The Big Mistake 99% of Men Make With Women and Dating

0:00 Step right up and shoot the pasties off the nipples of a 10-foot bull dyke and win yourself a cotton candy goat. Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate you. If you've been listening for a long time, you know what to do, brother. Smack yourself on the ass so hard when the concussion hits, it blows the mustache off your best friend's face.

0:40 If this is your first time listening, welcome. My name is Mark Sing, and I am an NLP dating coach. NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. I reprogram my client's brain so they can think like they did when they were two years old before other people's bullshit. Messed up their belief systems before they went into a state of hypnosis, a trance, and started acting out other people's meta programs, which are not conducive to attracting women. To learn more about that, go to my website, coachmarksingh.com. Click on coaching.

1:10 Read the 500,000, 600,000, 444,000 testimonials that I have on that page, and check out what I do. If you want to meet with me for a free breakthrough session, sign up there, and we will get on the phone together. All right, so today's episode is all about this biggest mistake that most guys make when it comes to women, and this actually springboards a little bit off the previous episode where I talked about the three awakenings in an elite man's life. And the reason it springboards off of it is because we are going to talk about how to get into the flow because most of you guys are way, way too serious, way too fucking serious.

1:50 And that right there is the biggest problem. That right there is what's making you have shitty results when it comes to women. And the reason this springboards off of the previous episode is simply because I am in a flow state right now. I don't give two shits. I am doing this purely for my own self-entertainment, and I am doing this for all intents and purposes out of love. From that love state, from that state of feeling good, from being in the flow, from not having fear and being completely my authentic self, I am able to not only have a damn good podcast, and if you don't like it, I'm sorry I can't help you with that.

2:25 I am who I am. I'm going to be who I am. I'm going to talk about that in a second. But it also makes me extremely effective with women because I get myself into what's called the flow state, and I am not outcome dependent, and I am not stiff and serious and thinking about all the rules of attraction, and I'm just fucking being myself. You know, when I first got into being a dating coach, I had a very wise person tell me this. He said, set yourself on fire and let everybody watch you burn.

2:53 And what the hell does that mean? Set yourself on fire and let everybody, all your podcast listeners, all your clients, everybody watch you burn. What that means is some people, and I dare say even some dating coaches, are so unbelievably concerned about what their listeners and what their clients think of them that they're disingenuous. They put on a face to their listeners that isn't really who they are. They are afraid, essentially, to just be themselves, to lighten the fuck up and just put themselves out there and even talk about their weaknesses, their struggles that they went through, the things that they're not actually good at when it comes to being a man, when it comes to being a dating coach, when it comes to being an entrepreneur.

3:35 They want to be successful, they want to be successful, they want to be successful, not only with business, but also particularly with women. You have to have the courage to let your true nature shine, to stop being so goddamn outcome dependent, put yourself out there and be exposed the way a courageous man is willing to be exposed. And this is the biggest problem for most of you guys is you study this stuff, you work out, you get the perfect haircut, you get the perfect suit, you get everything dialed in, you listen to Mark Singh's podcast or even become his client, and you know about the rules of seduction.

4:13 You got frame control down to a science, you understand the 8100 rule, you got push-pull-down, you've been practicing it for 10 days in the mirror, you got that shit dialed and you go out and you're like, hi there, miss. The real question is, why don't you have a boyfriend? Is it because you're a bad kisser? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And she's like, the fuck is this robot doing? Who is this douche canoe? And she blows you out.

4:38 The reason is because you need to lighten the fuck up, get into the flow, not care. Okay, here's the big problem, is a lot of you guys, I get so many of these clients are engineers, mathematicians, dentists, doctors, guys who are so unbelievably regimented, and who are go-getters in a lot of different ways, and that's actually holding you back when it comes to women, because attracting women is a combination of tactics and art. That's right, art, A-R-T. Going with the flow, thinking off the cuff, getting into a state where you don't give a shit what happens, and you're just saying stuff off the top of your head, that deeper state of intelligence that allows you to just flow with it.

5:22 But I see it all the time in nightclubs. I see it when I used to take guys out in field and do cold approach. They are so stiff and regimented and in their head and thinking and being stifled that when they talk to the woman, they just come off as weird, they come off as creepy, and she blows them out. All right, so going back to that super fucking random thing I did in the beginning of the podcast, I think that's funny. Okay, what does that tell you?

