The Ultra Potent Attraction Tactic of "The Aloof Listener"

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you listening. Today, we are going to talk about the extremely potent attraction builder of the Aloof Listener, T-A-L, the Aloof Listener. This is extremely powerful, and it's something that I myself am not very good at doing, but with a lot of rigorous practice, I was able to master it to some degree.

0:43 I have to actually consciously do it a lot because it just doesn't come naturally to me. But once I got it down, it really helped my attraction with women. So I'm going to explain this whole concept to you. I'm going to explain how it works into the concept of push-pull and also into the all-important concept of the 80-100 rule and also frame control. So if you haven't listened to my previous podcast about all that stuff, I'm not going to give a full rundown of all those concepts because I've talked about them ad nauseum in different episodes.

1:14 But I will give a brief reintroduction to them or a brief review for you legends out there that listen to me regularly. And then what I'd suggest doing is going to listen to those episodes on your own time. Once again, frame control, the 80-100 rule, push-pull, all super important concepts that you need to master to become effective with women. Before I jump into the content, I want to read a quick email that I literally just got two hours ago from a client who went through my coaching program and just lost his virginity.

1:47 All right. It's my boy right there. You jumped the canyon. You got your red-helmeted warrior into her squishminton. You turned in your V card and got a C card, the champion card. And Derek, this one's for you, man. Derek just emailed me. I'm not going to say your last name, brother, because I'm sure you don't want me putting it out there like, oh, Derek, last name XYZ, just got laid, boys. By the way, he lives in XYZ state. Here's his credit card number, his social security number, and his phone number if you guys want to text him and congratulate him.

2:16 Nope. I never put you boys out there like that. And by the way, if you join my coaching program, I don't say on the credit card statement, Mark Singh, NLP, how to get laid, dating coach. Make it so a girl jumps in the air and slides right onto your dick. No, it comes from a business name that no one would ever be privy to. So if you're afraid of somebody finding out that you're working with a dating coach, I take your anonymity extremely seriously. And all the testimonials that I put on my website, I always blur out the names as well as the pictures.

2:47 I even blurred out all the guys that are on the coaching call example, that video that I have on my website that shows me coaching my boys. I'm very serious about anonymity. So I'm just going to say, Derek, I appreciate you, brother. Let me go ahead and read what he wrote. Hey, Mark, I wanted to let you know that I lost my V card this weekend, exclamation point. I really want to thank you for your coaching. It helped me to develop the mindset and self-worth to be able to do it.

3:12 I went to her place. She basically pulled me into the bedroom. I felt like a fucking man was dominant as hell. And while I was expecting things to go well, I never imagined they would go that well. I did floor play for about an hour and a half. Damn, Derek, an hour and a half. You're a more patient man than I am, brother. But I used to be that patient back when I was a young buck. But now I just want to get it in ASAP.

3:36 Actually, boys, to be honest with you, I am pretty patient, as patient as I can be. And an hour and a half of floor play, that's the right play. That's the right play right there. If you want to learn more about how to have sex correctly, you can listen to some episodes I did. Just type in sex, Mark Singh, you'll find it. Okay, back to the testimonial. I did floor play for about an hour and a half and fucked her for the same amount of time.

3:58 Good job. Slept over at her place and we spent the whole next day messing around in her room. From pulling her off of Tinder, chatting her up, to having sex with her within four hours of first meeting her, I couldn't have done it without the stuff you taught me, especially when it came to how I view myself. You're a champion for doing what you do. Thank you again. Well, Derek, I congratulate you, brother. I'm very good at getting virgins laid. In fact, every virgin that has ever entered my course has gotten laid by doing so.

4:28 So if you're a virgin and you want to jump the canyon, if you want to get that stank off of you and just get it fucking over with, or if you're having issues with women and you want to join my three-month coaching program, what I do first is I meet with you on a free breakthrough session where I get to hear from you what your issues are, what kind of trances you're in when it comes to your belief systems, trances that other people put you under before you can defend yourself.

4:53 And I see if I can help you. And if you and I jive, if we do, then we can move forward. If not, no hard feelings. So that's what that breakthrough session is about. And I do some coaching on there to kind of give you some advice about a of all how long it would take you to get to the results you want with women. And also kind of give you some insights into why you have issues. I'm very fucking good at what I do. And almost every time guys are like, damn, bro, you're really insightful.

