How to Date Again After a Divorce or Break Up

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. If this is your first time listening, welcome. My name is Mark Sing. I am an NLP dating coach. I help guys get girls. And I'm going to tell you all about that at the end of this episode. But I have a feeling a lot of you guys clicked on this one because you're a first-time listener and you actually searched for, how do I get back in the game, right?

0:42 I got divorced. I had a nasty breakup. And some of you guys have been with your woman, your ex-woman, for years, like even decades for some of you. And you've got to get back into this game and you know what an unbelievable mess it is and you probably have a lot of trepidation about that. Especially for some of you older gentlemen who have been married for sometimes 25, 30 years, I hear from my clients. And they want to get back into the game and they really feel hopeless, right?

1:09 They let themselves go. Maybe they're not as attractive as they used to be and they see the dating pool as something that's for younger men. Or even as a younger man, you just got broken up with and she kind of chose you and you're not really sure if you could get another girl like her. Or maybe you're slightly obsessed with her and you're just thinking to yourself, can I do this again? And I know that's probably about 90% of you guys who clicked on this. So I got your back, brother.

1:33 I know you're suffering. I've been there myself. And it's not easy, but I want to let you know first and foremost, you absolutely can get back into the game. Absolutely. Even if you're older, even if you feel you're unattractive, even if you don't want to go to the nightclubs and the bars, you're hesitant about getting on the dating apps. If you've just heard horror story after horror story, or if you're like me and you're not very fond of how women's bodies are changing these days, it just seems like everybody wants that big old badonkadonk butt.

2:06 And the majority of women look like a cow standing vertically and you're like, oh my hell, I got to get back into this mess again. Why can't it just be the 90s when women were super thin and the thin look was really in? And I don't know, a lot of you guys love that big old ass where you slap one cheek and there's a wave that goes across the other cheek, bounces off the thigh, and then comes back again. And maybe you could even surf it.

2:25 That thing is so gigantic. Not my style, man. I like tight, petite, really in shape women. And those are so few and far between. But I don't want to give you a scarcity mindset because they are out there. They absolutely are out there. And when you know they're out there, and when you think positively about this, and when you actually get excited, which I'd like to invite you to do on this episode, when you actually get hope in your heart and get pumped up about all the potential that's out there, you can really get a lot of success.

2:56 And as I spoke about, I've had clients who were bald, old, unattractive, married for 35 years, came into my program and got unprecedented success. So I want you, first of all, to have hope. And I want you, too, to get excited. Because think of all the potential that's out there. Think of all these beautiful girls you get to kiss, have sex with, get blowjobs from. I don't know about you, man, but that moment when the both of you realize you're attracted to one another, that's a pretty special thing.

3:25 And to be honest with you, I was addicted to that. I was addicted to getting girls attracted to me, slightly out of dysfunction, which I've since resolved. And I am in a committed relationship right now. But if I broke up with my girl, I really wouldn't be too worried about it because there's so much goddamn potential. I mean, there's literally millions of girls within a hundred mile radius of you. So to get all bummed out and have a scarcity mentality and think to yourself, I can't do this well again.

3:54 Well, if you think that, that's going to be a reality. But I want you to start thinking, and even if you just have to entertain this thought on this episode, just entertain it with me, that there are tons of women and there's tons of potential and tons of good times waiting for you. Think about all those amazing sexual experiences. Think about the girl who you'd absolutely love to have sex with, a woman who's just your type. And perhaps your ex-wife or your ex-girlfriend wasn't exactly her.

4:21 I'm telling you, brother to brother, you can get that girl. You could have her in your bed, in your absolute favorite sexual position where she's just looking tight and fucking hot and everything you want in a woman, that could be yours. So the first step is to get excited. Think about the potential. Have hope in your heart. Okay, now the second step is to put yourself out there. Now, when I say put yourself out there, I'm not the dating coach that's going to tell you to go hit on girls.

4:50 Quite the contrary. I actually don't want you hitting on girls for the first couple of months. What I want you doing is getting your social chops up and realizing that women are very friendly. And today's dating pool is wide open, very positive, and women are very beautiful beings. If you have bitterness towards women, particularly those of you who were stabbed in the back by your ex-wife, I get it. I've heard a million horror stories, but I want you to reframe that. And I want you to reprogram your brain as far as what you think about women, what you think about approaching women, and what eventually you're going to think about hitting on women.

