What to Do When a Girl Says She Has a "Third Date Rule" With Kissing or Sex

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. We are going to skip the blatant advertising today and just jump straight into the content. So you're dating a girl and she gives you the old third date, second date rule. She says, I don't kiss guys or I don't have sex until X, Y, Z time.

0:34 And you're thinking, how the hell do I get past this obstacle? Why does she do it? Did I say something wrong that made her say that? Why exactly do women do this? So in this episode, we're going to talk about why they do it, what the psychology is behind it, and then kind of how to deal with it when it happens, because this is really a test. And if you don't respond to it in the right way, particularly if you do something that I'm going to talk about a little bit later on, you could blow yourself out and you could ruin something that's potentially ripe.

1:07 So first and foremost, the reason women do this is because a lot of guys are thirsty. A lot of guys are way too pushy. They're trying to make out with her. They're trying to get her to have sex and they want it as soon as possible. So think about this, first of all, from a woman's perspective. Okay. So a woman socially knows that if she gives up her sex too easily to too many guys, it could tarnish her reputation. Now, this fear comes from tribal communities.

1:33 When we were in tribal communities, women were very social. You know, they stayed back at the teepees, let's say, while the men went hunting. It was really a social environment. So if they slept with a bunch of different dudes, it was socially frowned upon. And therefore, women have what we call the slut defense mechanism. Most women, and I'm not going to say all women because some women don't give a shit, but most women don't want to be viewed as a slut. Now, furthering this example, what do women deal with?

1:59 They deal with a bunch of guys who are basically attacking them and saying, you want some dick? You want some dick? You want some dick? So obviously, they have to defend it and they have to come up with certain principles or certain strategies in order to defend it. I mean, let's put ourselves in their shoes. Okay. What if girls were all trying to have sex with you? Like you're a decent looking dude. You're pretty alpha and girls just want to have sex with you. And the second they go on a date with you, they're trying to have sex with you as soon as possible.

2:27 Have you ever looked at it from a woman's perspective? Have you ever kind of like shifted that viewpoint to try to feel like what they feel like? So a girl meets a dude on Tinder and immediately, like as soon as he can for most guys, not all guys, but most guys, he's super thirsty. He wants to get it in as soon as he can. He's trying to make out with her. He's trying to touch her. He wants to usually get laid on the first date, especially with dating apps like Tinder and things like that.

2:53 So going back to the example, you have all these girls who want to have sex with you. They want to do it as quickly as possible. And if you have sex with all these girls, it could seriously tarnish your reputation. It could, as far as your subconscious mind is concerned, or I should say your anthropological lizard brain, it could compromise your survival and your safety. Because if your reputation gets tarnished, you could be banished from the tribe. And this also works in modern day society. It's not only because we're from tribes.

3:19 I mean, girls hang out with the same girlfriends. You know, they're a little bit more loose moral nowadays than I think they were in the past. But at the same time, if a girl sleeps with a bunch of dudes, she gets a bad reputation. So she really needs to protect it. And you have guys who are really aggressive, right? You have guys who are pushy, who won't take no for an answer. So what would you do? You'd be like, yo, I have a third date rule.

3:44 Okay. I don't kiss until the third date. And maybe she has a fucking three month rule for sex. Who knows? Like all girls have a bunch of different rules. I've heard them all. I've had girls tell me they won't have sex till marriage. And you know what? If that's their prerogative, I respect it. But I respectfully parted ways with them at that time. Because to me, sex is really important to see if you jive with somebody. So I'm not going to like wait until marriage to have sex with a girl.

4:09 But you know what? If that's her decision, we respect it. Okay. And I would urge you guys to do the same thing. If they throw this at you, first of all, you just have to understand it and respect it. Because honestly, you would do the same thing too. Now it's up to you whether or not you want to try to overcome it and kiss her faster than let's just go with a third date example. But to me, in my experience, I respected it. And I was like, you know what, that's cool.

4:33 And I'm going to tell you what I would say. And I actually had girls try to kiss me when they told me it was the third date rule. And like on the second date, they try to make out with me. Or they said, I have a three month rule for sex, complete bullshit. Like they hardly ever stick to it. And she would try to have sex with me earlier because I did what I'm going to tell you about. But before I get into that, I want to get it through your guys' thick skulls that you would do the same thing.

4:56 So first of all, let's not be resentful towards women. And we have to understand why they do this. Remember, guys are trying to have sex with them left and right. Like literally a girl, especially a cute girl could throw a rock out the window, hit a dude in the head who would want to have sex with her. Girls can get laid fucking immediately if they wanted to. But as I talked about in a previous podcast, it's kind of like really wanting some good French fries. And all you have to choose from is a bunch of like stadium fries, which have been under the heater for three hours.

5:26 They're cold, soggy and limp. And it's like, yeah, they're French fries, but they're not good French fries. And this is the perspective of a woman is she can get sex anytime she wants. But the trouble is finding a dude who she actually wants to do it with. So she's dating all these French fries. And she's like, no, no, no. I got this third date rule. Slow it down a little bit there, turbo. We're not doing it. Okay. So we understand why she does it. Now I want to talk about what we do to overcome it or at the very least pass her test so we don't look like a beta cock.

