Why Guys Lose Power to Their Woman (And What to do About it)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UNP. And today, we're going to talk about why guys lose power with their women. This ties into the previous podcast I did about the number one misunderstanding of frame control. So this is a frame control concept. We're going hard in the paint on the old frame. God damn it.

0:35 Speaking of women, Marissa's calling me. Let's see what she has to say. What do you want? I think your door is locked, so I'm just going to go up and get ready for a bit. It's because you made me put that baby safe thing on it. By the way, I'm recording right now. Say hi to my listeners. You are? You're recording? Yeah, I'm recording. Say hi. Stop, fellas. It's because you made me put that damn baby thing on to protect the baby from opening my door.

1:05 You also locked it to keep me out while you're talking to your guys. Did I really lock it? That's awesome. Yes, you locked it on top of that. See, boys, the way to keep power, I'm actually doing a podcast right now, Marissa, about how to keep power in a relationship. The way you keep power is to lock your girl out of your basement. Get out of here, little girl. What do you have to say to that? I am saying, too bad, so sad. I'm going to bed.

1:24 You're going to bed? No. I knew it. All right. Let me pause this, and I'm going to go ahead and let you in if you promise to behave yourself. I'm already all the way upstairs. I have to come all the way back down here? You're good. You can handle it. You're good to go. So I'll unlock it. Go ahead and come down. We'll talk about what we're going to do tomorrow. All right. Let me pause this shit. Hold on. All right. We are unpaused again. What do you have to say for yourself, Marissa?

1:56 I came all the way back downstairs for this. I shaved my balls for this. Did you ever see that t-shirt? I shaved my balls for this that that Mexican housekeeper lady was wearing on that one show, Eastbound and Down. Oh, my God, bro. That made me laugh so hard. So are you now... You know what my mom said today about Lucia? Well, Lucia's our daughter. You got to clue the boys in. Come on. Run a tight battleship. Lucia was running around and she was being so cute when we were visiting my mom today.

2:19 And tonight my mom was like, she was so coquettish. And I was like, coquette? She was like, she was coquettish? And she's like, no, Marissa, like coquette. And I was like, oh, well, she did have a lot of energy. I don't even know what that meant. I'm unbelievably lost. So Marissa, you came back down. My door is locked. Now I'm in the fucking kitchen again. And your door is still locked. I'm going back up to my room. All right. Go back up there. And then right when you hit the room, I'm going to unlock my door and you come on back down.

2:54 No, you're going to have to come up to me now. See, boys, here we go. She's trying to flex up on the frame. All right. So I'm going to have to come back up there. Are you going up your stairs at the same time as I'm going up my stairs? I'm literally at the door right now. I'm literally up in my room again now. I'm not at the door. I lie. I'm actually still recording in my studio. Listen, let me just pause this and we'll, why can't we talk over the phone?

3:17 Why is it that we have to meet in person? Because we live under the same roof and we're talking on the phone right now. That's the way I keep power is I don't let you have too much access to me. Thank God. My night's alone, God damn it. All right. Hold on. Let me pause this shit. All right, boys. I'll be right back. Gee, he's us. Wouldn't even believe he this. After a 15 minute conversation of whether or not we're going to bring a cooler to the water park tomorrow with our daughter.

3:43 We're finally all buttoned up, boys. Marissa's in the sock. She's in the biscuit. She's in the G spot. She's going to go to sleep. And I am going to record this podcast about how to keep the power in the relationship. Before I jump into the content, I want to let you guys know that my free, that's right, F-R-E-E, one-on-one breakthrough session where you and I meet privately to talk about your issues with women, to talk about where you want to arrive with girls, and to talk about whether or not I'm a good fit for you and you're a good fit for me for my three-month coaching program is available.

4:19 Now, a lot of guys are signing up. Not every single guy makes the cut. There's different circumstances that need to align in order for me to meet with guys. And I'm just one dude. I'm just one fella towing the company line, driving the battleship every day, launching a fusillade of championhood off the starboard bow. But since I'm only one dude, I have to be very particular about who I take on. So if you do apply for that, my advice, just a little bit of side advice, I'm kind of slipping you some side advice in the side pocket, is to differentiate yourself from the rest of the dudes.

