The Root Cause of People's Unhappiness and Lack of Success - "Hell is The Others"

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast. The only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate your patronage. If you've been listening for a long time, you know what to do. That's right. Smack yourself on the ass so hard when the concussion hits, your balls fly up and hit the brim of your hat. If this is your first time listening, welcome.

0:32 What I try to do is give the best information in the most succinct way possible. And today, we are going to talk about why hating other people, thinking that other people are hell, despising them and judging them is an absolute downfall that is only going to make you depressed, lonely, and unhealthy and will prevent you from getting success. Now, hating other people is something completely natural that many of us go through, typically through our 20s. And an example of this is when you're driving through traffic.

1:02 And I would often have daydreams of having an F-16 fighter group at my command at any minute to just deploy and blow up all the cars in front of me. Have you guys ever visualized that? I'm sure you have. And sometimes other people can really piss in our rivers. Even more than that, they really shit in our rivers, don't they? They walk right up to our river, throw their leg up on a cottonwood branch and just spray diarrhea all down our river. And many times, we think our lives would be so much better if I just didn't have to deal with these idiots, these complete morons out in society.

1:42 Not only out in society, but also our own family and sometimes even our own friends, we resent because they're such idiots. Can't believe what idiots, such idiots. And we start to hate other people. And it's really easy to hate other people. In fact, the ego, which is that part of you which grabs onto things to make yourself feel better than other people, loves to hate other people because that way it feels superior over them. And the ego will do just about anything to feel superior to others, even convince itself that it's better, that other people are wrong.

2:14 And this is the big reason for people who are self-righteous. And you see this all the time with people who can't believe other people think the opposite way that they do. They think they're so stupid. They think they're such idiots. They don't even understand it. And what happens? The ego grabs onto that. I spoke a little bit about this in my podcast about cynical superiority. Cynical meaning being cynical. Cynical and superiority is feeling better than other people because they have a different view than you do.

2:45 Now, what happens a lot of the times with the ego is we get ensconced, which means completely addicted to and entrenched in a certain viewpoint, and we refuse to budge. That's why whenever I see people who are on far right wing or far left wing, I always have a little bit of trepidation about those people because to me, it shows that their ego has really grabbed onto that belief system and refuses to even look at the other belief system. And that's always a little bit of a warning sign for me, especially when I'm dating a woman who's like super right wing or she's like super liberal.

3:21 I'm like, oh, my hell, here we go. She's grabbed onto a belief system and absolutely refuses to look at the other side. Whereas with me, I feel like I'm really open-minded. I usually fall pretty much in the middle in most situations. And frankly, I can see the argument of both sides. Look, I can see why gun control is probably a good idea, but at the same time, I love my guns and I want them. So I kind of agree with the Second Amendment, but then again, I kind of don't.

3:47 And I can see both sides of it. Yeah, guns kill people, but people would kill people anyway with swords and knives if they had them. But at the same time, guns make it easier to kill people. So is it really a good idea that we have so many damn guns in the United States? Personally, I think, just my own opinion, my conclusion is it's better to have and not need than need and not have. And now that guns are in the United States, criminals are always going to have them.

4:12 So if you take guns from law-abiding citizens like myself, well, criminals are still going to have them. You think criminals are going to turn them in? Hell no. So I want to have my guns. But do I think a society is better without guns? Yeah, part of me does think that. Part of me. So it's that juxtaposition. You can have duality of thought. You can see both sides of an argument. Well, what happens a lot of times with the ego is it's so easy to just hate other people and think that other people are the root cause of your problems.

4:40 And that's kind of the way life is designed, isn't it? Other people are supposed to challenge you. Other people are supposed to be annoying. In fact, those people who challenge you the most, those people who you have the hardest time with, those are often your greatest teachers. Those are the people who show you what's wrong with yourself because I guarantee you what you hate in another is inside of you. It's your ego trying to show its more prevalent existence in the other person to thereby justify its own existence in yourself.

5:13 For example, if you complain a lot and you hate people who complain, it's because you hate that part of yourself and you're trying to point out its more prevalent existence in them. So when we hate other people, we have to look at the root cause of it. What is it about people that annoys you? Why do you want everybody to agree with you? Why can't you accept other people's opinions and have a great conversation about it and even let their opinion sway your opinion a little bit?

5:40 Now, I'm not saying you specifically, the listener does this, but we have to look at what is it about other people that pisses us off? Why is it that our ego wants to kill other people's egos and we think that we're better off alone? See, I had a major problem with this pretty much all through my 20s and even a little bit into my 30s. I always felt, dude, I'm better off alone. I will never meet a girl that's good enough. I will never be happy having a family.

6:08 I don't want other people. In fact, the more I'm alone, the happier I'll be. And I got very good at being alone. I used to say like, yeah, man, I'm so privileged. I'm so lucky because I really enjoy my own company. And that's true, but what I've learned in my 44 years of wisdom and trial and error is that other people are necessary. Having a woman who you love and who you're going to live with and who you relate to is necessary for your happiness. Loneliness, as I mentioned in a previous podcast, is the same as smoking 14 cigarettes a day for your health.

