What to Talk About with Girls in 1st Conversation (3 Step Process)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What's up, guys? This is Mark Sting, and today we're going to delve into something really interesting. We're going to talk about what to talk about with girls, specifically during the first conversation. If you're like most guys, many times you'll get into a conversation with a woman, and you'll simply run out of things to say. Or the conversation will go into what I call platonic vibing, which means you don't really bring her a lot of interesting things to talk about.

0:41 The things aren't getting her intrigued. They're not making her laugh. So today we're going to give you some really good skills to not only make her laugh and get her cracking up and get her attracted to you, but to do so with conversations that happen all the time with everybody that you talk to. So make sure to stay tuned for that. Here at the Unapologetic Man Podcast, we want to thank you, our listeners. It's because of you that we're able to do what we love. So if you enjoy what you've gotten out of today's episode, please help us out by giving us a five-star review.

1:09 You don't have to put your name or sign in or anything like that. You can just go to the review area and smash that five-star button. It really does help us. Also, I want to let you know that I did create a product that works in tangent with what we're going to talk about today. The product is called The Approach Formula. And what it does is it gives you the step-by-step method to approach a woman, engage her in conversation, and walk away with her phone number.

1:35 The Approach Formula typically retails for $32, but since you are a loyal listener of this podcast, you can go ahead and grab it for $10 measly dollars. That's literally less than what you're going to spend on lunch tomorrow, and I guarantee you'll get a lot of substance out of what it teaches. If, however, you want to cut to the chase and really solve your problems with women, particularly some of the bullshit that may be happening in your head, I do offer one-on-one coaching. I use NLP, which is Neuro Linguistic Programming.

2:03 You can learn more about that at CoachMarkSingh.com. And I apologize, I neglected to give the URL for The Approach Formula. You can get that at GetTheApproachFormula.com. I will also leave a link to that and a link to my coaching down in the description below. So without further ado, guys, let's get into it. All right, when you first approach a woman, obviously you want to have something interesting to talk about. I'm going to leave the opener to the book, Get The Approach Formula. So if you want to learn more about that, you can do so.

2:31 But let's just assume in today's podcast that you already engaged with her and you guys are talking about whatever it may be. Okay, so you've opened her. Maybe you've stacked a couple openers. The set is sticking, which means the conversation has started. Now it's your job to get her attracted to you before you go for the phone number. So there's many different methods to get her attracted to you. But what I'm going to teach you today falls under the pillar of value. So in my coaching, I teach that there's four pillars to attraction.

2:59 I'm going to make a podcast about that. But this falls under value. And when I say value, it's giving her something interesting, making her laugh, getting her intrigued. So this is going to be a small snippet of the pillar of value. There's other things that fall under value as well that I'm going to do more coaching on in this podcast. But this is basically the everyday mundane questions that you're invariably going to get and how to answer those. So we need to get the foundation done first.

3:28 Okay. Everybody asks each other what questions. If you and I met at a dinner party, let's say we had like an office Christmas party and you and I met, what would we ask each other? Well, obviously, the first thing everybody asks each other is what do you do? The next thing would be, how old are you? Where'd you go to school? Where are you from? They might ask you what your hobbies are, what you love to do, what you want to do in the future. So you as an up and coming pickup artist, you as a guy who wants to get better with women, you should pre-can all of these answers to be interesting, funny, and intriguing.

4:06 So what I'm going to teach you today is how to do that. Specifically, how to answer the question of what do you do? I'm going to give you some awesome examples on that. Also, what do you do for fun? And then also how to flip it on her and to do the same thing for her. Okay. So first and foremost, what do you do? The best way to give you an example of this is to tell you what I say. And then you can take the structure of what I do and apply it to your own life.

4:29 So I teach a three-step process where this is concerned. Okay. When a woman asks you what you do, first and foremost, you need to be funny. You need to make her laugh. So the first thing that I say is a girl asked me, what do you do? I tell her I'm an ass model. So this is what I say. I say, oh, I'm a famous ass model. And she cracks up. She can tell I'm joking. I might have a slight smirk on my face, or I might decide to deadpan it and not have a smirk and just pretend I'm being serious and see if she understands that I'm joking.

