How to Get a Second Date With a Girl

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. My name is Mark Sing, and I am an NLP dating coach. NLP stands for NeuroLingual. And while I teach many of the tactical aspects that other dating coaches teach, I add the inner game aspect of NLP on top of it, which is my unique selling proposition, in order to make you more attractive to women.

0:43 Because as most of you guys know, women's attraction for you is based on unconscious things like body language, mannerisms, tone of voice, the way you hold yourself, the pitch of even what you say. And that's all dictated by what's going on inside your head. So if you don't work on the inner bullshit, I could teach you tactical training all day long. But if you don't work on the inner stuff, you'll never get the results that you want with women. This may be why many of you guys are struggling.

1:12 If you'd like to learn more about my coaching, go to my website, coachmarksing.com. You can click the link in the description below, read all about it. But to give you some social proof, I actually just got an amazing testimonial from one of my favorite clients, Fernando, completely unsolicited. He just hit me up out of the blue and wrote this in our Brotherhood Facebook group, which is a community which you get to be a part of when you do sign up. And that is lifetime access, by the way.

1:37 So if you sign up with my three month coaching program, you get lifetime access to the Facebook group, the Brotherhood. All the veterans are in there. We answer each other's questions. We all chat about what to text girls. Guys put up screenshots and all the brothers go in, converge on it like piranhas and tell each other what to say. And we're all having phenomenal success. So this is what Fernando said. Huge milestone today, boys. I landed my first nine. I came into the program with the goal of getting rid of my fear of rejection and expanding my game from only pulling sevens and getting constantly friend zoned by the eights and above to being able to attract a high value woman that I would totally vibe with.

2:18 Well, the first one is in the bucket on week six. Okay, so he's in week six. He's halfway through. He's got his first nine in the bucket. She just left the house after our 18 hour first to hang out. Bro, 18 hours? Jesus, that's a hell of a long hangout. Everything I learned here was spot on. The gangster new Tinder profile, the text bantering, the powerful storytelling, the push and pull, and that freaking awesome, amazing gambit called the cube. Holy crap, that thing worked like magic on my first try.

2:47 Awesome night. Feeling like a fucking champion. Thank you, Coach Mark Singh. This program was the best investment I made in my entire life. And investments is what I do for a living. Feel free to post this review on the billboard in Times Square with my name on it. Well, Fernando, I really appreciate that review, my friend. And I do believe in what I do. And I want more of you guys to come in through the door. So what I offer is a free consultation with me.

3:13 We get on the phone and see if I can help you. And I'm going to be straight up if I can. If I can't, I'll probably refer you to somebody else. But one of the things I do in that call is I give you a no bullshit assessment as to how long I think it will take you, specifically you, with your issues, with your programming, with the beliefs in your head, the traumas you've been through, your experience with women, and what you're trying to get. I'll give you a no bullshit assessment of what I think it would take for you to get there, either doing it with my program or doing it alone.

3:41 Hit me up, coachmarksingh.com. All right, boys, how to get the second date. So first and foremost, in order to get the second date, obviously, it goes without saying you have to crush it on the first date. So I did a podcast probably about three months ago about how to pull off the perfect first date. I'd suggest you guys go listen to that because there's tons of concepts in there about how to lead the date, how to keep her interested, how to use the 8100 rule, push-pull, frame control, all that kind of stuff.

4:11 So I'm not going to go too deep into it because it's going to be a repeat of what's already been said. But if you don't know how to pull off the perfect first date, the chances of you getting another date go down exponentially, obviously. So ideally speaking, what we'd love to see happen is have her kind of dropping hints as to the second date. So if you pull off the perfect first date, the way I explained in that podcast, and of course, the way I teach in my coaching program, which by the way, it goes way more in depth on it.

4:39 And I get those guys really good results. I mean, homeboy hung out with this girl for the first time and he had 18 hours of content, 18 hours of storytelling, how to build attraction, qualifying. And I can only assume he didn't say it. I can only assume they banged it out a few times as well. When you have that kind of content, she's going to be sticking around. See, like what happened with Fernando, bro, it's like the guy didn't even need to try to get a second date because she's going to be suggesting it.

