Approach Anxiety: How to Fight Through the Adrenaline Dump

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. If you've been listening for a long time, man, here we go. You know what to do, brother. Smack yourself on the ass so hard when the concussion hits and makes your balls fly up and hit the brim of your hat. If this is the first time listening, welcome.

0:33 My name is Mark Sing. I'm an NLP dating coach. Blah, blah, fucking blah. I say it all the time, so I'm going to skip it. One thing I won't skip, though, is this. Spotify just released the ability to leave reviews. God, I'm fired up about that. And I didn't even realize it until somebody texted me and said, hey, man. Not texting me. Email me. Said, hey, man, I left a review on Spotify. And I'm like, you idiot. You can't leave reviews on Spotify. Stop lying to me.

0:59 You liar. So then I jump on Spotify. And I was like, the Unapologetic Man podcast has 30 out of 35 star reviews on Spotify. Are you serious right now? I didn't even know. Took me 30 goddamn reviews to finally figure it out. So you boys who are on Spotify, 30% of you listening, please leave me a review. And you can't even leave words behind it. You literally tap a button. You literally just go, bing, five stars. So listen, if you don't think it's up to five stars, just skip it, bro.

1:26 No need to leave a review whatsoever. But if you feel my content delivers that five stars, if you want to first listen to this episode to justify it, that's fine with me. But afterwards, please help me out. Why do I push reviews so hard? It's because that's the way search results are aggregated in search engines based on the number of five star reviews. The more reviews you get, the more people find it. The more clients I get, the more you help me, the more you help my family.

1:54 I have a two year old daughter. So, bro, like to hit a simple button after all the information I've given you. Sounds like a pretty good reciprocation and a pretty appreciated reciprocation from you to me to thank me for all the content that I give. And if you want to email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com, you can do so. I will email you back with a bunch of cool programs, Conversation Sniper, Guide to the Female Orgasm, three texts to build massive attraction in women. A couple of videos, I'll smack you upside the head and get your name tattooed right on the lobe of my ear and the inside of my lip.

2:29 So do that, brother. Email me, coachmarksing at gmail.com. Just click five stars. That's all I'm asking. I'd really appreciate it. All right. So as we've begun 2022, we kind of went back to basics. We talked about how to set goals. I just listened to the past podcast I did. I actually do these about a week in advance. So I'll do them on the weekends. I do them on Sunday, today's Sunday. And then they release not that week, but the week after. So that if something happens, I got a couple in the bucket to hold me over.

2:57 So I just listened to the one about why you should never be insecure again. God, that was a good one, man. I don't listen to it. I just record it and then send it to Liam, my podcast editor. He puts it all together brilliantly. And Liam, obviously you're listening. And I want to thank you because you are a fucking legend. You make me sound so damn good on these podcasts, much better than I actually am by seamlessly pasting together and deleting out my mistakes. But Liam slaps it up on Libsyn, the podcast hosting that I use, and then I listen to it, you know, the day it drops or a few days before.

3:30 So I just listened to that one and I was like, God damn, that was really good. And it's a really good foundation for what we're going to do here. In addition to that, the last podcast that I dropped in 2021, which was about getting highly into your masculine energy, that's going to be related to this as well. So a lot of you guys listen to this podcast because you want to get better with women. I'm a dating coach and I appreciate your listening and that's why I do this.

3:55 But when it comes to women, the number one thing that I hear that is hardest for most guys is approaching strange women on the street and the bars and the nightclubs at the supermarket. Basically, when you see a hot girl and you don't know what to do. And even if you do approach her, most of you guys run out of things to say. You go into what I call screensaver mode. Your mind shuts down for some reason. Well, the reason it shuts down is because of an adrenaline dump.

4:23 We all know that feeling of seeing a super hot girl. And hopefully most of you guys know this feeling of walking up to her and wanting to go talk to her. It's like this fucking terrifying, most frightening experience you could possibly have as a man. And it's crazy how freaky it is. And a lot of you guys can relate. It's insane. Like how much adrenaline gets dumped, how fast your heart goes. It's like ridiculous. Now, why does that happen? All right, so this goes back to an anthropological phenomenon.

