How to Destroy Your Approach Anxiety: 10 Steps to Freedom

0:00 Founded in 1876 by Big George Thompson, the Big Thompson River represents some of the best blue ribbon fly fishing in all of Colorado. Some of the best flies include the Pale Morning Dun, the Stonefly Nymph, the Scintilla Midge, and my personal favorite, the Woolly Booger. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you joining me today and as I always say on this podcast, I entertain myself a lot more than I'll ever entertain you guys.

0:49 And while that little fly fishing reference has nothing to do with today's topic, which is how to beat approach anxiety for good, 10 bulletproof methods for your path to freedom or some bullshit like that, whatever I choose to name it. It does actually have to do a lot with today's episode, which I am going to reveal to you in the moments ahead. If you guys want to jump on a free one-on-one Zoom consultation with me where we talk about your approach anxiety, talk about how to eliminate your approach anxiety for good, both with tactical aspects, which we're going to talk about today, but maybe even more importantly, reprogramming the bullshit in your head so that you feel like the prize, do you feel like you're giving her something great by going up to her, being a go-giver, giving her good energy?

1:38 If you're interested in learning more about that, click over to my website by clicking in the description below, or you can go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com. Click on coaching, go through the goddamn slap in the biscuit, and you and I will schedule that free one-on-one talk together where we will meet as brothers to discuss how we can get you to success with women in the quickest, easiest way possible. All right, guys, we got a lot to get through today, so without further ado, let's go ahead and jump right into the content.

2:09 All right, so the first thing, and you guys who have listened to my stuff for any amount of time know that in order to accomplish any task, you got to get yourself highly into your masculine energy. What is masculine energy? Let's imagine the warriors on the battlefield. What do they do before they got to go do something scary, which is go into war? They get themselves pumped, don't they? They get themselves pumped up. So every time I'm going to go out and I'm going to go talk to lots of girls, I always have a goal, of course, and my goal is to talk to 20-plus women in a night, let's say.

2:40 Well, I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to go out with low energy and feeling not so good that night. I'm going to get myself pumped. How do I get myself pumped? I listen to music that gets me pumped. I'll usually work out right before I'll go out. Maybe I'll even rely on a little bit of caffeine to get myself pumped up. I do this thing called pre-party pump, which is like a workout. I'll do X many push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, and not only does that get me pumped up, but it also beefs up the muscles a little bit so you can rock out with your guns out when you go out to the bar that night.

3:11 So obviously, you want to feel good before you go out, and that's the main objective. However you need to do it doesn't matter to me. As long as you're feeling good, get yourself pumped up. Once again, music is really good. Doing push-ups, getting yourself fired up, however that is, is really good. So the objective here, in a nutshell, to begin with, is to feel good. Whatever you need to do to do that is what you need to do. Whether that means taking a cold shower, whether that means walking around in your room with your arms held high for two minutes, which has been scientifically proven to significantly increase your testosterone, that's fine.

3:48 But you get yourself pumped up. A lot of the times when I'm driving to the club with either my friends or myself, I'll listen to music that gets us pumped, and we won't talk because we want to be talking to each other when we get into the club. That's a different podcast episode, but it's just one tactic we do. And oftentimes, I'll listen to my playlist on Spotify, which a lot of you guys are following, surprisingly. I almost have more followers on Spotify than I do on Instagram, which is pathetic, but it is what it is.

4:15 Follow my playlist, Marks Lift Heavy Ass Weights. Marks Lift Heavy Ass Weights. I'll often listen to that when I go to the club. Now, a few other tips on masculine energy. Masculine energy is towards-oriented. What does that mean? It means that you're focusing on your goal. You're focusing on things going right. You have an image in your head of you absolutely crushing it, talking to lots of girls, lots of girls getting attracted to you. Those bullshit images of failure that a lot of you guys struggle with, especially those who wrestle with approach anxiety, those need to be put away and never even looked at.

