Why Aren't You Happier? The Pleasure Vs. Fulfillment Matrix

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Welcome to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you tuning in. And so Mondays kind of get you down, man. Mondays, scientifically, are the most depressing days of the week for obvious reasons. Got to put in that work, got to start the week. And for a lot of you guys, you might ask yourself on occasion, man, does it get better than this?

0:39 Is this really it? Is this how much happiness I'm going to achieve in this life? And what if I were to achieve different things, like becoming really good with girls? Maybe that would get me to happiness. Or perhaps if I made more money, maybe that's the answer. And so we strive and strive and we buy all the things that the marketing companies are telling us to buy. We watch TV. We scroll endlessly on our phone. We watch and masturbate to porn. And still, a lot of us are being left unfulfilled.

1:05 Why is that? Well, I'm going to attempt to answer that question today. And I'm hoping for at least some of you, I create an epiphany in you because this created an epiphany in me about 20 years ago. And I can say with utmost confidence and utmost humility that I am happy. And I'll tell you, happiness is a strength. Happiness is a strength. It's easy to be sad. It's easy to be depressed. It's easy to have that woes me attitude and feel like a victim. But the guy who is happy chooses his happiness and he actually makes it into a skill set.

1:42 That's right. Life is a skill set. And that's the thing that I'm most interested in. Certainly, I'm interested in attracting women. I'm interested in becoming an unapologetic, masculine, alpha silverback. But the thing that interests me the most is what I call the art of living. How to live this life in the best way possible so that when we get on our deathbed, which make no mistake, each of us will be there. We have zero regrets. And we took the hand we were dealt in life and we made the meanest hand possible, man.

2:11 We took an average hand and we made that shit into a royal flush. So I'm going to talk today about how people are able to do that and how you're going to be able to do it too. Before I jump into the content, I want to read yet another testimonial from a champion who just graduated from my program. I'm not going to say his name. We're just going to call him B. What is up, B? I do appreciate you, man. You know who you are when I read this.

2:32 So let's jump into it. I joined Mark's program to help myself with past trauma that I felt was holding me back. I'd studied different programs, but I was intrigued with Mark's NLP help. I began listening to his podcast and I wanted to become that unapologetic man that Mark always talks about. After joining Mark's program, I was amazed at how fun Mark was to work with, along with a community of people also in his program. Mark was spot on with his assessments and recommendations. Not only have I seen huge improvements in my approach to life, but my friends and family continually comment that there is something different or that I seem to be in a really good place.

3:11 Mark will get you the results you want. He promises you, but even better and probably super sneaky, is that Mark makes you promise yourself that you will do the work and get the results that you want. Mark provides a catalyst, but you're the one who becomes that unapologetic man. I highly recommend this program and Mark's ability. If you don't check it out, you are the one who has to stare back at yourself in the mirror every day with those regrets. Take the step and become the unapologetic man.

3:41 Sincere gratitude to you, Mark. Love, B. B, I really do appreciate it, brother. And man, guys, I have to be honest with you, bro. I'm like batting a thousand, bro. Like every single guy that comes into the program just crushes it. I have something which is a little cheesy, but I really feel like it's really magical here. It's just success after success after success. So it's like, what are your goals with women? If there was a program that could get you there in three months, would you take it?

4:07 Well, dude, I'm here, man. I want to meet you and I can't meet you unless you sign up with me. So go to my website, CoachMarksing.com, click on coaching, fill in the super short application, and you and I are going to get on a free one-on-one breakthrough session together. And oftentimes guys are like, man, I'm nervous because I can't compare it to the other guys in your program. I'm a really hard case. I've never had a girl even get some virgins hitting me up saying, dude, I'm a virgin.

4:30 I'm not a good fit. Bro, I can work with anybody no matter how hard of a case you are. The real question is, are you committed? Are you going to simply do the work just like Bea talked about? Show up, do the work, do what I ask you to do, reply to my goddamn emails within 24 hours? Blows my mind the simple request that I have to simply reply to my emails in 24 hours. Like a big portion of dudes can't even do that. So if you're even somewhat responsible, even somewhat motivated, even somewhat committed, trust me, you're going to blow the majority of the schleps out of the water that apply to the program because I'll tell you the competition, man, it's not that stiff right now, boys.

5:09 There's a lot of people who unfortunately are in their feminine energy. They're scared. They procrastinate. And they can't even do the simplest of things. As long as you show up, do the simple things that I ask, you will get success as all my clients do. All right. With that out of the way, gentlemen, let's talk about is this really as good as it gets? And why is it that in today's society, over 75% of people are miserable? That's right. They've done studies on this. Most people, like think about this, three out of the next four people you see are not happy, are not fulfilled, are not living the life they want to live.

