The Alpha Male Way to Leverage YOUR ANGER (Become its Master, Not its Slave)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me today. And you might be a little bit pissed off right now. Your jets are a little hot. You're all fired up. And you want to know how you can deal with this anger that, like me, you experience a little more often than you want to experience.

0:39 I have a little bit of a short fuse. I come unpeeled way more often than I'd like to. But I've been able to not only control my anger, but also learn ways to prevent it from spiking up in the first place. So those are some of the things I want to share with you today. I always try to over deliver in this podcast. And I believe I'm going to say five ways to leverage or overcome your anger in the title. But I actually want to give you more like nine different ways.

1:06 So we got a lot of things to go over. But before I jump into that, I want to let you guys know that my free one-on-one Zoom consultation is still open. So if you'd like to meet with me and discuss your desires to attract women at will, your desires to get over your approach anxiety, your desires to stop being angry with women and stop being angry with life because life isn't delivering the results. If you're not delivering yourself the results that you really want in life, then go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com.

1:38 Click on coaching, fill out the goddamn slap in the biscuit, get on my schedule, and you and I will meet on that one-on-one call together and see if you're a good fit for my three-month coaching program. A big part of that program and something we're going to discuss today is how to reprogram your brain so you're no longer so affected by the whims and flows of life's strange, inevitable movements. And what that means is for a lot of us who get angry easily, and like I said, I'm definitely one of those guys, at least I was, we are programmed incorrectly where we expect certain things from life and we don't have the right viewpoint, we don't have the right frame, we don't have the right perspective.

2:19 So everything pisses us off. We're always disappointed, we're always frustrated, and we always feel like we're at the whims of life's inevitable flows and we're not on our inner balance point, which is extremely unattractive to women. I'm going to discuss that in a minute. But if you feel like life is throwing you to and fro, if you feel like you're just a leaf on the river of life or better yet in the storm of life and you have no control of it whatsoever and it freaking pisses you off, then this coaching is specifically for you, let's jump on the phone and talk about it, man.

2:52 Just like I am completely honest with you guys on this podcast, I want you to feel comfortable and safe to be completely honest with me because, brother, I've been there. I've had the anxiety. I've had the panic attacks. I've had the rage deep in my heart, both against myself manifesting as suicidal tendencies, but also against women. I was the biggest hater that ever was when it came to women and I realized that too was seriously affecting my attractiveness to them. So, again, if you want to get on that phone call with me, sign up at my website, coachmarksing.com.

3:26 Click on coaching. It'll take you all through it. All right. Without further ado, let's go ahead and jump into the content. So, as I like to do, and what you should do anytime you're giving a speech, is I like to start things out with a story. So, today I was at the Salvation Army dropping off some things to donate and I'm driving through the parking lot and I'm following this guy who's driving really slow. And I'm like, come on, man. There's nobody in front of him.

3:50 He was going like two miles per hour and I'm just like, all right, relax. Don't get pissed. And like I said, guys, I got that short fuse myself. So, especially with road rage, I get it pretty easily. I've gotten better. I've gotten a lot better, but I was still getting a little irritated. Wanted to get my day going. Let's go. Get the lead out. Gas is on the right. Okay. So, he's driving real slow. Then he stops. And I was like, Jesus Christ. I'm like sitting right behind him.

4:15 And I'm just about to honk when I notice that he puts it in reverse. And you know how those lights come on, the white lights in reverse. And I was like, what the hell? And like if he backed up, he was going to hit me. So, he starts backing up and I'm like, the fuck? So, I put it in reverse and I start going backwards and he's coming at me quick. And I start blowing my horn, blowing my horn, blowing my horn. And then there's somebody behind me.

4:37 So, I have to stop. Dude, this guy got within one freaking inch. I cannot believe he didn't hit me. So, he's going back and I'm blowing my horn the whole time. I'm like, is this guy deaf? Like, what the fuck's wrong with this guy? He backs up and he backs into a space. So, I was like, what in the God living hell is wrong with this guy? So, I get out of my car. Once again, just because I did this, I don't advise that you do similar things.