4:54 The second you start looking at it, you need to turn your attention away and start looking at success. Masculine energy is always focused on ahead of itself, not behind itself. And this is a good analogy for focusing on that which could go right, not that which could go wrong. It's like you're driving. You want to make 90% of your view the windshield, which is in front of you. That which could go right. I'm going towards my goal. I'm striving. I'm driving fast. And then 10% is the little rear view mirror where you're looking behind you, fearing what could happen behind you.

5:26 The only reason the rear view mirror is there is just so you can do subtle checks every once in a while. But when it comes to going to approach girls, you want to be highly focused on your goal. You want to be highly focused on what could go right, not could go wrong. And you want to be towards oriented. Let's go. Let's do this. Fuck this. Jump off the diving board before you procrastinating on the top of it makes you turn around and walk down those ladder, right?

5:49 You want to just go up and do it. Okay. The next thing is to realize that approach anxiety, and I know you're going to hate to hear this, but it's true. And it was true for me too. And I still get a little bit of approach anxiety. But approach anxiety means that you're highly in your feminine energy. Why? Because approach anxiety means that if she rejects you, you're going to be really broken up about it, aren't you? It may ruin your night. It may destroy your confidence.

6:16 It may completely decimate and dismantle your self-esteem. Well, that means that you are externally validated. Externally validated means that you're looking for validation from the outside world to tell you that you're good enough. You're looking for validation from women to tell you that you're attractive. Internally validated, on the other hand, is masculine. When you're internally validated, you don't give two shits what she thinks of you. You don't care. Because you think highly of yourself. And furthermore, you feel good that you had the balls to approach her.

6:52 You don't care how she reacts. Because you can't control her reaction. And you know that. So you base your feelings of self-worth on the effort and the courage and the balls to approach her. Not on her response. Not if you get a phone number. Not if you kiss her. It doesn't matter. It does not matter to the masculine man. The masculine man is always towards-oriented. He's about numbers. He's about statistics. He's about getting it done. And congratulating himself for the courage to approach that woman. When you look at the psychology of women, and all you guys know this, women want to be validated.

7:26 Women want to be approved of. This is why they spend so much money on makeup and hair products and boob jobs and going to the gym, hopefully, and keeping themselves in shape. It's because they want to be wanted. So you also have to realize that women want you to approach them. They want your validation. They need it. It's almost like a snake who needs the sun just to warm himself up. The sun is your attention, your validation. You don't need the sun shining on you because you're a man.

7:54 Needing the sun is feminine. Brother, you are the sun. Ooh, that's awesome. I like that one. That's the first time I've ever thought of that. You are the sun, and she's the one who needs the sun to warm herself up, to feel validated, to get that attention. Does the sun need itself? No, it's self-heating. God, this is a good analogy. Man, I'm sticking with this one. So you're the sun, and you don't need it. If you need the sun, if you need women to be the sun, you're putting them in the masculine role, and you're in the feminine role.

8:21 So from here forward, you have to realize, as a masculine man, I'm self-validated. Let me ask you, do you feel like you're enough? Even if you don't, on some subconscious level, just decide. I'm enough. I'm a 10. I'm great. I'm a catch. She's lucky to be talking to me. Furthermore, she's lucky to get my sunshine put on her and get validated by me, and I'm going to leave her better from having met me. That should be your objective in all interactions with all people. Let me leave this person better from having met me.

8:52 That's charisma. That's your job on this earth, to leave it better from you having been here. All right, the next tip is to make it purely a numbers game. Once again, the masculine doesn't care about the result. He cares about the numbers. Okay, so if you have an objective, and this is what I do with my students, I get my students highly into their masculine energy. I say your objective is to approach X many girls this week. Now, how I tell them to approach is a completely different podcast episode, but it's very safe.