5:46 And they have serious regrets with not only what's happening now, but also about what their future looks like because they're in fear, because they're in procrastination, because they're, if they're men, highly in their feminine energy and they're not acting, they're not saying, you know what, fuck this. I'm going to get this part of my life fixed and I'm going to do it with discipline and a warrior's heart. And I'll tell you, man, you have that fucking heart beating inside your chest. So what's stopping you? I'll tell you what's stopping you.

6:16 Fear. Now, here's the problem. There are two things that people attribute to attaining happiness. One of them is pleasure and the other one is fulfillment. Okay. Pleasure are those things that feel good in the short term, such as eating some cotton candy. Okay. So you eat the cotton candy, you get the sugar high. It feels really good for a minute. It's kind of fun. And then afterwards, what happens? Obviously you feel like shit, right? Then there's those things that create fulfillment. And when we look at the difference between those things that create pleasure versus those things that create fulfillment, those things that create pleasure inevitably and unfortunately always end in suffering.

6:58 They always leave you feeling lost. They feel you leaving unfulfilled. They leave you feeling like a fucking loser. Those things that create fulfillment, they're usually hard up front. They require discipline. They require a commitment to getting the results you want. But once you do achieve those things, you get the long lasting lifelong fulfillment. Okay. So pleasure is derived by eating like shit, having meaningless sex, watching endless TV, like doing a Netflix binge, masturbating to pornography, watching pornography, scrolling through Instagram. And in fact, it's really interesting about Instagram is they tap into our natural instinct to seek and get rewarded for finding things.

7:43 So for example, when we were hunters and foragers, we would go out and look for like berries, look for roots, look for anything edible. And every time we'd find something, we'd get a little dopamine hit and it'd make us feel good, reward us, and motivate us to continue looking for those things because our survival was based on it. Well, Instagram, every time you scroll, you're kind of like hunting. And every time you find something that interests you, you get a slight dopamine hit that becomes addicting.

8:10 But as all of us know, it's extremely and unbelievably unfulfilling. Also getting likes on Facebook, totally a pleasure type of thing where you're being validated for a picture you put up, some story you put, a video, whatever it is. And it feels good to get that validation, but it doesn't last. No matter how many likes you get, no matter how much scrolling you do, no matter how much sugar you eat, it always and inevitably ends in suffering. Last week, my two podcast episodes were about how to maintain a healthy relationship and how my dad basically got my mom by being persistent.

8:45 So it's very relationship-based. That's because I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately and how they are fulfilling beyond what I used to be, which was a player and just having meaningless sex and then waking up next to a solid 10 and feeling completely like shit. And guys, I get emails every single day from dudes who are like, bro, I'm getting late all the time. At first, it was awesome. I thought I was super fulfilled, but now I just feel empty, dude. Like it just doesn't do it for me anymore.

9:11 And that's because it's a pleasure-based dopamine hit that lasts literally moments and then leaves you almost like more unfulfilled than you were before you did it. So we all know that probably like 75% of Americans are overweight. And it's the same thing in Australia. It's the same thing in England. It's the same thing wherever you're listening. Perhaps the averages are slightly less, but dude, people being overweight in this world is a major problem. Why are people overweight? Because they're addicted to food and they're addicted to the pleasure.

9:41 That the food companies create by just jamming sugar into their products. And those people are caught in a cycle where it's just pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. And they're filling like a bottomless pit. I sometimes look at people and I'm like, bro, like how much did you have to eat to get that big dog? Like, how do you even fit that much food in your mouth? And these people are like breathing out of their mouth. They can hardly make it up the stairs. And I'm like, dude, how can you live like that?

10:05 And some of you guys listening right now, you have that body. And I want to ask you, like, how can you do that to yourself? Well, I know why you can do that to yourself. And many times it comes from dysfunction, which by the way, NLP is extremely good at removing those traumas, those belief systems, those metaprograms, that unfulfilled feeling that people are trying to fill with food. And that's the interesting thing about fulfillment. Look at that word, fulfill. I'm fulfilled up with happiness, with meaning, with ambition, with things that bring me peace and ameliorate my purpose.

