The #1 Misunderstanding About Frame Control And Women

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. And if you clicked on this one, you're a smart motherfucker. You are the smartest guy that I've ever met because frame control is the most important thing when it comes to seduction. And there's so many misunderstandings about frame control. Cracks me up, man. If you're not completely specific with people, there's always those loopholes where they misunderstand it.

0:40 And this is going to be the biggest misunderstanding about frame control where so many guys absolutely mess it up and kind of turn into assholes when they really shouldn't turn into an asshole. I'll completely misinterpret what the girl is saying. So I'm going to go over frame control on this one, repeat for you guys what it is, repeat for you some of the tactical ways to flip frames on girls. And then what I'm going to do is talk about the biggest misunderstanding and how you can correctly decipher what is a frame check and what is just an innocuous question that you should answer.

1:15 This is super important. I see this mistake all the time. And the other day, one of my clients made this mistake. I was like, bro, she's just asking you a question, man. She's not trying to test you. So we're going to get into it. But I really do appreciate you guys listening. And I want to give myself a quick – give me 30 seconds, bro – a quick plug of my program. A lot of you guys – actually, no one's ever said anything. But I know I listen to podcasts and hearing the same goddamn plug over and over again is the shittiest part of listening to podcasts.

1:44 And I actually do listen to a lot of podcasts. And I'll tell you what. Part of the reason I like to really give a lot of good info in the quickest way possible is because some podcasts, it's like, bro, hurry up. Get to the fucking point. Could you guys get on any more tangents? Could you just get to the fucking point? So we're going to get to the fucking point real quick here. But, bro, you got to let me flex up a little bit, all right?

2:06 The way I support my family is through my coaching program. It's a three-month coaching program. So, dude, like I'm giving you a lot of free information. So let me flex up a little bit, bro. The norm of reciprocity, which means what I do for you, you do back for me. And all I ask you is just to listen to this real quick. I am an NLP dating coach. And I get amazing results from my clients. For example, I just got another virgin laid. Yeah, James. Congratulations, brother, if you're listening.

2:36 Really proud of you, man. 34 years old. Never had sex. How many weeks in the program did it take for him to have sex? Eight. That's two months. Three plus decades of never getting sex. And then two months with me. Boom, he gets laid. Pretty proud of myself. Pretty proud of you there, Mark Sink. Smack yourself on the ass. You are a champion. By the way, I was not smacking myself on the ass. I was smacking myself on the arm. Maybe I should get up and go ahead and smack myself in the ass so hard.

3:04 When the concussion hits, it launches me out my basement window. Because that's how stoked I am when I get my clients laid when they're virgins. And I do have a lot of virgins who hire me. I also have a lot of divorced guys who hire me. And, you know, I feel just as good about getting those guys results when they first kiss a girl. They first have sex with a girl after sometimes, you know, 20 plus years of being married. It's almost like they're losing their virginity again.

3:28 And by the way, I don't work with married guys. I've had a lot of applicants hit me up who are married, who have a girlfriend, just so you know, just to save us all time. I don't work with you guys. And if you apply, I'm just going to say, listen, I'm not a good fit for what you're looking for. So if you are married, sorry, brother, you know, I respect that you want to get better with women. In fact, I really respect it. But my program, my three-month program is highly focused on getting women into your life now.

3:53 Getting tons of women into the top of your funnel so you can get reps in, you can get practice, you can get laid, you can get experiences. And that's really what it's intensive. That's really what it's based on. So if you're married, it's kind of pointless. I know you want to learn about frame control. And I will say, while I'm going to give you some good information on this podcast, I do a master class in week two of my 12-week coaching program on frame control, the very thing we're going to talk about today.

4:19 So without further ado, boys, let's go ahead and jump into it. So frame control, I'm going to give you a quick repeat of what this is because it's so important. Anytime you're having a conversation with anybody, there is a frame that's imposed by both parties. Whoever has the stronger frame is, in essence, leading and controlling the conversation, but more specifically, the underlying meaning of the conversation. For all intents and purposes, to keep it as simple as possible, let's just say that the person who has the stronger frame is the one who's in power and the one who's leading the conversation.