5:46 It tells you that I am self-entertained, and my entertainment is the most important thing to me. I have people tell me all the time, Mark, your jokes are so cheesy, you're so random, you're so weird. And I'm like, thank you very much. And you know what? It doesn't even matter. If you guys like me, cool. If you guys don't like me, cool. It's all just opinions, and it's all just an illusion. It doesn't really matter. The question is, do I like myself? Fuck yes. The question is, am I self-entertained?

6:13 Fuck yes. The question is, do I have the courage to light myself on fire, show you who I really am, put myself out there, and say, yo, some people are going to like me, some people aren't. I don't fucking care. This is who I am. This is the advice I have to give. Take it or leave it. If you don't like the podcast, kick rocks with your head down. Don't let the door hit you where the Lord split you. I don't give two shit. If a girl doesn't like me, you think I give a shit?

6:39 No, it's her issue. I like myself. And I'll tell you, it takes courage to be genuine, and to light yourself on fire, and let people see your flaws. I get a lot of people who ask me, how is it that when you talk to women, you just talk, talk, talk, you never run out of things to say, and you make them laugh the whole fucking time? My answer is always the same. It's because I'm self-entertained. I literally do not care what she thinks of me because I'm talking to six other girls.

7:08 And this, by the way, is why I want you guys to have abundance. And I am not trying to pull her into an outcome. Okay, so those three things right there. First of all, self-entertain. When you guys go talk to women, it's for you. Okay, it's not for her. It's for you. I want you guys to have a good time. Talk about what you want to talk about. Be unapologetic for who you are. Use your humor. And if she doesn't like it, that's her issue. Second thing is, you are talking to tons of other girls, so it doesn't matter what happens with this girl, and you're not trying to pull her into an outcome, which is the third thing.

7:42 You are not outcome dependent. You don't care if she likes you. You don't care if she doesn't like you. You're just there for your own entertainment. And I'll tell you, when you're genuine in that way, when you light yourself on fire for her to watch, they often do get attracted to you because only a true alpha male is so secure in himself that he's willing to say some random shit about winning a cotton candy goat in the beginning of his podcast because that makes him laugh.

8:08 And by the way, if you can name the movie that I got that from, you are an absolute unbelievable legend. Email me if you know that movie, and I will send you a bunch of cool shit. 99% of you guys won't know it, but if you do email me, I'll send you a bunch of good stuff. There is something so critical about lightening the fuck up about just being you, not taking everything so damn seriously, not being so damn regimented. And that goes back to the problem that the majority of my clients and the majority of you guys listening suffer from is that you're used to being regimented in your job.

8:41 You got success by being super regimented. But as I said, it doesn't work in the spear. This is art. This is thinking off the cuff. This is having fun and not caring. So how can we have goals with women when we're not supposed to have goals? Well, I always try to reframe it on the amount of women I'm talking to and the amount of women I approach. So I don't put goals on the column of results. I put goals on the column of effort, or we can say the results of the number of women I have spoken to.

9:13 Okay. So if I look at a really hot girl in the supermarket and I'm like, I really want to have sex with her. Okay. My goal is to get her in my bed. That is a bad frame to start from because now we're outcome dependent. We are going to be stifled. We are going to go into screensaver mode as I call it, and it's not going to go well from us. But if instead we say my goal is simply to go up and talk to her and almost to not give a shit, and even if I have to, to blow myself out.

9:39 Here's another really, really important point. Some of the most successful nights I've ever had out in the nightclub, and they're becoming more and more prevalent. I mean, almost every time now I go out, I get success because I have this mentality. But in the beginning, when I first started figuring out this lighten the fuck up attitude thing, the most successful nights I'd have in the nightclub came when I was just testing shit out. Came when I was just throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks.

10:07 Being playful, knowing that I had six other girls I'm talking to, so who the fuck cares what happens, and being super random, not caring, even saying shit that for all intents and purposes would maybe piss a girl off, but for some reason it happened to work. So once again, your goal should be, okay, I want to approach 20 women per week minimum, and I do not care what happens. In fact, and I'll even sometimes challenge my clients to do this, I want you to go up and get yourself blown out.

10:36 I want you to be completely ridiculous because this does several things. First of all, it completely lets you let go of outcome, right? Because you know it's not going to go well. You're going to say something stupid. Secondly, it lets you endure social pressure, which most of you guys suffer from, that you can't handle speaking to a hot girl because your intrinsic value, at least the way you view yourself, is so low that your mind literally shuts you down as a survival mechanism, by the way.