10:40 So instead of going after fulfillment, which I'm going to talk about in a minute, they try to fulfill themselves with food. And it's that constant nasty cycle that they get hungry. They try to last. They try to like burn off the calories. And then their gut microbiome is just screaming at them and saying, dude, just one more time, man. Just give me that pack of donuts. And they shove it in their face. And then they feel like shit afterwards. And it's sad because these people are literally addicted to food in a point where they're not even happy or not even getting pleasure from it anymore to any kind of high level.

11:12 It's almost like drug addicts, right? Like drug addicts at first will get this amazing high. And then eventually they literally say the words, I have to get well, because they literally feel sick if they don't have their drugs. It's the same thing with the food addiction. It's the same thing with the porn addiction. It's the same thing with sex addiction, which I have suffered from, by the way, having sex with as many girls as I could, getting as much attention as I could to fill the bottomless pit of pleasure that never amounted to anything until I figured out this pleasure versus fulfillment matrix, where if you just go for pleasure, if you do things like cocaine, eat food, watch porn, masturbate all the time, watch tons of TV, addicted to video games or any other compulsive behavior, it will inevitably lead you to unhappiness.

12:02 I had a guy tell me on the phone the other day, he's like, man, I feel like I'm a seven. But if I just lose a little weight, then I'm going to feel like a 10. And I'm like, you know, you're not. No, you're not, bro. It's all in your mind. It doesn't matter what outside circumstances change. Until you change the inner, the outer will always be perceived as not enough. So how do we change the inner? Okay. And this comes into fulfillment. How do we get fulfillment over pleasure?

12:27 Okay, Mark, I get it. You know, doing the sugar high, eating like shit, being like 75 to 85% of Americans who are unhappy, overweight, in debt, miserable. How do I avoid that? Well, here's the problem. This society has based tons of value on pleasure. The entire advertising agency is selling you pleasure. It's not selling you fulfillment. And that's one thing that is different about me. Now, of course, any guy's going to say, dude, my program is different. I'm different. But bro, I am because I don't just sell you information.

13:00 I sell you a transformation. And a transformation has when you set goals and do what's hard. And that's where fulfillment comes from. Fulfillment invariably seems difficult in the beginning, seems challenging in the beginning. And it is. It takes the discipline. It takes hard work. It takes pain to achieve fulfillment. For example, I could get laid literally any time I want to, man. I can go out tonight and I'm pretty sure I could have a threesome. In fact, I'm thinking of two girls right now that would be down.

13:32 So 100%, I could have a threesome right now. And I have Marissa upstairs with my three-year-old daughter right now, which is going to bring me more fulfillment. Having discipline to work on my relationship the way I spoke to you guys about last week, to commit to this woman and not cheat on her, to have more honor than a legion of Romans for her, and never fucking cheat on her, never go against my word, never lie to this chick, and be the fucking man that she deserves and the man that I deserve.

14:00 When I do that, when I wake up tomorrow morning and I go up and I see her, we sleep in different beds, by the way. I'm not sure if you knew that. It's just our thing, right? I go see her in the morning. I'm going to feel amazing rather than chasing after the pleasure of going to have a threesome, cheating on her, lying, maybe going to get drunk, taking a bump of cocaine off a hooker's ass, the way so many guys do, that would leave me unfulfilled.

14:23 Discipline, doing what's hard. When you do what's hard, your life will be easy. When you do what's easy, your life will be hard. So what's the answer? Set goals, motherfucker. Set things for yourself that are difficult to achieve, just like I do all the time, okay? I do this consistently. Right now, my goal is I want to do a triathlon. And if I have any triathletes listening, I'd love to speak to you, email me. I want to pick your brain a little bit. I'm just getting into it.

14:52 I am horrible at running, absolutely horrendous at running. So I'm going to challenge myself. I'm going to do a sprint triathlon to start out with, and then who knows where it'll lead to. So what I do consistently is I set goals for myself that are hard to achieve. And I do this in every single avenue of my life. Health, okay? What do I want my body to look like? I sure as hell know I don't want to have a badonk-donk butt like 75% of Americans and other people in the world.

15:19 I know for sure I don't want to look like a Chicken McNugget with tits because I've been there. I was 35 pounds overweight. I look like a fucking potato with a bathing suit on it. And what I decided to do was get my health in order. Get disciplined. I have a paleo-type diet. I'm shredded. I'm 45 years old and probably 8% body fat with a six-pack. And it's not even that hard. Once your gut microbiome changes, once it gets used to the new diet that you've proposed to it, it's easy and that's what it desires.