5:02 You should probably never get out of your car in a road rage incident. But, like, I was just fired up and I wanted to know what in the fuck this guy was thinking. So, I get out of my car and I tell the person behind me, I'm like, just wait a second. And she nods. She's like, I get it because that dude almost hit you. And I walk over to his window and his window is like rolled down a little bit. And he's older. He's like probably 65.

5:24 So, I go up to him and he's like, I saw you. I'm like, dude, what were you thinking, man? You got this close to hitting me. What are you thinking? He's like, I saw you the whole time. It was fine. I'm like, bro, I had to reverse to get out of the way. Otherwise, you were going to hit me. He's like, I knew what I was doing. And I'm like, listen, pay attention. You're going to hurt somebody, you idiot. So, I walk off, get back in my car on my drive off.

5:48 And it's always those life situations that propel me to do podcast episodes like this one. I think that's the way to teach you guys in the best way is to show you that I'm fallible too. You know, I make mistakes as well. I'm definitely not perfect. And I, just like you, am working on myself. And I have a lot of progress to make in this life. And that's what life is. It's a continuous developmental sequence that you got to keep working on yourself and keep trying to improve.

6:15 So, with that story in hand, let's go ahead and do a podcast both for yourself as well as for me because I probably didn't handle that situation. Although, in my defense, I let him know like, dude, you have to pay attention, bro. Like, you're going to hurt somebody. Like, what if there was a kid behind your car? Or what if a myriad of different circumstances could have happened? So, I kind of feel justified for doing what I did. Although, there was probably a better way, which would be to be like, ah, no big deal.

6:42 And then just drive off. But homeboy had to know, like, dude, what? Seriously, like, what was he thinking? I still don't understand what was going on through his head. So, there's two base emotions, okay? And this goes down to a fundamental and spiritual aspect of who we are as human beings. There's two base emotions. And all other emotions come out of it, okay? So, the two base emotions are love and fear. Love and fear. Now, at first, you'd be like, wait, wait, wait. What about love and hate?

7:13 Or what about love and anger? Or what about joy, peace, enthusiasm? What are all those things? Well, like I said, love and fear are the base root fundamental emotions that all of us work from. So, peace, joy, enthusiasm, happiness, quote unquote, is derivative of love. Fear produces anger. Fear produces hate. Fear produces everything that is negative. And if you look at this deeply, you'll see that it's true. And in my own life, I found that that alone has been a gigantic difference for me to control some of the negative emotions, particularly those things that come out of anger.

7:54 Because, yes, anger comes from fear. And as a lot of you guys know, I was a bouncer for five years. And I've seen a lot of fights. I've seen tons of fights. And what's always interesting to me is that when people get angry, and I used to observe this very closely, it's almost like they're crying in a way. It's almost like there's a sadness behind the anger. Like, it's like this cryingness behind it. And what you realize quickly is that somebody who's angry is really like a baby crying for help.

8:25 It's a person who isn't secure in their present situation and is trying to use the energy flux of anger to change it. So, anger, too, is derivative of fear. Now, I want to ask you, can you look back in your life, let's look back over the last few days, and ask yourself what actions came out of love and what actions came out of fear? What actions came out of this fearing something go wrong, being obligated, having to do something I don't want to do, getting pissed off because XYZ happened?

8:58 That was all fear-based. And you have to ask yourself, how much are you living in fear and how much are you living in love? Now, I don't want you to feel bad when you realize the reality of this, but for the most of us, and me included, at least up until I started seriously reprogramming my brain, working on myself in the way that you, too, are working on yourself, through podcasts, getting coaching, reading books, self-improvement, but most of us are living in fear the majority of the time.

9:26 So, if you're getting angry all the time, I can guarantee you, brother, you are in a state of fear at most times. Now, here's another concept that I think you'll find interesting. Okay, so you have your present situation, and then you have your desires, the way you want things to be. Well, the gap between your present situation and your future desires is what's called the pain gap. And from pain, what is pain derivative of? Pain is derivative of fear, and it's closely matched to anger. So, a lot of people who don't have the life they want to have, who aren't succeeding on the level that they define success as, are very fucking angry.