4:56 All right. So this is pickup 101. If you fuck this up, she will not get attracted to you, which is this. If you're not controlling the frame, my friend, she will not get attracted to you. That is so important. I want to say it again. If you're not controlling the frame, she's not going to get attracted to you. Okay. So basically, it's you having the power, you setting the interpretation, the definition, the framework of the conversation. So you're leading the conversation, you're taking her to a place where she's going to have a good time.

5:28 You're showing her in a lot of different ways that you're not to be fucked with. And most importantly, you're showing her that she can go into her feminine energy and release the power to you and let you have the masculine role and lead her to where she wants to be led. So that's why this is so important for male-female attraction is basically the one who's controlling the frame is the one who's in the masculine role. That's why most girls, I'd say 99% of women, will not get sexually attracted to you if you go into the feminine role and she's controlling the frame.

5:59 Okay. So let's just say for this one, we could do like 10 podcasts on this, which I already have and I will continue doing. But let's just say for the sake of example, frame means you're leading it. Okay, so a woman's job is to test your boundaries. I want you guys to think about a foster kid who's been to like five different homes and each home turned him back into the foster care center and said, we can't deal with this kid. What does he do every time he goes to a new home?

6:26 Obviously, he's going to test his new parents in order to make sure that they're strong enough and they're willing enough and motivated enough to deal with him and not leave him the way the other five families did. So it's kind of the same thing with women. What they're going to do is they're going to test you to see how strong your frame is, to see how strong your reality is, to see if she can sway you, if she can fuck with you, if she can get you off what I call your inner balance point, which is your interstate of centeredness, your imperturbability, which basically means not to be perturbed.

7:01 So a woman is going to test this, especially if you're what we call incongruent. Incongruent means there's some insecure mannerisms about you. She's not 100% convinced that you're an alpha male, not 100% convinced that you could lead her and take care of her and ultimately take care of her baby. So she's going to flex up on you and do some kind of mean shit or ask you for favors. These are the two different ways that they test you in order to make sure that you are up to snuff for her.

7:32 Okay, so women do this completely unconsciously. I've talked to, God, it must have been thousands of women about why they do this. And I'm telling you, a minimal percent actually know that they're consciously doing it. It's more of like a feeling. They're like, I just want to be a bitch to him. There's just something about him that makes me want to kind of be a bitch to him. That's the way they explain it to me. So what they do is they say mean shit. What they do is they try to challenge you.

7:58 They try to take the frame. They try to control the conversation. They basically stand up to you and see how much you could take. Now, once you show that you pass their tests, they're going to stop. The frame checks are going to stop. She's going to feel comfortable to go into her feminine energy and let you have the masculine role. And then attraction from there can develop. But a lot of the times guys lose their women because through the relationship, they let her have the masculine role, whether it's because they're weak as a man or because they're just fucking sick and tired of being tested.

8:30 But I'll tell you, the reason you're being tested is because you're showing signs of being a beta and she needs to keep testing you to feel secure in that masculine energy. And you're not making her feel secure. So she tests it. I can tell you straight up that my girlfriend never tests me because I'm congruent. I'm consistent. She knows I'm not to be fucked with. She knows she's going to get absolutely hammered if she tries to control the frame on me. So why even bother? And she likes that.

8:58 She wants to be able to go into her feminine energy. I go into my masculine energy. There's that big polarity there, that big distance between us. And then there's sexual tension. This is what women want and they want it completely unconsciously and they do this shit without even knowing it, which is testing you, being a bitch, flaking on you even, asking you questions that intend to challenge you. Okay, so the typical questions they ask you is, why are you wearing that shirt? Why are you wearing those shoes?

9:28 Why don't you have a girlfriend? Anything with a why in front of it that has a challenging vibe about it. Okay, so in the nightclubs and stuff, when I'm talking to tons of chicks, I get the same fucking frame checks over and over again. You're a player, aren't you? How many phone numbers did you get tonight? You're just a slut, aren't you? You're a complete asshole, aren't you? So what they're doing is they're testing me to see how my frame is and once I pass it with the ways that I'm going to show you in a second, they immediately get attracted.

