How to Let Your Growth & Masculinity Flourish (3X The Speed of Progress!)

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate your patronage. If you've been listening for a long time, you know what to do. Smack yourself on the ass. You are a goddamn champion. If this is your first time listening, welcome. What I try to do is give the best information in the most succinct way possible, and we are going to just jump straight into it.

0:38 I'm not going to ask you guys for reviews. I'm not going to ask you to join my free breakthrough session where you and I meet to discuss your issues with women, your issues with getting success in life, and your issues with masculinity, which is probably why you clicked on this one. We are going to talk about how the growth of masculinity actually works, and how a lot of you guys, including me, are inadvertently thwarting, inadvertently preventing yourself from growing. This is very common, and this is such an awesome concept.

1:07 I hope you guys vibe with it as much as I do. The concept is called Create, Persist, Destroy. The inevitable process that is required when you are not only building up your masculinity, but when you are building yourself, when you're becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. This is an awesome concept that was created by Dave Rutherford. He wrote the book, So Why Aren't You Rich? I highly suggest it. It was written quite a while ago, but it's amazing just how much wisdom this guy has.

1:41 He brought up a lot of concepts that I had never heard of before, and this is one of those concepts that I want to share with you guys, how progress actually works, how masculinity actually develops. And I want to start this with a story. So when I lived in Japan, I was doing weddings, as a lot of you guys know. So in Japan, weddings are very traditional. They're very expensive. They take a long time. They're super stressful. So when Japanese people see Western quote-unquote style weddings, they like the thought of that.

2:10 They like the thought of the white dress, the veil, the guy in the tuxedo, because traditional Japanese weddings, she has to wear like a kimono and this big headpiece. And it's all like way too serious and way too formal. So Western style weddings are getting really popular in Japan. Well, what they do is they hire guys like me called gaijin, which means outside person, somebody who lives in an outside country, to do the weddings. So if you're like me and you can speak Japanese, you're American or British or Australian or whatever you happen to be, and you look foreign, you could get hired to do these weddings.

2:44 So when I was living in Osaka, I was doing tons of weddings. I would do them on the weekends. And then I also had another job being a translator more during the weekdays. So anyway, I'm doing these weddings and my visa is about to run out. So I asked the owner of the wedding company if he can get me a visa through the wedding company. He's like, oh yeah, sure, we can definitely do that. You know, I really like working with you. I'll go ahead and hook you up.

3:09 So I apply for this visa. Well, the Japanese government doesn't like the fact that Americans are coming over and doing these weddings because it kind of takes away from the traditional Japanese weddings, right? The traditional culture. So the government is really against these kinds of wedding companies. Now, this wasn't known to me at the time. I was applying for my visa. I had a two-year visa on the JET program, which is where I taught English in Japanese, middle, and high schools. Well, that ended. I moved to Osaka.

3:39 And then as I'm going, my visa is about to run out. I apply for a new visa. I had to spend tons of money on this useless lawyer. Anyway, so I'm applying for this visa. Long story short, they fucking deported my ass. They stamped a big black stamp in my passport that said, get the fuck out. You have one month. Beat it, you fucking idiot American. So, dude, I had an apartment. I had a girlfriend. I had a car. I had an entire life there. And my plan was to live there for 10 years.

4:07 I really wanted to be like a really legit Japanese translator. That was my plan. Suddenly, life came along and said, that ain't your plan, buddy. This is what's happening. Next. And that whole plan was destroyed. Absolutely destroyed. I had one month, bro, to get everything done and to get the fuck out. I had nowhere to go. I had no plans whatsoever. It was one of the most tragic events that ever happened to me. At that time, I thought this was a big tragedy. I was super down in the dumps.

4:35 I was depressed. I was like, man, I was beside myself with fear. And at that time, too, I was struggling a lot with anxiety. Kind of a different podcast. But I had to get out. It's called Kyosei Sokan in Japanese. I always remember that word because it means you're deported. And I still have the passport with the big black stamp that says, Kyosei Sokan, oh my, get the fuck out of our country. So I was like, oh my hell, what the heck am I going to do?

4:59 So I start putting feelers out and my uncle hits me up and he says, dude, I'm connected with this company in Hawaii that actually hires Japanese translators. Are you interested? And I was like, is there a mustache in Mexico? Of course I'm interested. So I get an interview. And at this time, too, my best friend from college named Dave, what is up, Dave? He's living on the beach in Hawaii, Aina Haina, for you guys who know Honolulu. He lived in Aina Haina right on the beach.

