How to Beat Your Porn Addiction

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me today. A lot of you guys probably stumbled upon my podcast somewhat accidentally, or via search results. You were looking for how to beat porn addiction. What I want to do is welcome you to the show. This show is typically designated to helping men with their masculinity, helping men attract women, helping men become the best versions of themselves.

0:41 That's typically what I focus on. We're going to have a little bit of that today, but more specifically, we're going to focus on why some of you are addicted to porn, how this manifests, and how to start getting over it, how to finally kick this addiction, because this is more rampant than you might think. And the reason I'm recording this is because I just got three new clients who all struggle to some level with porn addiction. So things tend to come in waves in my coaching, and I have dealt a lot with porn addiction in the past.

1:11 And things tend to come in waves, and I got three clients, and I was like, okay, man, it's time to record this podcast, because I'm sure there's a lot of you guys out there who, too, are struggling with porn addiction. And who knows, maybe even some females are listening, too. And this applies to them, as well. Before I jump into the content, I want to let you guys know that my free one-on-one Zoom consultation, where you and I get on the phone together, we discuss your struggles, discuss your desires, discuss your goals, when it comes to women is still open.

1:41 You can learn more about that by clicking the link in the description below, or you can go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com, and click on coaching. It'll take you right through it. But for a lot of you, you have programming in your mind that is causing these types of addictions. And addictions are usually the result of programming, and I'm going to talk about that in this episode. But if you want to get over the addiction to porn, there's only one way to do it. And I'm going to reveal that one way at the end of this show.

2:09 And what I do in my coaching is I teach you how to do that. Not only do I help you remove and replace the programming in your head, but I also teach you how to get tons and tons of hot girls into your life, high-quality hot girls, and a lot of them. So if you're interested, check that out. All right, guys, let's go ahead and jump into the content. So porn addiction. I want to preface this by letting you guys know that I had a little bit of addiction that I overcame with the principles that I'm going to talk about, some of them, not all of them.

2:42 But I was addicted to getting girls. More specifically, getting women attracted to me and then rejecting them. Even more specifically than that, I'm not proud of this, but getting women to fall in love with me and then rejecting them. So through self-work and self-examination, I discovered the reason I did this is twofold. First of all, my dad died when I was 10, and my mom remarried a complete who I feel is a loser, a beta cuck, and I always resented the guy. My dad was alpha. He died when I was 10.

3:13 My mom remarried two years later when I was 12, and I never respected the guy. But what was also difficult at that time is I needed a positive role model from a man, and I didn't have him. It's part of the reason for this podcast. I got seriously into masculinity because I had to teach myself this stuff. But also, I needed that love and attention from my mom, and I never got it. So I began to seek it out in other women. Well, as some of you guys know, my first girlfriend cheated on me, completely left me because I was needy, because I was seeking that validation from her.

3:46 So that spurred me on a probably 10 to 15 year conquest to make women attracted to me, to get the power to hold over women, to make them fall in love with me. And I got really fucking good at it, really good at it, where I could get women attracted to me super quick. And I was addicted to that moment when they get attracted to me. I actually liked it when they weren't attracted to me to begin with. And then through my game, through my skill set, I would be able to turn them into a girl who was attracted to me.

4:17 And then I loved for them to chase me, and then I loved to deny them. And I was literally addicted to this. I mean, I would go out sometimes seven nights a week and just want to get attention, validation, which I'm going to talk about from women. And I manipulated a lot of women. I hurt a lot of women, and I regret that, but I was an addict. I was completely addicted to that external validation, to getting that sense that I was wanted, I was needed in that feminine energy.

4:44 So through NLP, which is neuro-linguistic programming, I was able to overcome that addiction. I now have a very healthy relationship with women. I still love to open them. I still love to talk to them, but there isn't that addiction. There isn't that external need for validation. I don't need them to want me. It really doesn't matter to me. And what's ironic, and a lot of you guys will know this, is when you don't give a shit, they want you even more. So the second you kind of let go of needing that from them, it's even more attractive, and I actually get better results now than I ever did, but I'm not addicted to it.

5:15 I don't need it anymore. So with addiction, and this applies to your porn addiction if you have one, and even if it's just a slight porn addiction, I still think you can benefit from listening to this, is there's something called the dopamine opioid circuit. So before you're about to eat something, let's say you're going to eat this delicious carrot cake, right before you eat it, you kind of get excited. And the reason you get excited is because there's dopamine that's released into your brain. A lot of people think that dopamine is what comes after you get the cake, but it's actually just before.

5:46 That's why you kind of get in a good mood when you're about to masturbate to some porn, or you're about to eat some food, or you're about to have sex with a hot girl. It's the dopamine hit that keeps us in a seeking mode, and scientists call this the seeking circuit, and it's really there evolutionarily to help us survive. So we want to keep seeking those things that make us feel good. What makes us feel good? Food, safety, sex with women, things like this, all that are for our survival.