15:46 No longer are you eating compulsively. And sure, I'll eat for pleasure sometimes, but it's in balance. Maybe once a week I'll have a cheat meal. Once a month, Marissa and I go out to a nice dinner. And then I can enjoy the food because it's not compulsive. I'm not trying to fill any hole with it. I'm not trying to reach the illusion of fulfillment with food, but I enjoy it for what it is. And then like a child puts down a toy, I put it down and the next morning I'm in the gym hitting it like a goddamn Spartan.

16:15 And I know a lot of you dudes listening lift weights. You know how fucking fulfilling that is. And it's because you go into discipline by choice. You discipline yourself to stick to a regimen, to hit that extra rep, to go one more. That's what I'm talking about. And if you're listening, I commend you, bro. And that's something you should be very proud of yourself about. And on Thursday, I'm going to release a podcast episode that talks about how we need to feel better about ourselves and congratulate ourselves on those things that we do right.

16:47 But you guys who don't have your diet pinned, some of you guys do look like chicken McNugget with tits. It's never too late to get your shit in order. So you set goals as far as your health is concerned. Track that shit. What gets measured gets improved. You want to know how many calories you're intaking, how much you're burning every day, what kind of exercises you're going to do. And most importantly, you've got to know what you want to look like. I have a very clear vision of what I want to look like, and it's a moving goalpost.

17:15 Every time I achieve it, I move it further down, further down, and it just gets better and better and better. And fuck my age. I'm 45. I'm going to be in the best shape of my life this year. And then when I'm 46, 47, all the way through 90, I am going to continue on that positive trajectory because health is oftentimes mental as well. Now we talk about your finances. Most people are in debt. Most people are just living off their credit cards and indulging in that transient sensory gratification of just like, I want to buy this thing.

17:46 I want to buy it. Fuck it. It's $1,000 that I don't have. Let me just buy that thing. And instead of investing in themselves, which by the way, a very wise person told me once, if you're making less than $250,000 a year, the only place you should invest your money is not Bitcoin. It's not the stock market. It's you. Invest in yourself because you are the mechanism that's going to dictate the results that you get. I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on coaches and every single penny I spent was the best investment I ever made in my life.

18:17 And yes, I'm telling you, come sign up with me. If you want to get this female thing fixed, if you want to become unbelievably attractive to women, but not only that, but fix the bullshit in your head as all my testimonials attest, then come join me and we will fix that bullshit in your head so that you can be disciplined. Stop going into weakness. Stop going into procrastination. Stop slipping into your feminine and being a flake who you can't even look in the eyes at night and be proud of.

18:45 If you can't look yourself in the eyes and say, brother, you are my hero, there is a problem there and nobody's going to fix you. The only person who's going to fix you is you because nobody cares. They only care about their own issues and no one's going to help you until you help yourself. So even if it's not with me, go hire a fucking coach to fix your mentality because that's where it all begins. So when it comes to money, you need to get disciplined with it.

19:10 Prevent yourself from buying those liabilities that give you short-term pleasure and make you feel good for a couple hours, a couple days, maybe a couple weeks, and instead invest in your future because that creates fulfillment. The amount of money that I have invested in different things like the stock market, Bitcoin, which is down right now, I strongly suggest you buy a shit ton of that. Take my advice or not. I know a lot of you guys disagree. Whatever. But bro, the fucking stock market went down massively over the last few months, dude.

19:41 I put buku cash in that motherfucker. I was just waiting. It's on sale. So you invest in it and that feels good. That creates fulfillment. That creates the very secure feeling that my future is safe because I've invested in myself. I invest in assets, not liabilities, and that's how you be disciplined with your finances. With relationships, I already mentioned it. Are you doing what it takes to become the 10 that you have to be to attract the 10 that I know you want? I know you want a bro 10 though.

20:09 You can't lie to me, bro J. Simpson. I know you want that 10, bro. What are you? Most of you guys give yourself a six, seven, some of you an eight. Even better, some of you a nine and those champions out there, particularly those who have been through my three-month coaching program, give themselves a motherfucking 10. You have to feel like a 10 before you can get a 10. I had a girlfriend the other day list off this litany of things that she wants in a man. He has to be this.

20:35 He has to be that. Make this much money. Be ambitious. Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, what does he get in return? That was the first thing I said to her. I was like, what does he get in return? Like, look at yourself. Are you working on yourself? Have you gone coaching? Are you going to the gym? I know you don't. So it's like relax on expecting your mate to be perfect when you're not even trying to perfect yourself. And finally, boys, when it comes to life in general, every single thing you do, I'm talking eating, sleeping, taking a shower, dealing with people, seeing a homeless person and deciding in that moment, whether to nickel and dime that person or really lay it on them with the generosity that's in your heart.