5:28 Okay, so in my coaching, I actually teach that we don't hit on women until the woman is attracted to us. So the first thing we do is we go up, and as I always talk about on this podcast, if you're a first-time listener, believe me, any episode you listen to, I'm going to speak about this. We give value, we give good energy, we are a go-giver. Go give her good energy, good conversation, a good experience, and that's what charisma is. It's leaving people better from having met you.

5:58 So I want you to turn any kind of taker mentality into a giver mentality right off the bat. Okay, so you just broke up, just got divorced, let's kind of shake that off, however long you need to kind of get your mind back into things. And then I want you to think, listen, I'm not trying to get anything because I just got broken up with, or I just broke up with her, I just got divorced, whatever the situation is, and I'm kind of just getting back into the game.

6:21 So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give this game a lot of my energy, I'm going to give this game a lot of my charisma, not even try to get anything out of it right now. I'm just going to give to it, and it really is congruent with any form of marketing. I'm marketing to you right now, right? I'm a dating coach. I want you to come join my program, but I'm not going to ask you to join my program until I've given you a shit ton of value.

6:44 So particularly for your first-time listeners, I'm going to give you a lot of value in this episode. I'm even, at the end of this episode, going to tell you about other episodes to listen to to help you get back in the game. But what I'm going to do is give, give, give, and then eventually, once I've earned enough of your respect, earned enough of your rapport, once you know that I'm the real deal and what I do works, then I'm going to ask you, come join my program.

7:08 But right now, I'm just going to give to you, and that's kind of the same philosophy with the dating game. You have to give to it first, and we can look at it as its own kind of entity, and we want to kind of build energetic capital into it by giving to it, giving to it, giving to it, giving to it, without trying to take from it, which so many guys do. And when I say take from it, it's like, go get laid as soon as possible.

7:32 Try to get as many girls as you can. Try to, you know, have as much sex as you can, and that's fine. We're going to do that. But initially, I just want you getting your social chops up, giving to women good energy, a good compliment, a good conversation, and then ejecting. Simply giving and then leaving. And what that's going to do is it's not only energetically going to put you in a good place, both mentally as well as, if you believe in this, kind of karmically, but it's also going to show you that approaching women is very safe, and it's going to get you excited about it.

8:04 So what I do with my clients is I have them approach 20 women per week, and what we do is approach and eject. Okay? I talk about this all the time because it's so goddamn effective. Like, I get guys who come into my program who have a 10 out of 10 approach anxiety, have never approached a woman. Their wife chose them, basically, or they always got girls through their social circle, and now they have to go out and actually cold approach chicks. That is freaking terrifying for a lot of men, and I was there myself, too.

8:34 So what we do is we ease into it like an old man into a warm bath, and we simply approach girls, ask a quick question, and then eject. So you go up to a girl and you say, hey, real quick, where'd you get that Starbucks? And she's going to say, oh, it's around the corner. You say, thanks, have a good day. That's literally it. Or you see a cute girl in the supermarket. You could ask her about something that's in her cart. Hey, what's that orange gourd thing you have in your shopping cart there?

8:58 What is that thing? And she's like, oh, it's a blah, blah, blah, and she tells you about it, and you say, interesting, have a good day. Or where's the olive oil? Where's the watermelons? Where's the freeway? Where's the gas station? Hey, is that gas pump working? It was broken last week. Yes, it is. Cool. Have a good day. Okay, or what I like to do, and this is a huge way to give value to women, is to simply compliment their outfit. Hey, listen, had to let you know, I love the way your dress matches your shoes.

9:23 You're killing it today. Keep up the good work. Boys, when you do that to a woman, she will light up like you've never seen, like a Christmas tree. And it's going to make your day because she's going to pour feminine energy into you. You just brighten her day, which is charisma, and now we're feeling good. We're doing the approach and ejects, which, as I said, my clients do 20 per week, and I hold them accountable to do this. Then as you go, you're going to do what I call stacking.