4:57 Most times she knows I'm joking. Probably because I have a pretty flat, small ass, but whatever. She knows I'm joking. So I'm like, oh yeah, I'm a famous ass model. And she laughs. And then I say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. See this ass right here? See this amazing piece of work? Look, this thing is featured in seven continents. It's famous all over the world. And I'll tell you, there's even a picture of it up in Times Square. 500 feet by 200 feet advertisement. Dude, I don't even know what they're advertising.

5:22 It's just a picture of my perfect ass, boom, right up there in Times Square. Then I might say, see this thing right here? Do me a favor and don't pinch it during any time during the night tonight. Do not grab my ass. Because if I get a bruise on this wonderful piece of work, I'm going to be out of a job. You're going to make me poor. I'm going to be homeless. And it's all going to be your fault. So inevitably, she tries to pinch my ass.

5:42 A lot of girls who are creative, they'll say that they're an ass model too. And then we get into a fight about how we're like each other's competition and how like I was in a sniper hide and I like tried to shoot her butt to like take her out of the game and we're laughing, we're having a good time. Okay, so that's the first step. Now, in addition to saying that I'm an ass model, sometimes I'll say I'm a dolphin trafficker, a backflip expert, a burrito jockey.

6:05 I change out the urinal biscuits at the high schools. Whatever you think is funny, just think of something. I even used to say that I work at the freak show and I'm the world's tallest midget. Okay, so the first thing's funny. Tell a little story. You have fun. You banter. Now, the next thing should be the truth. Okay, so in my case, I'm an NLP coach. It's important with women in the first conversation to not only work in being silly and cocky and teasing, but also you need to work in a little bit of like realism and just showing that you're a trustworthy, real guy who can like be serious, who can talk well, and who can be somebody that she'd like to introduce to her friends and to her family.

6:45 Because as she's getting attracted to you, this is what she's thinking. Is this a dude I'd like to date? Is this a dude I'd like to introduce to my family? Not only is she thinking, is this a guy I'd like to sleep with? But she's also thinking those future things. So if you can say, well, actually, you know what? I'm an NLP coach. And you say it really honestly. You look her in the eyes. You're confident. You show her that you're a good communicator. So I'm like, yeah, I'm an NLP coach.

7:07 Do you know what NLP is? She says no. And I'm like, well, it stands for neuro-linguistic programming. And the basic premise is in the first seven years of all our lives, our brains are in a mild state of hypnosis. They're in a state of theta. And what happens is there's programming that's written into our brains during these first seven years of life. And oftentimes through the inevitable challenges of life, through dysfunction, and oftentimes through our own parents' dysfunction, we get negative programming that's written into our brains.

7:35 So you have people that are afraid of doing certain things. You have people who have social anxiety. For guys, approach anxiety is a big thing. Shame surrounding women. That's oftentimes because of the metaprogramming that's given to them during their early childhood. So my job is I go in there and I put my clients in a mild state of hypnosis. And through processes, through visualization, we are able to literally remove those programs and rewrite them. So for my clients, I work with a lot of clients who have shame and approach anxiety.

8:04 Well, I'll get rid of those programming and rewrite programming in there that says, you know, approaching is a good thing, that public speaking is a positive thing. And literally, they cannot feel what they used to feel about that thing that's been giving them hell their entire lives. So that's what I do. And I'm an NLP coach. Now, she's like listening to this. And in a way with women in the first conversation, when you're talking, you kind of want to make it like she's looking at a fishbowl and she can just sit there and watch.

8:33 And it's almost like she's watching a movie, let's say, where she's interested. You're telling a story and you're using visuals and you're being interesting. So with all these answers, I want you guys to be interesting. I want you to get down to the emotions of it. Now, storytelling is a really good way to do that. Now, every time I adjust it based on her reaction, if she's like wide eye and you're really interested, I'll go into that whole thing I told you about, like the theta thing in the first seven years of life, programming, reprogramming, shame, anxiety, blah, blah, blah.

