Why Divorced Men Lose Their Wives And How to Start Dating Again

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. If this is your first time listening, welcome. My name is Mark Sing, and I am an NLP dating coach. NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. Basically, what I do is work on the inside mind, metaprograms, software that you have running inside your head that oftentimes isn't conducive to attracting women.

0:41 And then on the other hand, I teach you the tactical aspect of attracting women. Now, this one is something that I've honestly been procrastinating on. I really didn't want to do it, but it was weird. I kept getting emails over the past month. Hey, Mark, could you please do a podcast for divorced men? I just got divorced. What do I do? What do I do if I get divorced? How do I start meeting women? I'm in a really bad place. Can you do that? Well, as a podcast host, I'm always trying to deliver content that everybody can benefit from.

1:11 So when it came to the whole divorced men thing, I was like, ah, it's probably not going to get a lot of clicks because the majority of my guys are single guys. But I do understand that as a podcast host, I have to curate lots of individual types of episodes in order to cover specific situations in men's lives. So I know as a marketer that perhaps if I put this out there, I'm going to get some new listeners because frankly, if you're divorced and you're looking to attract women, all the podcasts that I've recorded already are specifically for you because I talk about improving your masculinity.

1:43 I talk about this awesome thing called frame control, which is essential and probably a big reason. A lot of you lost your wives to begin with. And I talk about how to become a better man, attract women confidence, all the things that we as men need. Now for the rest of you, if you just happen to click on this and you've been a long time listener and you're like, man for divorced men, that's not me. Well, I'll tell you what, brother attraction works the same. No matter if you're divorced, you're trying to get new girls or your young buck in college, who's just now getting into this, it all works the same.

2:15 So even if you're not a recently divorced man or going to be divorced, I'd strongly suggest you do listen to this episode because there's going to be a ton of really good content. And it's really good to know why men get divorced so that if, and when you get married, you don't make these same kind of mistakes. Before I jump into the content, want to remind you guys who have been avid listeners and for you new guys to let you know that I am doing a free one-on-one breakthrough session where you and I actually get on the phone together.

2:46 We talk about your issues. We talk about, you know, possibly why she divorced you to begin with, what you may have did wrong to create that divorce and also her actions that too may have helped to create the divorce. In that breakthrough session, it's about 30 to 45 minutes. And we're basically seeing if you're a good fit for my three-month coaching program. My three-month coaching program as stated is based on NLP where for three months I create a custom NLP protocol that I do to you to basically remove those belief systems.

3:14 Like I'm not enough. You shouldn't approach people. Don't talk to strangers. Sex is wrong. Women can't be trusted. Put a ring on a woman's finger and it's akin to pulling the emergency cord on a life raft and she just blows up to become a giant sea donkey. Or as I hear often, life's a bitch and then you marry one. These kinds of belief systems obviously aren't conducive to having a successful relationship, not only in marriage, but also with a girlfriend. So we reprogram your brain, see if you're a good fit for that.

3:43 And then also if I'm a good fit for you, we feel that out and see if this works. And in my program, we focus exclusively on getting tons and tons and tons of new women into your life. So, you know, if you've been married for a decade or so and you haven't had sex with a different woman, it's pretty exciting for my guys when they get laid for the first time. And we definitely focus on that abundance because from quantity comes quality. You're not going to meet a super quality woman if that's your goal without dating tons of women and building the skill set, realizing what you want in your next woman and being able to filter out the cycle paths from the girls that are actually a good match, which for a lot of you, you didn't do that first time.

4:26 Okay. So if you want to meet with me, go to my website, coachmarkstein.com. You can also click the link in the description below. It'll take you there. Fill in the very short survey. Click submit. I will contact you with my schedule. If I feel you're a good fit for me, we'll get on that call together and see if it makes sense to get you into my program. Start getting some new women into your life. I have a lot of divorced clients, which is part of the reason I'm recording this.

4:45 And most of those guys, they get dates within probably week three. By the time they're with me for three weeks, they're starting to get dates already. So it's super effective. So if you're interested, I'd love to meet you. All right, gentlemen, let's go ahead and jump into that content. So why did she divorce you in the first place? Obviously I don't know you. I don't know that situation. So I'm just going to outline some common reasons that women leave their men. If that's what happened to you, maybe you left her and actually part of the reason you left her will tie into what I'm about to talk about.

