NLP Coaching Session: Why We Self Sabotage With Women, Money, and Success

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. Merry Christmas. I hope that you're having a great Christmas day, and because it's Christmas, I want to skip all those blatant advertising of my three-month program, leaving me a review, going to Instagram, et cetera, and just jump straight into the content. So in the last episode, I mentioned to you guys that I was going to discuss the supercross slash motocross rider named Austin Forkner.

0:42 Liam, my podcast editor, roger up some 450 four-stroke sounds for us. That's what I'm talking about, brother. And now let's go for a little two-stroke action, the preferred motorcycle sound. Let's hear it. That's what the fuck is up, gentlemen. If you don't watch Supercross, you need to have your head examined. It is by far the most exciting, the best, the tier one sport, in my opinion, in the entire world. Better than soccer, better than American football, better than the NBA. That shit is the shit, and it takes real fucking athletes to do it, man.

1:20 The guys have heart like you wouldn't believe. They are the strongest, toughest, most in-shape athletes in the entire world. They've actually done tests on this. They compared them to soccer players and triathletes and stuff, and they are the fittest, most in-shape athletes, literally, in any sport. So, the sport, obviously, is motocross slash supercross. It's dirt bike racing on dirt motorcycles, right? Where there's this guy, his name is Austin Forkner, continues to crash, continues to blow out his ACL, rip out his shoulder. In the last episode, I said his head fell off once, and while that's a joke, dude, this guy's got the worst luck ever.

1:58 Now, I was thinking about this guy the other day, and I'm like, why does he keep crashing? Why is it that some guys crash all the time and other guys don't? On that note, why is it that some guys are really good with women and other guys are not? Why is it that some guys attract the wrong kind of women and are attracted to the wrong kind of women and can't seem to get it straight? Why is it that some people continuously struggle with money and they just can't seem to attract the abundance that part of them really wants?

2:28 Now, that's actually the whole basis of this episode. In NLP, we call this parts theory. Parts theory. Parts theory basically means one part of you wants this, the other part of you wants that, and there's conflict between the two, and therefore, things always get self-sabotaged. So, say, for example, you really want to get good with approaching women, but you have massive approach anxiety, and you can't go approach women. Then the one time you muster up all your courage, go approach that girl, you shoot yourself in the foot seemingly by mistake, but actually probably on purpose, and it goes really badly, and you get rejected.

3:07 Then you don't want to approach girls ever again. Well, in NLP, we say that part of you wanted to approach the girl, but the stronger part of you didn't. And when you finally mustered the courage against all this resistance from that stronger part of you, it self-sabotaged your approach because it believes that you're going to be safer if you don't approach. So, anytime we have conflict within ourselves, anytime we shoot ourselves in the foot and do shit to ourselves where we're like, dude, why did I just do that?

3:38 Or why can't I get this part of my life solved? It's usually because there's a conflict. Here's my theory about Austin Forkner. I think that there's a conflict within him where he doesn't feel like he's worthy of winning, and or he thinks that the sport is dangerous, an unconscious belief system that he's going to get hurt, so he continues to get hurt. I mean, it's almost predictable. The guy gets on the start line in the beginning of the year, and you're like, hey, first fucking gate drop, homeboy's going to come out and freaking do a front flip over his handlebars and get run over by 20 other bikes, and sure enough, that's what happens.

4:13 And the guy is an absolute phenom when it comes to riding a dirt bike. Grew up on some farm in like Oklahoma or something, had his own dirt bike track in his backyard, was an absolute assassin during his early career, like super minis and 125 racing and shit. The second he became a pro, it all went downhill. So I would say, as an NLP coach, it's all in here. And if you're listening on audio, I'm pointing at my head. It's all between the ears, as I always say.

4:39 There's a conflict within him, usually between two different parts. One part of him loves supercross, wants to be a professional rider, wants to be very successful, win championships. The other part of him, there's some kind of conflict there. Maybe he thinks that becoming a champion is going to give him too much attention that he doesn't want. Maybe he thinks that he's going to make a lot of money and he doesn't deserve to make a lot of money. Or he doesn't deserve, he's not worthy of the attention, adulation, sponsorships, and everything else that comes with being a champion.