4:52 I've talked about it many times on this podcast, so I'm just going to kind of skim over it. But basically, we used to live in tribal communities to where if you approached the wrong girl, insulted her, and or got rejected in front of the rest of the tribe, it could have meant banishment. It could have meant your safety. It could have meant your survival. You may have been killed by the alpha male who was dating that woman and you didn't know. So there's a very realistic and legitimate reason as to why we feel approach anxiety.

5:21 It's basically to keep us safe. It's literally a survival mechanism. And that's why a lot of us feel the same fear as we would feel if we were walking up to a cliff or see a bear in nature or be swimming and you see a fucking gigantic shark below you. It's really the same feeling. It's a survival mechanism. It's fight or flight. So what happens is adrenaline is dumped into your system in the same way that adrenaline would be dumped if you're out hunting and suddenly there's a grizzly bear with two cubs in front of you and she starts attacking you.

5:52 Which, by the way, when it comes to bears, it's usually a female bear who has cubs with her. So if you ever see a bear with cubs, get the fuck out of there, man, because there's a high likelihood she's going to be defensive over her cubs. So now we understand and we can forgive ourselves, which is the first step for having this approach anxiety. The second step is to systematically and slowly expose ourselves to that same anxiety so that when we do see a hot girl and we want to go approach her, we can do so and just be normal.

6:23 I've said many times in this podcast that, yeah, I give a ton of great things to talk about. I give opening lines. I teach you how to stack. I teach techniques, tricks and principles to get that girl attracted to you in the first conversation. But what's really fascinating is, and this is particularly true if she's hot, if you can just be normal and unaffected by her hotness, that alone will get her attracted to you. And that's why, you know, I'll talk to many girls and like use none of my techniques, literally nothing.

6:53 I'll just talk to them about whatever, something as mundane as the weather, and they'll still get attracted to me because the way I hold myself. And that's going to be a future episode I'm going to drop here shortly, which is about body language and the way you hold yourself, your bearing, your tone of voice, etc. So if you can just be comfortable, and that's really what I want to get into your head is your job right now, brother, even for you guys who are more experienced, but also for you dudes who are just starting out, your job is to get comfortable talking to girls.

7:24 It's so simple, but it's so profound. Just be comfortable. As comfortable as you are right now, listen to this podcast. A lot of you guys listen to this while you're driving, while you're working, while you're working out, running, walking, whatever you're doing right now. My guess is you're pretty comfortable. You're pretty relaxed. You're not under threat. Okay, now listen to that. You're not under threat. So you're relaxed. When you're relaxed, you are the most attractive you can possibly be to a woman. In my last podcast about insecurities and why you should never be insecure again, I talked about how everybody you look at is suffering from a myriad of insecurities.

8:03 So the job is to accept yourself as if you chose the exact way you are. Well, when you choose the way you are and accept yourself, you behave in a way where you're completely genuine. The same way you behave in front of your best friend or your parents or somebody like a sibling who you're not threatened by, if you can act that way in front of a hot girl, boom, done. She's probably going to get attracted to you. Throw on top of that the myriad of techniques that I teach and it's fucking over.

8:33 She's definitely going to get attracted to you. So systematic exposure is the answer to get yourself used to that adrenaline dump. Because the more times you go into that adrenaline dump, the more you get accustomed to it and the less it affects you. This is how you can get a baseball player or a soccer player or a football player who can perform to the highest levels while literally hundreds of thousands of people are watching them in a stadium. Have you ever like watched a baseball game, right?

8:59 The World Series. The stadium is absolutely packed. People are screaming and chanting and these guys are playing a game where like small muscle twitches, little things that adrenaline will basically ruin are still intact. And they're able to like throw these insane curveballs, hit a home run off a 95 mile per hour fastball. Just do insane shit because through their lives, they've been systematically exposed to more and more pressure. So when they're in Little League, you know, they had like 10 people watching. Then they get to high school and there's like 50 people watching.