5:05 The chick stuck around for 18 hours. I personally, I don't know if I could like last that long with the first date, 18 hours. I would usually cut it out after three hours because I would always want her wanting more. But I mean, dude, she's a nine. They hit it off flawlessly. So why not, you know, dip into that if she's willing to do it. I will say this though, Fernando, a little bit of coaching for you. Never overstay your welcome. And you guys always leave her wanting more, always leave her wanting more.

5:29 And who knows, and I'm sure this is true because Fernando's in week six, he's learned this. I'm sure she was trying to stay longer. Like she probably wanted to do the old 48 hours rodeo. And he was like, Hey, listen, you know, I got to get to work. I got some things to do. Why don't we grab you an Uber and maybe we'll catch up later. Although in that case, 18 hours, I would have said we will catch up later. Okay. So the first tip is this, go and execute a perfect first date.

5:55 You have to implement the five piece prior preparation prevents poor performance. Okay. So your dates are totally dialed. You know exactly what you're going to do. Logistically speaking, you understand that you're going to first go here, then you're going to go here, then you're going to do this. And then you're going to do that. Okay. So as a quick repeat, although again, I suggest you go listen to that other episode as a quick repeat, I would first go to something like sushi or a bar, get some drinks, maybe go to a coffee shop or like an eclectic restaurant.

6:28 Like I would go get tapas a lot or something small and inexpensive. Okay. You don't want to spend a lot of money. And then I would go to a second place in my date that I would always do in Arizona. I would take them to this like costume store that was on the way to this non-chain pet store. Now for a lot of you guys who are older, you're like, whoa, this sounds like, like childish shit. Well, here's the thing. You don't want to spend a lot of money on your first date until she's earned it.

6:53 Okay. So you don't know this chick from anybody else. You're a high value guy. So she's submitting the application. She's qualifying to see if she gets her nice dates. It's not an insult against women. It's just the way you run a program when you're a high value guy and you have lots of women in your life doing several different things makes her mind feel like she's more familiar with you. She gets into rapport and into comfort quicker so that you can escalate more quickly. And it feels like to her that you guys have a stronger bond.

7:22 Okay. So you do two, three, four, maybe even five different things. Then if she makes it through all those and listen to what I just said, if she makes it like we're, we're in a qualifier position here, we are not qualifying. We are qualifying her to she, if she makes the cut, that's the different mindset. That's the frame flip that I want you guys to have. So you run her through these different things. Okay. I'll go to sushi first. Then we go to the costume store on our way to the fish place.

7:52 Then we go to the fish aquarium place where I'd be like pretending to look for a new cage for my beta fish. I always had beta fishes when I lived in Arizona. And then I would yank her home if I wanted to. Okay. So every time I do the first date, bro, like she would be suggesting different hangouts. And this is what you want. Just like when you speak to a woman the first time, ideally you want her to suggest exchanging numbers. You want her to suggest hanging out and they hint at it.

8:21 They're very good at hinting at it. They'll say things like, so what are you doing this weekend? Or what do you typically do on the weekends? Where do you live? How far do you live away from Lakewood, which is where I live. And they're basically insinuating that they want to go on a date with you. Now, I know a lot of you guys aren't in this situation yet. And I want to enunciate yet because it is coming. A lot of the times it's like just a headache to fricking get these girls on the dates, especially off the online dating profiles, but in person.

8:52 And that's why I like to do in-person game better is because dude, I can make it stick a hundred times better than like Tinder and hinge. And the girls are hotter, completely different podcast. The best you're going to get on those dating profiles is maybe an eight, maybe an eight. I mean, occasionally you'll get a nine, but it's very rare. So usually in-person is better. You can make the first conversation stick. And then the first date is going to go really well as well. And you see, this is all interconnected.

9:21 Okay. So you asked me, how do I get the second date? Well, bro, it depends on how well you did from the very moment you spoke to her. Is her attraction for you kind of on the fence or is it like really solidified where she's suggesting it? Okay. So assuming, and let's take this from a couple of different angles, but first let's go with assuming that you crushed it. She's chasing you. She's like a buyer a hundred percent. So I wouldn't even suggest going on a second date in my first date.