5:18 You just see things. And I'm like, yeah, man, this is what I do. So if you want to meet with me, go to my website, coachmarkzing.com. Click on coaching, fill in the application, press submit. Then I will send you my schedule and we will get on that free breakthrough session together. You can also click the link in the description below. We'll take you there. All right, gentlemen, let's go ahead and jump into the aloof listener. So this is just as it sounds, right? Aloof. What does that mean?

5:43 It means that people can't quite get your attention. It doesn't seem like you're completely listening to what they're saying. And or when you bring up something boring, they kind of stare off into the distance and you lose their attention. Attention is a really valuable commodity that everybody's fighting for. You know, in today's world of Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok and all these other marketing avenues, the most important asset is attention. Well, this happens with people too, especially in today's society. There's so many distractions that your attention is actually worth a lot and it's worth a lot to a woman, especially when she's attracted to you.

6:20 So sometimes, and I know I've been guilty of this, we give too much attention. We are too good of listeners. We're too interested. We're too happy to be talking to her. I know for a lot of you guys, it's like when you talk to a hot girl, all your Christmases arrive in one day, right? You have an ear to ear smile, all teeth. It's like the best fucking thing that ever happened to you. And you're giving her way too much investment. So when we talk about frame control, we always say that the man has to control the frame in order for the girl to be attracted to him.

6:51 Now, the person who's controlling the frame is the one that's actually least invested in the conversation. Think about this for a second. You're talking to somebody who, for all intents and purposes, is quote unquote lower value than you are, okay? A fat girl who has a crush on you, somebody who's your employee at work, or somebody who's lower than you in whatever pecking order you happen to be in. You'll notice that that person usually has more invested in the conversation. So the conversation going well is more important to that person than it is to you.

7:24 Well, when you're in that situation, you're controlling it, aren't you? So the person who wants less, the person who has less invested, is actually controlling that conversation, is the person who's in power, as it were. Now, I'm not saying that women are less than us. Everybody calm down. Don't hyper-extend your butthole. But here's the truth of the matter. The man has to be in power in order for the woman to become sexually attracted to him, as a female becomes attracted to a male. There's different dynamics between trannies, lesbians, and gays.

7:55 I'm not getting into that. I'm talking about pure heterosexual, male-to-female, masculine-to-feminine interaction. The masculine leads. It's the way it works. It's the way it has always worked. And it's the way it will always work until the end of time, probably. So as the man, it's our job to lead, okay? And as the man, it's our job to have less invested in the conversation. That shows her that we're controlling the frame, and we can lead her to where she wants to be led. Now, what happens to most dudes?

8:25 They go talk to a hot girl, and just like I said, it's like all their fucking birthdays arrived on the same day. They just found out God exists, and there's 72 virgins waiting for them in heaven. They're getting a new Bugatti delivered to their house tomorrow morning. And they now have the magical power that even if they say hello to a woman, she jumps in the air and slides onto his dick. This is how happy these guys are. They're like, oh, my God, you're so beautiful. Hey, what's your name?

8:48 And they give her all this power, right? They're super invested. They're also super reactive. That's another thing you guys should consider. When you are less reactive to her than she is to you, that's controlling the frame, okay? So guys go in. They're super reactive. They're super happy. They're super, like, expecting an outcome and trying to pull her into that outcome. That is unattractive, and this is why thirsty guys get blown out. They're so dependent on her reaction being positive that they chase her away. So the first and fucking biggest lesson is to not give a shit, okay?

9:21 So I'm going to do a podcast about this soon, about one of the biggest things that guys get wrong. I'm not going to tell you exactly what that is. I want you to come listen to the podcast, but this is a small part of it, that guys are terrified of it going bad. They care way too much about what's happening, and they're trying to pull her into an outcome. They are outcome dependent, right? So what we want to be is outcome independent. Okay, so back to the girl who you're not attracted to.

9:45 You're talking to her. You don't really give a shit. She kind of has a crush on you. What she's talking about is really stupid, right? And it may be even be negative. So you start kind of looking around. She doesn't quite have your attention. So she tries harder. She starts talking louder. She starts talking faster. Or, and I do this purposely, she changes topics. For example, if a girl brings up anything negative, I'm gone. Like, my attention is gone. I'll start looking over her shoulder, looking at other people.