5:11 So let's look at you, brother. What areas of your life do you feel you self-sabotage or you might think you self-sabotage? Now, obviously, a lot of guys listen to this podcast because I talk about women. So do you think it's possible that you self-sabotage when it comes to women? Are you attracted to emotionally unavailable women? Do you blow yourself out? Do you refuse to approach? Do you refuse to get into a program like the one I'm offering? The reason that is is because there's a part of you that wants to keep you safe.

5:43 Now, we understand in NLP that every single thing you do, yes, you, even the bad habits, say, for example, you masturbate too much, you play too many video games, you eat like shit, whatever that bad habit is, there is an unconscious belief somewhere within you that that bad habit is going to create a positive result. Usually, you believe it's going to keep you safe or bring you to some level of peace or prevent you from getting hurt, which is actually the biggest motivating factor. I don't want you to get hurt, so I'm not going to let you get good at approaching women.

6:18 I'm not going to let you go out to the nightclubs and get blown out so hard it's going to blow the mustache off your best friend's face because I don't want you to get hurt, you stupid idiot. So here's what we do, and this is an NLP process that I often walk my clients through. We have one part of us that wants this thing and another part of us that wants the opposite. And if you have any conflict within you, if you're not purely motivated to do X, Y, Z thing, there is a conflict.

6:49 And that's so important, I want to say it again. If you're not 100% motivated, going towards that goal with aggression and enthusiasm, there is a conflict within you. And I can almost guarantee probably about 80 to 90% of guys listening, there is a conflict within you about getting good with women. There absolutely is. This, in my opinion, is the biggest conflict, and this is why, as an NLP coach, I'm so into using NLP to fix the heads of my clients because of conflicts like this, because of subconscious belief systems, metaprograms, traumas.

7:23 When you were a kid, maybe you don't want to go approach a girl because some girl blew you out super hard when you were in ninth grade, which is what happened to me. I told cute little Devin that I had a crush on her, and she's like, I'm not interested. Actually, she said, my mom won't let me date, so I'm sorry, but you're all blown out, you fucking idiot. Get out of here, Marksang. Then I had this metaprogram that was installed inside me where, dude, I couldn't approach girls.

7:48 I could literally not walk up to a girl and talk to her until I fixed this shit. So back to you, we have part of you that wants this thing, and another part of you that wants the opposite thing. Now, I'm going to do a sub-modality of a little NLP on you. Unfortunately, since you're not in my program, and since we're not able to work with each other, I can't do the creme de la creme NLP protocol, which is called parts theory, but I can do a sub-modality of it.

8:15 So here's how it goes. So what I want you to do is think about that thing that you have conflict with and think about why you don't want to do the thing or you want to do the opposite of that thing. So let's talk about approaching girls. You don't want to approach girls probably because it's going to keep you safe and you're not going to get harmed. So that's a part of you, and we could even give it a name if you want. If you feel like this part of me represents like my brother's theory or my best friend's theory or like coward theory or whatever it is, first of all, forgive that part.

8:47 That's the first step. Say, listen, I know you're trying to keep me safe, and if you name it, this becomes a lot more personal. I know you're trying to keep me safe. I respect that. I admire that, and I thank you for that. So that's the next step. Now we go to this part over here, and we say, hey, I know you want me to approach girls because the only time I get my dick wet is in the shower, and I want to go have sex, and I fucking need to pair bond with the chick, and this is ridiculous, you motherfucker.

9:13 Go approach. And now they're colliding with each other, fighting with each other. But here's what you do. You make a contract between them, yes, in your own mind, that they both can get what they want, and you do that with a subtle negotiation. Okay, so stick with me here. So the left hand, and if you're listening on audio, I'm holding up both my fists to represent the dual belief systems that are kind of fighting against each other. The left hand wants what? The left hand wants to be safe.