9:50 A lot of you guys asked me, should I suggest it? Should I hint at it if it's going really well? And you know what? Even if it's not going that well, no, I wouldn't do that because it's showing her like too much certainty. And when you have too much certainty, it comes off as thirsty. It comes off as needy. Like, Oh, I really want to see you again. Why are you making her win the battle so quickly? You know, we always want to give her 80% of her a hundred percent.

10:19 So if you're flipping the script and you're suggesting hanging out again, when she doesn't seem to be like all too into it, you want to pull back and almost like pretend that you're not too into it as well. So I don't usually suggest suggesting the second hangout unless she brings it up. And I'm going to get to that in a second. But typically I would say probably, I don't know 70% of the time for most of you guys, she's not going to suggest it. Okay. Cause she's in the feminine role.

10:50 She doesn't want to take the masculine role and try to be pushy unless she's really attracted. So most of the time she's going to go on a date. She's going to enjoy it. And she's going to hope that you follow up with her. Okay. So I don't suggest suggesting it. I don't suggest dropping hints. If it comes up predominantly from her, you can run with it a little bit, but usually I'd hold back and I would only give her 80% of her a hundred percent. I wouldn't suggest a second date right there.

11:18 And then, okay. So first date, I fucking crush it. Usually if it's going well and I like her, we'd make out and then I'd push her away after we've made out for a little bit. So standard, like I'm talking 80% of the time when the girls will make the cut, we would run my first date protocol. And again, prior preparation prevents per performance. This shit was fucking dialed, bro. Like I knew every single step so that my brain could be free to think about my game, to think about what to talk about, to think about those random things that come up where you need to think off of the cuff and deal with it in that moment.

11:51 Okay. So I'm dialing my date. We'd end up back at my apartment. I'd usually make out with her. And then when it's getting hot and heavy, that's where I'd cut it off. I'd be like, Hey, listen, I got to get up early tomorrow morning. It was really great to see you. Uh, let's catch up some other time. Or I'd say maybe, maybe we'll catch up again, or maybe we should do this again, depending now a guy who's good at seduction. He always adjusts his game based on the situation.

12:17 Okay. But sometimes I'd say maybe, and I like to say, it's kind of like a push pull thing. I do. I say something like we should definitely hang out again. Maybe, right? It's like two opposing statements that are in one sentence, definitely. And maybe in her mind's like, what, what the hell is he saying? That's called push pull. That's called mixed signals or even building intrigue. Okay. So boom, first date's done. Went excellent. She's on cloud nine. I left her wanting more. She's in the bucket.

12:45 She's good to go. Okay. So what I suggest you guys do is you text her the next day at 6 PM. Why 6 PM? 6 PM is typically when most people are available. It's typically when she has enough time to build up another conversation with you to which you can go for the second hangout when she's on a high note. Okay. So first date goes great. Let's say you guys hang out on a Thursday, Friday night at 6 PM comes, you go ahead and text her at 6 PM. You guys get into a conversation, you build it up.

13:16 And then on a high note, you go for the hangout in the exact same way that I teach to go for the hangout. Now I teach this to my guys in the group coaching program, but essentially I'll give you a couple of things because I want to give you guys a lot of value. What I'd always say is you seem cool. I think we owe it to ourselves to hang out sometime. Do you agree with this brilliant conclusion? Okay. So that's the first one. She says, yes, I agree.

13:37 Then you say, what is your week looking like? This is so gangster. I've developed this after years and years and years of being like, do you have Friday free? And she'd say no. And I'm like in the jackass position where I have to say, well, what about Saturday? So when you say, what's your week looking like? She gives you the day she has free. And then you say, oh, I happen to have that day free much better way. Okay. So that's what we do on the first date.