9:59 They immediately feel okay to release into my masculine energy and then I lead them to where they want to be led and then eventually they get super fucking attracted. Okay, so they're going to say some messed up things to you, some things that intend to hurt you. For example, if you have a bald head, you better damn well prepare yourself to be tested on that bald head. Oh my God, why do you have a bald head? If you have a big old beer belly, they're going to poke at it and I mean that figuratively and perhaps literally as well, they're going to say something about it.

10:29 If you're short, they may comment on it. No, you're too short for me. You short guys out there, what would you say to that? No, you're too short for me. Okay, I'm going to tell you what you should say in a minute. If you're super skinny, they're going to be like, ah, too skinny for me. Super muscular. Ew, gross. Why do you have so many muscles? Are you like obsessed with working out? Are you that insecure that you have to work out all the time? And a lot of you guys have heard this kind of shit where chicks just say bitchy things to you and then what do you usually do?

10:55 The vast majority of you guys get butt hurt, snap back at her and then the interaction goes completely shitty. Isn't that true? You should never under any circumstance get butt hurt, emotional or anything else like that because that shows that she just controlled your frame, that she just got to you. Okay, so rule number one is to be imperturbable, like I said earlier in the episode, which means unaffected. Girl tells me I have a disgusting face. I got a big nose. My lateral incisor was not properly rotated with the braces that I had all through high school and my smile is crooked.

11:32 I am absolutely unaffected. In fact, I almost laugh as if she just complimented me. Totally unaffected. I always use this analogy in my coaching. If a Spartan was sitting there with his gear on, right, his helmet, his shield, he's completely shredded, sprayed with blood after battle, feeling like a fucking legend. And a 10-year-old girl comes up to him and says, oh, my God, your helmet is so stupid. He would literally laugh, right? He would like look down at her with his eyes only. He wouldn't even move his head.

12:01 He would just look down at her with his eyes and be like, whatever, right? And that's kind of the way you need to react when they take a stab at you. Okay, so I've done episodes on frame control before, so we're going to go through a quick repeat of some of the reframes, which is how to flip the frame on the girl when she tests you. And I want to enunciate that because this is going to go into my big point about this podcast, which is the number one misunderstanding.

12:26 When she blatantly tests you and you know that it's a test, there are five different ways to reframe. That means flip the frame on her and control the conversation. Okay, the first way is to agree and amplify, which basically means you agree with what she said and you make it a thousand times worse. For you skinny guys out there, I used to be really skinny myself. Girls would always challenge me on it like, oh, you're too thin. You're thinner than I am. I can never date a guy like you.

12:54 I say, yeah, I'm so thin. Actually, my dad died by slipping down the drain in his shower. So every time I take a shower, I have to be really careful for the drain because I might slip down there and die one day. She laughs. She shows I'm unaffected. I just controlled the frame, which again is the interpreted meaning of the interaction. She says something. I take the meaning. I'm making my own. I'm making it into a joke. Show I'm unaffected. She laughs. Boom, I pass. And if I don't pass, what would happen then is she's going to say another thing to which you just do another agree and amplify or the other four that I'm about to tell you.

13:29 Okay, so that's agree and amplify. The next one is called reframe. Reframe means you flip it back on her. I had a podcast called all about the other, which is one of my favorite podcasts that I've ever dropped because it's all about frame control and making it about the other person. So if she says, why are you so skinny or why don't you have a girlfriend in a challenging way, guys? Here's the misunderstanding. A challenging way. Okay. You say the real question is, why don't you have a boyfriend?

13:57 I bet it's because you're a bad kisser, huh? Or why are you driving that car? Like I used to have a lowered Honda Civic, lowered Honda Civic on 17 racing heart rims with ground effects and black spiky hair that just complete douche canoe of 2003, right? So girls would be like, oh my God, why'd you lower your car? And I'd be like, the real question is, why aren't you driving a lowered car? They're the best thing ever. Are you kidding me? Have you ever been through a corner in a lowered car?

14:23 It's literally like it's on rails, right? So it's like, bro, you try to test me, I'm going to flip it back on you because I know that my reality is so dope. I know that what I do is so fucking awesome that you're like an idiot unless you do it too. Now, I have to stress, guys, you never have negative energy behind it. It's always cool, you're unaffected, whatever. But listen, I'm not to be fucked with. I'm going to flip this shit on you. I'm going to ask you the real question is, why aren't you da-da-da-da-da?

