How to Approach a Girl Who's Checking You Out (Start With Qualifying)

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. Happy Monday. I hope all you guys had a fantastic weekend. I know I certainly did. I'm super fired up to have you listening. I do appreciate you guys who have been writing with me for a long time. So fired up, man. If there was a table in front of me, I'd fucking flip it over.

0:37 Love you guys who listen. Love my clients. Love this podcast. Super appreciative. And I want to send that appreciation out to you. If you, after listening to this episode, of course, want to leave me a review, I will send you even more appreciation by sending you three programs, The Conversation Sniper, Guide to the Female Orgasm, How to Make Her Look Like a Screaming Demon, that just got hit with a tornado, and three texts to build massive attraction in women. Impress your friends. Baffle your enemies. You can email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com.

1:05 I had a client tell me the other day that leaving reviews is an absolute David Hasselhoff, and I understand that, and I do appreciate you guys who do leave reviews. I've been getting reviews from all over the world. I read every single one, and I send you one of those heartfelt thank yous from the bottom of my heart, really appreciating that you've done that. I kind of like, I touch my heart, and then I kiss my hand, and then I touch my forehead, and then I wave, right?

1:32 You guys ever see The 13th Warrior at the end of the movie? He does that. The guy played by Antonio Banderas, he always does that, touches his heart, touches his mouth, touches his forehead, and then waves. When I used to ride motorcycles, I'd do that to people. I would touch my forehead and wave at him, kind of like this really sincere, thank you for letting me into your lane. And then when a cop comes, you motorcyclists out there, what do you do when a cop comes?

1:50 Test for you. Do you guys ever see a motorcyclist riding down the road, and he's hitting his head with his hand? No, he doesn't have a bumblebee in his helmet. No, he isn't pondering the meaning of life. He's telling other motorcyclists, and perhaps even you, that there's a cop up ahead. That's what we do, is we tap our heads. That means police officers are coming, and motorcyclists are really cool in that way. We always give a lot of love to each other, just like I'm giving love to you.

2:17 But enough about all that, gentlemen. Let's go ahead and jump into the content. All right, so a lot of you guys are getting better with women, and what you're noticing as your confidence improves, as you feel more comfortable with yourself, as you become an unapologetic, alpha, silverback gorilla, a fucking champion, a warrior among average men, you're noticing chicks checking you out. They're kind of giving you the green light. They're giving you eyes. You're getting sweated at the gym. And brother, I want to let you know, they are sweating you.

2:42 They are sweating you. They're not just looking at you innoculously because you have a booger on your forehead or because your nose whistles when you breathe. You are actually winning. And a lot of times when we start working on ourselves in this way, particularly in my coaching program, but also just listening to this podcast and taking the advice and attitudes that I'm giving to you to heart and really implementing them and making them a part of who you are, you're going to see women jocking you.

3:09 Now, in my coaching program, as well as with all my friends, we call it winning. You just won, bro. You just won off that chick, which means she's sweating you. Now, a lot of us, and I dare say I've been there myself, I won't do it anymore, but I used to do it a lot. We'll get sweated and we won't do anything about it. It's like, what's more cowardly than a girl sweating you? A cute girl, by the way, who you do want to talk to and you don't go fucking talk to her.

3:33 Now, the reason we do it, and I have compassion for you boys out there who don't go talk to her, is you don't know what to say. You're like, God damn it, I don't know what to say. I haven't been listening to the UMP for long enough. My game is still a little bit weak, a little bit shaky, and I don't want to get rejected. I just want to take this win, get this validation, feel good about myself for the next few days, and just take it at that.

3:52 And I was in that mind space for probably a couple of years, to be honest with you. And I finally realized, like, yo, this is a great opportunity. And if she's sweating you, your foot is already massively in the door. And really, for all intents and purposes, as long as you don't mess up in the conversation, it should go fine. You should be able to snag a number. So from now on, boys, when you get that green light, and we all know what it looks like, dude.

4:14 And if you don't know what it looks like, well, you've probably won before and you just didn't recognize it. It's when girl's making eyes at you. She's getting close to you. She's trying to be loud around you to get your attention. Or as I spoke about in a previous podcast, hidden signs that a woman is attracted to you. She may, like, use her legs to, like, make rapid movements to try to catch your eye so you look over at her or even help somebody in front of you.

4:38 So you get some of these signs and you're like, well, what the hell do I do? Okay, so in my coaching and also in this podcast, I talk about how when we first approach a woman, we want to be a go-giver. Go give her good energy. Go give her good conversation. Brighten her day. Give her something that she can take away and she's better because of it, which is what charisma is, is you make the person better from having met you. That's the basic premise, okay?