6:14 So dopamine gets hit inside of our brains, and then after we get the thing, we get what's called an opioid hit. I'm not a scientist, so I can't attest to exactly what an opioid is, but from my limited knowledge of opioids, it's like a drug. It's a drug that we get hit. And you know, it's interesting, we're all basically drug addicts, aren't we? We're all seeking to feel good. We're all seeking to feel better than we do right now. And that is quite literally a survival mechanism, that dopamine to opioid circuit.

6:43 So this happens when you're addicted to porn, is you're addicted to that dopamine and the opioid, and you just keep wanting to go after it, and it's easy to get it. And I mean, you can't really hold it against yourself, can you? It's just like a rat who hits a food bar to get food. Is he going to like renunciate himself and discipline himself not to get the food? No, it's easy. And our survival is literally linked to the circuit, so why wouldn't we do it, right?

7:11 Why wouldn't we get addicted? And that's why so many of you are addicted to porn. It's just constant dopamine, opioid hits. And what's also true is that it validates our seeking circuit as men. So as men, through tribal history, through 200,000 years of evolution, we always want to seek new women to spread our seed, right? So that's why we get sick of girls. That's why we want to get new girls. And I struggled with this myself, I'm going to be honest with you. I would go from one girl to the next because I was constantly in that seeking circuit.

7:41 And in my opinion, through maturity, through age, through all the experiences I've had, it takes a real fucking man to settle down with one girl. In a lot of ways, it's harder to do that. It's easier to go be a player, especially when you have the skill set. But in the long run, it's more satisfying to be with one woman. So that's a whole different conversation. Just wanted to throw it out there. But with you guys who are addicted to porn, this is also natural. And you need to forgive yourself.

8:07 This is the first step. Forgive myself because seeking new porn videos, new girls, new experiences is natural. This is what we do. This is why kings of Persia had fucking harems that were constantly updating. This is why when I was in my peak of my player years, I would hang out with the girl like three times, have sex with her a couple of times, then fricking boot her to the curb and get the next girl. And it was a douche thing to do. And I would make girls fall in love with me.

8:35 And I was like an evil Marvel comic man who was just using my powers to hurt women. And I know that I have a lot of karma points stacked against me where that's concerned. I've tried to remedy it in a lot of different ways. One of which is by teaching you guys these things is that I'm telling you, man, it's unsatisfying to be a player. Now that doesn't mean I'm trying to dissuade you from getting the skill set and running through lots of different women as you look for your queen.

9:01 In fact, in my opinion, that's the only way to do it from quantity comes quality. But the way I did it, man, I was just stuck in that top of funnel quantity, quantity, quantity. I didn't even give a shit about quality back then. And I was addicted. And you may be addicted to that, too. You just want more porn, more experiences, blonde, brunette, Mexican, Asian, white. You just want to run through all of them. Right. And if you're in that, it's because you're seeking novelty. So it's just something to know.

9:26 OK, this is why it's happening. I understand it now. And when you understand something, you can make moves to overcome it. All right. My next point revolves scarcity mindset, scarcity mindset. A lot of you guys out there, and I dare say I was this way myself, don't believe that you can get high quality girls. You don't believe that there's lots of hot girls out there in your immediate area. You think that porn is just a collection of extremely rare hot girls that you can never have.

9:57 So because you have this scarcity mindset, you don't truly believe that you could have a girl that hot. You don't truly believe that you could actually have this experience in your bed because A, there's not enough women and B, you're not enough. You believe you're not enough. So what do you do? You start collecting girlfriends on the Internet. You go through all the different videos. You see which ones you like. You probably write down what the best ones are. You know them really personally. Some of you guys get obsessed and like almost stalk these girls.

10:29 You become members of their websites. It's because it's almost like she's your girlfriend because you don't think you could get her in real life. In a way, you've given up. You've thrown in the towel. So you're going to do the next best thing. And it's so satisfying from a dopamine opioid level that you get addicted to it and you just can't get out of that circuit. It just continues like a sick, vicious circle of a spiral that you can't seem to get out of. Then what happens is the pathways in your brains, and we can look at this neuropathic pathways or like grooves going through your brains.

11:00 So what happens is your love, sex, relationship pathway becomes related to Internet porn. It gets mapped in the subconscious mind to Internet porn. So no longer are you even interested in dealing with real women. You just want to get relationships through masturbating to these chicks on the Internet. It's easier. You don't have to risk anything. You can stay inside. And you almost get the same level of satisfaction that you would if you're a real girl. Almost. Almost. In a lot of ways, you won't, obviously. I don't have to explain that, but it almost feels good enough.

