PERFECTIONIST? Yeah I thought so. This one's for you!

0:00 See you later, masturbator. After a while, pedophile. Take it easy, Cap'n Sleazy. Bye-bye, small penis guy. Ta-ta, A-cup, brah. After supper, motherfucker. Take care there, pussy hair. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. You know, I should have started this episode about 10 minutes ago, but I got my whole sound studio set up, which I basically build on my desk.

0:47 I put a soundboard in front of me, soundboards on the side of me. I actually wrap my entire microphone in sweatshirts, and I make my own sweatshirts. I have my own logo on them, and I make sure that the logo that says, be your own hero on it, is actually facing me while recording. So I get this all perfected. Everything's good to go. And I realized I forgot to plug in my goddamn mixer, which needs to be pulled out in front of everything and plugged in.

1:13 And so I had to break it all down and plug in my mixer, and I was like, you idiot. What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be a perfectionist, you moron. But I said, no, no, no, Mark, because being a perfectionist is stupid, absolutely stupid, and it's crushing. A lot of your results with women, if you are a perfectionist, and many of us are, particularly when guys listen to this podcast, but not only is it screwing up your results with women, but it's messing up your results with life as a whole, because taking risks, putting yourself out there, being willing to fail is a gigantic part of being a success.

1:46 In fact, it could be said that success is like a ladder, and the rungs on the ladder are actually your failures. And God knows I have failed many, many times on my way to becoming a successful dating coach. An alpha male, at least in my own definition of what an alpha male is, I have failed countless times. If you guys even knew how many times I've tried to start businesses, how many times I've absolutely just crashed and burned becoming a seduction coach, but also just a businessman, an entrepreneur, it will blow your mind.

2:18 And a lot of people who get into the dating space don't want to make any mistakes whatsoever with women, and I'll tell you, that is the wrong mentality to come from. If you're not willing to get rejected, if you're not willing to take the L from time to time, you're not going to have success. And anytime I talk to a guy and I ask him, how many times have you been rejected? And they tell me any number below 100, I know that they haven't really put in the work.

2:45 I know they haven't really achieved any kind of level of mastery when it comes to this. So that perfectionism, that needing to be a perfectionist is absolutely shooting yourself in the foot. And we're going to talk about that today. Before I jump into the podcast, I want to let you guys know that I really sincerely appreciate the reviews lately. They've been absolutely phenomenal. You guys are coming out of the woodwork. It just amazes me how many champions there are out there that actually take the time to leave a review, to let me know how I'm doing.

3:15 And just the insights and the things that you guys are saying and the kind of angles you're coming from are really impressing me because it's things I've never thought of before either. And when you look at those reviews, you realize that this podcast is really something special. And I just feel like I'm along for the ride. You know, I just feel like this manifests from some, I don't know, deeper intelligence, from spirit, as it were. And things are just talking through me. I don't even know what the fuck I'm going to say half the time.

3:40 And that's because I often let go of that need to be a perfectionist and just let the track flow like smoking your lungs from puffing on the endo, as Cypress Hill is apt to say. And it just turns out really good most times, and I got great reviews, and I just really want to thank you guys for leaving me those reviews. And if you want to leave me a review on iTunes and you want to do a five stars with hopefully some writing behind it, I'd really appreciate it.

4:06 Email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com, and I will send you a bunch of cool shit. All right, guys. So with that out of the way, let's go ahead and jump into the content. So to lay the foundation as to why perfectionism is downright stupid is because perfectionism is oftentimes an excuse to give up because you think that the end product defines you. You think that it's not about the journey, but it's about the final destination. And if you don't succeed, if you don't kick ass, then that defines you in some kind of way.

4:35 You are externally validated when you are a perfectionist, putting way too much emphasis on the result rather than the journey, and you think that the final product defines you rather than the effort. And this is often created because your parents affirmed you too much and your parents supported you in the wrong kind of way, typically through your earliest years, which are from about three years old till about ten years old. So your parents would often give you compliments like, oh my God, you're so smart, you're so amazing, you're talented, you're naturally really skillful, you're just basically a genius.