5:19 Okay. So frame control is always the most important thing. You guys have been listening for a long time. You know this, so let's review it really quickly. Frame control basically means that the man, the masculine presence in the relationship has to lead the woman. Okay. He's basically the one who's steering the battleship and he's taking the family into a successful life together. What happens in many relationships is the woman gets frustrated with the man because he's not doing things or being things that she wants him to be or do.

5:45 So what she does is she starts testing him. She starts pushing him. And for many men, they don't want to deal with what to them is essentially nagging. So they let her have the power. Okay. So for example, you know, maybe he's not very ambitious in his career. She's kind of bitter at him about that. So she nags him all the time to do more around the house because she thinks in her female logic that if he does more around the house, maybe that'll make up for the unsatisfaction I have for him because of his lack of ambition.

6:18 So I'm going to tell him to take out the trash. I'm going to tell him to fix stuff. Or as my girlfriend just did to me, she told me to pack up the water table that we had in the backyard for summertime because now it's about to be winter. So she's like, Hey, can you put that water table up now? Me being an alpha male? I'm like, yeah, I'll go ahead and take care of that. Don't worry about it. I got it. But for a lot of guys, they're like, yeah, I'll get to it.

6:37 And then they're on the couch watching football, drinking beer, and they never get around to it. And she gets frustrated. So she keeps nagging him or she nags him about other shit. Hey, I really want to go out to this restaurant tonight. Will you take me there? And he's like, fuck it. Yes. God, I wish you would just shut up and stop complaining to me. So via her frustration with you, what happens is she starts nagging you. You don't have the energy to put up with it.

7:02 You don't want to fuck with it. You just want her to have her way. So she'll shut the hell up. So you give her her way. But what just happened? You give her the frame. Now she's driving the battleship because you really don't want to put up with it. And frankly, bro, you fucked up and you were lazy. So now she starts resenting you because she has the frame. When she has the frame, what just happened? She went into the masculine role. Okay. Masculinity leads, femininity follows.

7:26 Now pay attention to this one. A lot of you guys stopped getting sex from your wives or stopped getting sex from your wives. And you wonder, why is this happening? The reason it's happening is because sexual polarity is responsible for attraction. You're in your masculine. And let's say you're standing on one end of the football field. She's in her feminine. She's standing on the other end of the football field. And between you, you're holding a rubber band. Imagine how tight and how much tension there would be in that rubber band.

7:58 That's sexual tension. When she goes to the masculine and you go to the feminine, well, you guys are going to be closer together because you're a man and you naturally embody the masculine. She's a woman. She naturally embodies the feminine. So when you flip roles, you're basically standing right next to each other. There's no sexual tension there. She's not into it. She's not really attracted to you. So you don't get any. Now you're getting frustrated and pissed off. And what happens when you get frustrated and pissed off and lash at her?

8:24 You're going deeper into your feminine. You're giving her the power. You're getting mad at her. You're complaining. And for some husbands, they may even cry to their wife and say, please get me the sex, right? The problem is, is that you're not leading. You're not stepping into your masculine and leading her to where she wants to be led. Now this takes understanding of female psychology. So I forgive you guys who have fucked up and didn't do this naturally. But what happened is in the marriage, you didn't pay attention to her in the right way.

8:56 And you didn't lead her to where she wants to be led. Instead, she had to tell you where to lead her. Thus you give her the frame. And a lot of guys give her their balls in a little knapsack and say, just shut the hell up and tell me what you want. And I'll fucking do it. Let me watch my football. Let me go sailing with my boys. Let me go play golf and just get the fuck away from you because you're nagging me and making my life hell.

9:15 She's resenting you. She's going into the masculine. And many times because of this, the relationship explodes. Now going deeper into that point about leading her to where she wants to be led, you also have to have what I call trust and connection. So here's what I'm going to do in this episode. I'm going to give you a couple episodes to listen to if you're not interested in working with me. That way you can get more out of this than, you know, the 20 minutes of allotted time that I have to explain this gigantic dynamic to you.

9:46 I'm going to give you a couple to listen to. The first one I want you to listen to is anything about frame control. I probably have, I don't know, eight to 10 different episodes with frame control in the title. Pick the first one to listen to. That's just the frame control episode, likely the first one I recorded. So it would be the oldest one. The next episode I want you to listen to is about trust and connection, trust and connection. Another big reason that men lose their wives is because the wife doesn't feel that the man really listens to them.