9:04 Oftentimes, girls are really into that kind of thing. Then what I do, and this is step three, is you tell a story. So for me, and this is a true story, I lived in Japan for four years. And when I was in Japan, I was a Japanese translator. Well, one time I went out on stage and I was translating and I didn't understand what the lady was saying. She was saying something in Japanese and I didn't understand it. Well, I'm supposed to be up there translating it into English for the American audience.

9:32 And I freaked out, right? And I had this like panic attack because I didn't fucking understand what she said. So I asked her, please say that again. So she says it again. And dude, I did not understand what she said. So I told her in Japanese, I'm like, listen, I'm sorry. I don't understand what you said. Do you have somebody else here who can do this? And so they got another translator to come out. I had to walk off the stage with my tail between my legs.

9:54 It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Well, that started for me about six months of intense anxiety that went into agoraphobia. Now, agoraphobia is the fear of going outside. But for me, it was like the fear of interacting with people. And this is when I was about 25 and I'm 42 now. So I started researching how can I deal with this? Long story short, I met an NLP coach. Through NLP, I was able to completely overcome my anxiety, my agoraphobia, my fear of speaking in front of crowds.

10:23 Not only did I overcome it, but that became my profession. Now I speak in front of crowds, I've spoken in front of thousands of people with no problem whatsoever. So it goes to show the strength of what NLP can do. And that's why I'm an NLP coach. So imagine a girl who I tell that to. Now, again, sometimes it's longer, sometimes it's shorter. It depends on the situation. If we're in a long ass bar, I'm going to do the shorter version. If I meet her at a coffee shop or in day game, I may do the longer version.

10:52 But you see here that most times when a woman asks you, what do you do? And you say, oh, I'm a landscaper. That's it. It's like no substance there. She's not going to get attracted to you if there's no substance. But if you say, yeah, I'm actually a dolphin trafficker. You probably didn't know this, but dolphins are really, really popular in Texas. They make them wear little cowboy hats and like dance around. So I actually traffic them in from Hawaii to Texas, but it's illegal. So I have this whole like underground dolphin trafficking thing and it's awesome.

11:22 You'd love it. And she's cracking up. And then you say, no, actually, I'm a landscaper. And hey, you might have a great story about that. Now, if you don't, let's say you're working at Starbucks to save up or you're in school or whatever it may be, then you want to let her know what you want to do. So you say, well, actually, right now I'm working at Starbucks, but what I'm working on is this. Then you tell a story as to why you're working on it.

11:47 I have one client who is a doctor and his story is that his mom died of cancer. So when she was in the cancer bed, he promised her that he would work towards carrying cancer. So that is an amazing story. And it's funny because before I started working with him, he was just saying, oh, I'm a doctor. And I was like, bro, like, why'd you want to become a doctor? And he gave me this great story about carrying cancer. And then we applied that to, you know, his first conversations and his results exploded simply because you're putting substance.

12:19 You're putting emotion into your conversations with women. It's so, so important. And so few guys do it. But here's the low hanging fruit. When it comes to that, you're going to get asked these questions. So you should have good answers for them. On that note, you're also going to get asked obvious questions, right? So let's say you're really tall. Obviously, girls are going to ask you if you're a basketball player. Let's say you have, I don't know, hand and neck tattoos. Maybe a girl will ask you if you're a criminal or like a musician or something like that.

12:48 So take your own situation, okay? And make something interesting for the obvious questions that people always ask you. If you're not creative in this way, on the back of the approach formula, I do have this book called The Conversation Sniper. It gives about 150 one-liners that you can use in your conversations with girls. It also gives topics to talk about to keep the conversation going so you don't run out of things to say again. But it's going to kind of spice up your own thoughts even just so that you can think of like, what can I say about myself?

13:21 So for me, for example, I have really, really long legs. And when I lived in Japan, the first two years I taught English. Well, in Japan, a white guy with long legs is kind of an anomaly. So the kids would always ask me where my belly button was. And I'd always point up like in the middle of my chest and be like, my belly button's right here. So oftentimes girls will comment on how tall I am. I'm only 6'2", but they usually say it. And I'll be like, yeah, you know, when I was in Japan, the kids used to ask me where my belly button is.

