How to Find Out What You REALLY WANT & KNOW YOURSELF in 10 Minutes or Less

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP and today we are going to talk about how to really get to know yourself in 10 minutes or less. This is a really cool episode that I've been planning for a long time. I'm going to give you three concrete strategies to get to know not only yourself but what you really want.

0:37 Before I jump into the content, I want to let you guys know yet again that my one-on-one free Zoom consultation is still open. I still have some spots available if you want to jump on the phone with me, talk about why it is you're struggling with women, why it is you're struggling with life. Maybe you have anxiety, depression, you just can't seem to get out of that rut that you're in or you feel like you have one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake.

1:02 We're going to get on the phone together. We're going to discuss your issues and see if you're a good fit for my custom three-month coaching program where you join a group of brothers and we get you to the highest possible level with not only women but also with money, also your belief systems, just getting you peace, bro, because ultimately that's what we want. We're actually going to talk a little bit about that today. So what I'm going to give you today is three really cool methods that come from spirituality, philosophy, as well as NLP to get to know what it is that's really driving you, to get to know what it is that's going on inside you, these voices that might be going on inside your head.

1:40 And yes, even that phenomenon where you feel like you have one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake, half of you wants this thing, the other half of you wants the other thing. You can't seem to get your shit together. It's like a fucking war inside your head and believe me, I've been there. But when you get yourself fixed, which by the way, the three-month coaching program is specifically designed to do, is to fix that shit so you can get back to your normal self and just be at peace again, man.

2:05 No more war inside your head. But when you get that stuff fixed, you can operate more effectively, not only with women but also in life. And we're going to work on a little bit of that today. And this is just a preview of some of the things that we do work on in the coaching program. It gets a lot more in-depth than we're going to get into here. But this is a really good sampling. So first and foremost, I want to talk about the concept of higher self and lower self.

2:30 Many of you guys have heard this concept before, but if you haven't, I think this is something you should really think about and really consider. And it may be an eye-opening realization for you when you realize that there's kind of two parts of you, as it were. There's the higher self, which we could say is your soul, your spirit, that which inside of you is love, compassion. It's that which creates peace inside of you. And in fact, it is peace. And then there's the lower self.

2:57 And that can be called your conditioned mind, your ego, that part of you that cannot stop thinking, cannot stop stressing, cannot stop worrying about the future and reliving the past. It was once said to me that if you were in a room with a bunch of people and you had half the room hum like this, OM, right? The old OM thing, which is a meditation noise that supposedly puts your brain into alpha. But if you had half the room humming in this very peaceful hum, very serene, very much at peace, and then you had the other room basically barking like a dog, yelling, screaming, going like that, right?

3:38 If you had those two things going on, which one would you hear? Well, you would obviously hear the barking and the screaming and the yelling, wouldn't you? You wouldn't hear that part of you that is deeper and more at peace. And this is exactly how your mind works. There is a part of you, like a deep lake, 50 miles deep, that is at peace, that is love, that is compassion, that doesn't worry about all the bullshit going on circumstantially in your life, doesn't stress. It's that deeper knowing, that higher self, and sometimes that part might even talk to you and say, relax, bro, it's going to be fine, it's going to work out.

4:15 And sometimes it comes out in moments where you stop thinking, where you're looking at a beautiful sunset, or you behold the nice bosom of a beautiful woman. That stops thought for just a little bit of time for that peace to come through. The dog stops barking, and the mind is a lot like a dog, isn't it? It barks all the time, it likes to get its teeth into problems and try to solve things. It's constantly thinking about the future. In Buddhism, they call it monkey mind, going all over the place thinking and just can't stop.

4:45 And you're in this phonetic energy, and it creates anxiety, it creates depression, it creates this situation for yourself where you cannot relax. And a lot of you guys are like, holy shit, this is so me right now. And how do I know that's true? Not only do I work with hundreds of you guys over the years, but I used to be that guy too. Where the higher self would not even get glimpsed unless it was in really rare moments. And if you ask a skydiver why it likes to skydive.