5:10 So what that sets up is what's called a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is the mindset that you are born the way you are, and you can't, through failure, improve yourself. And you shouldn't, through failure, improve yourself. That everything you do, every assignment you turn in for school, every game you play in soccer, every project you do for your hobbies, needs to land perfectly to affirm to yourself the truth that your parents installed in your head before you could defend yourself that you are perfect, that you are talented, that you are smart, that you are capable.

5:45 So a lot of times, parents' affirming words often backfire with children because they set up the precedence that you are born a certain way and you just are how you are, and your results need to prove that over and over again, lest you fail and you realize that your parents were indeed wrong about you, and instead you're actually a failure, and then your self-esteem is crushed. So with perfectionists, oftentimes, their self-esteem has already been crushed because inevitably and invariably, through life, we fail. In fact, it could be said that life is set up in a certain way to teach us the biggest lessons about life through failure.

6:22 And like I talked about, failure is actually a good thing because it's those wrongs on the ladder. So oftentimes, when we're a perfectionist, it's really just a fear of failure, isn't it? We don't want to fail because, again, we think that it defines us in some certain way, and we think that the final result is more important than the journey itself. Now, this mindset is especially detrimental when it comes to women because rejection, like I said, is all part of the game. You'll talk to a guy, and he'll say he's never been rejected by a girl, right?

6:51 He'll say, yeah, I've had like X many girlfriends. I've never been rejected by a girl. That tells me that he hasn't actually put himself out there, and I can almost guarantee you that this guy is chosen rather than choosing the girls that he wants to be with. And this happens to a lot of you guys. I talk to you guys on a day-to-day basis, and a lot of you listeners often say, Mark, it's amazing how when I'm listening to the podcast, I feel like you're talking directly to me.

7:14 Well, I am talking to you, and I want you to know that there's millions of men out there listening along with you who share this same predicament, that we are oftentimes chosen by girls rather than being able to choose the ones we actually want. The girls who choose us are usually not up to our standards. They're kind of cute. They might have a nice ass. They have a good personality. Our mom says that they're great, so we date them. And we end up with the chick who chose us rather than us choosing them because we're too afraid.

7:44 We're too much of a perfectionist to put ourselves out there and try to get the girls who we really want. So, and this happens for so many men out there, we end up with a wife who isn't exactly up to our standards. She isn't exactly what we want, but we would rather not fail to attract a woman than to put ourselves out there and possibly get rejected on the way up to getting women because we're so ensconced in this perfectionist viewpoint that we think if we're rejected by one, two, three, four, five women, it defines who we are as a man and our confidence, our self-esteem is so weak, we think it's gonna crush it completely and we're gonna end up in the corner of our room crying in the cannonball position, masturbating in a pool of our own tears.

8:26 But I'm telling you, you are stronger than the perfectionist meta program that somebody put in your head and perfectionism is stupid. It's an excuse not to get started. It's procrastination masquerading as quality control. It's procrastination masquerading as quality control and it's derived of fear, fear of failure. Why are we so afraid of failure? What is it about our society? What is it about the human mind as a whole that says failure is such a bad thing? I'm here to tell you that failure is actually a good thing.

9:00 In fact, it's where the lessons are learned. It's where the growth is. It's where you become the best version of yourself through failure, moving into your fears. You're being chased by a storm. Do you know what you do? You don't run faster. You turn around and you run directly into it and you face that motherfucker head on. When my guys come into the program and they have any issues with anxiety, do you know what we do? We face it directly. We look at it. We sit with it.

9:26 We feel it. We accept it. That is the opposite of perfectionism. Perfectionism wants everything to be perfect. Doesn't want the fear so it runs away from it. Doesn't want the failure so it tries to escape it. We don't want a definition from anybody outside itself saying that you aren't good enough because your internal frame is so weak that other people's opinion could crumble it. Hence, we have perfectionism. People who are shy are living in fear. Shyness doesn't even exist. Shyness is basically, I'm afraid of what you think of me so I don't want to speak up and get rejected.