10:14 She doesn't feel connected to him. She doesn't feel she can trust him. So there's certain techniques that I teach, and these are also included in my coaching program. In weeks 11 and 12, the final two weeks, I talk about having a successful relationship. Well, trust and connection is absolutely essential. She needs to feel like you listen to her. She needs to feel like you understand her. She needs to feel like she can trust in your masculinity, go into her femininity and be a woman. And that's what she deserves from you, the man.

10:41 And many of you guys inadvertently pushed her away because we don't, as men, understand this naturally. We don't know how to listen. What we do is we go into solve your problem mode. She's complaining to you about an issue at work. Oh, Barbara treated me so shitty. She was a bitch to me like this. And you offer a solution. Well, why don't you just ignore her? Move your cubicle to a different point. Just don't engage with her anymore. But that's not what she wants from you.

11:09 She just wants you to listen and not even try to solve her problems. Well, as men, and I forgive you, bro, because I'm the same way. As men, we are solution oriented. We want to solve problems. And if she has a problem, well, it's only logical, right? Let me go ahead and solve it. That's not what women want. So now we have a relationship where she's in the masculine. He's in the feminine. She is emasculating him on a daily basis. He's begging for sex, not getting it.

11:33 So now he's unsatisfied. He thinks she's being a bitch. She thinks he's being weak and she thinks she can't trust him. She can't connect to him. You're not the same anymore. Because when you guys first started dating, you were okay to sit there and listen to her bitch because you wanted to get sex, right? And you knew in order to get that sex or whatever you wanted from her, or maybe you were just more invested in the relationship, you were willing to be more connected to her, to like sit there with her and listen, you know, and give her a big hug and kiss her in a certain way.

12:04 That gets lost a lot of the times in marriages. And what you end up with is basically two roommates, right? You guys are living together, but the sex is gone. You know, a sexless marriage is actually, if you have sex one time or less per month, one time or less per month. So a lot of you guys were probably in sexless marriages. I hear from dudes all the time. We get on the phone where they hadn't had sex in years, sometimes 10 years. And I know that's the situation with a lot of you guys.

12:30 You're probably pretty excited now that you're divorced to go get some sex because it's awesome. But now that you know this, and for you guys who aren't dealing with the divorce, this is really fucking important that you have to lead the frame, that you have to lead her to where she wants to be led. You have to get this trust and connection concept down, which is why I suggest you listen to my episode, the TNC rule. Okay. Tango and Charlie rule, just TNC rule. Type that into the search function and you'll find it.

12:57 Once you understand just frame control and the TNC rule, you'll get it down next time. Now let's talk about next time. Okay. So we kind of have an understanding of what happened in your marriage. There's a myriad of different circumstances that could have happened many times. And you guys may want to listen to this too. Your dysfunctions match, right? She's a super big train wreck and you have the whole syndrome of captain save a hoe because just for example, your mom was a train wreck and you wanted to save your mom, but you couldn't.

13:32 So now what you're doing is you're looking to save some other woman because you couldn't do that with your mom. So you meet a train wreck and you're attracted to her without even knowing she's a train wreck yet because of that energy. The energy is the same. So you marry this chick and then the train wreck shit starts and you're captain save a hoe fucking bending over backwards, trying to help her. She doesn't appreciate it because she herself came from dysfunction, probably being abused by her family.

13:55 Next thing you know, you're in a dysfunctional relationship and it explodes on you, even though you truly do love her. And she really does love you. Well, oftentimes when we don't work on ourselves, when we don't go into the meta programming in our brains and try to fix it, deal with our traumas, face our past and reprogram our brains, which is exactly what I do in my three month coaching program. These issues are going to manifest over and over and over again. Listen, brother, if you continue to have the same types of women, what's the common denominator there?

14:29 It's you. And you're going to continue to attract and be attracted to those types of women until you get intrusive and try to fix the bullshit in your head. It works like that every single time. I see it time and time again. Fortunately, as an NLP coach, reprogramming that stuff, removing the traumas of that stuff is very simple actually. And we can get you to a healthy state again where you can go get a healthy relationship. And yes, it's possible for you despite your age. Okay.