13:49 And I'd be like, it's right here. And then it always makes the girls laugh. And then that leads into how I lived in Japan that could lead back into the NLP coaching. So there's ways to take conversations, the typical questions that you get and lead it into certain ways that are going to build attraction. Okay. What do you do for fun? The first thing again should be funny. Remember this three-step process. First is funny. Then is the truth. Then the third thing is a story. So what do you do for fun?

14:19 Okay. The first thing I usually say is, oh, sleeping. I'm really good at sleeping. Or I'll say lately, I've just been saying this. I'll be like, you know, lately I've been really trying to master night hearing. I really want to like learn how to hear at night. So I go to night and I listen, I try to listen to like, you know, the crickets and the night sounds and I've almost got it. I can almost do, I can almost hear at night. And she kind of cracks up.

14:41 No, actually I'm really into Brazilian jujitsu. Do you know what that is? And she'll say no. And then I tell her the story of Brazilian jujitsu, Gracie jujitsu, which is basically jujitsu was an art in Japan. A master of jujitsu from Japan came and worked at the Brazilian immigration department. Then one of the Gracies, I'm sure you've heard of Gracie jujitsu, met him there and he taught the Gracie family jujitsu to protect themselves on the mean streets of Brazil. Well, they took that practice and they made it into this amazing martial art where literally it will basically beat any other martial art out there.

15:18 Now, some of you dudes that are listening to this may disagree with me, but I suggest you go look at UFC one, uh, where the Gracie family took this little guy, hoist Gracie, who was like 150 pounds. And he was beating these giants, these 250 pound kickboxers and like Muay Thai experts. Now today it's evolved into MMA and you do need striking game, but the story is really interesting because they basically had no way to prove which martial art was better. You had Kung Fu versus karate versus judo versus wrestling, kickboxing, boxing, and then jujitsu comes in and beats them all like hands down without even a contest.

15:57 So everyone's like, holy shit, what is this jujitsu thing? And if you take jujitsu for six months and you go against somebody who knows nothing, you will beat them. Like there's no doubt about it. You will beat them. It's just because of the principles of it and the way it works. So it's really fucking fascinating. I've been doing it for almost a year and a half now. I still totally suck at it, but it's interesting because I tell her the story about it. And then I'll say like, you know, don't act up now.

16:22 I'm going to choke you out and just joke with her. So that's one really good thing to do. What do you like to do? A lot of you guys out there are soccer players, baseball players. You ride dirt bikes, you play tennis, golf, whatever the hell you do, fishing, tell an interesting story about it. Now you think, ooh, fishing, girls hate that stuff. No, they don't. If you tell a story about it, they will be intrigued. Okay. Where are you from? Again, the first thing you should say is something funny.

16:49 This is what I always say. Have you ever seen that show, The Office? She'll be like, yeah. And you'd be like, you know how they filmed it in that town, Scranton, Pennsylvania? And she'll be like, yeah, yeah. Scranton, Pennsylvania. I'd be like, yeah, I live nowhere near that place. I actually grew up in Southern California, Newport Beach. You ever heard of it? Kind of makes her laugh because you're like, you know, this place, Scranton, Pennsylvania. She's like, yeah, I know that. She thinks you're going to say that's where I'm from.

17:09 No, you completely change it. When they ask you how old you are, you could be like, I'm 82 years old. I discovered the elixir of youth. You know, if you promise to behave yourself tonight, I might share it with you, but don't tell anybody because yada, yada, yada, right? Just fun. Okay. Now, as you're listening to this, maybe driving in your car on your headphones, you're like, really, bro? Like this kind of works. Fuck yes. Because chicks want to have fun. It's like that goddamn song. Girls just want to have fun.

17:36 You can joke and make jokes of things. This is really, really effective. I went up to a girl today at the gym and I went, Hey, um, I just had to let you know something. And she's like, what? And I was like, that body right there is fucking perfect. That is the best body I've ever seen. And she's like, geez, thanks. And I was like, oh, oh no. And I pointed in the mirror because there was literally a mirror right there. And I was like me, that body right there.