10:01 Shyness is weakness. Not approaching that girl is weakness. Settling for a girl who isn't up to your standards because you're so afraid of rejection that you won't even approach the girl you really want so you accept the one that will accept you and you marry her and you end up on your deathbed with regrets. Perfectionism is shooting us in the foot. When it comes to perfectionism, for a lot of us, and I dare say I had this myself, we also have a subconscious belief that we will arrive to a point where everything is perfect, where everything will be done, everything will be settled, our room will be cleaned, we'll have the perfect bed, we'll have the perfect clothes, we'll have the perfect haircut, the perfect body, the perfect job, the perfect girl, the perfect fill in the blank and we will finally be complete and we can finally get on that beach, sit down, get our margarita and chill because everything is done and everything is perfect.

10:53 That is a fucking illusion. And that is an illusion that's perpetuated by marketing companies, sales companies, things people want to sell you to make you feel like you can finally be complete and the end justifies the means. You know what's really interesting is communism is actually a pretty idealistic, perfectionist-based belief that has killed over 600 million people in the 20th century alone. Think about that. That is the ends justifies the means. Create a present hell in a belief of a perfect future, which is perfectionism incarnate and all it does is create suffering in your life.

11:29 You see, life is designed not to be perfect. I don't know if this is news for you guys. I don't know if you haven't had enough evidence yet to substantiate this and to prove this to your own subconscious mind. Life is designed to be imperfect. You will never be perfect. You will never arrive. There's always going to be things about yourself that you don't like. There's always going to be things that happen in your life that keep it from being perfect. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you get over this unconscious grasp of perfectionism, both in the circumstances of your life and your own expectations of yourself, the sooner you are going to arrive to peace.

12:08 And if you haven't figured this out yet, life's entire purpose, the entire purpose you're here, brother, I'm going to tell you right now what it is, is to make you grow, is to make you evolve, is to make you develop. And the more you cling on to a perfect life, the more you cling on to needing those perfect results, the more you cling on to your parents or your friends or whoever the fuck it was who put the meta program in your head that you need to be perfect, the more you are going to suffer.

12:39 And the less you are going to grow in this life. You are going to avoid challenges. You are going to beat yourself up over results that aren't exactly what you wanted. You are going to sabotage your confidence, your self-esteem, and most importantly, you are going to sabotage your peace. Because being able to sit comfortably in the eye of the storm, where things are dismantled around you, where things aren't perfect, where you go to bed at night and your room isn't completely clean, that job isn't completely done, your body isn't completely where you want it to be, and to be at peace in that chaos, that peace in the imperfectionism is perfection itself.

13:17 Think about that. That is some deep ass shit, brother. That's going to keep you occupied for the next half an hour, hopefully. When you accept the imperfection, that's where perfection is. It's your ability to sit quietly in the eye of the storm and say yes to all that is, even those things that are imperfect in your life. If you haven't figured it out yet, brother, problems are never solved. They're just rearranged. I was actually talking to this really hot girl the other day, and she was saying how busy she is and how when she solves one problem, another one just comes in.

13:47 And I said to her, I was like, yeah, it's the way life is designed. How boring would it be if we didn't have our problems? How boring would it be if we didn't have challenges? You think sitting on the beach with a margarita is actually where you want to arrive? Believe me, you don't want to be there. The second you get that $100 million, that perfect girlfriend, that perfect body, and you go sit on Aruba on the beach and have that margarita, you're going to get sick of that shit in about two days flat.

14:12 We are designed to tackle problems. Your testosterone increases when you tackle problems. Your masculinity flourishes when you tackle problems. Problems, imperfections, rejections, are a necessary part of the fabric of life because that spurs your growth and your growth, your evolution, the evolution of human consciousness as a whole is the purpose of life. I'm going to do a podcast episode about what I believe the purpose of life is. It ties into God. It ties into the bigger purpose of why we're here. But I'm just going to say a little piece of it right now.

14:45 It's not perfect. I'm not going to say it perfectly because fuck perfectionism. But here's the point of life. It's the evolution of human consciousness. It's the awakening to what we really are, which is love. And in order to awaken to that pure love that's inside of you, that peace that's inside of you, you have to get comfortable with imperfections because life, this manifested world, this illusion that we're living in, the whole purpose of it is to give you challenges. The whole purpose of it is to make you fail.

15:13 The whole purpose of it is to set up a precedence that is completely opposite of what you really are, which is peace, reality, and perfection. So once you accept the imperfections of all that life is, the manifested world, then you can settle into the perfectionism that your soul is in its very core. All right, I'm going really down a rabbit hole here. Let's come back a little bit to reality, okay? This is what I want to say to you. Rather than placing expectations on circumstances being perfect, perfect your life in the way that growth becomes your prime directive.