5:13 If you ask a dancer why she likes to dance. If you ask somebody who rides dirt bikes, why do you like to ride dirt bikes? Because the mind stops. And in that moment, you can just be there doing what you're doing, paying complete attention to what you're doing. And in that, you find peace. Because the barking stops. The mind stops. So with this concept of having the higher self and the conditioned mind, or what I like to call the lower self, you're always in this fight between two forces.

5:41 That which is really you, which is the higher self. Peace, love, joy, that which creates peace and serenity in your life. And then there's the lower self, which is constantly wanting more, trying to placate its ego, trying to beat others, trying to prove to others what you are, trying to be something that you feel will make you happy once you reach a condition. But that's an illusion, as I've talked about a lot on this podcast. So now that we have those two opposing forces, we can get some perception.

6:13 When you're in a situation and you're wondering to yourself, dude, why am I feeling this? Ask yourself, which is this? Is this my higher self? Or is this my conditioned mind, my lower self? Well, I'll tell you what. If it brings peace, if it brings joy, both to yourself as well to others, it's your higher self. If it brings suffering, if it brings stress, if it brings tension, if it brings negativity, both to yourself as well to others, that's your lower condition. So in NLP, we say that awareness alone is curative.

6:42 Awareness alone is curative. And now that we've discussed this, you simply being aware of this concept is enough to start getting a handle on it. Because now that the higher self is able to remove itself from the lower self and you can see yourself as those two opposing entities, the higher self can pull back and look at the lower self almost like it's looking at the antics of a child and smile at it. Watch it. Don't buy into it. Don't become it. But instead, just observe it.

7:11 And when you observe it, there gets space around it. And you get to know yourself as a higher part and a lower part. And you get perspective on what it is that's really happening inside of you. This was one of the most major epiphanies I've ever had. And it came from the book, The Power of Now. The Power of Now talks about this concept where when you bring your mind back to the present moment, you're essentially accessing the higher part of yourself, that barking mind, monkey mind, phonetic, stressed out part of you starts to settle down.

7:41 Your thoughts start to cool and you begin to find peace in yourself and you don't take everything you think so seriously. As Wayne Dyer said, don't believe everything you think. And that's so ultimately true because your conditioned mind, the lower self, has one purpose, to protect you. So it's constantly looking for warning signs. It's constantly feeling a distant sense of threat. And because of that, it creates in us unnecessary stress, tension. And like Mark Twain said, I've had a life full of many problems, most of which never happened.

8:13 That is exactly pointing to the conditioned mind. So meditate on that. Think about it. I'm going to do more podcasts about it in the future. But now we go on to step two. If someone were invited to live in your body and you had to tell them both the worst thing and the best thing about living inside of you, what would you tell them? So as you think about this, I'll tell you what I tell somebody who are coming to occupy my body for a weekend, right?

8:40 It's like the Airbnb of bodies. Come and occupy my body. See what it's like to be Mark Singh. And what you do is you tell them. You have to tell them on the application. This is the best part of being me. And this is the worst part of being me. So when it comes to me personally, the worst part of being me is that my mind is constantly doing what I just explained. It's constantly trying to figure things out, solve problems. It's trying to solve everything for the next five years is what it's doing.

9:08 It's constantly wanting to work. It's like that dog trying to get its teeth into a bone. And it's a constant struggle to calm that fucker down. I have to take hours in the morning just to meditate and shower and do my morning routine to just calm it down. If I check my email, oh boy, that dog goes crazy. So I have this constant battle inside of me to calm the fuck down, relax, because just like you, brother, I'm an overachiever. I want to kick ass in this life, take names, make the best version of myself.

9:37 But here's the problem. We can go too far into that because duality of being means that there's a peaceful side of you and an overachiever side of you. And you have to go into peace. You have to access that higher self inside of you. Otherwise, you're just going to become a ball of stress and have a stroke by the time you're 50 years old. So what's the worst part of being me? It's constantly struggling against this need to overachieve, to strive, to be the best version of myself.