14:51 So I've talked about this in the All About the Other podcast, but some guy comes up to you and says, bro, why don't you ever work legs? Your legs are so skinny, you look like a damn deer, man. You look like a freaking light bulb. You're all big up top and skinny on the bottom. You look like a fucking dweeb's leaf. You'd be like, the real question is, why are you staring at my legs, bro? Why are you looking at my legs, man? Seriously, are you attracted to me?

15:14 Relax, bro. Focus on yourself. Go over there, work out, and I'm going to do my thing, all right? See you later, right? So that's how you reframe it, okay? The third one is ignore it. Ignore it. She says some bullshit to you. You look at her and then fucking change the subject. You don't even address the question. Gangster level frame control. Because think about it. I really want you guys to understand this. Think about this. Where she tries to impose a frame on you, right? And you don't even acknowledge it.

15:43 It's almost like she didn't say it. And it shows that, look, we're going to talk about what I want to talk about. If you're going to bring up stupid shit, then I'm going to go ahead and change the subject. All right. The fourth one is called misinterpret. And this is just as it sounds. You misinterpret what she said to mean something else. The common one is she says we're not going to have sex tonight. Women do this all the time. You guys who have had some success with women know this.

16:09 It's like last minute resistance. It's because she feels it's going in that direction and she's not ready yet. And she wants to test you to see if you're going to crumble under her female power, right? This is another test because she wants to have sex with you, but she needs to make sure you still have a strong frame first before she does it. So she's like, by the way, we're not having sex tonight. And what you do is you misinterpret. You'd be like, look, talking about sex this early really isn't the best way to seduce me.

16:36 I need comfort, connection, and trust first. So back it down a gear there, Casanova. We just met. Okay. So you misinterpret, you steal the frame from her, and then you claim it your own fucking gangster level shit. I love that. All right. And the fifth one is to basically turn it into a funny joke that's going to make her laugh. This is akin to agree and amplify, but it's slightly different in the fact that you basically just spin it into a joke. For example, the one I always get is how many numbers did you get tonight?

17:04 I hear that all the damn time. It's like fucking on repeat. It's like girls are robots and they just are trained to say this. How many numbers you get tonight? And I say, I got nine numbers tonight, one more, and I would have had a full phone number. But dude, right? Always makes her laugh. Or they may say something to you like, why are you talking to us? Do you like not have any friends? You'd be like, dude, how did you know? I usually pay people to hang out with me.

17:27 I've used up all my hours with them. And it's like, I don't have any more friends. I have no more money. So yeah, no, I pay for friendship. So basically you turn it, it's kind of like an agree and amplify, but you turn it into a joke. And the last one, which I don't believe I've mentioned on this podcast, but I certainly train my clients to do this, is to turn it into a qualifying question. Okay. So for the typical one, which is, is this what you say to all the girls?

17:53 What you're going to do is flip it on her and make it into a qualifying question. And a qualifying question is basically, she needs to qualify herself to you. So she's like, is this what you say to all the girls? And you'd be like, only the ones who seem adventurous. You're not boring, are you? And then she's going to be like, no, I'm fun. And now she's qualified herself to you. So it's kind of like a reframe, but it's super gangster because you flip it and then make her sell herself to you, which is a way to build attraction.

18:19 So to repeat guys, we got agree and amplify, reframe, ignore, misinterpret, reframe into a joke, and then reframe into a qualification. Okay. So here's the big point of the podcast. Here's the big point of this episode. A lot of you guys misinterpret what they are saying to you as a frame check, which is they're trying to check the size of your balls. They're trying to challenge you. They're trying to see if you're going to be their little lap dog. You misinterpret innocuous, innocent questions as frame checks.

18:54 Okay. So there's two different ways for her to ask you, why don't you have a girlfriend? Okay. And it all comes down to tonality, to presentation, to the way she says it. Now, if she says to you, so, so why don't you have a girlfriend? Okay. That's the single best impersonation of a woman I've ever done. So we're going to stick with it. But you can see that there was a challenging thing behind it, right? She puts her hand on her hip. She kind of tilts her head a little bit.