9:33 Then they get to college and there's a couple hundred people. Then they get to like AAA baseball and then there's like a couple thousand people. And then they get into the major leagues, have a little bit of experience with that. Next thing you know, they're in the World Series and there's literally hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people watching them. And because they've had that systematic exposure, they can deal with that adrenaline dump. They still feel nervous in most cases, but I'll tell you this.

9:58 Most successful athletes have that towards mentality that I talked about on December 23rd, the last podcast I dropped in 2021. Towards mentality, when you're highly masculine and you're going towards a goal and all you care about is the numbers, gets you highly in your testosterone. And here's the secret. Testosterone is the opposite of fear. When you're highly in your testosterone, you literally cannot feel fear. This is why throughout all of history, warriors on the battlefield would get themselves super fired up to get into that testosterone so they can move into fear with a full heart and not be defeated by it.

10:37 However, and this is a little bit of a side note, the Spartans who were elite warriors who trained endlessly to be in war wouldn't get themselves fired up. They'd stay very calm while the other army would get fired up and kind of lose their muster, kind of shoot their load before the fight actually begins. The Spartans would keep their heart rates down. They would keep very calm because they systematically expose themselves to that adrenaline dump through training so they wouldn't be affected by it when the real thing happened.

11:06 The Spartans are kind of like the master pickup artist when it comes to war, right? So a guy like me who's very good with women, bro, I've been around so many fucking hot girls. They just simply don't affect me anymore. I don't get super nervous when I see a hot girl or I'm talking to a girl who looks like an angel who has a body that would go into Playboy magazine like easily. It's like no big deal. I want to know who the fuck are you as a person because I've systematically exposed myself systematically over the years.

11:34 So it's very simple. How do you get used to a stimuli that affects you negatively? You go into that stimuli purposely. And this is why I teach my clients approach and eject. Approach and eject is just like it sounds. You approach her, ask her a quick question, give her a quick compliment, and then eject. Say, hey, thanks a lot, have a good day, and then you back out, right? So what we do in the program, and this is what I suggest to you guys who won't be joining my program do, is to open 20 girls a week over the next six months, okay?

12:07 20 girls a week over the next six months is 80 girls per month, 480 girls in six months. If you can open 480 to 500, even better, 1,000 girls, you will not be affected at all when you talk to a girl. So it's systematic exposure. You just open and eject, open and eject, open and eject. Now, if you're just now starting out with this, what I suggest you do is to simply do that. Ask, hey, where are the watermelons in this place? Hey, I see you have Starbucks. Where'd you get that?

12:36 Hey, is that gas pump working? It wasn't working last week. Hey, where's the freeway from here? Hey, where's the sports section? Where's the men's section? Where's fill in the blank? You just ask for directions and or give a compliment, which is kind of more like a direct approach, which is outside the scope of this episode. Although I've spoken about it before and I'll speak about it again, you can give a quick compliment. Compliment that I love to give women is on their clothing and their style.

13:01 So I'll go up and say, hey, I just had to let you know, I think your outfit is super cute. I love the way your earrings match your shoes. You killed it today. Okay, that's a quick compliment. She gets super happy. You give value, as I always talk about. Show charisma, which means leave her better from having met you. She feels good. And you say, hey, have a nice day. And then you eject. Okay, you just got exposed to a little bit of that pressure, didn't you?

13:25 You still had an adrenaline dump, but it wasn't the same adrenaline dump as I want to go get her phone number. She's super hot. I need to get her phone number because when you go over there, it's going to be too much for you to handle. Then you're going to go into screensaver mode. You're not going to pull her number. She's going to be unattracted to you because what's being telegraphed is you are not alpha enough to deal with the adrenaline dump. That her hotness has given you because essentially, and I want you to listen to this very carefully.