10:06 The reason they're angry, again, is because of this pain gap between what is and what they desire is a big distance, and that distance dictates how freaking angry they are. Now, here's the interesting thing, is that women understand that a guy who's angry all the time, a guy who's overly aggressive, who has that pissed off energy inside of him, isn't succeeding in life. He has unmet desires, he's a failure, he's not getting what he wants, and because of that, women find those kinds of men extremely unattractive.

10:38 That's why at the bars, when two guys get in a fight over a girl, the girl chooses the dude who wasn't even in the fight, and who's chill, which was usually me, because I realized this shit several years ago, and I fixed it, and then I was always the least perturbable individual. And this, guys, is why I always tell you, you cannot get affected by women's negativity. If you get angry at a woman, and put that negative energy into your interactions with them, they are going to lose attraction for you, because they understand this concept intuitively.

11:08 They understand that an angry man is a failure. And what is a failure? It's a guy who cannot take care of her, or take care of her child, if she were to be with you. So if you get pissed, either at her, or at another guy who's hitting on her, another guy who said something to her, her ex-boyfriend, whatever it may be, she's going to blow you out so hard, your pants are going to fly off when the concussion hits. Not being angry is a marker of a successful alpha male.

11:35 I want to say that again. Not being angry is a marker of a successful alpha male. And anger is also derivative of being perturbable, being affected, being thrown off your inner balance point, thrown off your frame, you know how much I love frame, by anybody, including women. So if she says something mean to you, and you get butt hurt, and you snap back at her, what does that say? It says that you're a failure, you're angry, you're living in fear. And how attractive is fear to a woman?

12:06 Of course not. It's not attractive at all. A woman wants a man who's fearless. And let me tell you this. What is the opposite of fear? The opposite of fear is love. Love. You know, it's interesting. People often rip on me because I like to listen to metal, and hardcore punk, and like really angry, seemingly angry music. But the truth is, is that to me, it's not angry at all. It's the sound of testosterone. It's the sound of masculinity. It's the sound of brothers fighting shoulder to shoulder in a war where it's not anger, it's love.

12:36 Love for the brother on your side, right? Love for your country. Love for those who you're protecting from the tyrants, right? A lot of people who go to war, they're not fighting necessarily because they hate the enemy. They're fighting for the man next to them. They're fighting for their daughter back in the States. They're fighting for their family, for their country, for love, derivative of love. And love is always the opposite of fear. That's where Philadelphia, the word Philadelphia comes from, brotherly love. All right, so let's get into some tactile tips now as to how to both prevent your anger as well as defeat it once it comes up.

13:12 So first and foremost, as we discussed, the pain gap is the space between what is and what you want. So the key there is to be more appreciative for what you have. See, if you're in a constant state of longing, a constant state of desire, a constant state of dissatisfaction, and again, dissatisfaction comes from fear. If you're in that constant state, then the way things are today and the way you want things to be, there's going to be a big gap between them, isn't there? So the key, of course, is to want what you already have.

13:44 Be satisfied. Be appreciative. Say, you know what? My life is pretty fucking good. And for me to get butthurt and angry about the small stuff because I didn't get the promotion, because that girl didn't text me back, because that guy cut me off, or better yet, because that guy almost backed into me in the parking lot, when you look at that from the bigger perspective, the 10,000 foot perspective of being appreciative for the awesome life that you already have, the small stuff isn't going to piss you off so much.

14:11 So tip number one, be more appreciative for what you have. Lower the bar on what you need to be happy. Lower the bar on what you need to be happy. As I always say, you should want success. You should want harder girls. You should want a better life, but you don't need it. You don't need it. Like if my life stopped progressing as far as the outside physical manifestations of my hard work right now, I'd still be happy. I have tons of stuff and every day I give thanks for it.

14:39 And because I'm appreciative, going back to my other podcast episodes, I get more of it. But those who are unappreciative, those who are living in fear, in lack, in scarcity, in anger, they're the ones who put that energy out there, get pissed off, and then they manifest and attract to themselves more to be angry about. The second tip is when anger comes, disassociate from it. Try to understand it. So what does this mean? This means that by listening to podcasts like this one, by understanding that anger comes from fear and it's basically like a little child screaming for its toy, you're not going to buy into it so much anymore.