10:12 Hell, I may even get out my phone and start checking it to let her know what you're talking about is not conducive to getting my attention, which again, guys, is extremely valuable. So you're going to need to change topics, or you're going to need to do better in this conversation, or I'm out like sauerkraut. I'm off like a prom dress because you're being so goddamn boring. So she starts to try harder. Now, what happens when she tries harder? She gets more attracted to you, does she not?

10:39 This is called cognitive dissonance. When you work for something, you value it more. This is why we ask women to do us favors when they're attracted and when they're willing to do it. You don't want to do that too soon. But this is also why we qualify women, have them work for us. For example, what would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you? Okay, so we're talking to her. She brings up some boring shit. She's going on and on about something negative. She loses my attention.

11:05 I start looking around. And this is really powerful in like a nightclub type setting, especially because there's a lot of stimulus. And you guys too will notice when you're talking to a girl and you run out of things to say, she starts looking around. Okay, so this is the same effect that women usually do to you that we're going to reverse it and do to them. And what do you do when she starts looking around? You're like, oh, fuck, dude. Ah, what do I say now?

11:28 What do I do? And you start spazzing out and then you lose her. Because not only are you not bringing up good topics to talk about, but now you're spazzing out and being reactive, which is giving her the power. Do you see how that works? When you start being reactive, when you start caring too much, when you start trying like a fucking dancing monkey, trying to impress her like the court jester, she loses attraction for you because you're too reactive. So what we do is we flip it on her.

11:55 Now this is, I will admit, a slightly advanced skill. And like I just admitted in the beginning of the episode, I didn't really get this down until literally like five years ago. I tried. It just isn't in me. I'm just such a good listener. I'm a really attentive person. I'm really good at reading people and like figuring their shit out. So I just like focus in on them too much. And my buddy actually pulled me aside. He's like, yo, like I can tell you're just giving her too much.

12:21 And I was like, you know what, you're right. So I started practicing this. And this is also a skill that many introverts have, by the way. And I'm going to do an episode for introverts. But this is a skill that introverts have, which is like, you can't quite get their attention. And guys who are really good with women, this is definitely one of the attributes. And I've become actually way more aloof as time has gone on. And I notice every time I am, it just works to my benefit so much.

12:47 Okay, now let's go into what I talked about earlier, the 80-100 rule. You guys should know this by now, you serial listeners, which by the way, I salute you. Thank you very much for coming back. You should know what this is. Okay, so what is it? It's basically summed up 10,000 foot perspective, giving her 80% of what she gives you as far as like attention, as far as compliments, as far as attraction, as far as what we call pull, pulling you into her. She's pulling you into her.

13:15 Like, I want more of this guy. You give her 80%. So she gives you, just an example, 10 compliments, you give her eight. Okay, so now that we understand the 80-100 rule, we're going to go into push-pull. I know I'm throwing a lot of complicated shit at you guys, but for you avid listeners, you should get this pretty quick. If you're new, like I said, man, listen to those other episodes and come back to this one. This is really important. I want you guys to get this. Okay, so the push-pull is basically half the time you're pushing her away, which is like disqualifying her, showing not interest, being aloof, and then half the time pulling her in, complimenting her, showing interest, listening to her attentively.

13:54 And this works into the 80-100 rule. Okay, this is complicated. Stick with me, bro. Focus, focus, man, focus. That's right, you. Listen to me. All right, 80-100 rule. We're going to do the math here. I know you guys hate math, but just fucking listen. This is really important. All right, she gives you 10 compliments. Just an example so we can do the math. She gives you 10 compliments. You give her eight. Isn't that true? You give her eight compliments, but you also give her eight pushes, which is statements of like false disqualifiers.

14:21 For example, it's too bad you're not my type because you're really cute. So too bad you're not my type. That's a push because you're really cute. That's a pull. So with the 80-100 rule, we give her 80% of what she gives us. But we also give her the same amount of pushes away. Now, as I mentioned, the aloof listener, which is basically, you can't really get my attention. You really haven't got me here is used in conjunction with the pulls. So I'm always cognizant of like, how much interest has she shown to me?