15:48 I want to say that again. Rather than placing expectations on circumstances being perfect, perfect your life in a way that growth becomes your number one directive. Growth, growth, growth, because that's why you're here. What is the point of you living your entire life trying to grow, trying to better yourself, trying to learn, trying to develop, trying to become more peaceful, become more enlightened as it were? What is the point of that? I believe the point of it is the collective human consciousness and your growth is a necessary part of that.

16:22 That's why there's the saying, the lack of your best hurts everything. Think about that. The lack of your best hurts everything and being a perfectionist while you think it's your best is actually the lack of your best because you're not willing to really put yourself out there to flow with it, to be creative, to wear your heart on your sleeve, to set yourself on fire and let other people watch you burn because you're a perfectionist. You are holding back from me. You are holding back from humanity your true gifts because you expect them to be perfect and they will never be perfect.

16:54 Your lack of your best hurts everything and when you are a perfectionist, you think you're giving your best but it's procrastination masquerading as quality control and when you realize this, no longer are you obsessed with the destination but you're obsessed with the journey and if you can accept the imperfections in your life, all of them, even your looks, even your personality, even those things that you absolutely hate about yourself, you accept them as if you yourself chose them. When you're able to accept those imperfections, that's what's called grace and listen to this, those who live in hope are those who live without grace.

17:33 Think about that. Those who cling to hope are those who live without grace because you hope things are going to get better in the future. You hope the destination will justify the suffering that you're going through right now. You hope the end will justify the means. The same reason communism has failed time and time again and will continue to fail because it's a perfectionist mindset. Everybody can be the same. Everybody can be happy. Everybody gets the same resources. It's a fucking illusion that's based on a perfectionist ideal and what does it do?

18:03 It creates suffering in the here and now. Just as your perfectionism as well as my perfectionism in the past has created suffering both for me and for you throughout our lives. And brother, here's a big lesson for you. Sometimes you just have to take the loss, man. Sometimes you just have to take the loss. You know, when I'm out in the nightclubs, when I'm doing day game, when I'm doing anything, I take losses sometimes. I really do. And even in this podcast, some episodes are better than others.

18:30 Hell, this might be a completely shitty episode. There could be listeners right now like, dude, what the fuck is this guy talking about? He's not reaching me. And that way, I took the loss. And that way, I took a failure. And you know what? When you are willing to take the loss and when you take it like a man does, the ability to laugh at yourself, the ability to be humorous, the ability to not take yourself so seriously, the ability to let go of results and just enjoy the process, you can surrender to that loss and say, you know what?

18:58 This loss is actually going to grow me as a man. And once again, growth should be your prime directive. And when it is, you have already achieved the perfectionism that you've been trying to go for all along. Because perfectionism is not achieved via circumstances. Perfectionism is achieved when you let go of the need to be perfect and just settle into life with equanimity, with the ability to be rejected, with the ability to take the loss, smile at it, be unaffected by it, not be relying so much on what other people think of you, not relying so much on what your report card says, how many girls checked you out that night, how many phone numbers you got, how many girls you had sex with that month, but instead, your success is predicated by the amount of peace that you have in your heart, having let go of that need to be perfect.

19:51 And when it comes to women, especially boys, I know a lot of you guys listen because you want to get better with girls. It's all about just throwing spaghetti on the wall and seeing what sticks. It's all about letting go of needing to be perfect, letting go of needing to be validated by women and being internally validated and placing your own feeling of being your own hero on the effort, not the result. I want you to go get rejected. I want you to go say something silly.

20:17 I want you to go embarrass yourself and put social pressure on yourself and walk away knowing, yeah, brother, I had the balls to do that because I am internally validated. I don't give a fuck what they think of me. I am my own hero because I base my feelings about myself, I base my feelings of perfection based on that effort, not the results, based on what I'm doing to help both my own growth and if you're like me and you have compassion for others, the collective growth of humanity by putting yourself out there, going into fear willingly, going into discomfort willingly, stop running away from the storm by turning around and going straight into it, knowing that perfectionism is already within you and it's the letting go of needing circumstances to be perfect because they'll never be perfect.