10:04 And that's good, but it's good when it's in balance, balancing between achievement and peace. And that's what I call being a peaceful warrior. The warrior side of you wants to conquer, accomplish, take names, and kick ass in this life. And the peaceful side of you wants to access that which you were born as, which is peace, compassion, and love. So deep inside of me, man, it's a battle. And it happens every day, and I've gotten better at managing it because I manage myself just like you manage the antics of a child.

10:33 You, the higher self, has to manage the lower self. So living inside of me, that lower self, boy, he's got some power behind him, man. That dude is like a racehorse on steroids. So that's the constant struggle. And what's the best part of being me? Well, ironically, it's the same thing. It's that drive, passion, desire for life of doing this podcast, of wanting to coach guys like you. Like I have 16 lifetimes worth of energy inside me in this one lifetime to do this kind of work.

11:00 I will never burn out on this. I absolutely love it. I think about it all the time. I take notes all the time on what I'm going to talk about on this podcast. And that's an awesome feeling. It's enthusiasm. And the translation of enthusiasm, I believe, in its original Greek, is to be possessed by a god. And that's the way I feel. So it's almost like the thing that's best about you can be the thing that's worst about you. So the thing to do is learn how to manage it.

11:24 You have to manage it, just like you manage riding a horse. You let it take you, but at the same time, you're steering it. But you're only steering it enough. If you try to get too much control over, it's going to buck you off. So now that you have this knowledge, what I encourage you to do is to take some time and think about this. What would I tell somebody who was living in my body for the weekend is the worst thing about me? Now, be kind to yourself.

11:47 Don't rip yourself apart. I know a lot of you guys struggle with self-esteem. Just be blatantly honest. Don't be poor me kind of honest, victim mentality kind of honest. Just be totally honest. Now, what's the best thing about living inside of you? Be completely honest there. Don't be humble. Say exactly what it is. Now, you get to know yourself on a very deep level because what you just answered is what you love and hate about yourself. What you feel is the best thing about you and what you feel is the worst thing about you.

12:15 So what you do when you find the best thing about you is you celebrate it. Pat yourself on the back and say, good job, brother. Like for me, man, you know, I don't take a lot of egoic stock in it because I think it's spirit running through me. But I'm proud of myself. I love myself because I'm so fucking passionate. I think it's awesome. I'm super thankful. I feel like I won the lottery. Better that than sitting on the couch playing video games and eating Cheetos and Ho-Hos all day.

12:38 Wouldn't you agree? So for me, I love that. But also when it comes to the bad part of me is there's just a little too much of it. My tank has been filled and it overfloweth as it were. But that's okay. You know, it's all right. I can manage it. And I just have to put things in place to manage it, such as checking my cell phone early in the morning. Bad idea, brother. The first two hours are designated to me time, meditation, being in the present moment.

13:03 That's what I have to do to control that super ambitious part of me. So what is it for you, man? What is it for you? Once you find it, you have now found what it is you love and hate about yourself. And when you find that thing you hate about yourself, you work on it. Whether it's with a coach like me or somebody else, it doesn't matter. But I strongly suggest that you find at least somebody to help you work through this. Because while awareness alone is curative, sometimes we have to get invasive and go in with what I use as NLP.

13:32 But there's other modalities as well to remove it like a splinter from your brain. Because it can quite literally torture you into anxiety, torture you into depression. This is why there's so much suicide in the world is because people never get a grip on this. All right. And finally, my final point. There's a concept called core transformation. And in NLP, we call it limbing, like the limbs on a tree. And what you do is you ask yourself, what do I really want? What do I really want from life?

14:01 Okay. And you begin writing this down. And this could be a project that you do after you listen to the podcast. But think to yourself, what do I really want? Now, I can answer that for a lot of you guys. You want really hot girls in your life. Of course, that's correct. You probably want to make more money. Of course, that's correct. You want a certain amount of material things. You want a certain amount of freedom. I can pretty much assume you want to be able to do what you want with who you want, when you want.

