Approaching a girl is a scary thing.
You don’t want to be creepy…
You don’t know what to say…
Your mind goes blank…
And then she walks out of your life forever.
But what if there was a SAFE way to do it?
What if you could approach and attract girls without rejection?
Here are 5 steps to get out there RIGHT NOW and start talking to cute girls without fear.
Step 1- The Warm Up
Becoming good with women means being social.
It means having an ability to approach people in a way that immediately makes them like you.
And that requires practice.
Most guys who start out in this game try to go straight for the gold.
They’re only social in “pick up” type atmospheres like clubs and bars.
But becoming good with women requires more than a “situational” personality.
It requires a complete shift in how you approach all aspects of your life.
If you want to show women that you’re confident, then being soft spoken at work isn’t going to help that.
So the first thing is to get out there and talk to everyone.
For students of mine who are especially shy, I take them to bingo night at the retirement home.
Or I have them approach homeless people in the city.
It may sound ridiculous at first.
But you wouldn’t believe how effective it is for building social confidence.
Essentially, you want to talk to everyone like they were an attractive woman.
So when you do talk to an attractive woman it’s just like talking to anyone else.
When you can do that, you’ll get the perfect vibe and attraction will result because of it.
Here are 6 strategies to warm up:
- Start your day by talking to everyone — including men, old ladies, homeless people, whoever.
- Be social wherever you go. Talk to the lady at the grocery store … compliment some guy on his watch … tell a kid he’s got a cool bike.
- Call a friend on the phone, or a girl who’s already attracted to you.
- Be aware that most people are very friendly when you’re friendly to them.
- Have the mentality of “Strangers are friends I haven’t met yet.”
- Listen to music to get yourself fired up. Or listen to my Spartan Motivation Visualization below to get you so pumped you’ll want to bench press a house.
Step 2 — Staging
One of the best things you can do when opening a woman is something you do before opening her.
As we spoke about above, you want to be social and charismatic with everyone.
And you want to develop the skills necessary to win people’s trust.
When you do this, you’ll eventually get a “vibe” about you that makes people feel comfortable in your presence.
Everyone will want to be around you because you make them feel good.
Advanced pick up artists have this exact vibe about them.
Within seconds of opening anyone they are the center of attention.
Everyone is eavesdropping to see what they’ll do and what they’ll say next.
This is where “staging” comes in.
In the best case scenario, you want to “display” your charisma and confidence to a woman before approaching her.
Whenever I’m in the supermarket I always try to stand in line behind a hot girl.
Rather than opening her, I’ll often open the checkout lady.
I’ll be funny and witty.
And my manner of speaking will clue the girl in that I’m alpha.
While doing this, I’ll often notice the body language of my target change in real time.
She’ll be giving me clues that she’s becoming attracted to me.
It’s especially obvious when she laughs at one of my jokes.
Or shows signs that she’s listening to our conversation.
Whether I get these signs or not, I’ll eventually bring her into the conversation.
I may mention something we’re talking about that could pertain to her.
At this point, I’ve opened completely naturally.
It’s not obvious that I did this all for her.
And she won’t have many shields up to my advances.
Many times after dating a girl for a while I’ll tell her how I purposely staged our meeting.
Women always love hearing how you “gamed” them.
The truth is, women WANT to be gamed.
This is a fact many guys neglect to realize.
But for those of us who know it, it’s a great motivator to continue pushing forward with our seduction training.
Here’s a great video that talks about Staging and Opening:
Step 3 – Let Go of Outcome
The biggest sticking point for most guys is they’re too dependent on outcome.
They go into conversations with too many expectations.
Whether it’s the girl should like them immediately…
Or with the fear of what a rejection might do to their self-esteem…
Basing your emotions on another person’s actions is DUMB!
To invest your emotions in anything outside your control will only lead to disappointment.
That’s why you always want to be detached.
You should be ok with whatever happens.
And see the interaction as nothing more than your own personal entertainment.
You’re going over there to entertain yourself.
And whatever happens; HAPPENS.
When you have this mentality you’ll have a much better chance of a good outcome.
The high value male has options.
He has tons of women in his life.
So when he speaks to a new woman, he truly doesn’t care what happens.
And since women are wired to pick up on these behaviors they will get attracted to you.
5 strategies to let go of outcome:
- Have an abundance mindset.
There are MILLIONS of girls out there.
So if you miss this bus, you’ll just take the next one.
- Talk to MANY girls.
When you’re talking to 5 girls you won’t care what happens with girl number 6.
- Base your self worth on your EFFORT not to the RESULTS.
When you feel good about yourself simply because you had the courage to talk to her then you’re in control.
- Always be in practice mode.
When you consider everything just “practice,” then you’ll see conversations as just “reps.”