11:02 So you don't say something stupid to the quote-unquote alpha female, and then the alpha male comes over and hits you over the head with a rock. So if you have a low perceived value, if you think that you're a dweeb, a beta cuck, or captain of the SS douche canoe, you are literally going to get shut down in your own brain and you won't be able to talk. This is literally a survival mechanism imposed on you by your lizard brain to keep you safe. So how do we get more value?

11:30 Well, by training ourselves to be socially fearless, to not give a shit, to purposely put ourselves under social pressure, and to lighten up and stop taking this shit so damn seriously, boys. The reason I'm successful as a coach is because, check this out, this is my life, guys. This is how I support my family. This is everything I've been wanting to do for the past 20 years. This is so important to me. You have no idea. Yet I have the fucking cojones, balls the size of goddamn 85-pound kettlebells, swinging between my two legs, because I'm willing to say, shoot the pasties off the nipples of a 10-foot bull dyke and win yourself a cotton candy goat.

12:09 Most people would never say that on their podcast because they're like, oh, what if people think I'm weird? What if people are going to judge me? I don't fucking care. And the reason I don't care is because I've proven to myself so many times that I'm high value. I've proven to myself so many times that the successful guy is he who is self-entertained and doesn't try to do anything for other people but does it for himself, that I can go out there and just say shit like, smack yourself on the ass so hard when the concussion hits, it blows you upward through a skylight.

12:39 I'm going to hit you in the face so hard you're going to fly back up your mom's vagina. I'm going to blow a hole in your argument so big that even I could fuck it. Not a lot of people are saying this kind of shit because they're so damn afraid of being judged. But here's the thing. When you have the balls to just put yourself out there, people respect you more because of it. You become that alpha male and you realize that the more vulnerable you are, the more people love you.

13:04 The more you expose yourself and wear your heart on your sleeve and do as I did in my previous podcast. I got choked up. I didn't have Liam edit that out. He left that in because I said, I want them to see how much I love them. I want them to see how important they are to me. That people do love you when you are genuine, when you lighten up and stop taking this so seriously, boys. Before you go out, I just want you in that matrix, clown mode, fucking around, who cares?

13:31 Let's go have fun. What's the point of going out? Is it to be super serious and make it into another day at work? No, it's to have fun. That's why girls go out. And girls just want to have fun, boys. Girls just want to have fun. Is it fun to talk to a guy who's super serious? So what makes you different than the other girls in this club, this nightclub? I noticed that you are a good friend. Is there truth in this? Horrible. You're just chilling.

13:58 You're having fun. You're throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. Okay? I'll even say to girls like, yo, I got to go take a dump. Don't let me throw my leg up on your shoulder and launch one out the club window. Who would say that? A guy who doesn't fucking care. Right? I remember my buddy when we were kids, he used to get on the phone with these fucking tens this guy will pull. Hey, listen, I got to get off the phone right now.

14:18 I got to jump in the shower and wash my ass. Yeah. See you later. And I'll be like, dude, dude, what are you doing? He's like, relax, man. The more you show him you don't give a shit, the more they get attracted to you. You guys check out this story. You know how machine gun Kelly is dating Megan Fox. Okay. Megan Fox is like supposedly one of the hottest girls. She's kind of starting to look weird with all the plastic surgery, but she's pretty hot. Okay.

14:39 She definitely used to be a 10. So first thing she said to him was, you smell like weed. Okay. They met at a party. Very first thing she said to him, you smell like weed. He looks at her and he's like, I am weed. And he walks off. Next thing you know, she's his girlfriend. Why is that? Because he didn't give a shit. He controlled the frame. He let her know, yo, I am who I am. I accept myself without inhibition. I'm not going to explain myself to you and apologize to you for smoking weed.

15:07 I am weed. See ya. What happens? Boom. She gets attracted and a high quality girl like that is going to test you. This whole concept of lightening up, not give a shit is frame control. I talk about frame control all the time. It's the most important thing. It's about accepting yourself, being genuine, lighting yourself on fire. So everyone can see you burn and lightening the fuck up and going out there and having a good time and being, brothers, listen to this, being self-entertained. Self-entertained is perhaps the biggest thing I can tell you in this episode is perhaps the biggest thing I can tell you in this episode.