4:51 Make it so that I want to talk to you. If you give the old half-ass effort where you don't even put your last name, which is so annoying, by the way, my name is Mike, last name blank. I want to meet with you. I'm like, come on, bro. I don't want to meet with you if you're doing this. You guys put some effort into that shit. Differentiate yourself. Show me that you're 10 out of 10 committed. And I'll meet with you, man. And we'll chat. And I'll tell you, I don't sign up every single dude.

5:14 And not every dude hires me because we have to see if we're a good fit. I actually had a dude the other day. And if you're listening, what is up, Bobby? He was perfect. We really jived. Everything was fantastic. But I was just like, brother, I just don't feel like I'm a good fit for you. And I let it pass, even though he was primed and ready to go. It's because I have integrity. I only take on clients who I know I can have a 100% guaranteed success rate with.

5:37 This is why I have the reputation I do. This is why I have the testimonials I do. And frankly, this is why I'm busy because I think you guys can sense that. So that's the end of that plug. Let's go ahead and jump right into the content. All right. So why do guys lose power in the relationship? If you listen to my previous podcast, we talked about frame control. Quick repeat, frame control is who has the power in the relationship, who has the power in their interaction.

6:07 Marissa's literally in the kitchen right now above my head. What the fuck is wrong with her? She said she was hitting the biscuit, hitting the sock, slipping into the G spot, slipping into the sweet oblivion of sleep. But she's back up there. Her battleship, bro. It's not tight. She's not running a tight battleship tonight. She's letting it slide, boys. Maybe she should join my three-month coaching program. But anyway, what we talked about is frame control, right? Is that through the relationship, you as the masculine man have to have the power.

6:32 Okay. I've talked about this too in other podcast episodes where I said, I almost want to write a book that says the man has to be the one in power because it would piss off so many people because we're in this movement of equality and feminism. And no, no, no, no. They have to have equal power. And I get that. Okay. As far as equality is concerned, I'm all on board with that. But what I'm saying is the man has to lead. And therefore, if we go down into the weeds and split hairs, that means he has more quote unquote power.

7:03 That word power tightens the butthole of so many freaking pissed off people. I hesitate to say it, but it's the only way to say it. The man has to have the power, the power in the relationship. He has to be the leader. Okay. And what's the big deal? Do we get all pissed off because the parents have the power in the relationship between a mom and her daughter? No, that's absolutely fine. But if it's in the context of a male-female interaction, oh, it subjugates women. It makes women less than us.

7:33 That's not what I'm fucking saying. Women are equal to us. In fact, there's many things about women that are better than men. And there's many things about men that are better than women. We both have different strengths. But when it comes to the relationship, one single sliver of differentiation, the man has to be the one in power. Otherwise, the woman loses attraction and systematically he loses his power to his woman. So what happens? Let's look at this. People get pissed off because I say the man has to be the one in power.

8:07 But what happens when the woman takes power and she's the one who's wearing the pants in the relationship? Does the guy get laid? No. You know that just as well as I do. He doesn't get laid because she loses respect for him. So the reason the dude has to be in power is so she stays attracted. She wants him to be the one in power. She wants to be led by him. She wants to surrender to his masculine presence. Am I saying that Marissa is any less than me as far as a human being?

8:29 Fuck no. In many ways, boys, if she's going to listen to this and she's going to get a little smile on her face, she's way superior to me in many ways. Many ways. Particularly with our daughter. I am a fucking douche canoe when it comes to understanding how to work with this daughter, how to get her to stop crying, how to change a goddamn diaper while she's standing up because she refuses to lay down on the public board where you change diapers. I'm like, the other day I took her swimming and I put this diaper on like all sideways and shit because our baby daughter was screaming and Marissa's like, why didn't you just do it this way and this way and this way and do this and do this?

