The Superior Man's Perspective on Challenges ... Bad News ... And When Life SUCKS

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. So this episode, I'm a little fuming right now, man. I got to be honest with you. I'm struggling, brothers. I'm struggling big time because the situation has happened. And I'm recording this most of all for myself. And I hope you guys can benefit from this because I really need to be strong here, man.

0:38 I really need to shape my perspective and not let this annoying situation get to me. So here's what happened. Our nanny went to a big dubstep concert a couple weeks ago during Christmas vacation. You know, while, what's it called? The COVID Omicron? Is that what it's called? Anyway, it's really popping off right now. So she went and we love her, man. Like, I don't want to talk shit about her. She's an amazing, amazing nanny, but she gets COVID. So she gets COVID and she comes back to babysit our daughter.

1:06 And you know how it is with a nanny and a two-year-old daughter. They're always like right next to each other. So she just tested positive for COVID two days ago. And Marissa and I are responsible people. So we said, okay, go ahead and stay home. We'll see if our daughter gets it. But it's like, we both have full-time jobs and nobody else can come over and help us because our daughter probably has COVID. So I've had to cancel everything. We had a trip planned, not going to jujitsu, not going to the gym.

1:32 Marissa had to stay home from work. I had to cancel appointments because we essentially have to babysit our daughter. So this is really pissing in my river because like you, I'm very much towards oriented. I want to kick ass in life. And it's like the beginning of January, right? I just want to fucking kill it and get all my goals done. And I'm up for my blue belt soon in Brazilian jujitsu. And like, I have to probably take up to a month off depending on how the sickness is going, stuff like that.

2:00 So it's really took a diarrhea in my river there, bro. I walked right up to my river, threw its leg up on a branch and just sprayed diarrhea in the river. And you know what? While I feel it was irresponsible for her to go to that concert, I understand. And it's like, what are we supposed to do? Not live our lives. And I dare say Marissa and I traveled too during the Christmas vacation. So it could have happened to us, but you know, sometimes life really sucks and life pisses you off.

2:25 And certainly it can be much worse than this. And this is one of the things I keep telling myself. And that's one of the points of this podcast episode. So today I want to talk about perspective because life is going to throw bullshit at you that pisses you off. And this is minimal compared to what could happen. I mean, what if my mom dies or Marissa's killed in a car crash or God forbid my number one fear of all my two-year-old daughter dies and that can happen.

2:52 You know, I believe life is designed to challenge us in order to spur growth, which is part of the foundation of this episode today. But you know, it could be worse, but at the same time things piss us off. And I know all you guys go through that. Like something's canceled, a girl flakes on you, a girl cheats on you, a girlfriend zones you, you get fired from your job, a myriad of different things happen that piss in our river. So we as superior men have to change our perspective because that's the only thing we have control over.

3:20 And this goes back a little bit to a podcast episode I recorded recently, which is focus on what you can control. I can't control that COVID came into my house. I can't control that my two-year-old daughter probably has it. And I'm very worried about her too, because she's the love of my life, man. She's my world. And if she gets hospitalized or God forbid dies, Oh my God, dude, I'm going to be a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker. I don't know what the hell would happen. So in life, you have to prepare yourself for those calamities because they are coming.

3:52 You will never get to a point. And again, I'm talking to myself just as much as I'm talking to you. This is like self-therapy right now, right? We brother will never get to the point where everything's perfect and we're safe. We will never get to the point where we can really retire, where we're completely secure, where no problems will happen. And that's an illusion that's often sold to us by marketing companies and people who want to sell a shit that there is a destination to arrive to where everything will be done.

4:17 And it's a huge point of this podcast. And I talk about it all the time because I'm really interested in what I call the art of living and life is hard. Life is going to challenge you. And I believe that's the point of it. That's why we can never get to the point where everything is done and we're completely safe and we have no worries and no hassle because it's designed to challenge us. And why is it designed to challenge us? To make us grow. I think the point of life is to spur growth, to spur creativity, to become the best version of yourself and to get even deeper on a spiritual context to wake up to what you really are.