11:34 And almost is good enough for you guys who believe wholeheartedly that you're not enough. You don't believe that you're good enough for a hot girl. You may believe in some ways that sex is wrong. You believe that you don't have the game. You don't have the body. You don't have the money. You don't have the situation to be able to attract these girls in real life. So why even fucking bother when you have porn? Let's go get some virtual reality goggles and make it even more realistic.

12:01 And this is the downfall of technology is it's fucking us up in so many different ways. One of the ways is just relationship wise. So your scarcity mindset is creating this situation where you don't feel you can get real girls. So you're just going to throw in the towel and go with the ones on the Internet. Now, here's the part that you're going to hate to hear. And I want to preface this by saying, brother, I was the fucking master of this. I was the king example of exactly what I'm about to say.

12:28 So I don't want you to think I'm attacking you. So here it goes. You're in your feminine energy. When you are addicted to anything, you are in your feminine energy. Here's why. And this is really interesting. Look at the word addiction. Addiction. The first word is add. A-D-D. Okay. What is adding? It's filling up the space. It's being filled up. It's a hole inside of you, much like a vagina that's being filled with stuff. Whether it's heroin, cocaine, porn, food, you're trying to fill your hole almost like it's a vagina that you're sticking a dildo into.

13:10 And I want to say again, brother, I was in this energy too. I was filling up the hole, the pussy inside myself, that vagina inside myself with attention from women, with validation from women. You're literally clicking on the porn and you're saying to yourself, fill my hole, just like you're a girl on her back with her leg spread. Now, this should piss you off. This should piss you off because that's part of it is getting over something is realizing, having clarity about what it is that you're doing.

13:38 You're getting highly in your feminine energy. You're trying to fill yourself up just like a woman with her leg spread sticking a dildo in her pussy. That's exactly what you're doing. You're highly in your feminine energy. So what's the solution to this? The solution, there are many, and I'm going to discuss them as we continue, but the solution is to get into your masculine energy. So this is what you do to get over porn. Brother, you have to make goals to meet real women and get this part of your life settled and learn how to get women.

14:06 Even if you're good with women, a lot of guys say to me, yeah, but bro, I'm already good with women. I can guarantee you you're not getting the quality of women that you want. Sure, you're good with women, but are they up to your standards? If you're addicted to porn, I can almost guarantee without doubt that those women that you're able to get are not up to your standards. So what's the solution here? The solution again is to get good with women and get highly in your masculine energy.

14:33 What is masculine energy? It's goal oriented. It's numbers. I am going to open this many girls this week. I'm going to get on this many dating sites. I am going to focus wholeheartedly on my mission to get better with women. I might sign up with Mark and join his three month coaching program to become an expert at seducing women, to reprogram my brain so that those scarcity belief systems that have me renunciating women and instead relying on porn to get my fulfillment on my relationship level can get replaced with positive belief systems.

15:11 Women are beautiful. Women are amazing. There's tons of them out there. There's millions of beautiful girls. I guarantee you there's probably 10,000 girls who are just as hot as the ones you were masturbating to on porn right there in your city, especially if you're in a big city with millions of people. There's at least that many. The thing is, is that when you believe they're not there, you're never going to see them. You're never going to be in situations where you get to experience them. But when you change your mindset, beautiful women are everywhere.

15:36 Real relationships are a million times more fulfilling than porn relationships. And I mean, come on, nobody can make the argument to me that some virtual porn based internet based relationship with this girl that you're obsessed with is nearly as satisfying as having a real woman. Can she give you her feminine energy through the internet? No. Can you smell her through the internet? No. Can you really experience the way she feels on the internet? No. It's just your hand on your cock, man. It's an illusion. It's smoke and mirrors.

16:10 It's, in my opinion, the difference between doing acid and meditating. Meditation is real. Getting that deep bliss that you access with meditation, drugs can't even compare to that. And I have personal experience with this. I know I've never done drugs. I've never been drunk. I've never done anything. But I did do shrooms once because somebody convinced me. I cannot believe I let them get into my frame. Somebody convinced me. It was a really hot girl, by the way, that shrooms would give me this amazing meditative experience.

16:36 And what was it? It was smoking mirrors. It was masturbation. It was a fucking joke. It was when you think you're going to drink a glass of milk and you drink water. And it's like, I thought this was milk. Now it's water. It was that feeling. And I kind of regret it, but I kind of don't because now I have the experience to compare meditation to. But bro, it's the same thing with jerking off to a hawker on the internet. And yeah, I jerk off sometimes because it's fun.

17:02 I use it as a reward for myself, but I'm not addicted to it. I do it maybe twice a month because that's what I've limited myself to. And I use it as a reward. But dude, having sex with my girlfriend who I'm in love with, bro, it doesn't compare. It doesn't compare. And what is she? She is, in my eyes, a 10. She's hot as fuck. She's an amazing woman. We have such a connection. And that's what you have to get in order to see how much more fulfilling it is to have a real woman as opposed to porn.