13:54 Essentially, if you think a girl is out of your league, for example, you think you're a seven and you think she's an eight, you are probably going to have that adrenaline dump and behave in beta cuck ways that telegraph to her. You don't feel like you're enough. And then what happens? She doesn't get attracted to you. But as you continue to open girls, not only do you get used to that adrenaline dump, but your value inside your own head goes up. And also you begin to see that just because she's hot, it doesn't mean she's better than you in no way whatsoever.

14:25 I want you to get that notion out of your fucking head if you think that way right now. Just because she's hot, brother, that is one out of 50 check marks that she has to satisfy before you would ever be her boyfriend. Being hot is like one of them, and it's not even a super important one. I mean, it is, but it's not like the all-encompassing, she's an angel, I'll hand her my balls in a little knapsack because she's so banging, kind of importance that so many men give women and put them on a pedestal just because they're hot.

14:56 Who gives a shit? What's her personality like? What are her morals? What does she accomplish? Is she working on herself? Is she insecure? I guarantee you, bro. Some of the hottest girls, angels, like goddamn Maxim models I've had in my bed were the most insecure people you'd ever meet in your life. I would be like, what the fuck is this chick talking about? She's so insecure, my ass is too big, my tits aren't right, my feet look weird. I'm like, what? You look like God freaking sent you down from heaven himself to satisfy me, and now listen to you.

15:30 Are you serious right now? Yes! Just like I talked about on my previous episode, people are so insecure, especially, I don't want to say especially, but including hot girls. So stop giving them so much credit. Okay, so your job is to systematically expose yourself by opening and ejecting. Then, as I teach in the course, and I have spoken about it here and there in sections on this podcast, you do what I call stacking. You start to ask different questions. You start to implement some attraction building techniques, which I teach my guys in my three-month coaching program.

16:03 And what we do in the program is we first get them used to the adrenaline dump by opening, ejecting, opening, ejecting. Then what we do is we start stacking those conversations and we practice very systematically different attraction building techniques as we're opening and ejecting. But it's not just a quick open and eject. Now you're like opening, stack, stack, couple techniques, couple techniques. When you can feel it's kind of starting to get lost, then you eject before she can reject. Eject before she can reject. And when it comes to flirting with girls, hitting on girls, so many guys say to me, I don't like to flirt with girls.

16:37 I don't like to hit on girls. I'm like, brother, you don't hit on them or flirt with them until they're already attracted to you. Go up, give value, value, value. She gets attracted. Then you can start turning it into a sexual conversation. So initially, all we're doing is getting you through the adrenaline dump. Killing that approach anxiety by systematically getting yourself used to it in a safe and very rejection-proof way of approaching and ejecting. Then once you get up to, for most guys, it's like 100 or 200 different opens and ejects, you start stacking.

17:11 And like the adrenaline dump is nothing anymore. And you can fight through it because you're systematically exposed to it and you're used to it. Then by the time you're at like 400 to 500 women, it's like a joke, man. You don't give a fuck. And most guys around week six in my program, they're like, I cannot even believe I had approach anxiety. Both with the NLP that I give them, and I will say NLP does play a big role in this because I systematically remove different belief systems that create and cultivate these fears.

17:41 But both through NLP as well as what I'm teaching you here, which is systematic exposure, you get over approach anxiety really quick. Most guys, it's about six weeks. My program is three months, which is 12 weeks. So halfway through the program, approach anxiety is an issue of the past. My guys become approach machines and they're just approaching all kinds of girls and frankly, getting lots of numbers and getting a lot of sex because of it. That's how it works. All right. So there's other ways to also cultivate that ability to fight through what is essentially social pressure.

18:14 Social, meaning we are social creatures talking to people. Pressure, which is pressure being put on you by her hotness and or, and listen closely here, other types of pressure situations, such as asking for a discount, negotiating with somebody, disagreeing with somebody, asking somebody for their seat on a bus is an exercise that I'll occasionally have my clients do. Another exercise that we love to do, and we do it all the time in the brotherhood is we lay down in places like Target, Walmart, food courts at the mall in the middle of a big, busy area.