4:52 I'm not going to go really into spirituality on this one. I just want to talk about some perspective changes. And that's the first perspective change is calamities, bad news, things that suck are actually good because they spur that growth, which is the entire point of being on this earth. What feels better than growing? What feels better than developing yourself as a man? What feels better than accomplishing the next step in life where you take a step up and you will never be the same guy that you were before?

5:20 In my opinion, nothing feels better than that. And maybe I'm strange. Maybe I'm different than most people. I don't think so. But to me, self-development, like becoming the next best version of myself, looking myself in the eyes and saying, man, I'm proud of you, bro. The way you behaved in that situation, the way you reacted to that calamity, your character, your bearing, your attitude, your perspective during that challenge was spot on, brother. Good job. So that's the first point of this is when life sucks, you have to see it as something that's spurring you to grow.

5:51 And since growth should be one of our number one priorities, it's actually a good thing. So I look at it as we're cruising on our mountain bike, right? And we're taking a ride in an unfamiliar area. And what's really fun on a bike ride are the downhills. We all enjoy it and we enjoy coasting. We enjoy cruising. It's fun. What kind of sucks are the uphills, right? And as they say in mountain biking, you have to earn your turns, which means you got to climb those hills in order to get to those downhills.

6:18 Well, when you're taking a ride that you're not familiar with, those uphills are going to come at you at times that you're not prepared for them and perhaps you don't want them. But when you shift your perspective to think, well, this uphill is going to make me a stronger rider. It's going to build muscle in my legs. It's going to prepare me for the next uphill that's inevitably coming. And instead of looking at life's calamities as, ah, God damn it. Can't go to jujitsu. I can't go to the gym.

6:42 I have to cancel my trip. I'm probably going to get COVID and be out for two weeks. My daughter could end up in the hospital. Like, I don't know what the fuck's going to happen. Marissa actually has lung problems, so I'm worried about her as well. We are vaccinated, so we probably have some protection, but Lucia, my two-year-old daughter, isn't vaccinated. So I'm pretty worried about her. But see, the way I'm looking at it is, okay, I have to cancel appointments. I have to take care of Lucia.

7:10 It's literally been snowing for seven years. So what am I supposed to do with her? Usually we go walk around in malls. I take her to Shields. I take her to Sportsman's Warehouse, take her to Walmart. It's like her favorite place on earth, Walmart. And I'm like, okay, we can't go to public setting, so I'll take her outside. Well, it's been snowing for seven years straight. So I take her to the baseball field to go run around, and it's completely full of snow. I can't take her to the parks.

7:34 It's just a really shitty situation. So the way I'm looking at it is, this is a time for me to build myself up as a man. This is the time to show who I really am and build that character. This is going to suck. This is like that uphill that comes unexpectedly that you don't really want to deal with. But when it comes, you have to just suck it up and say, yeah, all right, I'm ready for this. Bring it on. Because I don't feel like growing right now.

7:56 I don't feel like this challenge. I don't feel like testing my character. And how often do we feel like testing our characters? Not often at all. Unless you consciously sign up for something that challenges you, like a Spartan race, right? The whole point of a Spartan race is to show that you can overcome adversity. But at least in that context, you can prepare yourself mentally for it. Whereas in life situations, you're just doing your thing. And life certainly is hard enough without these challenges. But you're just doing your thing.

8:25 And then suddenly, boom, you get a phone call. Your brother was killed in an accident. And you have to fly out to whatever state he was in, clean up all his assets, maybe even pay off his debts, and a bunch of other shit and like find new housing for his children. Like some bullshit happens to you. At that time, you need to consciously look at it as, okay, this is going to grow me. This is going to make me a better man. This is going to build my character.

8:51 This is actually going to make me more attractive to women. Because the less reactive you are to those things that happen, the less perturbable you are, which means being perturbed and just having a masculine, calm, solution-oriented mentality when it comes to that issue, the more attractive you're going to be to women. Because when you get women, shit's going to happen when you're with these women. Stuff is going to come at you to test your character in front of her. That's the way life's designed. I always say the truth always reveals itself.