14:57 I've worked with a guy who was 75, just had a client graduate. He was 69. I got three to four clients in my program right now who are in their fifties. Most of those dudes are divorced. So trust me, my brother, it is not the end for you. There's definitely hope. So moving forward, what do you do? Okay. So here's the first thing I want you to do. I want you to just talk to people every day. I want you to go out and just open and eject.

15:19 Open and eject means asking a quick question, asking for directions. Where's the olive oil? Where did they put the watermelons in this place? Hey, do you know where the gas station is? Where's the freeway? Where'd you get that Starbucks coffee? Okay. So as you get better at talking to people, hopefully, and particularly women, you'll get more comfortable interacting with them. And then what we do specifically in my program, as I teach you how to build conversations out of that recent comfort you have acquired by opening and ejecting, I have my clients open and eject with 20 people, preferably women, but just people for guys who are really nervous every week over 12 weeks, equaling about 240, 250 people.

15:59 So by week six, they're so comfortable opening people that now we can kind of start teaching their subconscious mind. Look, people are safe to talk to. Women are typically cool when you're cool to them, particularly when you go up with good energy, a good vibe, leave them better from having met you be a go giver. When you're a go giver, you prove to your subconscious mind that it's safe. We're also simultaneously reprogramming the belief systems. So by week three, four, five, six, kind of different for each guy, depending on his own level of trauma.

16:34 But somewhere around month one, the end of month one ish, we can start stacking and building conversations that get attraction. Now, a lot of guys say, if you want to go get that girl, go ask for her number. No, no, no, no. What we do is we go up and we give and see if she's attracted to us first. Only then do we ask for a number. And frankly, only when she's proved herself to us that her and I drive, her breath doesn't smell like a homeless man's armpit, right?

16:56 We want to see if she makes the cut. So in the very beginning, if you're divorced, what I want you to do is just kind of start putting yourself out there. What I do in my coaching program too, is I have my boys get on at least five dating apps. I give them my templates to message girls. My three hottest girlfriends, Alicia, Lindsay, and Marissa, go through the pictures of all my clients and tell them which ones to use in which order. I coach heavily on taking new pictures from an amateur or professional photographer that my guys take before they send them to me.

17:26 My girlfriends go through them. And then I give them templates to message girls, not only templates with opening lines, but also templates that close the date. Then of course I teach them what to do on the date, et cetera. So in this game, what I want you to think is abundance, abundance, abundance. It's not just go after that one girl who you have a crush on, who works out the dry cleaners, and you're going to get that one girl and you're going to go ask her out.

17:50 And here's the five magic words you can say given to you by your brother, Mark Singh, that'll make her jump in the air and slide onto your dick. It does not work that way. Having an abundance mindset, putting good energy out there and seeing what comes back and related to a previous podcast that I just recorded, being lighthearted, not being dependent on outcome, having fun, being self-entertained. So in the beginning, if you just got divorced, just start talking to people, open and eject. Then what I want you to do is start, you know, approaching women who you're attracted to, get comfortable with that, eject.

18:24 Then you can listen to my episode, what to say in the first 30 seconds. That'll give you some information when you're talking to a woman. There's honestly, like, I'm not going to lie to you guys to do it just by listening to this free material that I give you. You could probably piece together a sizable quilt that'll keep you warm in those winter months by patching together the myriad of information that I give. But by far, man, like the best way to do it is to join my program.

18:50 I curate everything, teach you what to do when, and I give you everything at the right pace and I'm reprogramming your brain at the same time. But for you guys who don't want to work with me, I get it. I'm not for everybody. And frankly, not everybody's for me, but for you guys who just want to get that free content. Okay. You listen to this, you kind of get why it went wrong. Now, what I want you to do is listen to the episodes on frame control.

19:11 I'd suggest every single fucking one with frame control in the title. Second thing to do is to listen to the TNC rule. Third thing to do is what to talk about in the first 30 seconds. And then you can listen to my online dating. I think it's called online dating God series to dial in your online dating. Now in the program, I also teach my guys how to implement another top of funnel strategy to bring tons of hot girls into their lives. I don't have time to get into that on this episode, but that's the way we do it.

19:43 We have three hooks in the water, the online dating platforms, cold approach, which is approaching women in public, and then top of funnel ideas with those three hooks in the water. Most of my guys are talking to usually about 10 girls at a time going on several dates a week. And this is the way to start ramping up after you've gone through a divorce. Now the trauma of your divorce, sometimes that takes time, but I also have NLP modalities to address specific traumas that happened to you.