5:55 And so that she doesn't feel like we just gave her the frame and she got control of the situation. Because as I always say, as the man, particularly if you want a woman to be sexually attracted to you, you must control the frame. That means you're leading the interaction. But if you try to kiss her and she pulls away and says, no, no, no, no. I have a third date rule on this. She kind of took the frame from you. So I want to ask you guys this, how can you get the frame back?

6:22 Okay. If you've listened to my podcast for any amount of time, or you guys who are in my three month coaching program or have been in my coaching program, you guys should know this. Okay. It's all about reframing. Now, when I say reframing, what does that mean? It means you take the frame from her, which is the interpreted meaning of the conversation that just happened. The interpreted meaning is I'm not kissing you until the third date. You make it your own. Okay. You steal it, you take it, and then you take control of it and you amplify it to make it your own.

6:48 That shows her that you're still controlling the frame. You're respecting her decision and you are leading her to where she wants to be led, which is essentially to kiss you on the third date. Or if she gets more attracted to you, she'll want to kiss you on the third date, but you're going to hold her until what she said. Okay. So I'm on a date with the girl, right? I've built everything up seamlessly as I talk about in my three months coaching program and a little bit on this podcast, but I'm about to kiss her and she pulls back and she says, sorry, you know, I have a third date rule.

7:20 What you do is you kind of pause for a second and you say, you know what? That's a fucking awesome rule. I really like that. In fact, I'm going to hold you to that. Okay. On the second date, if we have it, you are going to get so attracted to me, Kelly. You are going to want to kiss me so bad, but I'm going to need you to calm down. I'm going to need you to control yourself. We are definitely implementing this third date rule. It's non-negotiable.

7:46 We're waiting until the third date. If that even happens, you know, maybe we'll wait until the fifth date. And you know what? When it comes to sex, I have a 16 month rule. So I hope you're ready to wait almost a year and a half before we do that because my rules, we do not go against them. Okay. So what you did there is you obviously took the frame, made it your own, told her that you guys are going to adhere to this three date rule. And I would do that if she throws that shit at me, which honestly guys happens, maybe one out of 50 girls, particularly if they're attracted to you.

8:17 A lot of the times too, I didn't mention this. Girls will say it when they're not that attracted to you and they really don't want to kiss you at that point. And maybe they're going to blow you out. So I really don't hear it that often, but when I do, bro, you got to immediately make it your idea. This happens with sex too. If she's like, we're not having sex tonight. The first thing you do is you reframe it and you make it your own. And you say, you know what?

8:41 Talking about sex this early isn't really the best way to seduce me. I need comfort, connection, and trust first. So slow down a little bit there, Turbo. We just met. So what you're doing is you're kind of stealing it. Because look, if you try to argue against it, what happens is she gets more ensconced. That is to say, she gets more dug into her argument. So she says, we're not having sex. And you're like, yeah, but we've been on like four dates and I've bought you dinner.

9:05 And I feel like we really connected. I mean, don't you agree? I think we should have sex. Besides like, you don't really get to know somebody until you have sex with them. Wouldn't you agree? That is the wrong way to do it, bro. You got to make it your idea and actually accuse her of trying to seduce you. See that reframe there? Like you take the frame, you flip it, you misinterpret it, that she's trying to like talk about sex too early. And in so doing, you have reframed it correctly and shown her that you are controlling the conversation.

9:35 Now, if she says to me, I don't have sex after three months, I'll be like, you know what? That's awesome. I really respect that. And honestly, guys, I kind of do. Like three months is a lot, in my opinion. I think like third date is usually the best time to have sex. But if she has some sort of rule, I kind of respect it. I kind of respect it. I kind of like it because that tells me that she does that to all dudes. So she's not like sucking dicks in the bathroom at the nightclub, which bro happens all the time.

9:58 I've had girls offered to do shit to me that would blow your fucking mind. And this happens often. Now, I'm not really judging girls for their morals. You know, girls go through phases where they do these kinds of things. So we can't really judge them so much. At least I don't think we should. And I think that whole slut quote unquote slut thing is complete bullshit because girls go through phases just like we do. And why isn't a dude a slut if he fucks a bunch of girls?

10:22 It's like we feel pride for having sex with a bunch of girls. We pat each other on the back. But if a girl does it, oh, no, that's like totally slutty. See, even we do it to them. So we can't blame them for having this rule. But to my point, I don't blame them at all for having this rule. And I kind of like it. But I still reframe it to show her that, you know, I'm in the alpha position. I'm controlling this. I'm leading her.

10:43 And I'm not saying I'm being controlling. Boys, don't misinterpret it. Especially you women listening. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying. I'm all about respecting women. I'm all about equal rights. But the woman has to be the follower and the man has to be the leader in order for her to get attracted to him. So when we're talking about attraction, it's inevitable. You have to control the frame. And the person who's controlling the frame is the one who misinterprets and or reframes it and makes it his own.

11:08 So again, you never want to argue rationally against a woman's decision to make you wait X amount of time. Just make your idea. Now, when it comes to sex, if she says, Oh, I don't want to have sex until like three months, bro, I have blown that rule out of the water every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Just go with it. Okay, because going back to female psychology, what women think they want and what they say rationally and what they feel emotionally is two completely different things.