15:42 And the reason most guys screw up is because they're not self-entertained. They're trying to pull a girl in this episode is they're way too outcome dependent. They get stifled because they don't think they're high value. They can't think on their feet and they don't get into state. And that's going to be my final lesson in this episode is you're sitting here listening saying, okay, I got to lighten up. I just got to be chill, not care what happens. Hopefully talking to six girls. But Mark, I don't have any girls.

16:09 I'm not light. I'm fucking super stifled. I'm super nervous to go to nightclubs. I feel like a low value beta cuck. What do I do? What you do is warm up and try to feel good and just go talk to everybody, even if it's innocuous, boring conversations. What I tell my clients to do when they first enter a nightclub, when they're first doing cold approach on the streets, is just open and eject, open and eject, open and eject. Then you get into state. State is directly translated into value.

16:39 Okay? The person who has the most social value is either in a high position in the club, such as having hot girls with you, being a bouncer, as I've talked about many times, being the DJ, being the dude that throws the party. Or you can get value from being in state and not fucking caring. Being in state comes from warming up, talking to lots of people, just like I am now. I'm definitely in state right now. How did I get in state? First of all, as I was driving home to come do these two podcast episodes, the one I previously filmed about the three awakenings in an elite man's life.

17:12 And this episode, I was talking to myself. I was pretending to do the podcast. I was like, what is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode. As I'm driving, I was listening to Linkin Park. Makes me feel really good. I love that music. I was thinking about all the things that make me happy. My daughter, my business, my hobbies, just things that make me feel flow in this world. Then I did that first podcast episode. Went good, especially when I hit that third point about love.

17:38 I got kind of choked up, started feeling the love in my heart, started feeling good. And by the time I had to say that whole bit about shooting the pasties off the nipples of a 10-foot bull dyke, I was on it. I was completely in the flow. And I don't care what you guys think. And I know by not caring what you guys think, it's only going to go better. It's only going to be a great episode. And frankly, this is a great episode. Good job, Mark.

18:00 I love listening to this podcast while I'm saying it. So I don't even know what I'm going to say next. It just comes to me from that deeper intelligence. And I don't really care what happens because I know when I don't care what happens, it's going to go good. So why try to control it? When you try to control it, it always seems to go bad, doesn't it? So give up control. Lighten the fuck up. Have fun. Act from love. Put out good energy. Be the light onto the nightclub, the street, the supermarket, even the dating apps.

18:32 Be that light and have a good time. Say random shit. Guys, on the dating apps, I would say the craziest shit to women and just fucking close them. And a lot of the templates that I include in my coaching program are for the dating apps. Come out of that. Like the most random shit. And the conversation sniper too is just random funny shit that I've said that worked really well. And now you guys get to use it. But if you say it from a place of being stifled, of feeling like the beta cook, of being robotic and trying to do like method one into method two, and I'm going to do structure one, two, and three and implement the five rules of attraction.

19:10 Yeah, it's all important. But really what it is is just feeling good and having a good time. Now, this brings me to my final, final point. I think I said final point earlier, but this is the final one. Okay. Is, yeah, I teach you guys a lot of methods, and I want you to know them. I want you to know all about frame control. I definitely want you to know about the 80-100 rule. I want you to know methods like storytelling, reverse cold reading, debate qualification, push-pull, hypo stories, mentoring, like all the things that I teach, particularly to my clients who have come through the coaching program.

19:43 I want you to know all that. But when it comes time to go out, I almost want you to forget all that stuff and just be you because you fall back on your training. You fall back on your training. When you go talk to that girl, you're not going to forcibly remember all these different rules and methods and tactics. What I want you to do is just have fun, focus on having a good time, being self-entertained, and those methods will come in because you're falling back on your training.

20:09 And in a moment, you'll realize like, oh, dude, I could do a qualifying question here. Or, oh, man, remember that story I had to tell? So, again, it's all about just having fun, being in the flow state, lightening up, and just being self-entertained. Just being self-entertained. I want you to go have fun. I want you to go have a good time. And you can get yourself in state by listening to music you like, thinking of good memories that you had, doing a hobby before you go out at night.