19:19 It's like a challenge. She's wondering like, why don't you have a girlfriend? And what I'll do in that case is a couple different frame control things. So I'll make a joke out of it. I'll say, because I'm such a bad kisser, I do the helicopter tongue maneuver. And for some reason, no girls like it. Nah, but the real question is, why don't you have a boyfriend? It's probably because you're a bad kisser too, huh? You probably do the jackhammer tongue maneuver and no guys like it.

19:41 So I kind of like agreed and amplified. And then I reframed it on her and did it like that. Now there's another way to ask the exact same question, literally the exact same words, but it's not a frame check. It's just an innocuous question. So why don't you have a girlfriend? Okay. And then like a lot of my guys, these girls are just asking simple questions. They really want to know. And the guy's like, the real question is, why don't you have a boyfriend? It's probably because you're a bad kisser, huh?

20:07 It's the wrong time to use these reframes. In that instance, you can answer it. I would always suggest doing a joke first, talking about how you're a bad kisser, how you go to jail once a week and no girls are willing to bail you out. You live in your mom's basement and you work at the Olive Garden, whatever you think is funny to make her feel like that's the reason you don't have a girlfriend. And of course you're joking. And then you can answer it. Before we reframe on a girl and really throw the shit back at her, we have to know that it's a check.

20:38 Now that begs the question, what about the online dating profiles? What if she asks, literally, why don't you have a girlfriend? What I would do, as I just suggested, is to do a combination of first doing agree and amplify where you say, because I'm a horrible kisser, I do the helicopter tongue maneuver, and for some reason, no girls like it, and then answer the question. Nah, the truth is it's because I'm super picky. I haven't found the right girl yet. Okay, so on the online dating profiles, if you feel like you're getting some kind of check, you can do a combination.

21:10 You can first reframe, or better yet, agree and amplify, and then actually answer the question. But in person, guys, you have to interpret, is this a test? If it's a test, do any one of those different reframes that I taught you. If it's not, just answer the question, and then you can ask the question back to her. If she's like, so how many phone numbers did you get tonight? I've been seeing you just killing it. You could be like, I got nine numbers, one more, and I would have had a phone number.

21:37 No, honestly, it seems like I get a lot of numbers, but I actually never yank numbers out of this place because I don't like the shit where I eat, right? So that's kind of the way I do it. And the ability to just answer a question completely calmly and in a way explain yourself, but not explain yourself like you're trying to qualify yourself to her, but explain yourself almost like I explain myself to you guys on this podcast where it's like, I'm clearly the one who's the coach.

22:02 I'm clearly the one who's confident, knows what he's talking about. And I explained to you about my coaching program and how gangster it is, but it's not like I'm trying to qualify and like sell myself to you so much. And that's the thing about a really good salesman is he believes so wholeheartedly in his product, which in this case, the product is you. There's no real selling behind it. It's just an explanation of certainty. And when I talk about my coaching program, I'm so convinced this is by far the best coaching program out there when it comes to dating and getting girls.

22:34 How do I know that? Because I've hired dating coaches in the past. I know about everybody else's programs. I do tons of research on my competition. I even buy some of their shit. Bro, light years away, in my opinion, in my opinion, light years away. And that's why, you know, I have the clientele that I do light years, especially because I include NLP. So I'm so fucking confident about it. It's not like I have to be like, so guys, like, really, man, it's really good. You should really check it out.

23:02 I'm telling you, you'll have a great time talking to me. If I did that, I wouldn't get signups. But because I'm like, bro, you have no idea how awesome this is. Come and join right now. I'll hook you up with a free seminar. I don't even know what that was. But because I'm so fucking confident, then you guys sign up. And I'll tell you, I'm getting tons and tons and tons of guys signing up. Love meeting you guys. It's amazing how many champions are out there.

23:27 But it's the same thing with the girl. She asks you a very innocent question. She's genuinely curious why you work there, right? Like, so why are you a chemist? Why do you work at that place? You're like, the real question is, why aren't you a chemist? Being a chemist is the shit. If you're not a chemist, you're not cool, right? She's going to be like, dude, what a fucking dick. I asked you an honest question because I'm attracted to you and I'm curious about you. Let's not forget, boys, that when girls ask you an innocent question, it's because they want to know more about you.