9:08 I'm like, you are the master of disaster waiting to happen when it comes to parroting. I'm a freaking slapjack. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. But then when it comes to like shooting a bow at an elk and hiking up a mountain and packing that bitch out, of course, I'm going to have a superior ability to do that because I'm a man. We're built differently. Okay. But in the relationship, here we go again, back to the tiny little sliver, you have to be the one in power for her to stay attracted to you.

9:35 Now, sometimes that masculine feminine polarity flips, right? She goes in the masculine role. He goes in the feminine role. And occasionally I'm talking one out of 10,000 times, it will work just because it, I don't know. It just works sometimes. But for the vast majority of dudes who lose their women and for the vast majority of women who are disappointed with their man, it's because the man isn't the one in power. Now, when it comes to frame control, as we talked about frame means you're controlling the underlying meaning of the interaction.

10:05 You're leading the woman, but you also have to have the frame in the relationship. Now, going back to Marissa, since she just called and she happened to kind of pipe in, into this episode, I can use her as an example. This is an extremely intelligent, successful, beautiful, confident, genuine, amazing woman. In my opinion, a fucking 10. And I'm not just saying that because I know she's going to listen to it. I genuinely feel that way. Now, many times when she dated dudes in the past, they would be intimidated by that.

10:38 They would just be like, oh, and give her the power, be needy, be thirsty, supplicate to her, give her all the power. And she's like, gross. I'm not attracted to this dude. And I can actually think of a boyfriend who she had in the past, who she blew out because he did that. He couldn't hack the fact that she was so powerful. But then I come along, I have a very strong frame. I'm not to be fucked with. I'm going to lead her. I'm going to take care of her.

11:03 I say to her, come here, little girl, tuck in there under my wing. I'm going to protect you. I'm going to preside, provide for the family. I'm going to lead you to where you want to be led. You're safe to roll with me. She fucking loves it. And if she'd call again right now, she'd tell you she loves it because she's in a very high powered position at her work. She has a lot of people under her. She's in the masculine role, controlling the frame all day at work.

11:25 So when she comes home, she just wants to be a woman and let go, go into her feminine energy, trust in my masculine energy. Let me lead her to where she wants to be led. She calls me tall. It's her nickname for me because I'm six foot two. She always says, I go where you go tall. So whatever I kind of decide, she likes it that she could just let go. And about the cooler, we were talking about the cooler. I was like, yeah, let's go ahead and bring it.

11:53 Cause she's like, should we bring it? I don't know. Like this and that's heavy. I was like, just fucking bring it. Okay. I'll organize it tomorrow morning. Let's go ahead and do it. Now, what happens to the guys is, is their woman doubts their masculinity, whether it's because they stopped working out, they let themselves get fat. They let themselves be bossed around at work. There's some kind of emasculation that's happening to their man. And so what happens is, is that she gets annoyed by it subconsciously and she starts bitching.

12:23 She starts testing him. She starts complaining. And we've all seen this, a woman who's just griping and complaining. And then the man is complaining back. And they're both like freaking an old married couple who are arguing all the time. She's testing him. He's fucking sick of it. Cause he doesn't want to put up with it. And when she's complaining about, you know, I don't want to go to the pool because this and that, let's just go there. He's like, dude, fuck it. Okay. Just stop fucking bitching.

12:50 I don't care where we go. Let's just do it. Fine. You want to go there? Let's go there. So what happens is that he lost some masculinity because of a life situation or, you know, he just wasn't up keeping it when it comes to the relationship. She's getting annoyed and bitching at him because of it, basically testing his frame. He's sick of being bitched at. So he's like, fuck it. You decide. She decides. And now she's in the masculine role. He's in the feminine role. Sexuality dies.

13:18 They stop having sex together. And before you know it, they're divorced. So you as the man have to remain disciplined. Cause I understand it's sometimes a pain in the ass, especially when you get a girl who's very high maintenance. You get a girl who wants to test you all the time. You get a girl who like almost wants the frame. She thinks she does. And she just won't stop. My previous girlfriend, she was Ukrainian. She just would not let it go, bro. Constantly testing me. Constantly trying to get the frame.