11:36 And this happens with the third date rule too, when it comes to sex, just agree with it. Because bro, on the second date, if you guys are really clicking, she's probably going to kiss you. She's probably going to kiss you. Now, this goes into my second point, which I'm going to make in a second. But before I do, I want to get back to these rules that women say, it's kind of like phantoms. They just say it in the moment because you're being too thirsty. They're feeling too much pressure from you.

11:59 You try to kiss her at the wrong time, for example. So just go with it. You know, let it flow right over you. The reason palm trees survive the severe winds of the Hawaiian islands is because they bend. And that's what we do with women when they try to put these parameters on us. Just bend to it, make it your idea, no big deal, joke around about it and blow past it. Do not get pissed. Do not try to rationalize her out of it. Go with it.

12:26 And the second strategy, which I alluded to, is rather than holding her to the three-day rule, and you can even say you will hold her to the three-day rule, you don't actually try to hold to it. But instead, you try to kiss her on the second date. Now, personally, I don't suggest this because you kind of agreed with her third date rule. You owned it, made it your own. You even amplified it by saying, yeah, I don't have sex until 634 weeks. So we're going to have to wait that amount in time too.

12:54 If you go against that, it kind of looks like you broke your word. So what I would do, let's say first date, she throws the third date rule at me. I say, definitely, that is an awesome idea. I am holding you to it. I don't care how attracted you are to me. You are not kissing me. Okay, boom. I've done that, blow past it. Now on the second date, I'm fucking throwing out so much charisma, so much attraction building techniques, so much frame control, and I make her want to kiss me.

13:18 And when she tries to, I say, nope, third date rule. That's the fucking gangster way to do it, boys. Is you say, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like we had this third date rule. Like slow down though, Turbo. I'm making you wait till the third date. And you know what? Now that you did that, I may have to push that out to the fourth date because I don't know, are you like not a girl, your word? Like we agreed to this. What are you doing? Right? That is gangster, dude.

13:42 If she throws a shit at you, you agree to it, amplify it. Next date, you fucking build attraction so much. You can't even handle herself. She's trying to kiss you. You reject her. And then you say, out of punishment, I'm extending the agreement out to four dates because of what you did. Gangster level shit. And if you ever hear the, we're not having sex, just go with it. Just agree and amplify, right? Like, oh yeah, I think that's a great idea. Actually, I was going to say that myself, but I didn't feel like the timing was right yet, but I totally agree.

14:07 Okay. What did I just do there? She's like, we're not having sex tonight. You feel like, yep, totally agree with that. In fact, I was going to say it myself, but I didn't feel like the timing was right yet. Kind of takes a little stab at her for being socially unintelligent and bringing up something at the wrong time, making her seem kind of like a spaz, like you're getting out of control. Relax, little girl. We got this. Now, again, I can see why they say this shit, but even though I can see why they say it, if I try to fight it or go with it in the wrong way, it could blow up in my face.

14:37 So agree, make your idea, lead her to it. And then I'm telling you, if you're attractive enough, those fucking rules go right out the window. It's such bullshit. It's the difference between what girls think they're attracted to and what they're actually attracted to, right? Like you'll talk to a girl and she'll say, I want a guy with this, this, this, and this. And then she sleeps with the dude who's completely opposite that same night that she said to you what her type is. And then a lot of the times you're like her type and she doesn't get attracted to you.

15:07 How many of you guys have experienced that where she's like, yeah, I want a guy like this, this, and this. And you're sitting there like, bro, that's me. And then she sleeps with a complete asshole who is completely opposite of you. And you're sitting there like, what the fuck is with female psychology? Well, attraction is not a choice. She cannot control who she's attracted to. So she says she wants this thing and sometimes they do know. I'm not going to say they're completely oblivious to what they're attracted to.

15:33 But a lot of the times it's the guy who can just elicit those emotions. The guy who can flip the attraction hot switches in her mind that gets her, even if technically he is quote unquote, not her type. So this works into today's lesson, which is don't resist it. Make your idea, hold her to it, try to get her to break it over subsequent dates, but hold her to it. Oh my God, bro. That builds so much attraction. It's unbelievably powerful. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening.

16:02 I hope this has helped you out because a lot of you guys run into this and I'll tell you, as you become more attractive, you don't get this so much, but you know what? Even I still do. And it's not that big of a deal. You just blow past it. You pass the test and in certain ways it is a test, but most of the time it's just her select defense mechanism, letting thirsty dudes know that they're not going to get it in as soon as they may have hoped.

16:24 And who knows, maybe she wants you to fight for it to prove that you're not just going to fuck her and leave her. So there's lots of psychological reasons as to why women do this. But again, don't resist. Instead, go with it like the palm trees in the Hawaiian islands and resist to overcome, which is one of the central tenants of Eastern martial arts. Resist the enemy to overcome them. This is the smart way to do it. All right, gentlemen, I got another awesome podcast dropping in a few days.

16:46 So please make sure to stay tuned for the next one and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.