17:30 The dopamine slash opioid hit, you're going to get through that, even though she's not even novel. I've been with this girl for years. Even though she's not novel, it's still completely satisfying because I've remapped it in my brain. So your mission now, brother, is to set goals. Okay. How many girls are you going to open this week? How many online dating sites are you going to get on? How are you going to put yourself in a position where there's a continuous stream of hot, high quality girls coming into your life that you can choose from?

17:59 Look, here's the truth of the matter, brother. And you know, if your coach isn't going to tell you the truth, no one will. The solution to getting over porn is to get really good with women, is to get really good with women and get a high quality girl. I guarantee you when you get that woman in your life, porn won't even be attractive to you anymore. Now, this could also come down to your programming. Maybe you have a program that I'm not enough. Maybe you have a program that I can't get a hot woman, hot girls are too good for me, or any other myriad of programs that have made you believe that porn is more satisfying on some subconscious level than even having a real woman.

18:34 Because some of you guys listening probably have a real woman. You may even have a great relationship. She may even be hot, but she's not satisfying you. Could it be the level of she's not feminine enough and you're not masculine enough? There's no polarity between you two. There's a myriad of different reasons this could be happening. But mostly, this podcast, this episode, because I can't work with you one-on-one, is for single dudes who are just jerking off to porn and who are refusing because of fear, because of laziness, because of not knowing where to start, uncertainty, one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake phenomenon.

19:10 They're not willing to go out and learn the skills to get women. Okay, for the rest of you guys, it's a case-by-case basis. But for the most part, you're in your feminine energy. You're trying to fill that hole. You're addicted to the dopamine opioid hit that you're not able to get in other areas of your life, be it because you can't get girls or because your current relationship doesn't have that sexual polarity. Another reason is you believe in scarcity. You believe hot girls like that aren't really out there.

19:32 Maybe you've had some bad real-life sexual experiences. Maybe you suffer with premature ejaculation when you're with a girl. And by the way, premature ejaculation is because you don't feel like you're enough. You're the beta cuck and you need to get your cum out before the alpha finds you. So there's always a psychological reason behind it. What's the solution? Work on yourself, just like what you're doing. If you want to get intrusive with it and work with me, I do NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, where I reprogram your brain to think in these ways that are going to make you get over these kinds of addictions, to think in the ways that make you highly attractive to women so you can actually get a high quality girl and no longer have to pull her up on your screen, but actually have her in your bed, feel her, smell her, touch her, kiss her skin, put it inside of her and feel how a real vagina feels without a condom on, which of course is a million times better than having sex with a condom and definitely better than your hand.

20:30 And when you get to experience that, it's like porn becomes like a candy, right? It becomes like a little treat you do every two weeks, but you're not reliant upon it. Whereas your relationship with women, your ability to get hot girls, that's like the meat of the hamburger. The porn is just like the little dessert you have afterwards and you only do it once in a while as a treat. And it becomes something that you can look forward to, but you're not relying upon. You're not addicted to it.

20:56 Just like people who are addicted to sugar. What are they doing? They're filling up that hole. Just like a woman tries to fill her hole with your big dick, with the gigantic dildo, right? It's basically the same thing. They're in their feminine energy. All addiction is from feminine energy. So I want you guys to take this on board. Think about it. If you want to meet with me for free one-on-one, we can talk about this. A lot of guys are comfortable to tell me about their deepest problems.

21:22 And of course your privacy is my number one priority. So I'd never share with anybody. I would never keep any documents that you and I share. We can just have a conversation. And if getting into my program where I both teach you the tactical aspects of attracting really high quality girls, as well as the mental aspects of reprogramming your brain. So you can feel like the alpha that you were born as before other people came along and messed you up, hit me up at CoachMarkSingh.com.

21:44 Click on coaching. Go through the application process. Submit it. You and I will jump on the phone. We'll talk about if I feel I can realistically help you with these kinds of issues. Help you get real high quality women into your life. Get you into your masculine energy. Get you goal oriented. Get you in a brotherhood where other brothers are doing the same thing. And some of my guys who are addicted to porn, they're talking to each other. They're supporting each other. There's an accountability element in place in my coaching where we not only hold you accountable to going out and meeting women, but also to overcome your porn addiction.

22:24 So we have that in there as well. So that's my rant for today, guys. I hope it's helped you on some level. If you are suffering with this, my compassion goes out to you. I know it's not easy to suffer with an addiction of this kind. I suffered quite a bit when I was addicted to getting girls attracted to me. I thought it was like the best time ever, but it was really dysfunctional. So I know a lot how you feel. All right, boys, I thank you so much for listening and I will see you in the next episode.

22:49 We'll see you in the next episode. Bye.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.