14:04 And then on the second date, we adjust it just slightly. It's the basic same template. We just adjust the language slightly. So, Hey, I had a great time with you. Um, I think we should do it again. Do you agree with this brilliant conclusion? She says, yes, definitely. Cool. What's your week looking like? Okay. So what do you text back though, before you go for that hangout, you text about something that you guys laughed about, or you guys did on the first date. So when you're approaching a girl, you have to build the vibe up, build her attraction up, build her buying temperature up before you go for the number.

14:44 Once you get the number, you almost have to start again, depending on how much traction there was, you almost have to start again and build it up again. Go for the date. First date goes off, went great. Then on the next day, you text her at 6 PM. You almost have to build it up again. Now, as time goes in her attraction for you becomes more solidified, that necessity to build it up again becomes less and less necessary. So let's say it went great. And she's really into it, bro.

15:07 I might just go in and be like, Hey, I had a great time last night. What's your week looking like? I might just go in for it. If I know she's like good to go, you know, maybe we had sex, maybe we did oral sex, something like that. I can just go for the next hangout. But for a lot of you, it's like, ah, she's kind of on the fence. I couldn't tell if she liked me. And even worse, if you didn't kiss her. And I know this happens to a lot of you guys, especially your beginners, you didn't kiss her.

15:39 It kind of went weird. You're not completely sure. So here's what you do. Text her at 6 PM. And you'd be like, Hey, I had a great time with you last night, except for that one little thing. Okay. Now you're building intrigue. And she says, what's the little thing? And you're like, dude, I just told you I had a great time with you last night. I can't believe you're being so negative. Why are you focusing on only the bad thing? And then you guys maybe can get into a little banter, have some fun, build it up again, and then say, you know what?

16:02 I think we should do it again. What do you think? She's like, yeah, for sure. Cool. What's your week looking like? Okay. So you build it up. Now, another thing I forgot to mention, kind of all over the place on this one. Got to be honest, didn't take a ton of notes. I just got a ton of questions about this from both my clients as well as listeners. So I thought it was a good time to drop the podcast about it. But one thing I neglected to say is I would always tell them I had a good time, especially if we made out or bro, even more importantly, if she sucked her dick, you went down on her or if you guys had sex.

16:36 She's very vulnerable in this moment. Okay. And she needs some validation from you. She gave it up. Maybe she's maybe feeling like a slut. She's wondering, did he use me? Did he just like take it and leave it kind of thing? So you follow up immediately. Hey, cutie. Hey, itty bitty. Hey, small. Whatever you're going to call her. I always suggest giving pet names. That's something that I talk about too. Dumb, dumb. Cutie. Itty bitty. Tiny tatanka. Tiny dancer. Little girl. Sea donkey. Whatever you can get away with and what she thinks is funny.

17:06 Okay. Some girls, you call them sea donkey. They get pissed. Pissed. Girls are so sensitive sometimes. Other girls, they think it's fucking hilarious. So you got a beta test. See what works best for each girl. But I highly suggest giving them a little pet name, especially if you make out with them and it went really well. So you're like, what's up, itty bitty. And I always accuse them of being an ice cream man. A lot of you guys know this about me. And I'll say, what's up, itty bitty.

17:31 I saw an ice cream truck going 150 miles per hour down the 405 freeway. I know you're late for the ice cream man convention, but relax. You're going to kill somebody. Okay. So I say something funny that relates back to the first date and is going to give her a good opportunity to come back and banter with me. Okay. You build it up. And then on a high note, you go for the hangout just as you did the first hangout. Now going back to the date itself, if she starts suggesting things and you're feeling it's good and you're feeling like you're not going to look too needy by agreeing to a second date on the first date, you can go ahead and do that.

18:10 But once again, I would only do that when she brought it up. I wouldn't bring it up. I want her a little uncertain, right? I want her kind of thinking like, oh my God, does he like me? I mean, I feel like we had a great time, but, but I'm not sure. You guys have all been in that situation where you hung out with a girl. You thought it went great. You guys hit it off. Maybe you made out a little bit. And then she's like, ho-hum about you kind of blowing you off or even saying, I don't want to see you anymore.