14:52 I'm going to show her 80% of that. But I'm also going to kind of show her 80% aloofness, if this makes sense. I know it's complicated. In my coaching program, we really nail it down into your brain. Because I'm telling you, this one tip will fucking change your life when it comes to women. This one tip. Just even the 80-100 rule, if like 90% of you dudes could simply get that, it will change your dating experience. And that's why Derek could go out and get laid so quickly. Whereas before, he kept pushing girls away from him because he was giving too much.

15:22 He was too invested, he was too outcome dependent, he was too reactive, too happy to be talking to her. I teach him the 80-100 rule and he's like, oh my God, that makes sense. Just going to give her 80% of the attention she gives me. And then I'm going to do an equal amount of kind of pushing her away, not texting her back immediately, not listening to everything she says, not laughing at her jokes, not wanting to hang out when she wants to hang out. You are the prize.

15:47 You are the champion. You guys, like none of you think this way or very few of you think this way, I should say, but I want you to think this way, that you're the hot chick. How many of you guys have thought that, that you're the dude who women want, who are chasing? Because they are, and you don't know it because women are very subtle about it, but I guarantee you women are attracted to you, especially because you're listening to a podcast like this one and trying to develop yourself.

16:11 How many guys do that? Not many, not many. All right, so other things we can do to communicate that we are being aloof is with our body language. When somebody is very interested in what you have to say, their toes are pointing towards you. Okay. They're fully into you. They're fully open to you. They may even be leaning in. They're pointing at you and their body language is open. And then their facial expression is like raised eyebrows, smile on their face, leaning forward, trying to get into your personal space.

16:40 They want more. But when we're aloof, we may turn our body language away. Or as I often do, the more she's being negative or boring, I'll close up my arms. I'll kind of turn my head away. As I said, I'll look over her shoulder. I may turn my chair where it's like my shoulders pointing at her rather than my chest. And then the second she says something that I deem as conducive to attraction or positive so that the conversation can move forward in the direction I wanted to, I may turn back towards her and open up my body language.

17:11 So here's the way I want you guys to practice this. Okay. I know I threw a lot at you and what I like to do is teach on different levels. So I threw a lot of really advanced stuff at you. Most of you guys won't be able to think about this in the moment. So here's simply what I want you to do. The next time you're talking to a girl and she's being a sea donkey, bringing up some shit that's negative or talking about anything that isn't conducive to attraction, such as her ex-boyfriend, let's say, start looking over her shoulder and just look at something else and watch what happens.

17:41 Okay. She's going to change the topics. She's going to ask you a question. She's going to feel that social pressure. Now you as the man have to be able to endure the social pressure and not succumb under her uncomfort, which is going to make you uncomfortable. And then you're going to like give her more attention because you can't take the social pressure. So I want girls to kind of not be able to get your full attention. I want you to be slightly out of her grasp, right?

18:06 The 8,100 rule, give her just 80%. Well, we have 20% to work with, don't we? That should be like her out of your grasp. You're not available. You don't always completely like listen when she's talking about shit that isn't positive. You're kind of like hard to get. You're hard to grasp. And you're a little bit of a mystery. My buddy who I lived in Arizona with, he was just naturally like this. And honestly, he wasn't as funny as I was. He wasn't as outgoing as I was. He was for all intents and purposes an introvert, which is why I'm going to do a podcast about introverts.

18:39 And by the way, boys, I'm an introvert too. I'll get into it on that episode. But it's like these preconceived notions that like, oh, if you're really funny and able to talk and be outgoing and stuff, you're not an introvert. It's not true. I'm an introvert. The only thing that being an introvert means is that when you deal with people, you get drained and you need to be alone to recharge. That's the only difference. I'll get into it in that other episode. But he was like a really big introvert, wasn't very funny, wasn't really quick on his feet.

19:07 But it's like the thing that just got him laid constantly was like you couldn't quite get his attention. He was just always a little bit aloof. And like I'd talk to him and I'd like snap my fingers, bro, bro, look at me like when I'm talking to you. And I even felt it as his buddy, like, man, I really wish Eric would approve of me more. And I really wish he would like like me, you know, what can I do? I found myself thinking these things.