9:40 The left hand wants to be protected. The left hand doesn't want to get rejected. The left hand wants peace. What does the right hand want? The right hand wants to approach girls, to meet lots of girls, to date lots of girls, to get the dick wet that hasn't been wet since this morning when you took a shower, and two, to get peace. So we understand that immediately they both want similar things. They want peace. They want happiness. They want vitality. They want to succeed. So what we do is we think of all the negatives that could come out of approaching girls, which is the left hand side, and then we think of all the positives that can come out of approaching girls, which is the left hand side, and all the negatives that come out of not approaching girls.

10:27 And what I want you to do is just think about it. You don't have to write it down, although writing down will help you. Just think about it. What part of me doesn't want to approach girls? Okay, what is the positive intention behind that? What does it fear what could happen? Got that pretty much in my head. Now let's look at what part of me wants to approach girls, what positive can come out of that, and what negative can come out of not doing it. So we have positive and negative on both sides.

10:55 Then what you do, and you don't even need to think logically about this, is just ask those parts to get into an agreement that is going to be decided in your own subconscious mind. Now this is where it gets a little difficult to coach on the podcast because we actually have a modality I walk you through, a ceremony to do this where they both negotiate both what they want and what they don't want to come to an agreement. But if you ask your subconscious mind to do it, and yes, I want you to do that right now, you will get some relief from this conflict, and you will probably be able to go do what you really want, which is to approach women.

11:32 I'm telling you, the one that wants to approach women, the one that wants to get money, the one that wants to get success, the one that wants to work hard in order to get to that next level, is the one that we have to follow because you know intrinsically that that's why you're here, is to succeed, to struggle, to overcome any kind of objections, which, and I'm pointing at my left hand, are brought about because of fear, procrastination, and basically being a pussy. So, we have kind of the pussy side, which does have a positive intention, so you need to respect it, but it is the pussy side.

12:07 We have that side, and then we have the man side, which wants to go do it, crush goals, and it's a fist that's going to punch through the fucking wall. So, what you do is you ask them to negotiate, to come to an agreement, and to do this, that's all you have to say. All right, I understand, negative side, why you don't want me to approach or why you are keeping me poor, don't want me to make money, don't want me to go get that new job or move to that new city to go have a new adventure.

12:33 I get it, bro, you want to keep me safe, you want me to be at peace, you don't want me to feel the pain that I felt when I was 12 and got rejected by little Devin. I get it, and I thank you, but it's keeping me down. So, here's what I want you to do. Just talk it out with the part of me that wants me to succeed, go get girls, go get money, go move to that new city, whatever it is, just talk it out.

12:57 And I guarantee you, when you do, both of you are going to come to the same conclusion, you want the same thing. What do you want? You always want peace. You always want happiness. So, we understand, and this is why we do the ceremony, that they both want the same thing. So, they're going to negotiate with each other. You're going to sleep on it, and all you have to do is say, hey, negotiate with each other. Give me the answer when you're ready. This is why, boys, have you ever found that when you're taking a shower, ideas just come to you like that?

13:25 It's because your subconscious mind has been working on that idea in the background, behind the curtain, and then when the idea is finished and ready, it comes to you. This is the same thing that's going to happen here. Why can't I approach girls? Okay, I understand this part's keeping me safe. This part wants to get its dick wet. Got it. You guys negotiate. Figure that shit out, and let me know when you're done. And here's the amazing thing. You are going to wake up one day.

13:51 You are going to realize one day, like, oh, shit. Let's do this then. I'll approach girls, but I'm not going to hit on them, which is exactly what Mark Singh teaches anyway. I'm going to open and eject. Okay, I'm just going to do that, and I'm going to prove to Mr. Left Dude over here, the negative dude, that it's safe. I just need to prove that it's safe. Then as I go, I'm going to get more motivation to continue approaching girls, and this can happen with money, too.

14:18 All I'm going to do is just put myself out there on a side project. Prove to this part of me that I'm not going to get rejected. I'm not going to fail. I'm not going to lose my mind like my uncle did when he tried to start his own business. Whatever it is that happened to you, then once that's been proven to my subconscious mind, proven to this part of me that's been holding me back, it's going to let that other part flex up a little bit, then a little bit more and a little bit more until finally you're going after your goal in alignment, in alignment with both parts, with all parts actually invested in that thing because what did the left side want?