23:58 So for you to be a douche canoe and flip the frame on her in that context, you're fucking it up. And this is what so many guys do. That's why it's the number one misunderstanding when it comes to frame control on women is because you guys do this at the wrong time. So let me get it through your thick damn skull. It's always when it's a challenge. There's a challenging feeling behind it. She's trying to test your balls, trying to get you to explain yourself to her.

24:22 It's never when it's an innocent question, right? Like, hey, I love your car. Why do you drive a BMW? What is it about BMWs that you love? You'd be like, the real question is, why don't you drive a BMW, Honda Civic lady? If I was as cool as you were, I'd have a stallion on the hood of my car and my job would be dressing like a burrito and dancing outside the taco margarita. You idiot. No, guys. No. Okay, first of all, no anger behind it.

24:47 Always has to make her laugh. It's super chill. But secondly, remember, it has to actually be a test. Okay, and girls will do this. Girls will do this. And I know a lot of the reason you guys have gotten broken up with is because you've simply failed to show her that you can control the frame. And what does that say to her? It says that I can't trust this guy's masculinity. That's basically down to the fundamental core of the message it sent. So if she asks me a question, I reframe it on her, and then if the context is correct, I'm willing to explain myself to her.

25:18 And once again, not a qualifying way, but a confident certain way, then I win every single time. I know this was kind of complex. You may need to listen to this again. If you want to get a deeper dive into frame control, of course, I suggest you guys sign up to my program. You can sign up for a free breakthrough session with me. In week two, if you join the program, we do a master class on frame control. It's a week-long class that gets down to the nitty-gritty of these frame control kind of elements.

25:47 And then I coach on it constantly throughout the three months because it's the most important thing. It's the most important thing. And so many of you guys have lost girls because you lost the frame. Either you were too needy, you were giving her too much power, or she just tested you, tested you, and you finally said, fuck it. I'm going to give her the reins. I'm going to give her the keys to the battleship. And because I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the tests. And the reason girls will test you all the time, it's your fault because you didn't show her that you were masculine enough.

26:14 You know, some guys get divorced because their wife is just constantly fucking yakking at them, constantly complaining, constantly being a thorn in their side. But that's your fault. The reason she's doing that is because she's trying to trust in your masculinity. She's like, please just stand up to me. Please just be a fucking man. Don't be a goddamn pussy. Show me how to get to that place in our relationship where we can be happy because, brother, it's your job to take her there. And you do that via frame control, which, again, is to lead her to where she wants to be led.

26:45 When you can get this correct, when you can really understand it and stop making misunderstandings about what are frame checks and what are just innocent questions, your game is going to explode. All right, gentlemen, that's it for me. I've been doing some long ones lately, man. This one also hit about 30 minutes. So I do appreciate you sticking around till the end. If you did, once again, if you want to get on that free one-on-one breakthrough session with me where you and I chat over Zoom, like two boys around the campfire, just chilling, talking about your issues, talking about how you have messed up in the past and how we can make you succeed consistently.

27:18 Like my client who just lost his virginity, being well into his 30s, we can make that happen, get you into the program, get this part of your life solved once and for all. I'll tell you, it's worth it, man. It's absolutely worth it. So if you're procrastinating, making excuses, I don't know, bro, I'll do it later. I don't have the money. I don't have the motivation. I think I'll do it once X, Y, Z happens. Bro, stop making excuses, man, because all your excuses are lies.

27:43 There's no better time than now. If not now, when? I'll tell you, every time I tell myself, yeah, I'll get back to that. Yeah, I'll do that course later. I never do. And you probably won't either. And again, like I'm wholeheartedly convinced this is the best fucking program out there right now. And I know what other people charge too. And I'm actually more affordable, surprisingly, although I'm worth hell of a lot more than I charge, but I do that so I can get honest, hardworking guys through the door, meet more and more men, help as many guys as possible, because that is my purpose.

28:14 That's why I'm here. And I do appreciate you helping me fulfill that purpose by listening, helping me fulfill that purpose by signing up for that session. So do so right now, coachmarksing.com, click on coaching or click on the link in the description below. All right, gentlemen, I do thank you for listening. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. So make sure to stay tuned for the next one. And I will see you, that's right, in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.