The Right Way to be PERSISTENT With Women and Dating

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. Today, we are going to talk about the value of being persistent, why being persistent is so important when it comes to not only attracting women, but also getting success in life. To kick off this podcast, I'm actually bringing in a very special guest, one of the top three women in my life, my mom.

0:44 Now, why in the hell would I be bringing in my mom? It's because my dad, the complete champion, was able to get her by being super duper persistent. So we're going to hear a quick story about that. I got her here with me right now. I'm going to interview her. So let's go ahead and jump into that interview. So mom, where are you from originally? I was born in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Okay. So at the time that you met dad, where were you working? I was working in a little sandwich shop, downtown Amsterdam, during my off time from school.

1:18 And so he came in through the door and you knew immediately that, well, tell us what happened. Well, he came in and he ordered some breakfast and, you know, we started talking a little bit and then he asked me out. Okay. So how long did he talk to you for before he asked you out? Well, I would say maybe he was there for breakfast, so maybe 45 minutes or so. So he was, was he interesting? Did you, were you attracted to him initially? Yes, not all that much because I knew he was American and I thought he was in the service.

1:51 A lot of Americans were in the service in Germany and they would just come to the Netherlands for, to have some fun. So I was never all that interested in American guys. Okay. So to have some fun, what you're basically saying is guys from Germany will come into the Netherlands and try to sleep with women over in Holland, right? Exactly. Just have a fun weekend and just have a good time. And I, of course, I wasn't interested in that. Okay. So you weren't down for the one night stands.

2:17 You weren't down for the hookups with the, with the GIs. That's right. So because of that, he was talking to you, running his game. I mean, did you find him attractive when you first saw him? Yes, I found him attractive. And at the time, what really appealed to me might sound funny, but he winked at me and I did really like it, but I did tell him, no, I wasn't going to go out with him. Wait, wait, when, when was the wink deployed? Was it initially like he threw it in right off the bat or?

2:47 No, a little bit later after breakfast, then we, we got to talking. And of course I have to also say my English wasn't that great. Okay. So you guys are talking, he tosses the wink in there and then he says, Hey, let's go hang out sometime. Is that, how do you, do you remember kind of how he asked you? Yes. Let's, let's, can I, can I take you out? Exactly. Okay. And what year was this? This was in probably 65, 1965. Okay. So he said, can I take you out?

3:15 And then you said, no. Correct. Did you give him a reason? I think to tell you the truth, I told him I don't date Americans. Wow. What a racist. No, I'm just kidding. I understand though. You know, the Americans had a bad reputation as we did in Japan too. When I lived there, girls would reject me just because I was American. So I understand that. Okay. So did he leave or what happened after that? Yes. Yes. He left and then he came back the next day.

3:45 All right. This is what I like to hear. It's my dad right there. Okay. So he comes back in and does he deploy the wink again? Not that I remember, but he did ask me out again. Yeah. Okay. So he comes back in and did he chat you up first or did he, okay, so he runs some game, gets you on a high note and then says, Hey, so like, so what'd he say? So he basically said, well, I would just love to take you somewhere.

4:06 How about if we do some sightseeing? I would like to go, you know, see some of the Netherlands, go maybe on one of those boat canal tours. And I told him, yes, I will do that. However, when I do go out with you the first time, I would like to take somebody along. Okay. So he got the date on the second attempt. I thought it took him three attempts. It was only two? As far as I remember, it was the second time he came into the sandwich shop.

4:37 Okay, cool. So, but you laid on him the old, I have to have a chaperone. Oh my hell. Can you guys imagine having a chaperone? You're like, Oh my God, I got to deal with this slapjack. So who was the chaperone? So the chaperone was a gentleman. He did not work in the sandwich shop, but we would come around all the time. You know, one of those guys that like a bar always has a regular. Yeah. And he would come in all the time and he kind of was our friend.

5:00 And I asked him if he would like to come along and he said, yes. Okay. So how many dates did you guys have before my dad got to get rid of the chaperone? Four. Four? Yes. What? Are you, dude, I didn't know this. This is all new to me, guys. I knew the chaperone came on the first one, four dates. Dude, he must've really liked you to put up with that guy for four dates. Yes. Okay. So on the fifth date, you say, okay, I trust this crazy American.

5:25 You're starting to get feelings for him. You lost the chaperone and then it was on from there. How long, obviously you guys got married, had me, which was the best thing that ever happened clearly to the both of you. For sure. So how long did you guys date before he popped the question? Well, he, of course he was from the United States. He was just traveling, having a good time. So he wanted to stay. So he had to find a job in Amsterdam and we were in Amsterdam dating and then became engaged about a year.