5:04 And how do we do that? We bring interesting conversation. We're funny. We say shit that she doesn't hear from every other dude. And every other dude is, like, doing interview mode. Where do you live? Where do you work? Did you go to this school? What do you do for fun? We kind of do that, too, a little bit, but we make it interesting. Now, I'm not going to launch into a whole dissertation on the four pillars of attraction, but just know it that when we first approach a woman who is not attracted to us or at least who we don't think is attracted to us, or I should say you always want to assume that girls are attracted to you.

5:36 We didn't get the signs that she's attracted to us. So it's just a chick who's walking down the street or you run into in the parking lot or a girl in a nightclub who didn't even look at you yet, and you're like, okay, this is a cold approach. Cold. It's not warm. It's cold. A warm approach is when she does sweat you, but in the cold approach case, we have to go up and give value. Okay? If we try to go up and be a taker, which so many guys do, she's going to get bored, make an excuse, tell us she has a boyfriend, or say, hey, I got to get back to my friends.

6:04 It was good to talk to you so long. Okay? But when it's a warm approach, we don't necessarily have to start with all that content. Okay? Because the reason the content is there is to get her attracted, isn't it? We want to first start with attraction. Every single time, boys, we start with attraction. Okay? And that includes breaking rapport, telling stories, the 8100 rule, everything I teach. If you want to learn more about that, just go through the myriad of podcast episodes that I've already dropped on how to make a woman attracted to you, well, here's the thing.

6:36 When she's already sweating you, she is already attracted to you. So the question is, do we need to do that? Do we need to get her attracted to us before we can move on to the next step, which I'm going to explain in a second? Well, kind of yes, kind of no. Okay? So she's already sweating you. She's into it. And this happens to me all the time simply because I have pre-selection, which means I go out with a lot of cute girls whenever I do go out.

7:02 So it's like I get sweated a lot. I win all the time. And I can go up with a slightly different vibe. Now, what's the vibe I go up with? Well, obviously, the vibe is I'm the prize. She's the one submitting the application. I'm the champion. I'm the attractive guy. Who are you? And that's literally what I'll say. Sometimes I'll walk up and I'll be like, hey, hey, what's up? I saw you over there. Who are you? Okay? When you say, who are you? What is that doing?

7:26 It's making her sell herself to you. It's making her qualify herself to you. So what I've taught you guys many times in this podcast is first you go up to a woman and you drop attraction building material. Okay? Like I said, that's all in the anthology that I've already dropped in my podcast. Go listen to the 270 plus episodes I've already dropped. You'll learn all about that. But then the next step is to qualify her. Now, qualify her, as I've also talked about in other episodes, is to make her work for you.

7:55 Make her prove herself to you. Make her sell herself to you. Because we always value what we work for, right? So really what you're doing is you're just putting that attraction in hyperdrive. You're really making her more attracted to you by making her sell herself to you. So we always start with attraction and then we go into qualifying and then preferably we do both of those before we go for the phone number. You don't need both of those to get a phone number, but in my opinion, they're the best thing to have if you want to get a phone number that sticks.

8:26 As I've said many times, it's easy to get phone numbers. Like any schlep could go get a phone number from a girl pretty damn easily because a woman doesn't want to say no. She doesn't want that uncomfortable social situation. So she gives you her number and then just blocks you when you text. It's really easy. My girlfriends do it all the time. But getting a phone number that sticks, in my opinion, in my experience, requires the four pillars of attraction. Frame control, value, sexual attention, qualifying.

8:53 Okay, and we're talking about qualifying a lot in this episode. So you go up, you give value, boom, you get the signs of attraction. We get two to three different signs of attraction. Playing with her hair, licking her lips, laughing at jokes that aren't funny, asking you questions about yourself, filling in the space of conversations when the conversation dies, touching you, grabbing your penis, talking about the names of your future children. These are all very clear signs of attraction. Then once you get those, you go into qualifying, which is making her work for you.

9:23 Okay, so when a girl sweats you immediately, you can jump straight into qualifying. So that's why when a girl's sweating me, she's seeing me with all my girlfriends, all my girlfriends are laughing. I'm talking to other girls that are cracking up. There's a line of chicks waiting to talk to me. There's two chicks fighting over me, which all these situations I've been in. Bro, like I don't need to go up and be like, hey, did you hear about the cube? Or hey, look at that thing over there.

9:46 It doesn't say coat check. It looks like it says goat check, which is one of my jokes that I always say in this one nightclub I go to. They have a coat check, and I swear to God, the C looks like a G. So it's like, yeah, come and check your goat in over here. It always makes girls laugh. Or any of the myriad techniques I use, like cold reading, push-pull, whatever. Okay, so what I'll do oftentimes is I'll skip all that. Like, dude, I'm already attractive.