15:17 You're going to look at it and smile at it, almost like you're smiling at the antics of a child. You get disassociated from it. You say, okay, hold on, hold on, where's this coming from? Okay, I get it. Based on that podcast I heard with Mark saying, he was saying that the space between what I want and what is is the pain gap. This is why I'm pissed off. Do I really need to get this fired up? Relax, bro. Drop it down a gear. Okay, lighten up.

15:41 Right? When you get disassociated from it, when you realize that it's derivative of a lower place inside of you, your egoic self, not your higher self, and your higher self is always love and your egoic state is always fear, when you have that perception and you can disassociate from it, not take it so seriously, then you get power over it. The third tip is to leverage your anger. Okay, so anger is a powerful energy flux that attempts to change a situation or circumstance. That's the whole point of anger.

16:13 So if you're making four grand a month and you're really pissed off about it because you feel like you should be making eight grand a month by now, you're going to get pissed. Now, what do a lot of people do? They turn that anger inward and they insult themselves. They start doing self-destructive things. It's almost like a suicide on a minimal level. Right? They start eating poorly. They stop exercising. They get demotivated. But the key, of course, is to use that energy to better yourself. If you're not making enough money, then work harder.

16:42 If you don't have the body you want and people are insulting you about it and you're pissed off because people are ripping on your fat rolls, then go get a gym membership and start getting in shape. Start changing your diet. Use the energy to better yourself. When I was first broken up with, I should say cheated on by my first love, I used that energy to get ripped. I updated my style. I started getting really into racquetball, which is like tennis in an enclosed room. You young bucks probably don't even know what that is.

17:11 But I really started getting in shape and then what was my motivation? My motivation was for her to see me a couple years later and regret what she did and guess what happened? It's exactly what happened. She was a seven, bro, and now I pull nines and tens. She fucking regrets what she did. But instead of using her dissatisfaction with me, which by the way was purely my fault and I've talked about it in other episodes, but instead of using her dissatisfaction with me against her or even against myself, I bettered myself because of it.

17:40 Anger is a powerful energy. You guys have all felt it. Use it to better the situation you're angry about. That's right. Use it to better the situation you're angry about. Don't go tearing apart your life because you're pissed at yourself for being angry. Forgive yourself. Get awareness of it. Step away from it. Get disassociated and say, you know what? I'm going to use this to better my life. And by the way, guys, if somebody makes fun of you, you wouldn't get angry about it unless you agreed with it on some level.

18:12 Isn't that true? If somebody rips on you and you get pissed off, it's because it's actually true in your own mind. So when you're getting pissed off, that should shed a light upon what it is that bothers you about yourself, about life, about whatever it is that that person said that affected you. This is why when women take a stab at you, if you show it affects you, it's unattractive because it shows her that you're insecure about that thing she stabbed at you with. So for example, you got some fat and she's like, man, you got some big fat rolls there and you're like, dude, why would you say that?

18:47 Why are you doing that, right? That's showing her that you're affected, that you hate your fat rolls and that she got to you. She picked out an insecurity that you have. And by the way, women are little magicians at this. They can see what bothers you and they're going to stab at you with it. If you show you're affected, it shows that you two agree that this part of you is unacceptable inside your own mind, yet you haven't chosen to change it. So to her, that's really unattractive.

19:15 So the best way to be is imperturbable, even if you have to fake it. All right, my fourth tip is to watch the anger and this goes down to how I beat my own anxiety when I had panic attacks, agoraphobia, and massive bouts with approach anxiety. And what I teach in my coaching, in my three-month coaching package, I have something called the approach anxiety destroyer. There's several different steps to the approach anxiety destroyer, but the final one and the one we're going to use here with our anger is to actually watch the anxiety.

19:50 I think I spoke about this in a previous episode. I have the memory of an 89-year-old man, so forgive me if I didn't, but I think I spoke about this where when you feel the anxiety, and for most of us it wells up in our chest, you just sit there watching it, observing it, smiling at it, like you'd smile at the antics of a child. You say, hey, you're here, it's all good, I'm just watching you, and you feel it completely. You sit with it, you give precedence to it, you invite it to live in your body, and you don't try to fight it.