- Know it’s just a skill. It has nothing to do with your worth as a man.
Would you feel bad because you can’t fly a plane?
Of course not!
So why feel bad when you’re not good at approaching women?
It’s just a skillset.
And everyone is bad at new skills when first starting out.
Step 4 — Approach and Eject
Opening and ejecting is the best way to get comfortable with approaching women without risking rejection.
Here’s the strategy:
- Approach the girl
- Ask her a quick question
- Say thank you and goodbye
Yup, it’s that easy!
The whole process takes just a few seconds.
And rejection literally cannot happen because you’re simply asking for some help.
The purpose of this exercise is to realize that most women are really friendly.
And it will train your subconscious mind that approaching women is safe and exciting.
10 Things You Can Say to Open and Eject
- “What time is it?”
- “Do you know where XYZ place is?”
- “What kind of drink is that?”
- “Hey I noticed you have olive oil in your cart. I’ve been looking everywhere for olive oil, where did you get that?”
- “Hey I noticed you have XYZ (Starbucks drink for example), where’s the Starbucks at?”
- “Hey, real quick… I’m shopping for my sister’s birthday right now and I noticed your cool looking boots. Where did you get those?”
- “Hey, could I get your opinion on something? My friend Jessica was supposed to come out with us tonight but her boyfriend made her stay home. The thing is, he’s out tonight with his friends. That’s pretty messed up, huh?”
- “Hey, what’s up? I saw you standing over here and I wanted to come meet you. I’m Mark, what’s your name?”
- “Hey, I just had to let you know that I think you’re really cute. And I’d be kicking myself for the rest of the day if I didn’t come talk to you. I’m Mark, what’s your name?”
- “Hi, I’m actually pretty nervous right now, but I thought you were really cute and I had to come meet you. I’m Mark.”
- “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I think your outfit tonight is sooooo cute. Keep up the good work. High five!”
- “Hey, who are you?” (best used when you can tell she’s already attracted to you).
What to say when ejecting:
“Cool, thanks. Have a good day.”
Here’s a great podcast episode titled: “How to Practice Opening Girls With ZERO Chance of Rejection.”
This podcast goes over the strategies above in depth.
Step 5 — Build the Conversation
Now that you have a handful of “approach and ejects” under your belt, it’s time to approach a cute girl.
Since you’re warmed up this won’t be a big deal anymore.
You will proceed as outlined above.
But this time you’ll offer her even more conversational substance.
The best way to do this is to have a series of questions or observations lined up.
Let’s say you’re in the supermarket and she’s reaching for some oatmeal cookies:
You: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about trying those. Are they any good?”
Her: “Oh yeah. I love these cookies.”
You: “I tried that other brand and they were a bit too hard. Are those soft?”
Her: “Yeah, they’re more chewy. And they have a lot of raisins so they’re super good.”
You: “So I noticed you’re wearing scrubs. I assume you’re not a hitman’s assistant, so are you a nurse around here?”
Her: “Yeah. I work at the medical center of the Rockies just across the street.”
You: “You know, I always wondered something about you nurses…”
Her: “What’s that?”
You: “When you get an annoying patient do you ever jab that needle in a little harder to take revenge? Or ‘accidentally’ drop their waste bucket onto their face?”
Her: “Ha ha, sometimes we want to. But no, we’d never do that…”
You: “Yeah, you seem too nice to do that. But I bet deep inside you’re not to be messed with, huh?”
Remember, it’s your job to carry the conversation for the first few minutes.
You need to do this until it “sticks” and she starts investing.
As such, you should prepare as much as you can in advance.
One good way is to have a series of questions you can ask girls that pertain to the situations you are typically in.
- Coffee shop
What are the typical questions you can come up with that would apply to these venues?
The great thing about opening in this way is you can eject at any time.
If you open her and you can tell she’s not feeling it, then just say goodbye and walk away.
If she IS feeling it, then keep pressing.
Eventually you’ll hit on something she’ll get excited about and she’ll start contributing to the conversation.
To Review. Use These 5 Steps to Approach a Girl
- Warm Up
- Let Go of Outcome
- Approach and Eject
- Build the Conversation
With a little practice you’ll be approaching girls without fear and you’ll realize that ANY woman can be talked to.
What to do next:
- Grab my free cheat sheet that provides the most important core elements of approaching women without fear. This is great to have in your back pocket when you’re out meeting women: https://coachmarksing.com
- Check out my article “How to talk to women” for a myriad of strategies to get women attracted to you during the first conversation.
- Listen to my Podcast: The Unapologetic Man Podcast for more amazing tips on how to approach women and get them attracted to you.
- Check out my coaching offer. I use NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) to reprogram the negative wiring in my client’s heads and make them more attractive to women.