9:49 Stacking is basically creating conversations. Okay, so you ask another question. And what I often suggest is you have several questions ready when you go into a conversation. Going back to the Gord example, and I'm using this example because I was just at the supermarket and I did this very thing. She had this big old, like, pumpkin-looking thing, but it was, like, yellow. I don't know what the hell it was. And I was like, hey, what is that? Okay? And I said it in a way, and I want you guys to really listen.

10:15 Not apologetically, but with authority in my voice. Now, this obviously dictates an entire episode on its own, which I have recorded, and I'm going to point you to it at the end of this one. But simply speaking, you have to communicate authority to women because you have to lead what we call the frame. Okay? The frame is who's leading the conversation. Really basic 10,000-foot perspective is this. If you're not controlling the frame in a conversation with a woman, she will not get attracted to you. There's a myriad of ways to control the frame, but your voice is one of the most important, and it should go down at the end when you ask a question.

10:51 Hey, where'd you get that thing? Instead of, hey, where'd you get that thing? Which so many of us do. Okay? So going back to stacking, you ask a quick question, and then you'll ask another one on top of it. So I'll be like, hey, what is that thing? And she's like, oh, it's a—I forgot what she said it was. It was like a watermelon squash or some kind of squash thing. And I was like, how do you cook with that? And notice how my voice is going down, and I've asked multiple questions to begin engaging the conversation.

11:18 Okay? After that, what we do is we throw in attraction-building techniques, which obviously I teach in my coaching program. But you can go through any of my podcast episodes. I do a lot of titles that are like a great attraction technique or attraction-building technique, number 14 or whatever. Just look through my anthology. I have over 380 episodes where you can kind of get some techniques for speaking to a woman. Some of the techniques we use is storytelling. That's something I would definitely check out. Push-pull, cold reading, qualifying, things like this to get the conversation going.

11:52 But again, first, I want to go back to basics, okay? We're just opening and ejecting. Then as you get more comfortable with that, which should take you about 40 to 50 open and ejects, you can stack another question on. Then you eject. Then you go in, open, stack, stack, stack, eject. Then what happens is you start going in and giving value with the myriad of techniques I teach you, and then you know she's attracted to you. How do you know she's attracted to you? She's playing with her hair.

12:19 She's smiling, laughing at jokes that aren't funny, leaning in, asking you personal questions. When you get a few of these signs, you can get a phone number right there and then. It is just that easy. In fact, many guys, and yes, even DeForesties, who have been out of the game for decades, tell me time and time again, this is so much easier than I ever made it out to be. Because the way they thought about it was I got to go up to her and hit on her, show her interest, try to like sexually woo her like I'm Casanova or Rico Suave and be like, hey, baby, I just saw you standing over here.

12:53 My God, your legs and butt, absolute perfection. Anyway, my name is Dr. Tom, and I'd like to take you out sometime to a five-star dinner. What do you say? You go ahead and pop that phone number into my phone, young lady. Let's get this done. It's like, nah, dude, you got to get rid of that Rico Suave shit. Be genuine, be real, and give good energy. And second, as far as importance after giving good energy is to have your voice go down, ask a few questions, kind of lead the conversation.

13:24 You'll be surprised, man. You can get attraction just that fast. Even without knowing exactly what to say and how to say it, the fact that you just go up confidently and really importantly, you give good energy and your voice goes down at the end, which communicates authority. When you do that, you'd be amazed at how quick you can get attraction, and then boom, you're getting phone numbers. Once you get phone numbers, I would listen to my texting masterclass. Let's see, when did I record that? I'm looking at my list right now.

13:50 It's episode 364, and I recorded that on 6-23, June 23rd of 22. It's about 15 episodes ago. I would definitely listen to that one. Oh my hell, I give so much value in that one. It was insane. Okay, so basically what you're doing is you're systematically ramping up to get better with women, learning how to approach them, what to talk about, how to get attraction, how to qualify them, kind of make them work for you a little bit, how to ask for a phone number, which I have as well in my anthology, how to text her, which I just pointed you to, what to do on the first date.