9:19 The truth always reveals itself. So when something shitty happens, it's your time to build yourself up so that in the future, when something else happens, for example, your brother dying, you have the wherewithal to deal with it. And yeah, you're not choosing the time and place where these challenges happen. But I want to let you know that you're bigger than your problems. And I'm talking to myself again here. I'm bigger than this, man. I can deal with this. I'm not going to be broken by this.

9:44 I am going to be the leader of this family. I'm going to wear a smile on my face. I'm going to say, Marissa, it's going to be okay. We're going to deal with this. And even if Lucia does, God forbid, have to be submitted to the hospital, I'm going to be the rock. I'm going to be the guy everybody can rely on. And I'm going to keep a positive attitude. Even though deep inside, boys, you know this, I'm frustrated, man. I'm fucking pissed that this is happening.

10:06 But it is what it is. It's time for me to sack the fuck up, face the challenge like a man, be towards oriented and grow myself. What's awesome is through the next couple of weeks, I'm going to grow more than I would have had this not happened. So in that way, it's good. In addition to that, we don't really know why things happen, right? And we don't have the total picture. So it's like judging a movie when it's only halfway done and the protagonist faces his big calamity.

10:31 Every movie, if you look at every movie, there's always something bad that happens in order for the protagonist to overcome it, right? That's the story of life right there. Movies are a reflection of life. Movies are representational individuations of calamities that befall us. God, that was a good sentence. So basically, you're going through life, something shitty happens to you. There's the movie, man. There's the guy's big challenge. And then you overcome it and you're usually better for it. Now, there's something really interesting in the Zen philosophy that I absolutely love, which is this.

11:01 Once the total picture has been shown, once something bad has happened to you and all the repercussions of that bad thing have settled, the dust has settled, everything is behind you. If you make a list of the good things that came out of it and the bad things that came out of it, they're usually about equal. My panic attacks, right? In Japan, I've told you guys a lot about this before, but I was a translator and I had a panic attack and then that led into agoraphobia, panic attacks, anxiety for a good couple of years.

11:25 Well, had those panic attacks not happened to me, I never would have found NLP. I never would have become an NLP coach and I wouldn't have this business today. So oftentimes calamities are sometimes the best thing that ever happened to us, but it's only when we see the total picture that we see the benefits that come out of it. And once again, I believe this life is designed to challenge, intrigue and make us grow. So it's going to throw challenges at you so that you can learn the lessons you need to learn.

11:54 And this is so simple. It's so cliche. You hear it all the time. When you take the L, when you take the loss, the L actually means learn, boys. It actually means learn. Oh, doesn't that feel good? And you're so irritated when you hear that shit. You're like, shut the fuck up, you fucking asshole. And that's what's irritating about those like super overtly positive people, right? They seem like they're like in a dreamland, like, oh, it's all good. No problems. Remember that in Happy Gilmore? He's like happy.

12:23 It's a merry-go-round. It goes round and round. And then Happy Gilmore walks away and he's like psycho. Well, yeah, that's the way we feel about overtly positive people who kind of seem like they're in denial. That's not the positivity I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is even when shitty things happen, and yes, they are shitty. I'm not going to try to tell you they're good. But what I'm telling you is that dukkha, the Buddhist word for suffering, basically tells us that your unhappiness and your happiness are essentially the same thing.

12:48 And out of bad comes good and out of good comes bad. But essentially, the purpose of it is to wake us up, to make us learn, to grow us so that we can, and this is my opinion, like the Buddha, reach enlightenment, wake up to what we really are, which is love. But the point of it is to spur that growth. And no matter how many times it has to happen, it's going to happen to you until you learn that lesson. And who knows what the lesson is?

13:15 And who knows why this was brought to you? I keep telling myself, look, the reason this is happening and I have to quarantine is because had I gone to jujitsu today, and I had plans to go today, but I couldn't. Had I gone to jujitsu today, I probably would have broken my arm. So it's better. And this comes down to a fundamental principle of living. I talked about this in a recent episode that you got to make yourself see what you want to see. Perspective and attitude is within your power.

13:40 So control it and choose to see what you want to see, because it's easy, boys, to be unhappy. It's easy to be cynical. It's easy to be sad. It's easy to be anxious. And it's weakness. It's fucking weakness. What does the man do? He makes himself see what he wants to see. And he sees the suck as spurring his growth, which is the most important thing to him. And that is good. That is good. There's a Zen story that I really like. I don't think I've ever shared it on this podcast.