18:51 We just lay on the floor for two minutes. Now, at first blush, you're like, why the hell would you do that? I just explained to you why. Social pressure. I want you and I challenge you to go lay down somewhere. Go lay down in the middle of a busy food court with tons of people looking at you, wondering what the hell is this guy doing. That is social pressure. And here's the thing. When you do that for two minutes, you just leapt up 200 levels when it comes to attracting women.

19:18 Isn't that weird? Like you laying down in the middle of a busy area, feeling the social pressure voluntarily is making you more attractive to women because, and I say again, when you stand in front of that woman, because you just laid down in whatever Target or what I like to do is a busy food court in a mall, it's fucking hilarious. And it's like no big deal. You realize how much you overemphasized that people actually care because they don't give a shit and they themselves don't want to be under the social pressure of questioning you.

19:49 So they don't usually say anything. Occasionally, I get somebody who comes up and says, hey, are you okay? And you say, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just taking a break. Beat it, right? Anyway, what happens is when you're standing in front of that chick, that hot girl, suddenly she doesn't affect you anymore. Why? Because you've been systematically exposing yourself to the same adrenaline dump that happens when you do things like approach and eject, talk to hot girls, be disagreeable, ask for discounts, negotiate with people, and or lay down in the middle of a busy section, clap really loud while walking through a crowd.

20:23 Sometimes I'll answer my phone and yell super loud. Me and my students did this a couple months ago where we were like pretending to take a call and be like, hello, and like scream really loud. There's all kinds of different things you can do, essentially shining the light of attention and embarrassing yourself purposely so that you can ramp up exponentially your ability to take social pressure so that you become more attractive to women. How do you fight through the adrenaline dump? By going into the adrenaline dump.

20:51 How do you overcome your fear? By turning around and facing the storm that's following you. There is no way around it. And a lot of you guys listening, you're like, yeah, but no, I don't want to. Fuck that, man. Take that vagina that's in your pants and throw it out the goddamn fucking window right now. Huck that thing. And it's not a boomerang. It's not going to come back. It's gone. Huck it. It's actually an NLP technique that we do. We get rid of by hucking a fear that we have.

21:16 And we do this whole visualization where it never fucking comes back again. It's locked in the safe. Goodbye. See ya. Don't let the door hit you where the Lord split you, you fucking pussy. I don't want anything to do with you anymore. And that's what we do with this fear. Approach anxiety. I'm scared what she's going to think. You're way too externally validated. And that goes back to my thing about masculinity. When you get highly into your masculine energy by making it into a game, 20 girls per week, I'm just ticking boxes and I don't give a shit what happens.

21:47 Going back to my goal setting episode, I'm just having fun with it. Throwing spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks. My own entertainment is the most important thing to me. When you just set yourself that goal of 20 a week, 20 a week, 20 a week, I don't care how many numbers I get. I don't care how many girls are attracted to me. I don't even care how many times I am quote unquote rejected. It's all about the numbers, baby. And I'm getting highly into my testosterone towards mentality, going towards my goals.

22:15 Because when you do that, not only will you not feel fear, but once you get 60, 80, 100, 200 open and ejects under your belt, approach anxiety is gone. See ya. Where'd you go? Oh, that's right. You're a thing of the past because I'm a fucking warrior. And I go into my fears willingly with the heart of a lion, a full, brave heart. You have the ability, man. It's like guys go into war and a lot of warriors are listening right now. Guys who have seen combat. And what's really interesting is I'll get hired by these guys and they'll still have approach anxiety when it comes to women.

22:49 And I don't blame them for it. Like I said, this is a survival mechanism. But I'm like, brother, you are in war, purposely stepping onto that two-way firing range. We need to harness that same masculine energy that you put into warfighting and put it into women. A lot of you guys are great athletes. You're great public speakers. You're great at your job. What are you great at? I want to take that confidence. And this is partially what we do in NLP too. I want to take that confidence and transpose it right onto approaching women.