9:22 It's free of rejection. And the prime directive is to simply get them to approach, to hit their numbers. When you're in the coaching program, you are going to approach over 240 girls over your three-month coaching tenure. And by the way, all this COVID excuse, oh my God, I'm so sick of hearing it. And who do I hear it from? Guys who don't sign up. Guys who do sign up, they realize that you can use COVID to your advantage. We are leveraging it to actually get more girls.

9:49 And dude, I'm busier now than I have been ever because of COVID. COVID is actually helping us get more girls. So you guys were like, yeah, I'll sign up with Mark once the vaccine's out and everything's done. Bro, it's a delusion because if you're not going to sign up now, you never will. You're never going to get this part of your life fixed. It's either shit or get off the pot. So a lot of guys are like, I can't approach during COVID. Bullshit, dude. I'm approaching 20 girls a week easily.

10:14 Many times 20 girls a day with COVID. Please, a mask. Bro, if a mask is going to stop you, what else is going to stop you? What's going to stop you is she's too hot. Her butt is too big. She probably has a boyfriend or any other than the myriad of excuses that guys make when they're not courageous enough to approach women. So please don't even mention COVID to me. I'm sick of hearing it from people who are making fucking excuses. All my guys in my program are getting laid.

10:40 They're meeting tons of girls more than they ever have before. Look at my testimonials because we're using COVID as a leverage point to get my guys even more girls. That's the way a champion thinks. He turns tragedy into opportunity. In fact, in Chinese, the kanji for tragedy includes the kanji for opportunity. And that's something. And that's the way as a masculine man, you have to think of it. So look at approaching women as an opportunity. An opportunity to be a man. To face your fears. To go make somebody else feel good.

11:13 To pat yourself on the back for the courage it took to do it. Not the result you get. Either bad or good from this girl. Even when I get good results, it's like, whatever. I don't give a shit. Did I have the courage to do it? Yeah. Pat on the back from Uncle Mark Singh. I am my own hero. I'm the one whose validation I'm seeking. How do I get my validation? I got to fucking approach girls. Because I'm watching myself. I'm sitting there with my arms crossed.

11:37 Looking at myself. From a disassociated state. Saying, bro. You better go open that chick, man. Or I'm going to let you have it. And then I do open her. And then I smack myself on the back. And I say, good job. Even if she rejects me. In fact, especially if she rejects me. I love that social pressure. That disgusting feeling I get in my chest. I go into it. I experience it. I thank it. And it makes my frame that much stronger. So many benefits to this.

12:02 So many benefits. And it's just like COVID. A lot of guys are stopped by COVID. Just like a lot of guys are stopped from approaching women. Because they haven't reframed it in their mind. I'll tell you this. A successful person is an expert at reframing things in his mind. Seeing the opportunity in tragedy. Seeing the good in those things that appear to be bad. When you can do that. When you can frame check yourself. And frame check your entire life. That's when you get success. The failure makes excuses.

12:33 The champion knows that the obstacle is the way. All right. Going on to my next point. Bro. She is an idiot. If she rejects you. She is an idiot. I can't believe what an idiot. Such an idiot. It's an idiot. If she rejects you. And that's literally what I think. When I go up to a woman. And she's like. I'm not interested. Boyfriend. Get away from me. Blah, blah, blah. I'm like. In my mind. I'm like. Dude. You're a fucking idiot. Like. You just missed the opportunity.

13:01 To talk to Mark Singh. Are you so stupid. That you could not recognize that opportunity. Like. Literally. You have blinders on. I would have made you laugh. I would have made you feel so good. I would have given you the best experience. You were going to have. This entire night. Now. A lot of you guys don't feel. You can give girls that experience just yet. But you can still give them good energy. Can't you? You can still give them a good experience. Let me tell you this.

13:24 If you feel better than she does. When you approach her. You are going to make her feel better. From having met you. You can have zero game. Not know what to say. Be completely unconfident. But if you feel good. Get yourself pumped up. Pre-party pump. Take a cold shower. Whatever it is you need to do. And you go up. And you offer her that energy. Simply by saying. Hey. How's it going? Just wanted to come meet you. What's up? What's your name? Or even as simple as.