14:11 An old man who lived in China had a horse and his horse escaped in the nighttime. All the neighbors came over and said, Oh my God, that's terrible. Your horse escaped. That horse was worth $10,000. You're totally screwed. And the old man said, maybe. Then the horse came back with five other horses from the wild, made friends, brought them back to the stable. And all the neighbors came in and said, Oh, how fortuitous. Now you got five horses. You got like 50 grand worth of horses. That's awesome.

14:36 Congratulations. You're so lucky. And he said, maybe. Then his son was riding that horse, got bucked off, broke his leg. The neighbors came over and said, Oh, it's horrible. I'm sorry. Your son broke your leg. What bad luck. And the old man says, maybe. Then the army comes by and is recruiting soldiers for the upcoming campaign. And they say, okay, we're not going to take your son because he's got a broken leg. So your son doesn't have to go to war. Neighbors come over and say, Oh my God, how fortuitous.

15:01 And he says, maybe. Now you guys see the point here that unless we have the total picture, we don't know if something is good luck or bad luck. So why judge it? Why are you going to base your feelings about a movie when it's halfway through when the protagonist faces this big challenge? The smart thing to do is to step back and say, you know what? This seemingly sucks, but what can I do in this situation to better myself? How can I make the situation better?

15:26 And how can I reframe it in my mind to see the good in this situation, even though it's been snowing for seven years straight, even though I can't go to that jujitsu or go to the gym or go on our trip that we had planned this weekend. Maybe it's a fortuitous thing. I don't know how it would be, but maybe it is. And I can control what I can do. So what am I going to do? I am going to get tons of shit done. There's tons of stuff I've been wanting to do with my business.

15:48 I've had to clean out my storage area for a while. I'm going to do that. There's a couple of orders I've been meaning to make about business things that I've been wanting to get from my office. I'm going to do all that stuff. So it's perspective. Again, being cynical, being sad is weakness. Being happy is strength. Happiness takes strength. And boys, that's why freaking 90% of people aren't happy. They see life as a series of bad events that just makes them suffer. And they think they have no control over it whatsoever.

16:15 And I'll tell you this. Yeah, bad things will happen to all of us. Bad things, as we're seeing, even happened to me, a guy who's usually positively thinking. But I don't know the total picture here. Maybe this had to happen so that Marissa wasn't driving home from work tonight in the snow, spins out and gets herself killed. She had to stay home today. And that's why it happened. Who knows? So choose what you're going to think. We don't know. We just don't know. So choose your perspective.

16:41 Because the only thing that matters is the happiness that results out of your perspective. So are you lying to yourself? Maybe. But are you not lying to yourself if you choose to see the bad things? You're lying to yourself in that situation too, aren't you? Yes. So might as well lie to yourself, quote unquote, in a way that makes you feel better and in a way where you can control your reaction and keep your happiness. How many people are happy on a day-to-day basis? Almost nobody.

17:09 What does everybody want? To be happy. Yet we think unconsciously that by complaining, by being negative, by telling everybody we're a victim and blaming everybody else for our problems, that's going to buy us happiness. But it just doesn't work that way. The way it works is your perspective, your attitude shapes your experience. Already right now, it's about 18 minutes in, I'm feeling better. This is actually working. This is a good therapy session, bro. Appreciate that, man. You got it. I'm here for you, brother. Thank you. All right.

17:39 My final point is this, boys. You cannot have a black and white picture unless you have black and white. So let's look at black and white. Black represents the shitty things. White represents the good things. You cannot experience joy. You cannot experience exaltation. You cannot experience achievement without disappointment, challenges, struggles, and when life generally sucks. So those two have a purpose. What would life be without the shittiness? The shittiness sets up the stage, sets the precedence, is the foundation of the goodness. So it's necessary to be there.

18:13 So the way I'm looking at this time is this. This is like boot camp for me. I'm going to go into it like a man. It's going to suck. I'm just going to suck it up, deal with it, try to do things productive while this is happening. But at the same time, man, I'm looking forward to when that sun comes out again, when it stops snowing for 17 years straight and the sun comes out again, all the snow melts off, everybody in the house is healthy, and we have that vacation coming up, and we're all happy as a family.