18:35 And it like really hurts more. And you want her more, don't you? You guys all know what this feels like. You want more of what you can't have. So why are we going to let her have us when she hasn't even completely won the battle with us yet? Like, you don't know this girl, you're still screening her. So you're thinking to yourself, eh, maybe yes, maybe no. But at the same time, I don't want you to misinterpret. If you made out with her, if you guys had oral sex or even sex, you have to tell her you had a good time.

19:06 Hey, I had a great time last night. Even though you did that one thing and I can't even believe you did that, you're awesome, right? That's a little push-pull. Like even though there's that one horrible thing about you, there's still so many awesome things about you. And I really had fun. There's a way too to build intrigue. Here's two things to build intrigue. There are so many good things about you. It just won bad. Oh my God, bro, that gets some chasing. Another one is you do this one thing that's so cute.

19:32 I don't want to tell you what it is because then you'll stop doing it. Okay. So when you text her, you're going to build the intrigue, build the vibe back up on a high note, go for that hangout. Now, all this dwelling on how to get the second date via texting, how to ask for the second date is fine and dandy. I'm willing to train you guys on this. But what I really want you to focus on is how to make it unnecessary to even have to ask for the second date because you killed it so thoroughly on the first date.

20:02 Like just like kissing a girl, that shit should just come and manifest out of your game. It should just come and manifest out of the natural escalation that's taking place between you two. Now, I know it doesn't always work this way. Believe me, even with me, bro, like sometimes I'll hang out with chicks and I just can't like vibe with them, right? They just kind of don't get my humor. We just aren't compatible, like straight up. We aren't compatible, but she's really banging. So, you know, at least I kind of want to make out with her a little bit.

20:28 So I persevere past that sometimes, not every time. It really depends on just how non-compatible we are, but we've all been there. You know, you're like talking to a girl and you're like, ah, she just isn't on my level. She's just not on my wavelength. Fuck. It sucks. Cause I'm so ridiculously physically attracted to her that it's almost like I want to persevere past it and try to make it happen just because I'm so, you know, attracted to her. And I've been in that situation too.

20:54 And in those situations, the first date didn't always go so great because like things that I say that I think is funny, like how I tell girls I'm an ass model, I'm going to be straight up with you. It doesn't always hit perfectly. Some girls just look at me weird and you guys have experienced this too. You hit them up on the online dating apps and you say some shit. That's like so funny. And they just don't respond that well. I even had a client. He just posted something in the Facebook group where she asked him, she's like, is this what you say to all the girls?

21:24 And he said, yeah, all the girls. I learned it from a book. I even said it to my grandma last night and it was a little weird. And she's like, yeah, that would be weird. It's like, dude, you have the personality of a pizza box and it's not only girls who have bad personalities and some guys too. Like you don't relate to all guys, right? We don't relate to all girls just in the same way. So sometimes you have to really try to pull out some of these techniques, test what works, see what doesn't work and throw those out.

21:52 You know, you can do a building intrigue method. Like the one I talked about, there's so many good things about you and just one bad. And then she replies with, okay. And you're like, fuck dude, that didn't work. And bro, I've been there too. And I know you guys have not everything I teach works, but it works 80% of the time, particularly. And I really want you to get this in your head when you get your inner bullshit together. A lot of the reason girls could be like weird.

22:17 A lot of the reason they don't respond to you the way that you want them to, it's just because the bullshit in your head, it's like two different filtering systems, which are trying to pair up and become one filtering system. If you have a fucked up filtering system, if you have insecurities, if you think you're not enough, that's going to be telegraphed and it's going to make you awkward. So she's going to be awkward. And then you guys don't mesh up as good as if you had your inner bullshit fixed.

22:41 So while all my techniques don't work a hundred percent of the time, what does work a hundred percent of the time is just sheer confidence in yourself. And even if she's awkward and doesn't like relate to me in the right way, my frame is so strong that it's clearly kind of her issue. Like she's the one who's awkward, not me. She's the one who's not relating to this, not me. Now, of course we're not compatible and it's not an insult against her. I'm not saying women are less than us or anything like that.