14:57 This part of you, the hater part, the fearful part. It wanted peace. Once it realizes that if it aligns with the part of what I want to go get, it will get peace. In fact, by preventing you from getting girls, getting money, getting a career, moving to a new place, it's actually creating more suffering for itself. So what we need to do is simple. Get our parts in alignment. And as I said, I have NLP modalities for this that are too complex and too personalized to do on some public podcast.

15:30 But what I just explained to you is a version of that that will still work. In fact, me just explaining this to you and you being like, oh, dude, that makes sense. Two parts of me want different things. That's why I have resistance. That alone can oftentimes snap you out of it. Because when you realize that both those parts want the same thing for you, which is always peace, always happiness, always enthusiasm, they will work together because two heads are better than one to get you that thing.

15:58 So we understand that going to get women is a positive thing. And that's why I'm a dating coach. You cannot convince me that being celibate by joining MidGal, men going their own way, or any other bullshit that's sold to us in today's society is better than learning the skill set to go attract women at will and choosing the best chick for you from abundance rather than scarcity. You'll never, ever, ever convince me of that. Why is because our point here is to pair bond. As a man, you literally need female energy in your life in order to be healthy.

16:32 This has been proven scientifically over and over again. So when I see people who have bought into the part that keeps them stagnant, keeps them procrastinating, keeps them flaking on the part that wants to kick ass, take names and get its dick wet, I have great compassion for guys like that because they've simply bought into hook, line, and sinker, the fear part of them, the procrastinator part of them, that part of them that is derived of weakness. Now, gentlemen, anytime you have a conflict, say, okay, what is it that this part wants?

17:05 And what is it that this part wants? All right, guys, you're going to understand that you want the same thing, which is peace, happiness, and enthusiasm. So go work it out, negotiate, and give me the idea as to how I can do XYZ thing while still satisfying both of you. Go work it out. Then you're going to be in the shower one day, gentlemen, and that idea is going to pop right into your head. Now, obviously, if you want to work with me to get down to the nitty gritty on your belief systems, on your metaprograms, on those things that are holding you back, such as parts theory and NLP, I have a three-month coaching program.

17:41 And in that three-month coaching program, I make you a custom three-month NLP protocol that goes after bullshit like this, in addition to a myriad of other protocols that clean up the bullshit in your head. Because as I always say, and it's very cliche, but everything starts between your two ears. Your success is predicated on what's going on in here, and I'm pointing at my head. So if you want to join us, you know what to do. Click the link in the description below. Fill out the quick application you and I will email back and forth with each other.

18:11 If it feels right to you and feels right to me, you're going to get on a free one-on-one, one-hour NLP session with my partner, my wingman, Victor Lynch, an absolute champion, who's going to help you determine whether or not we can at least 10x your results with women, but also with life. If I could just get my hands on Austin Forkner for an hour, I know I can completely change that guy's life. And I'm not trying to discredit the work that he's done. Maybe he does have coaches already, and they haven't been able to have a breakthrough with him.

18:40 But I really think it's parts theory that's keeping him in the injured seats, in this hospital, completely blowing out every single chance he has to become a champion. I think it's all in here, man, and you won't convince me otherwise. I know bad things happen to good people. I understand that accidents happen, but most of the time, accidents are self-created because of friction between two different parts of you. He doesn't want to succeed on some level, so he self-sabotages. That's my theory anyway. Take it or leave it.

19:13 Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. As a reminder, I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. Want to wish you again a Merry Christmas. Hope you got all the gifts you've ever wanted, including waking up with a girl on your dick tomorrow morning, because, brother, you deserve it. We all deserve it. No more do we only want our dick to get wet in the shower. We deserve better than that. And I'm here for you if you want to go achieve it. All right, guys, thanks for listening, and I will see you in the next episode.

19:40 I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.