13:48 Hey. Where do they keep the watermelons in this place? Hey. Do you know where the men's section is? Hey. Where is Starbucks around here? Hey. Do you know if that gas pump is broken? I thought it was broken. Whatever it is. If you feel better than she does. You are going to make her feel better. From having met you. Now that begs the question. How do I know if I feel better? We know as humans. I can look at you. Like when I get on Zoom calls with guys.

14:12 I can look at them. And see exactly what state they're in. I can just see it. When I talk to girls. I can see it immediately. Walken up to a girl. I can tell what state she's in. I just need to be 1% better than she is. And then I'll make her feel better from having met me. This is the secret to charisma. Charisma means leaving other people better from having met you. That's all it is. So if she rejects you. She's an idiot. I can't believe what an idiot.

14:35 Such an idiot. And you have to think of that. And I want you to really remember that. Put that into that thick skull of yours. My bro. You are a legend. You are a champion. You are the prize. And she's an idiot. If she doesn't realize that. That's the new mentality. All right. Now is the most important part of this entire episode. And it's this question here. What do professional athletes do before they play a big game? What do they do? They warm up. Don't they?

15:05 They warm the fuck up. So many of you guys. And I see this all the time. When I go into field. In nightclubs. In bars. Even a day game. When I do infield coaching with guys. They fucking clam up. They sit there with their arms crossed. They're like okay. Okay. Okay. I gotta go approach her. And then they go approach a girl when they're not warmed up. They haven't spoken to anybody. For like two hours. They've sat there with their jaw clenched. And their shoulders up to their ears.

15:32 Because they're so stressed. With their hands in front of them. And their drink in front of them. Tense. So tense in fact. That if you stuck a lump of coal up their ass. You'd have a diamond in two weeks. And then they expect to just go approach a girl. And get success with it. Hey. It's admirable man. Especially if you're not warmed up. And you go approach a girl. Big smack on the back. That takes balls. But I'll tell you what doesn't take balls. Almost takes no courage at all.

15:55 It's to get warmed up. Are you kidding me? Before I'm gonna go approach a hot girl. You're goddamn right. I'm gonna get warmed up. And that goes back to my weird fly fishing introduction. Not only did I think that was funny. Because it put me in a better state. But I had to do that like six different times. Just to get it right. Because suddenly going into some southern accent. Is difficult. So what did I do? I warmed up. I did it like 15 different times. Then I recorded it six times.

16:23 And I took the best one. So that's what we do with girls. Is we have to get warmed up. You can't expect to just go out. And cold approach. It shouldn't even be called cold approach. It should be called hot approach. Because I'm super fired up. And again. Back to the sun analogy. I love that analogy. You are that hot sun. Right? You are that sun. So we need to get warmed up. Just like I do before I record podcasts. I'm like me, me, me, me, me, me.

16:48 La, la, la, la, la. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Right? I gotta get myself warmed up. If I'm gonna hit a podcast episode correctly. I get into the groove. Well, dude. It's the same thing when I go out. I'm not even opening girls to begin with. I'm opening fucking homeless men. I'm opening the person at 7-Eleven. I'm opening the fat chick at Starbucks. Whoever it may be. And I'm opening 10, 15, 20 plus people getting into conversations. Then when I first go in the club. I may start with some fatties.

17:18 May start with some sea donkeys. Canyon buzzards. Nebraska cows. Whoever it happens to be. I'm just gonna warm up with them. Then as I get into the flow. My voice settles. I get into what's called state. Okay, and I don't think I've ever spoken about this on this podcast. But it's called state. It's when things are just flowing. And all you guys have been there. Don't lie to me, bro. You know you've been there before. You've been in that state where you're just flowing. You're funny.

