54 Once you run through it, then you faced it directly. And you can get through without it affecting you. And this goes into the term, what you resist persists, which means you're running away from the storm. And what you look at disappears. What you look at disappears. So if you have a fear, if you have something you're afraid of, bro, that's where you have to go. And that's why I say follow your fears. And that's also the book titled The Obstacle is the Way. The Obstacle is the Way.

21:22 So whatever you're fearing, whatever you're procrastinating on, whatever it is that you're most afraid of, that's your direction, dude. And for me, it was anxiety. So I was like, let's go into it. Let's feel it. Let's experiment with it. Let's really be there with it. And I'll tell you, I thought this thing was going to kill me, but I realized that it paled in comparison to the power of my attention and it could not kill me. And when you realize it's powerless over you, you no longer have panic attacks.

21:47 By the way, since those weddings, I have done fucking speeches in front of thousands of people. I have done weddings in the United States in front of people where zero fucking anxiety came in because of these techniques and more specifically because of NLP. The fourth technique is to be present. Half the reason we're anxious is because we're thinking about what can go wrong in the future or we're dwelling on the past. So bringing your attention to the present moment, not taking everything so damn seriously, and knowing that this too shall pass.

22:20 I love that bit of wisdom, man. This too shall pass. And as Mark Twain said, I've lived a life full of many troubles, most of which never happened. Why did he live a life full of many troubles? Because he's sitting there thinking about it. Like what's going to go wrong, dude? What's going to explode? What's going to happen that's going to blow out my happiness? If you're not thinking about it, but you're just present and appreciating what you have, smelling the flowers by the wayside, as it were, then you don't get so much suffering because a distant sense of threat is just that.

22:50 It's in the distance. It's in the future. And you're thinking too much about the future. Or you have guilt because of something that you did. The best way to alleviate guilt is to forgive yourself and make a pact with yourself that you are no longer that person that did that thing. And yes, even doing that thing was necessary for your development. Because like I said, black sets up white. You have no picture without both black and white. You cannot ascend to that amazing human being that you're meant to ascend to without first being a kind of shitty human being, without first having some anxiety or doing some things that you're not proud of.

23:23 Forgive yourself and keep your attention on the step that you're taking right now. All right. My fifth piece of advice is meditation. Daily meditation has been paramount to keep that devil away from my doorstep. That anxiety, that panic attack, that agoraphobia is fucking gone. Because A of all, I did NLP to get rid of it. B of all, I watched it and I accepted it as if I chose it. And third of all, I do daily meditation, which by the way, has been proven to actually make you happier, to make you healthier and make you able to experience more feeling good drugs, which are created in your brain because your frontal lobe actually grows.

24:02 They've proven this scientifically, that when you meditate, the pleasure areas of your brain physically grow. The more pleasure you have in your brain, the less anxiety can provoke you and take you over. Once I found meditation, once I discovered the what you look at disappears, which by the way, is a meditation, fucking anxiety gone. Goodbye. I was at a 10 anxiety. And if there could be anything more than 10, I was there. Now I am at zero, bagel, completely at peace, even though my life for all intents and purposes should be pretty stressful.

24:36 Got a lot of people relying on me, have a lot of responsibilities, sitting here with an audience of millions listening to me, meh, whatever. I can deal with it. I'm in the present moment. I know what I'm able to do. I'm giving you my best. I'm being genuine to you. I'm being honest. And what you do is you do your work and then step back. The only path to serenity, as it says in the Tao Te Ching. So all the studies that I've done, all the work that I've done have shown me, brother, that if you have anxiety, if you have panic attacks or any other thing that you happen to be suffering from, it's there for you to overcome it.

25:10 And you are able to overcome it. You have enough strength inside of you to surpass it. So believe in yourself and go into it as if you chose it. Watch it. Face it. Be friendly towards it. Say hello to it. And just watch what happens. It'll dissipate because what you look at disappears. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you taking the time to listen to my story. Hope you found it somewhat interesting. By the way, I have absolutely no hate for Japan whatsoever. Those four years that I lived there were some of the best of my life.

25:40 Certainly that one year was the worst of my life. But Japanese people are amazing. They're super kind. They're super compassionate. But it was just my time, man. I just had to go through the crucible and I got through it, dude. And every time I look at Japan, I always look at it as kind of like that samurai moment that made me into the warrior I am today. So I salute Japan. And for you guys who have never been there, I strongly suggest you check it out.

26:04 It is a fucking fascinating country in many different ways. Tons of cute girls, too, man. Like just eights everywhere. Just a goddamn tidal wave of eights everywhere you go. Strangely, not a lot of nines or tens. And strangely, too, not a lot of six or seven. Seems like almost every Japanese chick is like an eight. Pretty hot like you'd hit it. So that's pretty good if you ask me, because here in the United States, it's way different. Like you'll occasionally see some tens once in a while, some nines, a decent handful of eights.

26:32 But it seems like most of them are like sevens or below. You know, we got a wave of sixes out here. I'm going to be honest. But in Japan, the girls are so cute, man. And they're so friendly. It's just a loving society and a very interesting one. That's what I can say about it. So once again, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I draw podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. Again, if you're suffering from anxiety, you can overcome it, brother. Stay tuned to my podcast because I will be releasing products that can help you the way that they help me.

27:00 Thanks again for listening, and I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.