18:38 That kind of motivates me. It's like that light at the end of the tunnel. When you're in boot camp, there's always that graduation day. And that's the way I look at it, that life cannot be shitty forever, especially when you have positive thoughts. Because yes, when you have those positive thoughts, it's basically a sign to the universe that you've already learned that cynicism and feeling sorry for yourself doesn't work. So it sends you less challenges. And I really believe that I believe you attract to yourself by the law of attraction, like a magnet, the exact lessons you need to learn.

19:10 And if your development is still in an infant stage where you believe that crying, complaining, and feeling like a victim buys you what you want. If your mentality is still in that stage, you are going to attract yourself bad situations to prove to you that you are responsible for your life. You get the life you choose. Once you realize that, these calamities, like the one that's kind of happening to my family right now, are so few and far between. It just seems like things work out well for you.

19:38 I look at my friends. I look at this lady that cuts my hair. Man, her life is just one calamity after another. It's because of her thinking. And all she does is complain. All she does is complain. So all she does is attract herself more shit. The more shit is a hammer hitting her on the head saying, dude, you created this. Do you not see this yet? You have created this 20 times over the past two years, yet you keep doing it. Wake up, wake up, wake up.

19:59 So choosing to see things in that self-growth, superior man, positive light will not only attract to you less calamities, but when the calamities do come, you can see them from a positive perspective of growth and say to yourself, man, this hill came. I'm mountain biking. I'm really not in the mood right now. I'm kind of smoked. I'm going to hit that fucking hill and I'm going to dominate it. And when I get to the top of it, I've earned the turns. I get to enjoy the ride down.

20:26 And that's all life is. And it's going to keep happening. So don't buy into the illusion that we're ever done. Since you're a soldier in the war of life, your job is to build more armor, to build more skills, to up your jujitsu level, to up your ability to take pain, to up your ability to control the frame. When life tries to frame check, you life comes in, says, here's a frame check, motherfucker. Are you going to be affected? Are you going to react? Are you going to start crying like a little bitch?

20:55 Are you going to sack the fuck up and deal with it? That's what I'm going to do, boys. Over the next two weeks, I'm going to deal with it. I'm going to be fucking fine. I'm going to be the rock this family needs. And I appreciate you listening to my vent session, my own coaching session, to myself, to remind myself, this is why it's happening. And yeah, I even believe I attracted this myself in some way so that I could grow. And so did Marissa. Marissa needs this too.

21:19 And in some ways, our two-year-old daughter, Lucia, needs it too. We don't have the total picture. I don't know how. I don't know how it's going to pan out. Maybe it just turns out to be a funny story 10 years from now over Christmas dinner. Who knows? But I'm not going to buy into the cynicism. I'm just not. I've done that. I've done that for the first 20 years of my life and my life sucked. God did my life suck. Everything went wrong for me because I was in that whiny, poor me, victim mentality.

21:42 Get rid of it, boys. When life sucks, celebrate. Get happy. You're growing as a fucking man and show it that you are bigger than your problems. You can deal with this. And I'm talking to myself just as much as I'm talking to you. You can deal with it. You have the strength. Life doesn't give you anything. You don't have the strength within yourself to deal with. So fucking deal with it. Keep a smile on your face. See the positive in it and get past it like a man does and earn your woman's respect.

22:07 And most importantly, earn your self-respect. That's what it's all about. All right, gentlemen, I do appreciate your time. Listen, on Thursday, I am dropping a podcast about frame control. We are going back to basics this month, going back to the fundamentals of both the art of living as well as seducing women becoming that alpha, superior, elite, silverback that I know each of you wants to become growing consistently because the growth never stops. And I'm going to do a frame control 101 episode. I did a frame control 101 episode like two years ago about, but it's time for a rehash because again, we're going back to foundations.

22:48 And this is the most important thing about attracting women. The most important thing. And the most important thing about controlling your perspective, being happy, being at peace. So definitely show up for that one. It's going to be an awesome one. Thank you so much for listening and I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you next time.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.