23:10 Everybody relax. Don't come unpeel now. What I'm saying is, is when you get your shit together and you're totally confident and totally secure about the date that you're executing, the conversation you're bringing up, the jokes that you say, like you're a hundred percent congruent with it. You believe in a hundred percent. She will often believe in it too. Even if she doesn't think it's funny. I have clients tell me sometimes they're like, bro, like the smack yourself on the ass thing. You're a champion. I don't really think that's funny, but after a while I kind of did start to laugh when I heard that.

23:45 Well, that's because they're buying into my frame because I think it's funny. And because I've established authority as a guy who knows what the fuck he's talking about, I give good advice. I have a good podcast. So even though my jokes may be cheesy, quote unquote, because I say them and because Mark Singh believes in them, they become funny and they have a life of their own. You see how that works? So once again, it's all about building the shit inside your head, cleaning up the BS inside your mind, reprogramming your brain, getting to your original self-esteem.

24:19 And then when you take her on that date, even if you guys don't jive perfectly, she's going to have a great time. And your chances of her suggesting that you guys hang out again, the chances of her wanting to hang out with you again, because you're that sanctuary for her, you lead her to where she wants to be led. You always leave her wanting more. The chances of that happening go up exponentially. So the way to get a second date is to fix yourself as much as you can, which is what you guys are doing.

24:43 And especially you guys who have hired me who are working on the NLP, just like Fernando is. Fernando pulled that nine when he couldn't before because he fixed the bullshit in his head. I remember his NLP sessions. We removed, I'm not enough. I'm unattractive to women. I'm too old was a big one for him. We removed all that and replaced it with, I am enough. I am attractive. Being old is sexy. And what happens? He fucking pulls a nine and spends 18 hours with her because the stuff in his head, he doesn't have to ask for a second date.

25:13 The fricking second date happened on the first date. That's something I say too. Hey, just so you know, I always skip the second date and just go straight to the third. And that always makes him laugh. So, but it's not like so funny. It's just because I'm congruent with it. And I think it's funny. So this whole, how to get the second date thing, it's kind of like one of those newbie questions that really the answer is by becoming a fucking pimp and a champion and really securing yourself.

25:40 That's how you get the second date. The methods. Yeah. You know, the, the, the conversation, the time to text or stuff like that, it kind of matters. But when you really have the inner shit together, you could say to her something that isn't typically suggested by me as a dating coach, which would be, Hey, I'm having a lot of fun with you. I think we should do this again. And you could probably do it like 30 minutes into the date and still not get blown out. Even though tactically it's not the soundest approach.

26:05 It's like kind of like shooting your gun from your hip. It's probably not going to work, but if you're really fucking good, you can hit the target from your hip. Can't you? Can't you? So it's kind of the same thing. So working on yourself, improving your self-esteem, improving your game, executing the best first date you possibly can. The second date is just going to come, man. You don't have to worry too much about tactics, but for those of you guys who meet a girl, you don't truly relate to those of you guys who are still a little insecure and can't get second dates.

26:33 That's what I suggest next day at 6 PM. Talk about something you talked about on the first date. That's going to make her laugh. Leave it up to a high note. Say, Hey, I think we should do this again. Do you agree with this brilliant conclusion? She says, yes. Then you say, cool. What's your week looking like? Set it up from there. Get the second date and always execute so that you are the sanctuary and always leave her wanting more. Those are my tips for today, boys.

26:56 And once again, if you want to get on a breakthrough session with me so that I can figure out exactly what it is that's preventing you from getting the success with women you want, hit me up at coachmarksing.com. Click on coaching, or you could just click the link in the description below, read that sales page, really understand what the coaching program's about, really understand what's going to happen on our breakthrough session together. You and I will talk like boys around the campfire. And once again, I offer something that to my knowledge, no other dating coach offers, which is all the tactical aspects of attracting women from A to Z to a very deep masterclass level.

27:37 But on top of that, we fix the shit inside your head, which is where it really matters. All right, gentlemen, I have another awesome podcast dropping on Monday. So make sure to stay tuned for that one. And I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.