6:44 So what does that show us? Yeah, other people are annoying. Yeah, no one's going to be exactly 100% perfect for you. Yes, other people who get in front of you in their car, who do stupid things when you're out in society, who dress in ways that you don't accept or have belief systems and bumper stickers on their car that you couldn't disagree with more. Those people are necessary because it takes all kinds to make a world. And when you do finally accept rather than expect, again, it's accept rather than expect, people for who they are, what they believe, knowing that various opinions make a successful society, that in fact it's good that the Democrats and the Republicans argue.

7:25 When you accept that, you become a whole hell of a lot happier because when you're bitter at people, judging them, calling everybody an idiot, getting pissed off at everybody and wishing that everybody was like you, you are living not only a delusion, but you're making yourself absolutely miserable. And if you take it to the point where you just wanted to be alone the rest of your life so you could have freedom, so you could do whatever the hell you want, so you would never have to put your heart out there for a woman to break, you are basically living in fear and you are living in illusion.

8:01 I know a lot of people who are alone right now, who are in their 60s, 70s, and like my uncle I talked about, he's in his mid-70s. That guy is the loneliest dude you'd ever meet. And I'm telling you, there's a part of him that's absolutely miserable because he convinced himself that hell is the others. And there's actually a quote by Jean-Paul Satrier, I think that's how you pronounce it, is hell is the others. Other people are hell. When in fact, other people are both heaven and hell, depending on your perception of it.

8:31 There is no heaven or hell, it's your perception of it. There is no right or wrong, but thinking makes it so. So that's why I say accept rather than expect. Just accept people for how they are. It takes people to make this world. And furthermore, it takes people to pave the streets, to have a fire department, to have a police department, to have food in the supermarket. All the hot girls that you like and that you're jacking off to, it took people to make those women.

9:00 You know, there's 10,000 people moving to Colorado every month. And I see it on social media. I see it on bumper stickers. Everyone's saying, go home. You're not wanted. Get out of Colorado. Go back to California. But here's the way I look at it. More people means more hot girls. Think about that. More hot girls. It means more potential best friends. It means more diversity. It means more of everything, more abundance. Everybody's moving here because Colorado's fucking awesome. And people are finally figuring out the secret that Colorado's awesome.

9:31 Austin, Texas is having the same issue. They're having all these people move in because they're figuring out it's awesome. Well, if you live in an area where more people are coming and you're saying, dude, get out. I was here first. You are living in an illusion that less people equals more happiness. And that is such a common illusion because, again, the ego thinks that hell is others. And what is the ego derived of? As I spoke about in a previous podcast, it's derivative of fear, isn't it?

9:58 What's the opposite of fear? If you listen to that podcast, you'll know. It's love. And what does love do? It says, open the gates, man. Bring us everybody. That's why America was founded on that principle. Bring us your huddled masses, your poor, your vanquished, whatever the saying is. The more, the merrier. And that's the way your true self believes. And I'll tell you, you need people. I have not been happier since I've been with Marissa and we have a kid together and we have our little family unit.

10:26 It has made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. Happier than when I had freaking 10 nines and 10s in my phone that I could call over to my house at any time. That was unfulfilling. It was fun. But what is fun? Fun is a sugar high. It's donuts. It's cocaine. It's not real. What's real is relationships with other people. Now, part of the reason I'm doing this podcast is for me naturally, and this may be true for you as well, is I believe naturally that hell is the other people, is that my ego really doesn't like other people.

11:00 My first instinct is always anger. And sometimes I react on that anger. But I know deep down that it's a mistake. And by recognizing the mistake and having the balls to commit to Marissa, having the balls to create a family, having the balls to move in with her, and put away my playboy lifestyle has been the best decision I've ever made. Because hell is not the others. You need other people to be happy. So as you go through life and as you become an unapologetic alpha silverback, I want you to take this on board.

11:31 is when you're spiteful towards people, when somebody cuts you off and you think to yourself, God, what a fucking idiot. Remember, that person is going to be dust just like you're going to be dust in a matter of probably 80 years or less. That person was born in the same country, in the same city, probably in the same generation or close to it as you were. You guys speak the same language. You're here all struggling together, yet you feel like they're your enemy. Why is it that many times we have a confrontational vibe with people and we see them as the other?

12:03 Well, I've heard an interesting theory about this and it's this. Throughout the evolution of man, there were tribal communities. Now in tribes, it was either safer to have more people from the outside come in, or it was more dangerous to have people from the outside come in. So through evolution in our DNA, there's the potentiality for two different types of opinions when it comes to other people. The first opinion, and this is what Marissa, my girlfriend, has is, the more the merrier, bring people in, help people out.

12:33 Why does she have that? Because her ancestors found that it's more effective for their survival to bring in outsiders because it's going to help you survive. It's like that show, The Walking Dead, right? Is the more people you have in your community, when they're zombies all about, the safer it's going to be. But it's also the opposite, isn't it? Is that in some clans throughout 200,000 years of evolution, they found that when people come in, it creates problems. It creates too much strain on resources. So that DNA channel through evolution has determined that the more people, the more danger.