13:46 Constantly trying to flex up. It was this constant game of me having a frame controller. And eventually I was like, I'm out. I'm out of here. And she's like, well, what the hell? What the hell? And she didn't want me to go. But I was just like, dude, I'm sick of this. This woman has too much masculinity in her spirit that she's going to do that to every single dude. And what's going to happen? Eventually the dude's going to be like two hands up. I'm fucking over this.

14:11 You take the power. Where are we going? We going to ice cream? Okay. If that's where you want to go, we'll go there. And then what happens? She loses respect for him. And I have a feeling unless she meets a very dominant guy who likes that kind of shit constantly. And I liked it for a while, but eventually it was too much. She's going to lose attraction for him, blow him out, do it to the next guy. Fortunately, she's a good looking woman. So I'm sure she can find many men to do this too.

14:38 But see, we also have to take into consideration the kind of woman who fits with us. Some women are more willing to just go into their feminine energy, put up both their hands and say, look, you take control. I'm good to go with it. And maybe that's the best woman for you based on the amount of effort you want to put into your frame. Other guys would be exhausted by a woman like that because she doesn't have enough backbone. And he wants a woman who's a little bit more assertive because that's what he's attracted to.

15:07 So you need to find the right woman for you. For me, it's Marissa. Like we just fucking fit like lock and key. I mean, you heard that conversation that was not planned. We banter, we laugh, we talk, it just works. And she again is willing to surrender to my masculinity, trust in it, let me lead. And the reason why most guys lose power to their women is because there's a hole in their masculinity. There's a hole in their self esteem. There's a hole in their confidence.

15:36 They're bearing as a man that she sees and she's going to test it. She's going to like throw darts through that hole, right? And you're like, fuck, dude, stop testing me. I'm so sick of this. But she's doing it because she's feeling insecure. She's feeling like she's standing on a board that's wobbly. And if she falls off, she's going to fall into a sea of sharks. That's how insecure it makes women feel when you as a man don't show a strong enough presence, don't show a strong enough masculinity, and don't show a strong enough frame.

16:09 They feel insecure, so they're going to bitch at you. And they're not even asking you like to take out the trash. They're asking you to be a fucking man. With women, the meaning behind the meaning is often the most important meaning. She's like, why don't you ever take out the trash? You never do this. And the guy's like, oh my God, shut up. I just want to go out in the garage and work on my Mustang. Please, God, in the sky above, make this woman shut the hell up, right?

16:27 But what he's failing to realize is that she's pissed off because he's in some way being a pussy. So she throws that at him and then he gets annoyed and says, okay, fucking just shut up. I'll take out the trash. And she wanted the trash to go out, but not that way. She didn't want it to go out that way. And she loses respect for him. And this is why it's the whole like men are from Mars, women are from Venus. We're both pulling out our hair because we don't understand each other.

16:54 This is a huge, huge concept that you have to be in the power position. You have to control the frame. You have to be highly masculine in order for a woman to stay attracted to you and to basically be an amazing woman for you. Otherwise it's that board over the sea full of sharks analogy. That's wobbling. She's going to be a bitch to you. She's going to test you. She's going to nag you until you literally want to pull your hair out. Now, how do we get to the point where we are in control of that interaction?

17:28 The person who wants less is always the one in control. So first and foremost, you have to be independent and working into the 80, 100 rule, which is a concept that I teach in my coaching. I've never heard it anywhere else. I've never heard any other dating coach even mention this. If I'm wrong, I'm sure somebody's mentioned it. I've just never heard it, but you want to give her 80% of what she wants from you. Okay. So for example, Marissa wanted to come down, kiss and like have a little moment and yeah, I'm recording a podcast.

17:55 So I was like, man, let's just talk on the phone. It's kind of a subtle example. It's not like I did that on purpose. I just happen to be a lot more independent than Marissa is. I want to kiss less. I want to hang out less. It's just how it works. And that's why we work so well. But that's why I'm in the power position is because I want 80% of what she wants. I'm not thirsty for her. I don't need the cuddle shuttle every single night.