21:12 Every single moment of your life is a chance to show the world, to show the universe, to show God, to show your forefathers or dead loved ones that are looking down on you, your level of mastery. So what are you doing to improve yourself? What are you doing to challenge yourself and become the best version you can be? Because when you challenge yourself, when you put goals in front of yourself and go through the pain in order to achieve those goals, that's where fulfillment is. That's where quote unquote happiness is.

21:43 And happiness is kind of the wrong word. What we're looking for is peace. What everybody's looking for is peace. Peace is on the other side of challenges because challenges make you grow. And I'm going to tell you your purpose here on this earth is to grow. It's not to stagnate. It's not to play video games. It's not to masturbate. It's not to stuff your pie hole with shitty food and look like a goddamn cow that's standing vertically. Your purpose is to flourish and blossom into the best man you can be.

22:14 And you have to make discipline the forefront of your value system. Discipline is acting on your higher motives. Indulgence is acting on your lesser motives. Every day we are challenged. Should I act on my lesser motives and have this cookie? Or should I be disciplined and act on my higher motives and chuck that motherfucking cookie out the window like a goddamn man does? Should I act on my lesser motives and cower away from approaching girls or cower away from joining a tough program like Mark Singh's three-month coaching program?

22:43 Or should I be a fucking man, step up and show the world, show myself, show God, show my ancestors, whoever you need to motivate you, that you're a fucking warrior and you will die before you quit. Anything is possible if you just sack up and do what's necessary to live your life the best way you can. A lot of you guys aren't happy enough. It's your fault. You get the life you choose. You haven't chosen enough pain. You haven't chosen enough challenges. You haven't chosen the hard way because you think you can't take it.

23:17 I guarantee you can take it, brother. You are a fucking warrior, especially if you're listening this far into this episode. You know what to do. Set those goals. Set those challenges. Move into pain. You will be more fulfilled than you ever dreamt possible. This is your purpose here is to grow into the best fucking man you can be. That alpha, silverback, unapologetic man that both you and I know resides inside of you. And the only thing holding him back is your fear. It's what you do now that makes the difference.

23:49 So get the fucking work. Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I cannot thank you enough. If you found value in this podcast, leave me a review. I'd very much appreciate it. The reviews have kind of slowed down a little bit, but the coaching applications have certainly sped up. And like I said, man, the competition is not very stiff, bro. I mean, I hate to say, but it's like one of the good things about failures, one of the good things about people who are in their fear, who procrastinate and who make excuses is it sets the bar low for you to become a goddamn champion.

24:19 So when you see a person who isn't exactly excelling in life, first of all, we don't know what that person's going through, but honestly, it sets the bar low so you can look even more like a champion because honestly, just being in shape, just having an actual positive number in your bank account, having the ability to attract women at will and just being a happy fellow, it's not that hard, man. It literally takes just like a smidgen of discipline, yet everybody's so fucking weak. It just boggles my mind.

24:49 And yes, I'll admit to you one of my flaws. Sometimes it's hard for me not to be judgmental to those people and not to be pissed off, especially when I think about how America is my country and I want to be proud of it, yet we have so much weakness and we probably wouldn't even be able to defend ourselves if we were attacked because we got all these fucking fat people. What are we going to do? Roll them down a hill and light them on fire to try to take out the other army?

25:11 Like, what are we going to do in that situation? And sometimes it does frustrate me, but I always try to fall back into compassion and say, you know, that person's suffering to a high degree. And that's my purpose here is to help guys like you who are suffering. And believe me, there are very effective tools that work to eliminate that suffering, to bring you fulfillment. As long as you have the balls to move into pain and to move into fear willingly. A lot of you guys won't, but some of you will.

25:39 You are the champions I want to meet. Sign up on my website, coachmarksing.com. Click on coaching, fill in the quick application. I will send you an email with a few more questions. And for God's sakes, just reply to that in 24 hours. It's not that hard. Jesus Christ. It boggles my mind, man. Some people, it's like, oh, I'm sorry. It took me 48 hours. Really? Dude, like how committed are you? I want to see fucking warriors come through the door. And if a warrior can't reply to an email in 24 hours, that is not a warrior and nobody I want to work with.

26:09 So simply show the commitment. Show that you're ready to get this part of your life fixed. And you and I are going to meet, man. Like two warriors. Gentlemen, I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. I got an awesome one dropping on Thursdays. So please stay tuned for that one. And I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you next time.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.