13:10 And this, in my opinion, is one of the reasons for people who are extremely right-wing and extremely left-wing. Extreme right-wing people come from the DNA stream of less people, the better. This is our tribe. Fuck everybody else. Defend yourself. Let's go ahead and just look out for ourselves and our families. Whereas left-wing people come from the DNA strand of, through hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, bringing more people in has made us safer. So the more, the merrier. Let's help everybody out. Because when I help myself, I help the others.

13:41 Which way do I lean? It depends on what day you talk to me. I'm pretty much right in the middle. I can see the point of the far right, and I can also see Marissa's point of the far left. Now, naturally, I do lean a little bit more right. I'm just going to be honest with you. That's how I'm naturally set. Is I think, keep people out. Just protect my tribe. I got my little base here, and I want nobody to have anything to do with it.

14:04 But through having the experience with Marissa and seeing how she is, and also just becoming wiser in my years, I realize that there's a lot of merit in inviting other people in. I realize there's a lot of merit in community. I realize there's merit in helping others, reaching out a helping hand. That that bum who I used to just say, oh, you're a piece of shit. You're lazy. You have nothing good to give to society. I hate you. That bum could teach me something. He has wisdom.

14:31 He could be my best friend. He could be my mentor. The person driving next to you right now could be the most amazing violinist you ever met. Could be the most amazing, gifted tailor who can, like, sew you a suit, and you would never know it because she's a fat, middle-aged woman driving a shitty car, and you're like, ah, she's a piece of shit, and she cut me off, and because she cut me off, I'm going to have road rage against her and try to go insult her.

14:58 You don't know who that woman is. She could be your best friend. She could be the godmother to your child. You never know. So when you have that exclusion mentality, you're really limiting yourself. So if you think that hell is others, that comes from that closed-minded mentality that says other people are a pain in the ass. I wish they were less than them. The fact that we're about to hit 10 billion people in this world is an absolute travesty. I wish I could just gather everybody up on an island and drop a fucking nuclear bomb on it.

15:29 Listen, if you've thought that, as have I, you probably want to reconsider that because it's a very, very clear way to go into unhappiness. Happiness is the others. It says hell is the others. I want to put a juxtaposition to that. Heaven is the others. Love is other people. Everybody can teach you something. Everybody has a talent. Everybody could be your best friend, could be your lover, could be your mentor, could be your mentee, could be somebody who could bring value to your life and you value to their life.

16:00 When you have that mentality, when you walk into the gym and rather than thinking to yourself, oh, fuck that guy, dude. Look at his beer gut. Yeah, he's ripped, but he's got a huge beer gut. Oh my God, that guy thinks he's so cool because he can deadlift all that weight. Oh, that chick thinks she's so hot because she has hot tits. And you have that like confrontational energy towards others, which admittedly I naturally have. When you flip that and you instead say to yourself, dude, everybody here is a potential best friend.

16:27 We're all in the same community. We're all working out at the same gym. We're all into fitness. We have so much in common and we are a community. When you flip that, there's so much more peace and joy and enthusiasm that comes into your life because again, hell is not the others. Heaven is the others when you get open-minded to the fact that our confrontational energy towards other people is not only hindering us, it's hindering society as a whole. So that's my little speech for today, guys.

16:58 And the reason I gave it is because I too used to think this way and it did nothing but held me back. It just made me miserable. It made me cynically superior to not only women, but to everybody else. And I'll tell you, the most attractive guy is the guy who loves people and loves women more specifically. Because if you have a thought that other people are hell, then you're going to think that women are bunched into that. And women can pick up on that vibe from you.

17:24 They can feel it from you. That you're resentful towards them. That you're resentful towards humanity as a whole. That you want to drive down that freeway and call on the F-16 bomb run and bomb all the cars in front of you. I've been there. I've been there. But it does nothing good for you. So I want you to take this on board. Consider it. The next time you're in a situation where people are bothering you, think to yourself, these are all humans like I am. They're all Americans or Brits or Australians like I am or Canadians.

17:49 And you know what? I could probably be friends with a lot of them. Once you talk to people, people are not only pretty damn cool, but most people have a lot of wisdom and experiences that you haven't had and that you can learn from. Furthermore, your net worth comes from your net work. It's all about other people. We need to warm up to the fact that people are necessary for our success. Not only in our relationships, but also monetarily. And most importantly, with our happiness and peace.

18:17 Other people are necessary. Hell is not the others. Heaven is the others. And that's my message for the day. All right, gentlemen, if you found value in this podcast, I very much appreciate a review, preferably a five-star review with some writing behind it. Go ahead and go on over to iTunes or any of the other podcast apps that you happen to be listening to this on and that allow for reviews. Leave me that review and then email me at coachmarksing at gmail.com. And I will send you a bunch of cool shit, the conversation sniper, guide to the female orgasm, and three texts to build massive attraction in women.

18:50 I'll also send you a bunch of videos and I will give you my coaching business when I am slain in battle. All right, gentlemen, I drop podcasts on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So stay tuned for the next one and I will see you in the next episode. Bye.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.