5:28 And he's like, bro, my roommate's moving out in about a month. You can come and stay with me. So as this process gets destroyed, this whole new opportunity in Hawaii opens up. And it was like almost seamless, man. It seemed almost like it was destiny where this opportunity opens up for me. And so I moved to Hawaii. I get this awesome translation job. I'm living with my best friend from college. We're literally surfing every single day on a private break because Aina Haina, you have to like paddle hella far.

5:56 Man, we used to paddle so much that at the end of my surfing sessions, I would get like a runner's high. I would be paddling back and I'd feel so good. And everything just unfolded for me perfectly in Hawaii. Hawaii is the place where I actually met Tyler Durden of Real Social Dynamics. We became friends. He taught me a lot of pickup. That's where I really started getting into it. So it's kind of like life has a way, and I've talked about this in past podcasts, of kind of coming through the back door.

6:23 It does things for you, not necessarily to you. Now, at the destroy phase of my whole Japan life, it seemed like I was the victim. And at my egoic mentality at that point, I was very negative about it. I was very much in the woes me mentality of saying this is happening to me. This is something that's going to destroy my life. Fuck, my entire plans are blown out. Why, God, why? You know, I had that whole thing going on. And then, like, kind of like I imagine whether you believe in God or source energy or not at all, but I kind of imagine him up there rubbing his chin, smiling, and saying, just wait, bro.

7:00 Like, have some patience. You don't see the total picture yet. You don't know what's happening. So why are you judging the situation when the protagonist is halfway through the movie, when he meets his big challenge? It's kind of stupid, isn't it? Is that life has a way, and I talked about this in the way success really works, a podcast I did a couple weeks ago, of kind of coming in through the back door. So I was all, like, down in the dumps. I was super bummed out.

7:24 And then this whole new thing opened up for me. And that's what's called create process, the create process. So I had the opportunity to create a new life in Hawaii. Now, it wasn't all perfect. It wasn't just set out for me like a perfect buffet where I could just go at it. I had to persist through the challenges that that too brought. But see, here's the thing, is that in life, for you to grow, and I'm going to tell you right now, your purpose of life is to grow.

7:51 Self-discovery, that's your purpose. So as you continue to develop yourself as a man, inevitably the way it works is this. First of all, what the status quo is right now needs to be destroyed before you can create the next version of yourself. Okay, now here's how it will probably apply to you. First of all, you guys probably all have a story of something horrible that happened to you. But from the ashes, as they say, arose something else, right? Arose a better situation. Rose into more self-development.

8:25 Took you to the next step where you can develop yourself more as a man and develop more of your masculinity. So the way it works is we get into a situation that is, for all intents and purposes, pretty comfortable. We feel like we have it made in the shade. Everything's going great. And we kind of want to coast, don't we? See, that's the egoic desire is to keep you safe, to have you coast. And we all kind of have this illusion in our head that once I get to XYZ point, once this is in place, I get the hot girlfriend, I get the job, I get the cars, I get the mansion, then I'll be happy.

8:59 I'm just going to coast. I'm going to sit next to the pool, sip in margaritas and do in senoritas, right? But that's a fucking illusion. That is an illusion. The purpose of life, as I said, is self-discovery. And that requires growth to get there. You are constantly discovering yourself. And what is necessary for you to discover yourself? It's the disillusion. It's the death of the old you. It's the death of the old situation. It's the death of what you used to be so you can be reborn into the new you and get to the next step.

9:33 So with a lot of you guys, not only have you experienced this, but here's the big point. A lot of you guys who joined my three-month coaching program, there gets a point, and I've actually created an email that's a template to just send these guys because it almost happens to a man where they get down in the dumps. They're like, bro, it was going great in the first like four weeks, but now I'm just, I just had a bad week, bro. I just wasn't motivated. I was just, I just wasn't into it.

9:58 I wasn't getting the results. And I always say to them, good, good, brother. That's what I want to see. Why? And you know what I'm going to say right now, bro? It's because the old you is dying. It's the dissolve death process of development. And when that comes, a lot of my guys just buy into it and are like, dude, I'm just, I'm bummed. I'm depressed. I don't know if I can do this. And I'm like, relax, relax, bro. Like, I understand your pain is real and I'm not trying to discount it.

10:23 But what I want you to realize is that this is something to be celebrated because you're about to have a big spurt in growth. You are shedding your shell like a lobster does, which by the way is very painful, in order to become the next version of yourself. So when you're developing your masculinity, when you're developing as a man, the process looks like a graph, much like the stock market. Okay. So imagine the stock market. Generally, it's going upward, isn't it? But as it's going upwards, there's peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys, some low points, some high points.