20:05 Say for example, when she issued you the divorce papers and you were devastated crying on the corner of your bed in the cannonball position for two weeks, that's something we can address particularly and remove the severity of it so that you can heal from it much quicker. So this is an all hands on deck kind of situation where it's not just one thing. Like again, here's the five magic words to meet your future wife. You're done. You don't have to do any work on yourself. Truth of the matter is, is, you know, you probably made some mistakes.

20:38 Okay. If you got divorced, I can almost guarantee it. And you know what? She made some mistakes too. If a woman isn't willing to move into her femininity in a relationship, it's going to destroy the relationship. That is so important. I want to say it again. Like if I had a podcast to record for women, that would be the number one message, move into your femininity, move into your femininity, move into that femininity and trust your man's masculinity. Let him lead you. Believe me. It's the best thing for both of you.

21:06 A lot of women refuse to do that. And when they refuse to do it with me, I'd ax them immediately. Don't let the door hit you where the Lord split you. But a lot of you guys got into a relationship and partially your fault. She went into her masculine. You went into the feminine boom fucking implodes on itself. So now we're not going to make that mistake again. Are we, we're going to go out with this new mentality, this new knowledge shit. You can hire me and we'll get you out the door in less than three months, dating tons of hot girls, definitely having sex.

21:36 Well, before that three months is over happens to almost all my guys. And knowing that in the future, if you're willing to work on yourself, if you're willing to look those dysfunctions, look those metaprograms and look those traumas in the eye, you can get past this and have a future with another woman who is not only absolutely gorgeous, but who is somebody that you can be proud of and trust and have a healthy relationship with. This is absolutely possible. So I want to end with this point.

22:03 The divorce is the end of something. It's the end of that marriage, but I want you to get excited because it's also the beginning of something. You can definitely master this part of your life. There are definitely women out there who are great, amazing hearts of gold, beautiful, amazing sick duck. If you don't know what I mean by sick duck, just switch the S and the D girls who you can laugh with and travel with and trust. And a girl who is willing to move into her femininity because this type of knowledge is becoming a little bit more widespread.

22:36 And there are women out there who are willing, definitely willing to go into their femininity. And they don't prescribe to all this movement of femininity is weakness and masculinity is toxic, which in my opinion is complete bullshit. It is literally ruining relationships one after the other after the other. What's the divorce rate in the United States right now? Something like 70%. Don't quote me on that. Just something I heard once super fucking high. And a big reason for that is because this attack on masculinity and this attack on femininity at the same time, people don't know who the fuck they are.

23:07 They don't even know what gender they are anymore. So how the hell can we expect marriages to work when the woman being in her feminine is so important and you brother being in your masculine and being unapologetic about it is so absolutely critical. All right, gentlemen, I hope all you men picked up a few gold nuggets from this episode. Even if you aren't recently divorced, I'm sure you learned something. But if you are, I want to tell you again, man, there's definitely hope. I actually kind of want you to get excited because man, you know, getting into the dating space with the power to attract women and get literally any girl you want is an amazing power to have.

23:44 And yes, you, I don't care what your situation is. You can get that power. The real question is, are you willing to invest in yourself? The real question is, are you willing to do the work for the vast majority of you guys? You aren't. You're not going to do the work. And frankly, I hate to say it, brother, but you're probably going to duplicate the same results you got last time unless you get intrusive and fix that shit and learn the rules of attraction. I teach it.

24:05 So if you want to come meet with me, I have a free session where you can do so. Sign up on my website, CoachMarkSingh.com. Click on coaching, fill in the short application, submit it. I'll send you my schedule and you and I will get on that free one-on-one breakthrough session together. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I drop podcast episodes on Mondays and Thursdays. I'm actually going to do a stream of these that are more specific. I'm going to do one for introverts.

24:31 I'm going to do one for really good looking guys. I'm going to do one for not very good looking guys. I'm going to do one about premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. I may even do one for you college boys out there. So I want to get more specific because I know a lot of you guys have very specific situations and you want that information that's specific to you for your situation. So stay tuned for those. They're coming out soon and I appreciate all you gentlemen. Make sure to stay tuned for the next one.

24:58 It's a goddamn good one. So come back again and I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.