10:08 I'm pre-qualified. So now let's see what she has. You see how this works? She's into you. If you were a sports star or a rock star and you had a line of chicks waiting to talk to you, how would you filter out the sea donkeys from the quality chicks? You would go up and qualify them. So who are you? Where are you from? Like, what's awesome about you beyond your looks? Like, you would literally say this. And this is the mentality I want to get you guys into is that you are the prize, bro.

10:36 You are the champion. How many dudes are working on themselves the way you are? Especially you guys in my coaching program. Like, 0.001% of dudes maybe are working on themselves in this way. Bro, you're the prize. You're the legend. And even you dudes who just listen to podcasts all the time, that's still way better than 99% of the population. So we need to reframe it. Stop, like, thinking that women are the prize and start thinking that you're the prize. Be your own hero. So when a girl's sweating you, it's that, hey, who are you?

11:06 What are you about kind of vibe? Now, I have to put a caveat on this. I can see it and I've seen it all the time where guys come up as cocky assholes and they have the wrong vibe about them. Okay? You're still cool. You're still interested in her. And, in fact, by you asking her what's good about you beyond your looks or what would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you? What's the greatest thing you've ever done for a friend? Are you good at cooking because the weight of my heart is through cooking?

11:32 When you say it, you say it in a cool way and you're being affable in a way where it's like you're just a cool guy, the way you and I are cool to each other. Like when we get on the Zoom call together, I'm not going to be like, what's up, man? So, like, what do you got, bro? Like, why would I choose you as a client? Now, certainly that's part of it. I want to know why I should choose you as a client, but I'm cool about it.

11:53 I'm like, what's up, brother? How you doing, dude? So, bro, tell me. I've read your thing. I see that you have issues here and here. What I'm worried about is whether or not you're going to do the work. Are you going to show up to the coaching calls? Are you going to do the NLP? Are you going to give the training I send you a really good effort so that you really digest it? Or are you just going to half-ass through it? I really want to know that.

12:14 And why am I able to ask that to potential clients? It's because I'm in high demand. I get hundreds of applications a month. I get sometimes 100 emails a day. So, it's like, yo, I'm in a position where I can qualify. I can filter. Well, this is extremely attractive to women. Can you see why? Reason is, is because if you're in demand, then you must be amazing. And if you're amazing, I want you. That's the way it works in the female mind. So, if you're winning already and you go over and say what I say, which is, hey, what's up?

12:44 I saw you standing over there. I wanted to come meet you. Who are you? I love that. I love those three words. Who are you? Works so fucking well. She's like, hey, I'm Jessica. And you'd be like, what's up, Jessica? So, like, tell me about yourself, right? And she's like, oh, and this and this. The more you get her selling herself to you, the more the attraction is multiplying. And, boys, think about this one. Women know that they're attractive physically, okay? Every single guy wants them, right?

13:08 A hot girl, she's attractive physically. But if you can show her that you need more than just the physical looks in order to impress you, that is going to show her that you're a high-value man and get her even more attracted to you. So, yo, it's like, yeah, beauty is common. And I'll say this many times. I'll be like, you know, you're obviously really pretty, Kelly. Beauty is really common here in Denver. So, like, what's awesome about you, right? I'll ask that. And then if she starts selling herself to me, it's over.

13:34 That's a guaranteed phone number. If a woman qualifies herself to you, it's guaranteed phone number. And I would even be willing to say almost guaranteed to text you back and go on a date with you. So, when you implement this method of qualifying right off the bat, when you've already won, I have to really enunciate that. Like, she's making eyes at you. She's getting close to you. She's into you, bro. She likes your vibe. She's into it. You can start with qualifying. And when you do, it's that much more powerful.

14:02 Rather than starting with attraction building material, because it's almost like she's thinking to herself, doesn't he know I'm already into him? Why is he talking about this stuff? Although I will say that the way we do it, it's not like we're a court jester dancing in front of the king trying to impress him. The way we do it, which again is material for other podcast episodes, but the way we do it is we're just giving value and we don't give a fuck. So, you can start with that, but why waste your time?

14:29 Right? Why waste your time? You're already like, you already won the first three games of the World Series. So, are you going to go play them again? No. Why cover real estate you've already paved? Right? So, this is part of the reason pre-selection is so fucking awesome is because you walk in with three nines, every girl's into you. So, you can just start with qualifying. You don't even need to bother with all that shit. You go straight into qualifying, it's like sometimes as quick as like a one-minute conversation.