10:54 And what is it? It's always the valleys that precede the peaks, isn't it? It's kind of like a staircase. First, there's a flat part where not much is happening and then you hit a wall. And the wall looks like it's insurmountable. But as you persevere, you get up to the next stage. Now you want to cruise a little bit and just go straight and be like, okay, I'm going to cruise here. My life is great. I don't want to change anything. The ego wants to keep you safe.

11:19 So it wants to keep you in that space. But here's the thing. If you think you have it made in the shade, life is going to move the shade. If you think that you can coast, if you think you can just stay in the exact situation or worse, you think you're going to arrive to a point where you don't have to push yourself any further. You can just coast through life. Everything's done. There's no worries. There's no more growth to be had. There's no more pain.

11:41 You are living an illusion. And that's the illusion of the ego. The secret, of course, is to seek out the next version of yourself and speed up this process so that life doesn't do it to you. Because inevitably, if you coast, like I just said, if you have it made in the shade, life moves the shade. So if you purposely go after these goals, if you purposely set the next milestone out for you, not only do you speed up the next level, speed up the process of developing yourself as a man, developing your masculinity, getting to that next best version of yourself so you can have more exaltation, hotter girls, more money, more life, more joy and enthusiasm.

12:20 If you set that out for yourself and say, listen, I'm going to do what's hard because here's the reality, my friends. When you do what's hard, life will be easy. When you do what's easy, life will be hard. So this is the create, persist, destroy process that all you guys are going through. And to speed up that process is A, of all, awareness, aloneness, curative. Now that you know this is the way progress works, you can get excited when you're down in the dumps. The reason you're down in the dumps is because the old you is dying and the ego is holding on to it.

12:52 It's disappointed. But if you look forward and say, wait, wait, wait, this is part of the process of me developing myself as a man. Let me look forward and see what that goal is and go into that pain willingly. And then the most enthusiastic part of the process is when you're creating, when you're persisting, when that new reality is unfolding for you. I'll tell you, when I moved to Hawaii, those were some of the best months of my life because it's like I live on the beach now.

13:17 I have this new translation job. I'm getting all these girls. I got to hang out with RSD all the time. It was like the best thing ever. Had I just kept on cruise control and been like, okay, I'm doing the weddings in Japan. I'm just going to stay here. Fuck, I'd still be there right now maybe. And I wouldn't be the man that I am today. So here's my tip for you guys who are trying to get better with women, who you guys are trying to make more money.

13:39 All you guys are probably trying to better yourself. You wouldn't be listening this far unless you were. Here's my tip, which is basically this, is when you've accomplished the goal, you have to immediately set a new goal. You have to immediately set that new milestone. If you try to cruise, if you try to just say, okay, this is it. I'm just going to pack myself in this safe little environment and hopefully nothing will hurt me. I'm going to hoard my money. I'm going to hoard the girls I'm getting.

14:07 I'm going to hoard the success. Then what's going to happen is life is going to throw some shit at you. That is going to challenge you. And this, by the way, we all have friends who are lazy, right? We have people who work at jobs that they hate. They're out of shape. They're not happy. And they're wondering why their life fucking sucks so bad. It's because life is hammering them with things that are going to challenge them to grow. Because, in my opinion, the purpose of life is self-discovery, which means growth.

14:33 So those of us who actively seek out change, who, when we accomplish a goal, we're like, nah, that's not good enough. I'm going for the next one. You accomplish that. You know, you party for a couple days. You feel good about it. You celebrate it for sure. And you're appreciative. Very important. But then you set a new goal, right? Every monetary milestone I reach with my business, I just mark it up higher and higher and higher. And this process will never end. Who knows how high I could get?

14:59 But I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to be like, okay, X amount per month is good. I'm just going to be on cruise control. I'll drop two podcasts a week. I'll do my breakthrough sessions. I'll get guys into my coaching program. And that's it. Fuck no, dude. I'm always improving my sales method. I'm always improving my course. I'm always trying to improve as a podcast host. I'm looking for new ways to market. I'm constantly growing. And who knows what this podcast is going to turn into?

15:25 Who knows what my coaching is going to turn into? I'm hoping it explodes. I'm hoping I become a pretty well-known name because that's even higher and higher goals to which I can develop myself as a man. And it isn't the monetary rewards that you celebrate. What you celebrate is the growth. Who am I now compared to who I was last year? Are you a better version of yourself today than you were last year, than you were the year before that? Now, again, inevitably, sometimes the graph goes down.

15:55 But generally speaking, are you on that upward trajectory? And when those down points happen, stop getting so down about it. It's not always going to be roses, puppy dogs, ice cream, guitars in the backgrounds, and champagne bottles. There are going to be some shitty times. But here's the thing. When you understand this concept, you celebrate the shitty times because you know it's part of the process. It's the iron sword going into the fire. When it hits the fire, it fucking hurts. But when it gets into that water, it's kind of like the celebration time.