14:25 Just type in first date, and then on and on from there, and you get better and better. Now, obviously, I'm a dating coach, and it's like the shortcut up the mountain. It's kind of like, would you build a log cabin yourself with your own two hands, or would you get a team behind you with blueprints? They've done it 100 times before, and they tell you exactly what to do, and it reduces the workload by 90%. I'm not going to lie. That's what my coaching program is, and it is three months, but look, if you just want to get out there and start meeting women again, it's just that easy, and I'd even suggest doing that for a couple weeks, and then if you're interested, let's meet on a free one-on-one breakthrough session and see if I can help you, but again, at the end of this episode, I'm going to give you some critical episodes to listen to, so stay tuned for that.

15:09 All right, the next thing I would do, like if I got broken up with, the next thing I would do is I would get on the dating apps. Now, I know for a lot of you guys, the dating apps are absolute deal-breaker, right? You freaking hate them. You've heard nightmare stories, but listen, this is the way to fill the top of your pipeline, and the reason I say pipeline is because from quantity comes quality. So if you're recently divorced, recently broken up with, you have to realize that we want tons of women coming into your life because it's like you're in the batting cage and you're taking reps.

15:40 We're building a skill set here, and from quantity, meaning a quantity of women, you can attract to yourself quality, which means a quality woman, but you first have to build the skill set, and you have to find out what you want in a woman. So this is the way to have a myriad of different sexual experiences, to really find out what you want, to maybe get that young blood out of your system where you just want to bone tons of chicks and leave them. Listen, I was there too.

16:08 I definitely did that, and I've gotten it out of my system, which if you're a recent divorcee or a guy who's recently out of a relationship, it's kind of exciting that you get to experience all these chicks. And one of the easiest ways, guys, is with the dating apps. Now, I wouldn't just get on one, I would get on five personally, and this is what I tell my clients to do. Yeah, it's a lot of work, it's a lot of bullshit, half the chicks on there are freaking fake, attention seekers, gonna dick you around.

16:34 But who cares? When you're in 20 conversations, the second one of them starts dicking you around, you're out. And that communicates value. A lot of guys who recently got out of a relationship think that they have to chase girls, right? The old saying, I'm chasing tail, or I got lucky tonight. No, no, no, no. We reframe that shit. You are the prize. Another episode I'd listen to is episode 370. Here's a massive shot of self-confidence to make you more attractive to girls. Super important. Where we frame it that you're the prize, you're the champion, you're out on the dating pool.

17:12 Lucky girls that you're back in the mix. Like, how stoked are they? Because you are a legend, and you are a champion, and you need to think that way. So you get on five different dating apps. The ones I suggest are Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Match, Facebook Singles, Coffee Meets Bagel, a few others, depending on who you are specifically. That, of course, if we work together, I would tell you which ones to use. But those top three, Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, for most guys, now don't yell at me.

17:40 Don't give me a hard time if they didn't work for you. I'm saying for most dudes, those three generally work pretty well. Another thing I would do is I would take new pictures. I would hire a professional photographer to take 250 pictures of me doing different things. If you're ripped and in good shape, I would have one with my shirt off, but not like posing, doing something like throwing a football, working out. I had one where I was holding a puppy. Oh, my hell, that fucking picture got me laid.

18:08 So we have a variety of different pictures, which, once again, if you work with me, me and my three hottest girlfriends actually help you to take and go through the best pictures and tell you which ones to use. I also give you templates to use. You're going to send her this. She's going to send this back. You're going to send her this. And how to close phone numbers over the dating apps. And then, of course, what to do. That's why I said it's like log cabin, bro.

18:30 Like, I'm going to do 90% of it for you. But if you're doing it alone, what you want to do is really focus on the pictures. Pictures have to be good. Your first picture should be you looking at the camera, smiling, not a bunch of distractions, but so she can see immediately what you look like. And then I would put up about seven really good pictures and go from there. Obviously, this is one short episode. I can't do a comprehensive coaching session on what to do, but that's generally what I do.

18:58 Okay, so two things. You recently got divorced. You're recently broken up with or you broke up with your girl. Get back in the field by opening and ejecting, doing 20 per week. Get on the dating apps. Get on as many as five. Send out a shit ton of messages. Get yourself on some dates and get back into the mix. Once you get back into the mix, your confidence is going to go up. Your abundance mindset is going to grow where you're going to know. There's tons of options out there.