20:34 I want you guys to do something every day that's childish. This is part of my rules of what does Mark Singh do every day. Every day I do something that sucks. Every day I fucking discipline myself. I work out. I do the work I have to do. But I also do childish stuff. And the beginning of this episode was super childish. I'm just having a good time, just flowing with it. And my best episodes, I'll tell you what, come from when I'm not trying so hard.

20:58 When I get on an episode and I'm like, oh, man, I got to be funny. I really got to make them laugh because my downloads are exploding. I'm not funny. But when I'm like, hey, let's just have a good time in this episode, that's when things come out of my mouth that I haven't even ever heard before. And that's the flow state. The flow state accesses a deeper intelligence. So, not care. Have a good time. Be self-entertained. Continue to open and eject because we need to get you to the point where you realize talking to girls is safe.

21:27 Once you feel safe, then you can start letting go and stop being so damn rigid. Sometimes I get on these coaching calls with these guys. It's like talking to a robot. I'm like, man, loosen up. And I get it. They're nervous to talk to me. They don't really understand this stuff. But once they go through the coaching program, I hammer it in their head to loosen up. This is art. This is half method, half art. When guys get that down, they get to be really good with women.

21:52 And also, just talking, you know, you're talking to six girls. You don't care what happens. When your dick looks like a shriveled burn victim hiding in the corner of your underwear because you're getting so much sex, that's when you get really good with women because you literally don't care. You don't want to have sex. So, what happens? Then sex gets thrown at you. It's fucking crazy how it works, but that is how it works. So, the biggest problem is you guys are too stiff, too in your mind, too in screensaver mode, feeling low value, not warming up, being stifled, and trying to pull her into an outcome.

22:21 Guys who are successful are having an abundance mindset, being self-entertained, realizing that girls just want to have fun, not giving a shit what happens. So, I want you guys to take it, implement it, and remember, the person whose entertainment is the most important thing is your entertainment. Okay? Your entertainment is the most important thing. Right now, no offense, bro, I like you a lot. You're my brother, and I love you, but my entertainment right now is the most important thing. And because of that, I'm entertaining.

22:50 I give good information. Can you see how that works? Good. All right, gentlemen, that's it for me in this podcast. As stated many times, I am giving a free one-on-one breakthrough session where you and I get on the phone together. I have just been meeting so many amazing men in these meetings, guys who I would be best friends. If not for the separation of geography. And frankly, we do become best friends when they join my program. And like I said in that previous episode, when I leave this world, I feel like I've really gained a bunch of friends who will pat me on the back and give me love, just like I gave them love.

23:26 And it's just the most beautiful thing. I'm so appreciative. I'm in the flow state. And I thank you, too, man, for being a listener. Thank you for supporting me. Please come again Mondays and Thursdays when I draw podcasts. And if you want to meet with me, I'm here for you, man. I want to meet you. But I can't force you. I can't force you to do it. I have to ask you. Please sign up. Let's get on the phone. Let's bro out like a couple of brothers after battle around the fire talking about funny stories, laughing, having a good time, and being lighthearted.

23:56 Lighten the fuck up. So after this episode, listen to some Bob Marley. You can listen to my feel good music, which is on Spotify. By the way, I have a bunch of really awesome playlists on Spotify. I got bluegrass. I got hardcore music. It's called Mark's Lift Heavy Ass Weights. I got a ton of guys following me on that. I have a meditation playlist. I have a feel good music playlist. I got Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park. And there's one champion out there who's following my Unbroken playlist.

24:24 Unbroken is, in my opinion, the best hardcore band ever. They're from the 90s. It's like old school hardcore. But dude, it's just such a great playlist. And it takes a certain kind of taste to really appreciate it. But if you're that one guy, I salute you, brother. Write me an email, man. Be like, I'm that dude. I'll be like, yo, how sick is Unbroken, right? Most people wouldn't like it. But there's just something about the guitars on that thing. It's so sick, man. I love that band.

24:49 And also, again, Mark's Lift Heavy Ass Weights. If you want to get some hardcore metal while you're lifting weights, I've actually been rearranging the order of the songs. Right now, one of my favorite songs is song number one. And I'm always going to be rearranging that. So check it out from time to time to see what's getting me fired up. And I'll be lifting where I'm at. You'll be lifting where you're at. And we'll be thinking about each other being like, get some, brother. Let's do this.

25:13 So thank you again, boys. Love all of you. Hope to meet you in person someday. And I will see you in the next episode. Thank you.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.