5:59 Cool. Well, good for him. All right, guys. So that's a story I wanted to share with you about, you know, how my dad, dad, my mom, and we're seeing here persistence. So what I'm going to do in this episode is talk about why it's important to be persistent with women, why masculinity is persistent and femininity likes to be chased. Also this thing called convincer mode. So let's go ahead and jump right into the content. All right, guys. So what we learned from that story is that women will not always say yes on the first try.

6:20 So many times we don't even know why they said no to us. And as you saw from my mom's story there, it isn't always about us, is it? Sometimes there's other issues that you don't even know about. It could be down to your ethnicity. It could be down to your nationality, as was the case with my dad. But those are usually very surface level objections and we can pass through them once we've convinced the woman that we're attractive on different levels or in my dad's case, convince her that he's trustworthy, convince her that he's a good dude, and also be able to put up with that idiot chaperone for four dates.

7:06 I couldn't even believe that four dates. She told me after the interview that he actually got rid of the chaperone on the fifth date. And he said to himself, he's like, listen, if this guy comes on this fifth date, I'm done with this chick. So I guess they weren't talking about the chaperone. She just brought him. Could you imagine a chick bringing like her uncle on a date with you guys? I would be so out. But remember, you know, this was 1965. So things were different back then.

7:28 But my dad said to himself, one more time, this idiot comes with us. I'm out like sauerkraut. And my mom decided on the fifth date not to bring that guy. And she told me after that they went dancing. And on the dance floor, my dad kissed her for the first time. What a legend, dude. I'm so proud of that guy. Bro, had he not had that persistence, I wouldn't be here. So thank you, God, for persistence. And I want to tell you guys about why women will sometimes just by default say no to you the first time.

8:02 As I mentioned, sometimes they have a legitimate excuse. You're from the wrong country. You're the wrong ethnicity. That happens a lot of the times. They might have some racism in their family and they slightly buy into it. But when you're persistent, you can usually plow past that stuff. Now, to get started, I want to talk about this thing in NLP called Convincer Mode. Convincer Mode. So many times before anybody will buy anything, let's just say from a purchase standpoint, they have to hear about the thing at least three times before they'll buy it.

8:34 This is part of the reason I'm always talking about my free breakthrough session. Get on the phone with me. We'll talk and you can get into my three-month coaching program. The first time you heard that, you're like, ah, it might sound interesting, but I'm not going to do that. But then you hear about it more and more and more. And as time goes, your Convincer Mode gets more convinced that not only you can trust me more, but you just get more familiar with the message. So yeah, I don't like to be the dude that continuously inundates you guys with like, leave me a review.

9:02 Come join my breakthrough session. Come join my three-month coaching program. But like as a salesman, as an NLP expert who understands Convincer Mode, I have to do that. I don't necessarily like to do it. I wish I could just say it once every 10 episodes and then fucking get on with it. But because I know you need to hear it X many times, usually three times at the minimum, but for some of you, it's 10 times. And you may know this yourself, like before you do anything, before you left me a review, for those of you who have left me a review, before you got on that breakthrough session with me, for those of you who have signed up, which have been many.

9:35 You know that, yeah, man, I had to hear that like many different times before I go ahead and move forward with it. Well, why wouldn't it be different with women specifically when it comes to dating? I mean, for a woman, a relationship is pretty much the most important thing. So she's going to need to be convinced and you're going to need to be persistent. So women have this thing, and we do as well, called Convincer Mode. And everybody's Convincer Mode is different. So she may literally have this, and I want you to listen to this.

10:04 She may literally have a Convincer Mode where she is default going to say no to the first three guys and say yes to the fourth guy. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but pay attention. By default. So even if you're the perfect fit for her, you're the first guy to approach her. She's just going to, by default, say no to you. Second guy comes along, he's pretty good too. She's going to say no to him. Third guy comes along, he's decent, say no to him. And then the fourth guy is not even as good as the first guy, yet he just happens to land on the right time.

10:37 She's going to say yes to him because it's her default mode. There's a myriad of other circumstances at play as well. She may be on her period. She may have just heard from her ex-boyfriend. She may have just broken up with her ex-boyfriend, got yelled at by her boss, feeling fat that night. There's so many circumstances that dictate whether or not she's going to say yes or no that when you take it personally, it's kind of stupid. Can you see that? It's kind of stupid because like there's so many extraneous circumstances that you don't have control over.

11:06 So why would you attribute it to yourself? Just like my dad did. Okay. He went in and he hit on my mom and she's like, no. And he's like, well, why? And she's like, I don't date Americans. So he didn't like attribute that to himself. He didn't say, well, I'm American. I should feel really bad about that. I'm insecure. Oh, I'm going to go cry in the corner of my bed in the cannonball position like a school girl. No, he's like, dude, I'll just come back the next day and ask her again.