20:22 See, the worst thing you can do when it comes to anger is try to fight the anger, because the energy that you're using to try to fight it with just adds to it, and it's the same thing with anxiety. If you have anxiety and you're like, fuck you, anxiety, the anxiety comes from fear, as does anger come from fear, so you're just piling on more fear and more anxiety onto the anxiety. The thing to do, and you're going to guess what I'm saying, is to put love on it, and what is love?

20:50 It's your conscious attention. Attention is a big part of Zen Buddhism, because they understand when you put your attention on something, it dissolves it. What you resist persists, just like resisting your fear, resisting your anger, and what you look at disappears. So all you do is you sit there with your anger and you watch it. You get disassociated from it, like I spoke about before, but you also watch it. You invite it. You get friendly to it. You actually offer it compassion. You offer it love.

21:19 You offer yourself love. And here's an immensely powerful meditation you can do. Immensely powerful, and I want you to take this seriously. When you're feeling a negative emotion, this is what you do. You put out to the universe, I give prayer, and I give compassion to everybody else in the world who is feeling what I'm feeling right now. When I'm feeling angry, that's what I do. I say, man, all the people who are feeling this exact emotion, and I guarantee you there are millions, billions of people who are feeling that.

21:49 When you send out compassion to them and say, brother, I'm sorry for your suffering, it cures the suffering inside yourself. That's how you heal yourself is when you try to heal others suffering from the same ailment. So when that anger comes up inside of you, just watch it. Sit with it for a few minutes. Look at it, wherever it is, in your chest, in your fists, between your ears, just feel that energy. Sit with it, accept it, send love to it, and it'll start to go away.

22:18 All right, my next tip is to see the benefit in doing things that suck. Now, you may be wondering, why would that be a tip? What does that have to do with anything? Well, a lot of times, and this is true for me, is I get pissed off at inanimate objects, right? Cracking your head on the corner of a cupboard, getting your shoelace caught around a sprinkler head, slipping in some dog shit. Like, it's always inanimate objects that just really frustrate me. So, for example, you're trying to make some rice, and then you spill rice all over the kitchen floor.

22:49 That kind of shape really pisses me off. I hate when shit like that happens. But see, I've reframed it in my brain where now I think of doing shit that sucks as a benefit. Because you should always do something that sucks. Every single day, do something that sucks to cultivate your own discipline. So, when something quote unquote goes wrong, I say, okay, you know what? This sucks. But it's going to teach me discipline. It's going to stretch out my back because I have to lean down and pick up the rice.

23:18 It's going to show me again where I left that damn dust pan because I forgot where I left it. It's going to let me find that. And if I have to run up and down the stairs in order to get the dust pan, that's good because I get a little exercise. So, you need to reframe it every single time in your mind that no matter what bad thing happens, it's spurring your growth. It's making you more disciplined. It's cultivating yourself as a man. And when you reframe it in your brain in that way, it no longer pisses you off so much.

23:46 So, if you spill rice all over the floor, most of us would be like, God damn it, I got to clean up this rice. There's like no good that comes out of that. But when you reframe it and you see the benefit of doing things that suck, remember, every day you should do something that sucks. Then you can reframe it in your mind and it won't piss you off so bad the next time something happens, which it will, which it will. My next tip is to let go of your pride to always be right.

24:12 See, a lot of us get pissed off because we always want to be right. We always want to placate our ego and be the one who knows more than the other one. This is what we call one-ups. There's a lot of one-ups out there that try to always be the one who's correct, always know everything. They have a reputation. They want to solidify both with others as well as in their own mind that they know everything, that they're always correct. Sometimes you just need to let it go.

24:38 You don't need to know everything. You don't always need to be right. You don't need to win every single argument. You don't need to win every single argument. This is a level of ego. And where does the ego come from? Fear. It comes from fear because you fear that if the other person is quote-unquote right, it limits you in some way. It reduces you in some way. So instead of doing that, you say, you know what? I'm not externally validated. I don't need this person to feel like I'm smarter than they are in order to validate me.

25:08 I'm internally validated. And it's also stronger to sometimes let go of your ego. That shows a lot of character to be like, you know what? You're right, bro. You're right. It is what it is. Anyway, and you move on from it, that shows more character than staunchly holding on to your position and trying to argue and trying to be right and prove the other person wrong. And then you get angry and you're all fired up and people live like this every day. It's not worth it.