18:03 And she just fucking laughed. She just cracked up laughing. It was a perfect opener. I'm like, I'm just fucking with you. I've seen you in your hundred times. Um, what's up? I'm Mark. What's your name? Now, obviously the delivery counts. Cause if that came out wrong, it could become off as really douchey and arrogant. So your delivery is literally 75% of it. But when you're talking to girls and you can mix in this kind of playfulness, this funny, this bantering, this fun that girls really want to have, it's going to go so much better for you, man.

18:35 And you're going to get attraction, which is the most important thing is to first get attraction. Then you create sexual tension and then you make her qualify. I'm going to go over all this stuff in future podcasts, but I want you guys to get really good at talking in this fun way. Once again, you can learn a lot about this in the book. Get the approach formula.com and then there's another $10 upgrade you can do if you want to the conversation sniper. I highly suggest you get it, especially if you clicked on this and you want to get better at talking to women right now.

19:04 How do we do it back to them? How do we do it back to them? So, you know, girls won't always ask you what you do in the first conversation. So what I like to do is bait them to do it. I'll oftentimes say, so, so what do you do, Kelly? And I'll be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me guess. Let me guess. You are an ice cream man. And she'll laugh. And I'll say, listen, don't be ashamed. Every city needs an ice cream man.

19:28 You are Denver's best ice cream man. I'll tell you what, if you come here, I'll meet you outside this bar tomorrow at 12 PM. Bring me two, two gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream. I'll be your best friend. Deal, deal. And I'll like, like high fiver. And she'll be like, no deal. I'm not bringing you ice cream. Now, this also works into the first text. When I first text the girl, I always send something that relates to a high point in the conversation that we had the first conversation.

19:56 So my first text may be like, hey, I saw an ice cream truck going 120 miles per hour down the 405 freeway. I know that was you. Were you late for the ice cream man convention? Or what, what was your deal there? Now that gives her a great chance to reply, to have fun with it and to go with it. Okay. So that's the first thing you say. So what do you do? Whoa, let me guess. Let me guess. You are a sniper. I can see it. I can tell you got some shooting skills.

20:20 You're a great marksman. Whatever you decide, dude. Think about it. Now decide on it. I like to accuse girls of being an ice cream man. I think it's really funny. It works every single time. And I usually will have that as my first text. Now, the second thing, just as in the step with yourself, the second thing needs to be the real thing that she does. So you ask her, no, I'm just kidding. What do you really do? And she says, oh, I'm a veterinarian, let's say.

20:46 And then you'd be like, oh, that's cool. Then the third thing, what do you love about being a veterinarian? Or why did you choose to become a veterinarian? Did something happen in your past? Okay. So she tells you about it. Now, when she gets done talking, you kind of want to reward her for it. Okay. This comes down to social intelligence. You can bust her chops if you think it's socially correct to do so at that point. But if she's telling you why she's so passionate about being a veterinarian, a lawyer, an aspiring doctor, whatever it may be, you want to reward it.

21:20 So you'd be like, you know what? That's, that's pretty cool. I really respect that you were able to get through college like that, you know, to become a doctor. And actually, I really respect that. You just went up 50 points in my book. You are now at negative 20. Congratulations. And she always laughs. So that is rewarding her for qualifying herself to you because she's explaining something to you and you always want to reward qualifications. I'm going to do a podcast about qualifying in the future, but just keep that in mind for now.

21:47 Okay. So we went over, what do you do? How old you are? What do you do for fun? Where are you from? And also I want you guys to think about the common questions that you get or even common things to your city. So I remember when I lived in Tempe, Arizona, there was this one really hard left turn off the off ramp, off the freeway. And somebody had spray painted an Indy car on the rail. So like, as you're going through that turn, there's this Indy car there.

22:16 And I would always say, Hey, have you ever seen that Indy car there? I think that's so funny that the second I saw that, I was like, dude, I know I'm going to love Arizona because people here, you know, are fun, whatever. So you want to observe things about your city that you can bring up to her. At one of the bars that I go to, there's a coat check and it says coat check at the back, but the C in coat kind of looks like G.