11:30 And what he did worked. So clearly my mom's convincer mode was two. I thought it was three, but I guess it's two. What is women's convincer mode? You never know. That's why it's good to ask the first time. If she says no, don't be dissuaded. Literally say to yourself, okay, I will come back again. And I will literally say that to women. If they reject me, I'll be like, okay, I'll come back. And then I'll leave for like an hour. Go talk to a bunch of other girls.

11:56 Maybe let her see me do what I call staging. Being in my natural habitat as a complete champion in front of her talking to another girl. And then I'll hit her up again. And sometimes I'll even say, you ready yet? You ready to talk yet? Have you changed your mind? I'll say that. Now, it does take a certain kind of charisma to do that. But you need to know that the first time you ask is not always a hard no. Think about this one. There's different kinds of no's.

12:20 There's a no with partial yes. There's a no, which means I have to think about it. There's a no from women, which is really feminine, which is I'm not sure yet. So no could mean several different things. Now, you guys, don't take this out of context, okay? If she says no to like physical escalations, that's where you stop, okay? You pull back. This is only asking girls out, asking for a phone number. When it comes to physical shit, she says no. No means no, boys. So take it easy.

12:48 Don't misread what I'm saying here. But when it comes to approaching her, trying to get her phone number, trying to get a date, like what my dad did, the first no is not always necessarily no. So you try again. Now, that begs the question, how many times do I suggest you try? For me personally, I'll try three times, which means I'll get rejected on the first one. Try again. The second one I get rejected, usually I'll pull the ripcord then, but I might try one more time depending on kind of how the vibe is between her and I.

13:20 If I'm making her giggle a little bit and I can kind of tell like, yeah, I think there's a little bit of attraction there, then I'll try three times. But maybe even on the first time, I'll pull the ripcord because she's a complete bitch about it. Like, get the fuck out of here. I don't want to talk to you. Leave. I'll be like, hey, I'm not going to talk to her again. But if I go up to a girl and she's kind of passive and timid and really in her femininity, I almost like it when she says no to me the first time.

13:45 Because that shows that she's not just dating every single guy who comes up to her. She's not just giving out her phone number willy-nilly and not worrying about who the dude is. And here's something that I'll often say to women when they'll tell me no the first time. I'll be like, you know what? I'm actually really proud of you right now. If you were my little sister, I would give you the biggest hug because you're damn right you should say no the first time. I love the way you're protecting yourself.

14:11 I love the way you're having high standards. So congratulations to you. I'll come back later. Okay? And I've had girls laugh and smile and they're like, okay. And like literally like, yes, please come back later. Because it's almost like they know that they too have their convincer mode and they almost have to say no by default sometimes just so they don't feel like a slut. Let's not forget women have that slut defense mechanism within them. The slut defense mechanism is based on their reputation. They don't want to feel like a slut.

14:42 They don't want their friends seeing them just accepting every dude that comes up. They don't want to look easy. So what are they going to do by default? And I've had many women tell me this. By default, they say no the first time. I've had so many hot girls and I've talked to so many of them about this. Many of them have told me that they just say no by default or have a boyfriend by default. Yeah, that's my first response. That's what they tell me.

15:07 So we as men have to take this under consideration. Okay. If I'm just a little bit more persistent, if I try more than once, how many times do I suggest? Once again, I'd say about three is about where you want to be. But even some girls, you're going to have to try for like a year because not only is it by number of times you tried, it's also by amount of time that's gone by between trials. So there's another convincer mode. She may need three-week convincer mode, six-month convincer mode.

15:37 Who the hell knows? Now, most girls by average will have like a couple-week convincer mode, but some girls will have longer than that. Some girls will have shorter than that. And some girls have no convincer mode. You can just get right in there immediately. And I'll tell you, for a lot of you guys who have been with girls and you're not really good with girls yet, here's the thing. Usually, the highest quality girls are going to reject you the first time. The girls who are not high quality are like the ones that say yes immediately, chase you and try to get you, which means they're in the masculine energy, you're in the feminine energy.

16:11 Those are the girls who usually, and I'm not saying a blanket statement, just from my own experience, girls who are kind of easier to get are usually not that great, bro. And you know this just as well as I do. But girls who are really high quality, you can't get them so easily. It's just like getting a Ferrari. Can anybody just get a Ferrari? Obviously not. It takes a certain kind of person who has persistence. He has the money. He's in the elite crowd, we could say, to be able to get that Ferrari.

16:39 Well, that's like a nine or a 10. She's that super high quality girl. So you have to show persistence. You got to work for it a little bit. And that's what she wants to see. Furthermore, masculinity doesn't give up. It goes after its goals. It's towards mindset. It's goal oriented. And it's all about the numbers. It says to itself, OK, if I get rejected 10 times, that's one step closer to getting a yes. Well, it's the same thing with when he's approaching one girl. If I get rejected once by her, it's not the end.