25:33 It's not worth it. Let go of your ego. Let go of your pride. Let it roll, brother. Let it slide. And that gets to my next point. Lighten the fuck up. Some of us just need to lighten the fuck up. And this was especially true for me. Man, for years, I took myself way too seriously. Always had to be right. Always had to be this. Always had to be that. It's like lighten up, dude. I don't smoke weed, but goddamn, I might be a good candidate for it.

25:59 Let the track flow like smoking your lungs from puffing on the endo, right? Just fucking let it flow. And sometimes you just need to step back, relax, put on the shorts and the flip-flops and your sun hat and go sit on the beach with the pinna colada and fucking ease up, dude. Cool your jets. Don't come on peel. Drop it down a gear, brother. It's going to be fine. Relax. Lighten up. All right. My final point, guys, I think it's nine. It might be eight now that I'm looking at it, but my final point is to reprogram your brain.

26:30 So we can talk about this kind of stuff all day and yeah, the tips in today's podcast, I feel were pretty good and they've definitely helped in my life. But you know, the fundamental programming that a lot of us have, me included, have our egoic mind in control. We feel like we have to be right. We feel like when things go wrong, that is defined as bad. When the rice spills on the floor, that's bad. When somebody cuts me off, it's an affront to who I am as a man and I have to prove myself in order to make them feel littler than me so I can feel that I'm enough as a man.

27:03 All this programming that we have in our heads fucks us up, makes us angry. And I guarantee you, a lot of you guys who experience a lot of anger have some messed up programming inside your head. So what's the secret? You know what I'm going to say. You need to get intrusive on this and do coaching. Whether that's with me, a psychiatrist, a different NLP coach, doesn't matter. But I'm letting you know that if you're an angry person, if you have some issues with anger and you need to go to anger management class, then perhaps my coaching is something for you because I don't only work on teaching you how to get women, which of course is a very fundamental, important part of my three-month coaching program, but it's also about letting go of bullshit just like we talked about today.

27:50 Reprogramming your brain so you feel like you're enough. Reprogramming your brain so you don't always have to prove yourself right. Reprogramming your brain so you're internally validated so that when someone insults you, it doesn't piss you off in the way that it used to. And reprogramming your brain so that you're not so afraid to approach women because you're afraid of their opinion of you. And then when they reject you, you stew in your anger for the next three days. Honestly, brother, when I get rejected, I literally think she's an idiot.

28:18 I think it's her fault, her loss. I don't get pissed. I'm actually happy she rejected me because, as I spoke about before, I reframe it. It's teaching me to endure social pressure and because of that, it's good. Just like it's good that the rice spilled on the floor this morning. So if you're interested in working with me to reprogram your brain so your anger no longer has such a grip on you, check out my coaching offer. Yes, it's based around how to get women. And if you're not interested in getting women, don't sign up because that is a major component of it.

28:49 It's the prime directive. A big portion of it is how to get girls, but another big portion of it and perhaps the most important portion of it is reprogramming your brain so that you think like a natural and you can actually have peace in your heart and you stop getting pissed off all the time. You're no longer anxious all the time. You're no longer run by that fear, but instead you can live more from a place of love. And what is love? It's doing onto others as you wish for them to do onto you.

29:20 It's leaving this world better from you having been here and it's simply enjoying your life from a place of peace so that by the time you get to the end of your life, you're on your deathbed, you have your loved ones all around you, a beautiful family which is my dream and you look back and you nod your head and you're like, yeah man, I did a great fucking job. I'm proud of what I did. I left behind a legacy. I left behind sons and daughters who I'm proud to carry on my name.

29:46 That's what being a man is. So if you invest in yourself, if you have the courage to move forward with doing that, I guarantee you it's worth every single penny. Every single penny I've invested in coaches, even the ones that weren't that great, I never regret because I learned something, I grew and growth is always the most important thing. All right, gentlemen, thank you so much for listening. I do appreciate it. If you want to get that free one-on-one talk with me, just go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com and click on coaching.

30:16 It'll take you right through it. I got another podcast dropping in the next few days, so stay tuned for that and I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.