19:25 And yeah, there's a lot of sea donkeys, a lot of canyon mules, and a lot of mountain trolls. But there are good girls out there. I have been with tons of them. There are amazing women out there. And each one kind of has their own thing, right? Like one is just like really good at giving blowjobs. And one's really good at, I don't know, like talking and cuddling. Like each of them has their skill set. And it's fun to experience all those different girls. But the next girl you get when you develop the skill set will not leave you if you were left by your wife.

19:56 Because you'll understand things like frame control. You'll understand what it means to lead her to where she wants to be led. You'll understand what it means to set boundaries and be in your highly masculine energy and putting her in her feminine energy. You'll realize what it means not to be fucked with. Not being a dick, but not to be fucked with. And all these concepts mix up to being the guy who women really fall in love with and will never leave you. Because you're essentially the bad boy who leads her, but you still treat her like gold without kissing her ass.

20:27 It's a very subtle dynamic. It's a very nebulous thing. But when you understand female psychology, when you understand all the things that I teach, both in my podcast as well as in my coaching program, you're going to absolutely crush it. And you'll never have to be left again if you were left. Or you will have the skill set to be able to attract a girl who's up to your standards. Because if you just broke up with a girl or divorced a girl, she probably didn't make the cut.

20:52 So either of those situations are fixed by improving your skill set, improving your mentality, getting this part of your life settled once and for all, and making it into something that you're good at so that you can have choice rather than be chosen. Sexual choice is what I want to give you in this podcast. So here's the episodes I want you to listen to. First one is any podcast with the title Frame Control in it. Frame Control is so critically important that I would listen to every single episode I have that even has the word Frame Control in it.

21:27 Second one I'd listen to has Stacking, like stacking a bunch of boxes. Next one I'd listen to is How to Stop Feeling Like You're Bothering Girls When You Approach Them. That's episode 375. That was about three weeks ago. As I said, I'd listen to my texting mastermind. I would listen to anything about the first date. And then I would listen to anything with NLP in it. NLP is Neural Linguistic Programming, which differentiates me from any other dating coach because I actually work on the inner belief systems of my clients, the better programs, schemas, archetypes, traumas, and those negative belief systems that prevent them from being good with women.

22:07 Or they kiss women's sex, or they kiss women's asses, they put them on a pedestal, they do all the wrong things that get them both in the friend zone as well as broken up with or divorced as some of you guys listening experienced. So go through my anthology, check it out. If after you've listened to five to 10 episodes, I really like to get my guys indoctrinated first because rapport with me is really important. If the NLP that I'm going to do on you is going to work, you have to be in deep rapport with me.

22:33 And it usually takes about five to 10 episodes before you're there. Once you've done that, if you still like what I have to offer, if you think that I can help you, get on a call with me by clicking coaching on my website. It's also a link in the description below. Read through the myriad of testimonials. I literally have over 100 testimonials, and those are just over the last year of guys who are just getting success after success after success. I'm batting 1,000, bro. I got to be honest with you.

23:00 I'm totally crushing it. But again, man, I want you to be very familiar with me so that when we get on the call together, I can tell you whether or not I can help you and get you back in the game, you know, getting divorced, getting broken up with. It's not easy. You're probably in a tough place right now. So if you want the shortcut up the mountain, if you want the 90% of work done by myself and my team, and then you just have to kind of show up on the mound and just quickly swing the bat, there is work involved.

23:25 I don't want you to get it twisted, but if you really want that help to get you there, I'm definitely available to you. So hope you got some value out of this, brother. I want to let you know once again, the first thing I said was there's hope, man. So rather than getting down, rather than getting disillusioned, I want you to get excited. I want you to get hopeful. I want you to think about all those beautiful girls that are going to be in your bed and all the amazing experiences you're going to have with these beautiful beings.

23:53 Because there are literally millions of them out there that you could be compatible with that can enrich your life. But the first step, as I said, is for you to enrich their lives by giving value. Be a giver. There's so many takers in society. I want you to give, give, give. And then once those girls are attracted, then you can start taking, taking their phone number, taking them on a date. And once they're attracted enough, taking off their panties and having some damn good sex with them.

24:20 Because I'll tell you what, there's nothing better than having the ability to attract women at will. I strongly suggest it. I strongly suggest it. So anyway, I do appreciate you listening, boys. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. I got an awesome one dropping on Thursdays. So please come back for that one. And I will see you in the next episode. We'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.