18:17 The way she does, she loves the cuddle shuttle. She wants to dip into that cuddle puddle. And I'm like into it, but not as much as she is. And it just happens to work. But with a lot of dudes, they want just as much, if not more of the woman, they're thirsty, they're needy, they're try hard. She loses respect. She tests him. He fails the test or she bitches or nags at him. He fails those, gives her the power because he's sick of fucking hearing it.

18:45 And then the whole thing explodes. And this is why men lose power to their women. So once again, to reiterate, boys, you have to want less than she does. I suggest, again, you should make yourself want 80% of what she wants. If you happen to want less than 80%, go ahead and do that. If you want 60%, that's cool. 50%, that's cool. Anything below 50%, you might piss her off. There might be issues there. 80% is about perfect. You have to control the frame. You have to, when she flexes up on you, put that shit out, extinguish that fire and listen to my previous podcast about frame control, the number one misunderstanding, because that is a big concept.

19:28 And I would recommend searching frame control in my podcast. In all the podcast apps, you can just put Mark Singh, M-A-R-K-S-I-N-G frame, like the frame of the picture control. And then a lot of different episodes will pop up, bro. I suggest becoming a master at frame control. I give a lot of good tips on the podcast, but my masterclass is in week two of my coaching program. By far the most thorough explanation of frame control I've ever seen. And frame control works into all interactions, not just with women, but also at work, in sales and interpersonal relationships.

20:04 Every time you have a conversation with somebody, there is a frame challenge going on for you to be successful in life. You have to know how to control the frame. I believe this a hundred percent. I swear by it and I'll die by it because I believe being a great communicator and knowing how to control the frame in all situations is the secret to being a successful fill in the blank, successful with women, successful entrepreneurs, successful husband, father, son, whatever. It's all about frame control. And one quick thing for you guys thinking that, what does he mean?

20:35 Like you got to be stubborn and control the frame at all times. No, frame control isn't about being controlling. It's about being in control. And in fact, the stronger frame you have, the more you let L E T other people have the frame. But the connotation is, is that you're the one in power. And once again, and I swear by it, the man has to be in power for the woman to stay attracted to him. Otherwise he's going to lose power to her because she's going to exhaust him into submission because she's feeling so irritated with him and she has to lash out at him and he's sick of hearing it.

21:13 So he gives her the power, thinks it's going to solve the problem, but it only makes it worse. So that's the reason boys that men lose power to their women. She wants you to be the one in power. She wants you to lead her to where she wants to be led, but you have to have a strong frame. You have to have a clear presence of masculinity so she can surrender to it. What do you expect? You expect her to give you the frame when you're basically a wimp and get pushed around in life.

21:39 You expect her to trust in you and trust to have a baby with you and take care of the family. When it's like, you can't even take care of yourself. You're out of shape. You're not making the money you want. You cry when things go bad for you. You don't learn how to fight. You're not providing presiding and protecting her and her children. I mean, come on, what do you expect? This is our job as a man. And when you fully understand this and embody this, everything changes, everything changes.

22:05 And you're going to have a great relationship like I do with Marissa. Like we laugh all the time. We get along. We hardly ever fight because we understand this shit and we work at it. Like honestly, having a relationship is a skill set. That's why my three month coaching program, the last two weeks are dedicated to showing you how to have a healthy relationship, showing you how to make it work. Because what is it like 75%, 90%, something crazy of marriages end in divorce. It's because people think I should just meet the right woman who fits me and no effort.

22:35 Like having a girlfriend should require no effort, bro. It's the opposite. It's work. It's a skill set. It's something you need to put effort into in order to nurture it and keep it going strongly. Just like anything else. Just like working a muscle, just like building a business. It's the same damn thing. And Marissa and I work as teammates. We understand this masculinity, femininity concept and that's why it works out and it could work for you too. So if you've lost power to a previous woman and are wondering why that happened, I just explained it.

23:07 And if you want to never have that happen to you again, get on that free one-on-one breakthrough session with me. You could click the link in the description below or you can go to my website, CoachMarcine.com, click on coaching, fill in the goddamn slap in the biscuit and you and I will get on that one-on-one free breakthrough session together. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I dropped podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. So make sure to stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.