17:09 I'll just come back and try again because I know she has a convincer mode and it may take me three times, may take me four times, may take two months. I'm going to keep being persistent. You guys have heard of Grant Cardone, correct? Grant Cardone. He's like this big media personality on YouTube and Instagram and all these things. Well, he's got a super hot wife and he's not that great looking of a dude. And furthermore, she's a lot taller than he is. She's like an ex-model and he's just like a regular Joe Schmo.

17:37 Well, he chased her for a year. He would call her every month on like the same day, first Monday of the month, whatever it was, and say, hey, are you ready to go on that date yet? She said no 11 times before she said yes. That's fucking persistence. All right. So here are the key takeaways from this podcast. First of all, most really high quality women are going to say no on the first time. You cannot be affected. I guarantee you when my dad was shut down the first time, he probably smiled and said, yeah, no problem.

18:07 I understand. It's cool. Because if you get pissed off about it and say, yeah, whatever, idiot, you know, obviously she's not going to say yes on the next time. You're unaffected. It's no big deal. And you could do what I always do, which is smile and say, you know what? I'm really proud of you for doing that. That's awesome. I'm so glad you did that. Because when we date in the future, when we have this amazing friendship and maybe even amazing relationship, we're always going to know that I had to work for you.

18:32 And that's a good thing. I'll be back. When you tell her that, I'm telling you, you break through a little bit more to when the second time you do come back, she's going to be a lot more open. Now, have I done that before and got rejected a flat out rejection on the second time? Yes. And the third time. And there's situations where I didn't get the girl, but I was never affected by it. I was always imperturbable. She couldn't get me off my inner balance point.

18:55 So what the hell does it matter? In fact, I'm proud of myself for my persistence because, as I always say, we pride ourselves on the effort, not the results. We always put our self-esteem on the amount of effort, not the results. So if you go up to a girl several different times and she rejects you, you should be proud of yourself. Okay. So again, most high quality women are going to have that convincer mode. That's going to take several times to get them. You as a man have to be completely unaffected.

19:22 Approach again, be charming, charismatic, and not give a shit. Furthermore, it may take them a certain amount of time before they're willing to go with you. And that could be timeframe, months even. So you just continue to be persistent and not give up. That's what masculinity does. Femininity's job is to be chased. A lot of you guys want to get chased by women. I'm telling you, the fact that you want that tells me very clearly that you're in your feminine energy. And I know I accuse you guys of this all the time because it's a big problem in society today.

19:54 Too many men are in their feminine. Too many women are highly in their masculine in unequal proportions, right? We always have femininity in us, but when it takes over and you're too much in that energy most of the time, that's when you fear rejection. That's when you want to be chased. That's when you hope to wake up with a girl on your dick. Guys who are masculine are going out to get it. They're numbers oriented. They have a convincer mode that understands, hey, I may have to do this, you know, three to four different times before she says yes.

20:24 And who gives a shit? I'm going to approach 10 girls and I know out of that, I'll get like one or two. Who cares about rejection? It's all about the numbers. And that's what masculinity does. So as you guys continue to improve, as you continue to listen to this podcast and get more tips and insights into female and male psychology, I want you to really take this on board. Masculinity is persistent. Femininity's job is to reject masculinity on the first few attempts. It's like the Pepe Le Pew guy.

20:53 Remember that little skunk, that cartoon? He keeps chasing after that woman and she keeps rejecting him, but he's unaffected. He's in love. He's passionate and he continues trying, just like my dad tried with my mom. I mean, what a champion. This podcast wouldn't be happening unless he was persistent. You know, it's a pretty profound thing when you hear that I wouldn't have even been here if he took the first rejection and just ran with it and said, okay, I'm rejected. She said, no. All right, I'll give up.

21:20 I wouldn't be here unless he was persistent in that way. So thank God for persistence. Thank God he had the balls to do that. Thank God he was an alpha who was a complete champion and dealt with not only first rejection, but that idiot chaperone that came on four different occasions. Jesus, how much patience did my dad show? But on the fifth day, he kissed her and the rest is history. All right, gentlemen, thank you so much for listening. If you've heard about my free breakthrough session enough times to convince you that you want to jump on the phone with me and talk about your issues, talk about your belief systems and talk about how long I think it would realistically take you to get to the goal with women that you want to achieve, just go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com.

22:04 Click in the upper right-hand corner. Fill out the goddamn slap in the biscuit. I'll send you my schedule and you and I will meet as brothers to talk about how to get you to your results with women in the quickest, easiest way possible. Once again, CoachMarkSingh.com or you can click the link in the description below. Also, if you want to leave me a review, just do so on iTunes or any of the other podcast apps that allow you to do so. Email me at CoachMarkSingh at gmail.com and I will send you a bunch of cool shit.

22:32 All right, boys, thank you so much for listening. I dropped podcasts on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays, so I got another one coming soon and and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.