22:38 So it kind of looks like it says goat check. So I always point that out to girls. I'm like, Hey, look over there. Did you check your goat today? And they'll laugh because it really looks like it says goat check. And then I'm like, you know, like, welcome to club Taliban. Make sure you check your goat at the goat check before you come in. And then they crack up. So you want to have funny observations about the things around you, certain situations. Another thing you can talk about is situations that happened perhaps in the past at that certain bar.

23:08 Usually when you go to bars and nightclubs a lot, you see fights, you see situations. I mean, I've seen just about everything under the sun. So you can bring that up. Hey, were you guys here last week when XYZ happened? Talk about it. Telling stories is really important. And that's another podcast topic I'm going to get into in the future, how to tell stories, how to do so in a funny way. But this guy's is the basics. Okay. These are the basic questions that everybody's going to ask you as well as some of the unique questions that you're going to get to yourself.

23:38 So I want you to be prepared. If you really want to get better with women, this is where you start. The basic fucking everyday questions that everybody asks each other. You know, one time I was in a checkout line and I was like, Hey man, how are you doing? Right. To the guy who's checking out my food. Now he hears that all the time. So he came up with a great reply. He's like, Oh, I'm chipping away at it. And I was like, dude, that's a good reply, man.

24:02 Because every other grocer, every checkout person says, Oh, I'm good. How are you? So let's think of something unique to differentiate ourselves from everybody else, especially when they ask you, what do you do? Where are you from? All these basic mundane questions. Have those three steps ready. You can turn it around and do it to her. You can also be like, so where are you from? Where are you from? Wait, wait, wait. Let me guess. You are from, and let's say it's like some super white chick.

24:28 You'd be like, you are from Takeshi, Japan. And she'll be like, what? No. And you'd be like, yeah. In Takeshi, they raise skinny blonde girls who wear yellow pants and black jackets. They like specially raise them to be assassins in this little country town in Japan. I know that's where you're from. Don't lie to me. And she'll kind of chuckle and you'd be like, no, where are you really from? Oh, that's cool. So why'd you move out to Colorado? Now you're seeing this is spicing it up a little bit rather than being like, oh, where are you from?

24:57 Oh, cool. Massachusetts. Hmm. So why'd you move to Colorado? There's that extra step in there that makes it a lot more interesting. Oftentimes when I'll ask a girl's name, I'll be like, so what's your name? And I'll be like, oh, let me guess. Let me guess. Your name is Shadainesti. And she'll fucking crack up laughing. And she'll be like, no, my name is Kelly. And I'll be like, what's up, Kelly? My name is Daisuke Matsumoto. Nice to meet you. And she'll be like, what? And you'd be like, yeah, Daisuke Matsumoto.

25:23 I'm actually from a rural town in Japan where they train tall white dudes to be secret ninja assassins. I'm actually an assassin right now. So take it easy. At no point during this conversation tonight will you step out of the line, young lady, because you will pay the ultimate price. And she's going to have fun with that. Again, you need to think in the context of two people having fun. Okay. Two kids on the schoolyard. Now, when you're listening to this and your analytical mind is coming in and being like, wait a minute, would I want to say that?

25:53 I don't know about this. Get rid of that shit. You want to have fun with these girls. You want to come off the cuff. It's like two kids in the schoolyard. You're just busting each other's chops. This is what works. This is what gets attraction. So take a minute to work on your own. Really get some good questions laid down. If you have any questions for me specifically, you can reach out to me through my website. You can go to coachmarksing.com, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G.com. And I do suggest you guys, you pick up the approach formula.

26:21 If you are trying to get better at this stuff, it is a great book to get you on your way. Also, if you found any value whatsoever in this podcast episode, I really would appreciate your help and give us five stars. We are trying to grow this podcast. We're trying to get more listeners. And when you just take a minute to find the ratings, smash the five-star button. You don't even have to do it with your name or anything like that. All you got to do is put five stars in.

26:43 It really helps us. It gets us more listeners and allows us to grow and motivates us to bring you more high-quality content. So once again, guys, thank you so much for listening. It's because of you that we're able to do this. And we sincerely, sincerely appreciate you, our audience. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you in the next podcast.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.