17:43 You're with your friends. You're at ease. Your body language is calm. You don't give a shit about what happens. You're not in your head. You're in the moment. You're just there with it. And that's when I get really good with girls. Is when I'm just in this great state. And I'm kind of feeling the flow right now. I'd say I'm probably 85% there. Maybe when I record the next podcast, I'll be 100% there. Because I do these things in batches. And the reason, dude. The reason I do them in batches.

18:09 Is because I understand the importance of being warmed up. I don't go into every individual episode cold. I do them in batches. Because halfway through the first one, I'm getting into state. By the time I'm halfway through the second one, I'm really feeling good. And by the third one, man. I just kill it. And you guys might even hear it in my podcast episodes. Some are better than others. I'm flowing better in some than I am in others. It's all about being warmed up. And you guys have all experienced that.

18:35 So you warm up on people. And you could even call a friend. You could even call your mom. You could even call somebody who has a crush on you. Which I'd often do. I would get the girl who liked me the best. And I would talk to her for as long as I could. Right before I went to the club. Right? And then I have the correct tonality. Because I've been speaking to a girl who has a crush on me the whole night. So that's how you get into what we call state.

19:02 Your voice settles. Your body language is relaxed. You're no longer self-monitoring. And this is so important, you guys. You listen to podcasts like this one. You may even join me with my three-month coaching program. I tell you all these amazing tactics and skills and techniques and tricks and secrets. And what you're doing when you're out is you're constantly thinking about it. The best thing you can do is, yes, keep studying. Keep listening to podcasts. Get all this shit into your brain. And then what you do is you just completely forget about it.

19:32 You just try to get into state. Try to be in the present moment. Try to have fun. Try to feel good. Try to be relaxed. And that's not even the right sentence. Try to be relaxed. Because it's an oxymoron, right? You don't want to try to be relaxed. You just want to try to not think. Because thinking, as Zen Buddhism prescribes, creates suffering. It creates tension. It creates that which you're trying to avoid. So you just want to be in the present moment. Stop thinking about your biceps and how your fat rolls look.

20:02 Stop thinking if your hair is good enough. Stop thinking if you have food in your teeth. You got to let that all go and just get into the present moment. Have fun with it. Fuck around. Don't care what happens. That's an immensely important principle of this. Get super warmed up and just be effing around. Why is it that you guys get so much game when you learn she has a boyfriend? You're talking to a girl and she's like, I have a boyfriend. Then suddenly you just relax and you don't care.

20:28 And then suddenly your game gets extra on point, doesn't it? Like you say the right things. Shit's just coming out. You don't care. And you're like, God damn, I wish she didn't have a boyfriend. Because I could tell if she didn't, she'd probably be attracted to me. Why? Because you're in state. You're in flow. You don't give a fuck what happens. So when we don't give a fuck what happens, we're able to flow as we naturally are. And one of the ways to hack the system, as it were, is to get seriously warmed up.

20:54 Get into state. Again, state is just that flow. It's an unconscious flow. The fuel is transformed completely into flame. The dancer becomes the dance. You can't tell the writer from the written. This is Zen Buddhism at its deepest level, right? Is you're just in the present moment. Stop thinking. Be in the now. Get into state. Feel good. And give that good feeling onto other people. Don't be a taker. Be a giver. A go-giver. Go give her good energy. Go give the nightclub your presence. Even in day game, go give the people on the street your presence.

21:31 You are a light onto this world. Back to the sun analogy. God damn, that's a good one. You are a light onto this world. And getting warmed up in that way is absolutely essential. So it's not about just like walking through the supermarket with your teeth clenched, and then you see a hot girl, and it's like, oh, I got to go meet her. Anybody would have approach anxiety in that instance. Anybody, including me. But if I'm just bullshitting with everybody, making comments, maybe even putting social pressure on myself purposely, which is a different episode as well, and then I see a hot girl, it's like my voice is warmed up.