14:27 Isn't that right? I mean, it's true for all of us. I can pretty much guarantee it. Now, ask yourself the specifics of that. What does that look like? Okay. You want more money. Why? What do you want to buy? Do you want a Bentley? Do you want a BMW? Do you want a private jet? Do you want to take lines of coke off the asses of strippers as you indulge in debauchery three nights a week? What is it that you really want? Do you want to go help people?

14:50 Do you want to give your money to charities? Or maybe go to Africa and build some school for kids? Like, what is it that you really want? Now, it doesn't matter. You don't have to prove to me nor to yourself how noble or how selfish you are. That doesn't matter. I just want to know what it is that you dream about. What it is that you want? What is it about that watch that you've been fantasizing about that you really want? Then you ask yourself, okay, if I have that, what does that get me?

15:16 Okay. And this is called limbing. We're going up the tree limb by limb to find what is essentially the core motivation for your desires. Okay. So my case, since I'm the only one I can talk about here, because I can't talk about you. So we'll have to work on me. My case is one of the things I want is I want to become a millionaire. Okay. Mark, why do you want to become a millionaire? Because I feel it's my duty to maximize myself in every way possible.

15:41 I've gotten to a very high level of attracting women. I've gotten to a very, very high level as a coach. I've gotten to a very high level of my fitness. I've gotten to a very high level in my relationships. I feel like I've crushed just about everything, but I'm not a millionaire yet. I'm getting close. Things are going really well, but I'm not there yet. Okay. So you want to maximize yourself in every way possible, correct? Yes, exactly. So why do you want that? Because I feel like it's my nature to do so.

16:08 I feel like I was put on this world to kick ass and take names. It's part of that passion that was given to me by God or the creator or whatever. And I just feel like I need to expand myself as much as I can. Okay. So if you expand yourself as much as you can, what does that really get you? Well, I guess it gets me a sense of freedom, right? I can just do what I want, when I want with whoever I want. And there's a great feeling behind that because I can just be who I want to be and do exactly what I want to do.

16:35 All right. So if you can do exactly what you want to do, what will that get you then? Well, then I can relax and I don't have to stress. I can just do what I want and have fun. And it's going to give me a sense of calmness and relaxation and just feeling like I arrived. Okay. So if you feel like you arrive, what will that get you then? Well, I guess if I arrived, I'll feel at ease. I'll feel like I have peace. Ah, okay.

17:00 There it is. So your deepest motivation is peace for why you want to be a millionaire. Is that true? Yes, that is true. Now I do this to myself all the time. If I look at something, be it a sweatshirt, a new ATV, a new fountain pen, whatever it may be, I ask myself, why do you really want this? What is this going to do for you? What is the deeper purpose? Now I'll tell you guys, the core motivators for all your desires come out of the higher self.

17:27 They always come out of the higher self. And as I spoke about earlier in this podcast, what is the higher self? It's love. It's compassion. It's peace. It's freedom. It's exaltation. So when we look at what we really want and why we want it, it always goes down to a motivation by the higher self. Now that begs the question, well, why do I need the BMW if ultimately what I'm going for is peace? Now that's the question, isn't it? And this is why people will renunciate everything and become monks.

17:56 Have you ever looked at monks and just ask yourself, like, how do you do that, man? How do you get rid of everything and just live with a cloak on your back and meditate all day because they found the answer that when you go into the higher self, you already have the state that you're striving for by going after what it is you're going after. So if you're going after a BMW, what's interesting is your deep lake that I talked about, your higher self already possesses the state of peace that you're going after by trying to get it through the conditioned mind, by trying to get it through the world as it were.

18:26 So we can say to ourselves that that which I'm truly desiring is already inside of me. And that realization, when you live it, when you realize it to the deepest level and you kill your ego is what enlightenment is. So Eckhart Tolle, he wrote The Power of Now. In my opinion, he is a living Buddha. He is an enlightened being. He has found that state. He doesn't need anything. And he is the most peaceful, chill, happy dude you'd ever meet because he already has that state that's already inside of you.