19:30 And I'd be like, bro, what are you, gay or something? Why are you thinking this shit? It's because that aloofness that I can't quite get this person's attention really ignites something inside of us where we want to get their attention. And what is that, boys? When a woman wants to get your attention, she really is getting attracted to you. It can almost be said that frustration as far as like frustration of wanting something from somebody is the same thing as attraction. So this aloof listener is really causing slight frustration in women.

20:02 Now, of course, we can go too far. That's why I just want you guys practicing a little bit at a time. You could even start practicing with your friends, your employees. Just kind of look over their shoulder. That's the first thing. Just look over their shoulder. Make it like, ah, you kind of don't got my attention right now, brother, and see how they react. Then you bring this in with women. It's going to radically change your game. So to reiterate the main point of this episode, boys, you know, that whole 80-100 thing, push-pull thing.

20:28 I get it. It's complicated. And if you really want to get it nailed down, come join my program. Maybe go listen to those podcast episodes. But here's the real big point of this is the person who's the most reactive, the person who has most invested in a conversation is the one who is not controlling the frame, is not in the power position. If you're that person as the man, as the dude with two balls and a penis, and she's the one in the power position as the woman, the one with the vagina, you will not get her attracted to you.

20:59 Do you understand that? Do you want me to repeat it? No, no. You got it. You sure? You sure you got it? All right, man. Because this is really important. You sure? All right. All right. I'll take your word for it. No, I won't. I'm not going to take your word. I'm going to explain it again. The person who wants less is the one in power. You have to be the one in power. Simple. Okay. Show her you want less by being aloof here and there, boys, here and there, just a little bit.

21:22 Try to think about the 80-100 rule. Try to mix that in. But if you can't like wrap your mind around it, which happens, I know a lot of you guys are beginners. That's okay. If you can't wrap your mind around it, just wrap your mind around that. You have to be in power. You have to want less. You have to not give a shit. You have to be least reactive. And you show that by being aloof at certain times in the conversation, particularly when she's bringing up negative or boring shit.

21:49 Extremely powerful. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. I was listening to my podcast the other day about the Roman thing, and I said Mondays and Tuesdays, and I was like, you idiot. Why did you do that? You moron. But I'm telling you, sometimes I just get going and I'm on to five thoughts away. I mean, you guys hear me. I can go and go and go. It's like, I'm thinking about something 10 minutes from now while I'm speaking.

22:15 So sometimes shit slips out of my mouth that isn't correct. And I hear it later and I'm like, you know what? It is what it is. But anyway, I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. And I do so every week. I'm a man of my word. I will always drop podcasts on those two days, no matter what the fuck happens. And you know, I'm smart. I prepare podcasts in advance. I have a whole catalog of them waiting to drop so that if something happens, you know, I got some backup and that's what you have to do as a responsible man, which is another thing I want to talk about in upcoming episodes.

22:46 I got tons of stuff coming up, boys. Tons of ideas. I hope you're still enjoying the show. And if you are, as I always ask, if you could leave me a five star review, I'd really appreciate it. Sincerely, guys, like I've been getting awesome reviews from you guys. It means the world to me, man. It really does. I mean, this is my purpose in life. And to get that kind of positive feedback from you boys saying I changed your life. Like one dude said I was his idol.

23:09 I was like, oh, shit, dog. Don't call me your idol, man. I'm blushing over here. I'm blushing, bro. But honestly, man, like that really means the world to me. So if you find value in my podcast, the best way you can help me, the best way you can help my family, I have a two-year-old daughter, is to give me a review. Because when other people see those reviews, it helps me boost in the search engines and people find my podcast a lot quicker and then people listen.

23:33 So that kind of social proof is super damn important. So if you want to help me, man, you know, leaving a review on iTunes means the world to me. For some of you guys who listen on Spotify and other podcast apps, you can just tell a friend maybe. I know a lot of people tell their boys about it. And maybe they have an iPhone to which they can leave an iTunes review, which helps me so much. So anyway, boys, I do appreciate you listening. I got lots of great content to come.

23:56 I will always try to over deliver in this podcast and I'm going to do so for years to come. I do not expect to stop this anytime soon. The train is going to continue rolling and I hope you come with me on this amazing journey as we continue to grow. So thanks again for listening, boys, and I will see you in the next episode. So you.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.