22:04 It's like that bar of soap in the bathtub that just goes around and around and around without any friction. That's the way I feel when I'm warmed up. I see a hot girl. It's like, wow, I just open her and she can feel that from you. I'm telling you. Your game goes up exponentially when you're simply warmed up, you're feeling good, you're in the flow, you don't care what happens. You congratulate yourself for the effort, not the result. You're numbers oriented. She's just another number. And she's an idiot if she doesn't like you.

22:33 It's her issue. And if she does reject you, good, because it builds your social pressure muscle. This batch of tips has been one effective strategy to overcome approach anxiety. But if you're still like, ah, man, you know, that's all great and dandy, but I still feel like there's going to be some bullshit that's going to hold me back. And yeah, there probably is, man. If you feel like you're not enough, if you have internal belief systems that you shouldn't disturb strangers, you shouldn't try to sell people things.

23:00 The thing being you in this instance, if you have any myriad of beliefs that were given to you by somebody else before you can defend yourself, yeah, it's going to hold you back. It is. This whole pep talk I gave you is the one foot on the gas. And then all the belief systems are the one foot on the brake. What do I do in my coaching? I specifically remove that bullshit with NLP, neuro-linguistic programming. Yes, it works. My guys cannot feel the belief system. I'm not enough after one simple 15 minute session with me.

23:30 I completely remove it. Time and time again, all you guys listening who have done sessions with me, who have been my clients can attest, bro, I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like I am enough. And therefore she's privileged to be talking to a champion like me. When you feel that way, it's communicated. It's communicating your body language, your tone, everything that you do. How do you feel that way? Well, with a lot of the tips that I gave you today, that's some way to circumvent the system, short circuit it, hack it as it were.

23:59 But the better way is to completely reprogram it. So you do feel, you literally feel like, bro, I literally feel she's an idiot if she doesn't want to talk to me, if she doesn't give me your phone number. And I don't tell her that. There's never negativity. I cannot say that enough. There's never negativity. But in my own head, as I'm walking away, I'm shaking my head. And it's the same thing. If somebody doesn't want to join my three month coaching program, I literally think like, what the, what are they thinking, man?

24:26 This thing is so legit. And that's why I'm successful. What I do is because I believe in myself. I believe in my coaching. I've seen how unbelievably effective it is that if somebody doesn't join it, I'm like, oh, I guess I'm not enough. I'm not a good coach. No, I'm like, dude, he's not ready yet. It's his issue. No big deal. I got, you know, a hundred guys waiting around the corner. It's going to be fine. And that's the way you have to feel with women.

24:48 It's like her issue. She doesn't know what she's missing. She just doesn't have the perception to understand what it is that she's missing. And there's a hundred girls waiting in a line that's wrapped around the corner. No big whoop. And that's the way you need to think about it. All right, boys. So I hope this has helped you to some degree. If on the other hand, you want to get super intrusive with it. I cannot suggest my program enough. I believe in it. I believe in myself.

25:12 I've seen what it does for all my clients. Go ahead and check out my website. You'll see for yourself all the glowing testimonials. And I keep getting them. I actually just got a whole batch I need to put up again. I want to make that testimonial section so long that after you're done scrolling through it, your finger is in that hurt locker, bro. I want to make that shit so long. You can never have enough social proof. And I have a shit ton, but I want even more.

25:36 So with that said as well, if you guys find value in my content, you want to leave me a review, I'd very much appreciate it. If you leave me a review, email me at coachmarkzing at gmail.com and I'll send you a bunch of cool shit. Once again, coaching offer. You and me on the phone. Free 99 Zoom call where you and I talk about your issues. See if I can realistically help you get on that by going to my website, coachmarkzing.com. Click on coaching. See how you feel.

26:04 Slapping the biscuit. Roger up the goddamn and carry on with your airborne self. All right, boys. Once again, I do thank you so much for listening. I will come swinging again with another podcast in a few days. So stay tuned for that. And I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.