18:56 So you ask yourself, why do I want that watch? Why do I want that gun? Why do I want that girl even? Why do you want that girl? Is it only because you want to have some carnal experience, some sexual experience? Or is there something deeper to that? By getting her, do you get to prove something to others? By getting her, do you get to finally feel loved and fulfilled and that you're enough? Think about that one. And if you feel like you're enough, what does that get you then?

19:21 And when we get down to the base level, we get down to those desires of the higher self, peace, love, joy, enthusiasm. So why can't you just access that first? And this is the essence of NLP and core transformation is when you access the state, which you're trying to get by getting something external, you don't need that external thing anymore suddenly. So me, for example, I really wanted the BMW for a number of years and I decided not to get it because I went back down to why I wanted it.

19:50 And ultimately what I wanted was acceptance. I wanted to prove to the people back in California that I'm a success. Why do I want that? Because ultimately I wanted peace. Well, I don't need the BMW to get me peace. What I need is more meditation. So what did I do? I cranked up the meditation. When I realized that the reason I won that BMW was for peace, I was able to let go of that carnal, external, tangible desire. And instead just go straight to the state, which I wanted, which was peace.

20:18 Now we're getting into some deep level shit here, but I just want you guys to think about this. I want you to meditate on it. This is how to get to know yourself and you have to explore yourself in order to become one with yourself. When you know yourself to a deep level and most importantly, when you know that there's two sides of you, the part which is really you and then the conditioned mind, which is only job is to keep you safe and get you what you want.

20:42 And it causes stress, tension, disease, and disease is dis-ease, a body that is not in ease. You start to get perspective on this and you realize, wow, maybe I don't need all that shit that I thought I needed. Maybe instead I can just go straight to the state, which I want. Then you ask yourself, what sucks about being me? What's good about being me? And then you apply it and contrast it to those other two concepts, higher self and the conditioned mind, as well as core transformation.

21:10 What it is that I truly want when I desire something. This is the way to meditate. This is the way to do self-reflection. And when you understand yourself, you can get control over that horse and guide it rather than being run off with it. A lot of you guys are on a buck and bronco right now. You can hardly control that motherfucker. So these are ways to get some perspective on both yourself as well as your life, as well as what you want, and as well as what you're going to do from this point forward.

21:38 If you'd like to get even more perspective on yourself, if you'd like to reprogram your mind to be more yourself, to be more attractive to women, to feel like you did when you were three years old, man. Just completely authentic, complete yourself. This is the kind of work that we do in my program, my three-month coaching program, in addition to teaching you all the tactical aspects of attracting women and basically getting the highest quality women from choice. And you soon realize, I'm going to be honest with you, man.

22:06 Looks are important. They are. You know, and they're important to me. And I'm not going to lie and tell you they're not. But when you kind of get your shit together, what you look for more than looks is the personality, is that spirit inside of her. And when you get really good, you get to choose from abundance rather than scarcity. Wouldn't you rather choose than be chosen? Wouldn't you rather have the choice to pick which girl you want because you know yourself and you pick a girl who, too, does this kind of work?

22:32 Because it's not just us doing this work, boys. There's lots of females out there doing this, too. And that's the kind of girl that you want, that actually works on herself, that develops herself, that tries to become the best version of herself she can be because that's what you're doing. And unless you get the skills to be able to attract a woman like that, you're just going to get chosen by some fat, angry beefer who you're going to resent when you're on your deathbed. Fuck that.

22:56 I refuse to let myself live like that. And, brother, I refuse to let you live like that. So let me coach you up. Let me show you the shortcut to get to the peak of being able to attract women into your life at will. Imagine the next hot girl you see. You will have the ability to approach her, attract her, grab her phone number, date her, and if you want, have sex with her down the road. That's what the three-month coaching program is designed to do.

23:19 To get on that free one-on-one Zoom consultation with me, sign up at my website, coachmarksing.com. Click on coaching in the top right corner. Fill out the quick survey. And then you and I will get on that one-on-one Zoom meeting and see if and how I'm going to help you get what you really want. I do appreciate you guys. Thank you so much for showing up yet again, and I will see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.