21:03 It's an illusion sold to us by marketing companies and people who just want to take your money. It's a fucking illusion and the perfect girl is also an illusion as I've talked about in previous episodes. The perfect life is the life that is lived in peace and love and love is the opposite of fear. Fear creates perfectionism. And perfectionism leads to nothing but suffering as both myself as a lot of you listeners have experienced. So I know this was a deep one, brother, and basically the point is the 10,000 foot perspective, the quick sum up is perfectionism is stupid.

21:38 Kick that shit to the curb. Instead, focus on the effort, not the result. Who gives a shit if you get rejected? Who gives a shit if you fail? In fact, we want to go into failure and we want to fail quickly because failure are the wrongs of success. The only reason that I am successful in my life and when I say successful, I mean when I look in the mirror and I can be my own hero. My success isn't determined on what you think of me, brother.

22:03 My success isn't determined on how much money I make, how many hot chicks I've had sex with, how hot my girlfriend is. That doesn't fucking matter. The only thing that matters is what I think of myself. Am I my own hero? Goddamn right I am. Goddamn right I am. And that's perfection. This episode was not perfect by any means. I'm going to go back and listen to it, hear the mistakes, be like, yo-ho, you went way too down the rabbit hole in that one part. But you know what?

22:27 I'm just putting myself out there. I'm lighting myself on fire and letting you guys watch me burn fearlessly, fearlessly. I don't give a fuck what you think of me. The only thing I care about is myself. I'm sitting here trying my very best, trying to give you the best fucking content I can. And I'm going to do as the Tao Te Ching says. Once your work is done, step back and let it go. Because you cannot dictate what people think of you. The only thing you can control is your own effort and what you think of yourself.

22:56 So I want you to go out there and fail. I want you to go out there and get rejected. I want you to go out there and put your heart on your sleeve, set yourself on fire and let other people watch you burn. And even if they don't accept you, you don't give a shit because you accept yourself for having the courage to do it. You are your own hero. Tonight, before you go to bed, I want you to look in the mirror and say to yourself, brother, I respect you.

23:18 I appreciate you. I like you. I love you. You are my own hero. It's when you let go of the need to be perfect that you can arrive to that point and consequently and ironically and fucking awesomely, people start to respect you because of it. Girls get attracted to you because of it. You make more money because of it and nothing has control over you anymore. Can you see how this works? You are fearless. And what is the opposite of fear? It's love. Love of yourself, brother.

23:46 I want you to love yourself. That's the most important thing in this life and that's perfection. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. Thank you so much for sitting with me through that deep dive into some deep ass spiritual shit. I absolutely love talking about this stuff. I actually have goosebumps right now because it gets me so fired up. If it does the same for you, I'd love to meet you, man. Sign up for a free one-on-one breakthrough session with me by going to my website, click on coaching, fill in the quick application, just takes a couple of minutes.

24:15 You'll send that in. I'll email with you a couple of times to make sure we're a good fit for each other and then we will get you on my schedule and you and I will talk about your issues with women and perhaps some of the meta programs in your brain that are making you a perfectionist, that are making you so goddamn dependent on the result rather than the effort that even after this episode, you can't really get your mind around what I was saying and you just can't get yourself there.

24:39 Well, that could be because of programs in your brain. I use NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, to help remove those programs from my clients' brains so they can operate fearlessly through love and not give a shit what other people think. They're unapologetic about who they are and they accept themselves. They are their own hero. They're highly confident and I want to give you that ability that all my clients get when they go through my three-month coaching program. So once again, CoachMarkZing.com click on coaching, fill in the goddamn slap in the Jesus and you and I will get on that free one-on-one breakthrough session together.

25:15 All right, gentlemen, I got another awesome one dropping on Thursday, Thanksgiving. It's all about belief systems and why your belief systems make you unattractive to women and the 10 most prevalent belief systems kind of ties into what we talked about today, but it's really, really going after those things that just make you unable to attract women and again, you end up getting chosen rather than choosing the girl you actually want to be with. We're going to dive deep into that on Thursday, so stay tuned for the next one and I will see you in the next episode.

25:44 We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you then. We'll see you then. We'll see you then. We'll see you then.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.