16:24 And it's a constant process. Fire, water, fire, water. And that's the growth. That's what tempers the steel. You as a man, to develop your masculinity, the most important thing to you should be growth. Girls, money, exaltation, all that shit, it's a side benefit. Who even cares? You don't get dependent on it. And this, by the way, guys, is why I always say, you're not needy for women to like you because it doesn't matter to you. What matters to you most is growth. And ironically, when you focus on your growth, when that's the most important thing to you, and when you actually have joy through this whole process and you understand it, then women get more attracted to you.

17:03 Then you attract more money. You get more happiness. But you're not needy for it. That's not where happiness lies. Happiness for you lies in bettering yourself as a man, discovering more of yourself, becoming more of your original self-esteem that you were born with before the inevitable and very necessary process of being lost, going through pain, going through suffering happened to you. But a lot of people live half their life suffering because they're fighting against it. They're like, no, I don't want to try to grow. I just want to stay here.

17:34 And then life just like, boom, take this, take this, take this. Come on, motherfucker, change, change, change. And a lot of people try not to change. They try to stay in the status quo because it's safe. They're afraid, living in fear. The opposite of fear is love. And what does love do? It strives. It wants more. It wants better things for itself. It wants to become the best version of itself it can be. And to get a little spiritual on you, the reason that is, it's because your drive is to discover the innate God that is put inside of us and to look back on it and say, God, man, I am a powerful creator.

18:10 The law of attraction, self-development, exaltation. This is all derivative of love, which is what you truly are. The opposite of love is fear, which is your ego. Wants to keep you in that comfortable, safe, non-threatening space, which is an illusion. You always have threats coming at you. The secret, of course, is to become bigger than your problems, bro. Become bigger than your problems. And how do you do that? You continue setting the next goal. You continue striving forward. You embrace the create, persist, destroy process. And in so doing, your masculinity skyrockets.

18:46 Your happiness skyrockets. Your success skyrockets. But again, you don't care. That's not what's important to you. What's important to you is being the best version of yourself you can be. Quick final note as I wrap up this podcast. I'm watching right now The Born Identity, which is probably one of my favorite movies. And I was wondering the other day why I love this movie so much. I just love the concept of a guy waking up and having amnesia and then having all these awesome skills, right?

19:13 He's an epic fighter. He understands firearms. He seduces the woman. He's super good at everything. He's super concise. He can fucking drive like a professional drift driver on the formula drift circuit. This guy just has all these skills. And it's because he worked on himself, worked on himself, worked on himself, and then he forgot it all. And then he wakes up and he's like, holy shit, I'm a fucking badass, right? Like, I do all this shit. I love that concept. I love that concept. And sometimes I look in the mirror and I say, what would my 10-year-old self think of me right now?

19:43 Would my 10-year-old self be proud of me or would he be disappointed? Have I grown into that, man? Can I handle myself in social situations? Can I handle myself in fights? Can I handle myself with money? Can I handle myself with females? Can I handle myself driving a car, riding a motorcycle, being in the wilderness and surviving? Like, what kind of skill set do I have? That's the most important thing to me because I'm the mechanism. I'm the project. All these material things I have around me, the cars, the money, the girls, whatever.

20:10 It's like, fuck it, dude. I can live without that. I just want to develop me, dude. I want to be like born, Jason, born up in this motherfucker and develop myself into the best version I can be. And I'm telling you, that's the secret. Don't resist the destroy process. It's inevitable. It's always going to happen. Life wants to grow. Life wants to persevere. The destroy process happens to nature, too. Look at trees that die during the winter and then regrow again in the summer to be even bigger and better.

20:36 It's all around us. So stop resisting it. When those bad times happen, embrace them. Celebrate them. The good is coming. The change is coming. I get to evolve into the best version of myself. And when you have this perception, not only does your life get a hell of a lot more joyous, but you also skyrocket your masculinity, skyrocket yourself, skyrocket that which you are meant to be, which is the best version of yourself. All right, gentlemen, that's it for me in this podcast. As a reminder, I always give guys free shit when they do leave me a review.

21:08 So if you leave a review, preferably a five-star one, email me at coachmarksingh at gmail.com. I'll send you the conversation sniper, guide to the female orgasm, and three texts to build massive attraction in women. Impress your friends. Baffle your enemies. All right, gentlemen, thank you again for listening. Keep pushing, brothers. Keep pushing. The next step awaits you. Don't get bummed out when things are hard. It's just a precursor to the joy that you're about to experience. And I will see you in the next episode.

21:36 Bye.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.