23:19 We definitely do that in my three-month coaching program, but you can do a part of that now by simply opening and ejecting and or putting yourself under purposeful social pressure. I like to ask for discounts. I like to negotiate. My gym closed the other day, Gold's Gym, because of COVID. It was actually pretty sad. They dumped a lot of money into this gym and it was all really nice. And then they just couldn't keep up because COVID kept shutting it down. So I had to go get a new gym membership and the only gym next to my house is that piece of crap, Anytime Fitness.

23:50 Have you ever seen this piece of shit? It's like the size of a shoebox and they charge 40 bucks a month. I'm like, what? I was paying 10 bucks a month at Gold's for like four times the space and like 200 more fucking machines and fitness equipment. This is bullshit, but whatever, dude, it's by my house. So I'm sitting there across the table from this guy. I'm like, I can tell by looking at him, this guy cannot take social pressure. So I put him under the social pressure. I was like, bro, this is a ridiculous price.

24:15 You're going to need to waive that fee. You're going to need to like cut that in fourth at least for me to be here. And what happens? He did everything I asked. And now I'm probably paying less than anybody else in that piece of shit place because I have the balls to do it. Why do I have the balls to do it? Because I go into uncomfort willingly. No more screensaver mode for you, man. What I want you to do from now on is challenge yourself.

24:37 Put yourself under social pressure. Be disagreeable. I'm not saying to be a dick. I'm just saying to be disagreeable, especially when someone isn't treating you right or you feel they're trying to dupe you by giving you some piece of shit deal like that piece of crap, Anytime Fitness. No, no, no, no. I'm either going to get this deal or I'm going to fucking go drive over to Greeley if I have to, which is half an hour away. And I'll give a shit and go to the Gold's Gym over there.

25:00 What's it going to be? Yeah, yeah. Okay, Mr. Singh, we'll go ahead and do that deal. Cool. Here's my credit card. Charge it up. That's what a fucking man does. And why can I do that? Because I've been under social pressure. I know the adrenaline dump. It does not affect me. There are millions of men listening right now. Whatever. It's nothing because I've been under this pressure so many times. And yeah, I could get better and better until you're like President Obama walking on that stage and say what you will about Obama.

25:26 I got some people listening who hate him, some people who love him. It doesn't matter. You have to admit to me when he struts out on that stage, stands behind the podium and looks at literally millions upon millions, maybe even billions of people watching him and doesn't even start talking until he takes in the crowd and gives them all a smile. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. That motherfucker could take some social pressure. And for that, I highly respect the guy. And how did he do it?

25:52 He's dramatic through going through politics, through doing speeches and putting himself under that pressure purposely. He got that bearing. That bearing is what gets women attracted to you. And you'll be able to fight through the adrenaline dump and be able to think, avoid that screensaver mode. All right, gents. I hope this podcast has helped you. I have another awesome one dropping on Thursdays, so make sure to stay tuned for that one. Once again, you boys on Spotify, if you felt that that presentation deserved five stars, I'd very much appreciate it.

26:21 And I will give you some gifts to reciprocate your kindness, namely the Conversation Sniper, Guide to the Female Orgasm, and three texts to build massive attraction in women. Impress your friends, baffle your enemies. I'm also still doing that free one-on-one breakthrough session. If you want to get on the phone with me, talk about your issues, figure out how long I think it would take you to get to your most ostentatious, your biggest, most extravagant goals with women. We'll get on the phone together, and I'll give you a no BS assessment of how long I think it'll take you.

26:52 We'll talk about your issues, and you'll probably have a couple amazing aha moments in there as well. This is for guys who are interested in my three-month coaching program. So if you're interested in that, to learn more about it, to work with me personally, I'd love to have you, man. Sign up at CoachMarkSingh.com. Click on coaching. Fill in the goddamn slap in the Jesus. And you and I will get on that one-on-one call together. All right, guys. Stay tuned for the next one. It's going to be awesome.

27:18 That thing is dropping on Thursday. And in the meantime, I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.