14:53 You yank a number that's going to stick. That's what the fuck I'm talking about, being efficient. Being efficient. But I have to say again, a lot of you guys are going to err on the side of being too arrogant. And you know what? As I'm going to talk about in my upcoming podcast, which by the way, I want you to tune in for, it's 10 ways to implement all the things that I teach you guys, 10 really smart ways to implement what I teach you. What you're going to do is you're going to make mistakes the first time you try to do this.

15:19 You're going to come off as too arrogant or even too nice. It's just the calibration is going to be wrong and that's okay. You have to forgive yourself for not being perfect and you have to make those mistakes. As I say in the upcoming episode, mistakes are like wrongs on a ladder that you have to step on and go up in order to improve yourself. So it's all part of the game, but try this. Try this. When a girl's sweating you, qualifier. Go right up with the frame that you are the prize.

15:47 You are the one checking her application. Like you're in the interview process. We never want to interview a woman, but just for an example. You're in the interview process. You're like, what you got? What are you going to bring to this company? By the way, if you ever interview, you would be very smart to make the interviewer qualify him or herself to you. Okay. Why should I work for this company? What do you guys do? What's your compensation? What am I going to get culturally out of this company?

16:14 Because then that shows you're the prize, doesn't it? So many people get this wrong. So many people try to qualify themselves, sell themselves. Selling yourself to a woman is the worst thing you could ever do. I talked about this pretty recently, but like trying to like prove to her that you're amazing and great. Can you imagine if a girl was jockeying you and you went over there and started bragging about your Ferrari and how much you make? And a lot of guys do this. They'll get jocked.

16:39 They're good looking. They're, they're fricking ripped. They're rich. They're awesome. And by the way, you don't have to be rich to get women, a little side note, but they're like killing it in life, right? A girl's jockeying him and he goes over there and tries to like prove it to her more. And then she blows him out and he's like, what the fuck? She was jockeying me. What the hell did I do wrong? What you did wrong was by explaining yourself, by trying to sell yourself, you're telling her you don't think you're enough.

17:03 And that's unattractive. When you instead qualify her and say, yo, I'm enough. What do you got? Subcommunicated boys, subcommunicated. Never say it straight out. But when you do that, she's like, oh, damn, this guy is high value. Just like I thought he was. Not only is he good looking and ripped, he's got girls all around him, but God, he knows his worth. How sexy is that? And that's what qualifying is. So when you're winning off a girl initially, go try this. Be like, hey, I saw you standing over here.

17:31 Wanted to come meet you. Who are you? Try that boys. Try that. Who are you? A couple other questions you can ask, which I've said already is what would your best friend say is the coolest thing about you? What's the coolest thing you've ever done for a friend? Are you a good kisser? Are you a good cuddler? Do you give good scratches? Now, these kinds of questions may come a little bit further down the road, but these kinds of questions. And for some of you, you never even list your standards out to yourself.

17:57 Like you don't even have your standards written down. Like, what do I want in a woman? I want her to be honest. I want her to be funny. I want her to be socially intelligent. Have an intelligent conversation. Be spiritual. Be able to have a philosophical conversation. Be good with numbers. Be good with money. What are your prerequisites? Have you ever written that down? Well, if you haven't, you probably should. List your standards. And when asking girls this, you don't want to make it into like an interview, but pick a couple of those and base questions on those things that are important to you.

18:26 I had a client tell me once it was important that she have a PhD. If you were to ask me, like a PhD is like one of the most unnecessary things ever, but this was important to him. So it would be wise of him to have that as a qualifying question to weed out the sea donkeys who aren't educated enough for his taste. Wouldn't you agree? So I want you to really think about, well, what's important to me? That she can laugh. I know it's important to me.

18:49 That she can have a good spiritual conversation and she's positive. That's important to me. I'll weed out chicks immediately the second I sense any fucking negativity, any complaining. And what I may ask her is like, so what's horrible about your best friend? Like, what do you hate most about your best friend? Dude, you know how much that reveals the character of the woman you're talking to? You ask a question like that. She starts bitching about her best friend. She's going to do that same fucking thing to you when you're dating her, isn't she?

19:17 So let's be smart boys. This is chest, not checkers. We're thinking 10 steps ahead and we're jumping 10 steps ahead when we've already won off of her. We go straight into qualifying. You are the prize. You are the champion. You are working on yourself by listening to the Unapologetic Man podcast. And I do appreciate it again, boys. I got an awesome one dropping on Thursday. So please stay tuned for that. If you could be so kind to either subscribe or leave me a review, preferably a review with some writing behind it.

19:45 I will get your name tattooed on my butt. I will get a decal of your face slapped on the side of my car with a late champion underneath it. And songs will be written about you that will be sung around campfires for generations to come. Thanks again, boys. And I will see you in the next episode. I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.