What to do When You're Down ... Depressed ... Negative ... And Having a Hard Time in Life

0:00 Welcome to the Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, you champions? Happy Monday. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. I really do appreciate it. If you've been listening for a long time, smack yourself on the ass. You are a goddamn champion of the highest degree. If this is your first time listening, welcome. What I try to do is give the best information in the most succinct way possible.

0:38 And today, I'm going to give you a little pep talk because some of you guys are down in the dumps. And what I notice is things come in waves and actually being down in the dumps is part of that wave and we're going to talk about that. But as a coach, I get a lot of different emails, both from clients as well as my listeners, telling me kind of personal things. And a lot of guys lately, interestingly enough, for the past two weeks, I've been emailing me, particularly clients saying, Dude, I'm getting so many results.

1:04 I'm changing so quickly. Thank you so much. You changed my life. And then there'll be another wave of guys saying like, Dude, I'm really down in the dumps right now. I was doing great. You know, things are going really difficult right now. I'm demotivated, not sure what to do. Can you help pump me up? So I see both of these things happen and I see them happen consistently. And what do I tell to people who say they're doing so well? I say, Brother, congratulations. You deserve this.

1:27 You've been putting all this hard work in. But just to let you know, my dude, there will be bad times to come and you need to prepare yourself for that. And what do I say to the guys who are going through hard times? I say, Brother, good times are on their way. This too shall pass. Because that is the nature of life. All things are impermanent. We're in constant flux. We're in constant change. And as I'm going to discuss today, actually having a hard time is actually a really good sign.

1:56 And you need to reframe it in your mind. You need to look at it in the correct kind of way in order to deal with it. So we're going to get deep into that today. I'm going to get you guys fired up. And any time you're down, you may want to turn to a podcast like this one. I've spoken on this theme a couple times before, but I haven't quite spoken about it the way I will today. But this is something that you really need to get down into your head.

2:19 Because as you go into this thing called self-development, it's going to be difficult. You know, it's par for the course. It just is how it is. And I'm going to say why that is, kind of tell you how to get over it, how to reframe it in your mind, and give you hope. Because ultimately, it is a good thing. Before I jump into the content, I want to let you guys know yet again that my one-on-one coaching is still open, that free consultation. If you want to jump on the phone with me, discuss your issues with women, discuss your beliefs, your metaprograms, some of the shit that you've been through in your life, and talk to me and see if I can help you not only get ridiculously good with women, which, of course, all my clients are able to achieve when they work with me, but also get a lot more happiness, confidence, way less anxiety, feeling like yourself again, just feeling comfortable in your own skin due to the neuro-linguistic programming that's part of my coaching.

3:11 To learn more about that, go to CoachMarkSingh.com, click on the link called Coaching, and you can read all about that. Basically, what I do is I teach you the tactical aspect of approaching women, getting them attracted to you. They can't even help it. Even if they hate your guts, they're still going to fall in love with you. And then in addition to that, fixing your brain so that not only are you naturally attractive to women, not only do you have good body language, you speak correctly, you hold yourself correctly, but also you're just happier.

3:39 You're just more at peace. And that's actually the most important thing when it all boils down. So if you want to check that out yet again, I am once again giving free one-on-one consultations where you and I jump on the phone together. I talk to you specifically about your issues. See if I can help you. I'm not one of those like super salesmen, hard closer motherfuckers who tries to close every guy because honestly, I don't try to put round pegs into square holes. All I want to know is about you.

4:04 All I want to know is if you're a good fit. And all I want to know is if you can comfortably make it financially to come into the program because I don't want people coming in being forced into it. I'm not like master closer boiler room like ABC motherfucker always be closing. It's just not my jam. I'm more focused on can I help guys? And if I can and financially it makes sense to you, then we will work together for three months where I can get my hands on your subconscious mind, completely reprogram it to make you feel more like yourself again than you probably have in years and years.

4:37 And also dump my 15 years of knowledge about seduction, seducing women, making women fall in love with you, having a healthy relationship and everything in between from A to Z, from my head into your brain. It really does work. Just go to my website and read the testimonial. So I'm actually designating today's episode to one of my best students, one of the guys who's having some of the fastest results. This guy's absolutely crushing it. And he emailed me today and he said, brother, I'm down in the dumps.

5:05 I'm really struggling. I'm really feeling like I'm in a rut and I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be in this rut, Mark. I'm in the Mark Singh coaching program. Why am I in this rut? And Victor, this one's for you, brother, because listen, you being in a rut, I know you don't want to hear this. That's a good thing, man. It is a good fucking sign, a good sign. And I want you to get excited. You are down in the dumps. You are struggling.

5:30 You got knocked into the curb. You're in the gutter while there's freaking diarrhea floating down that gutter and it's going over your hair. And you're like, oh, why am I in this? And I look at you. I'm standing above you wearing camouflage pants and a shave head. And I'm like, motherfucker, this is good for you. This is what we want. And you're like, why the hell did I hire this idiot coach? He's putting me down in the gutter. Hey, it's all part of developing. And any motherfucker that doesn't tell you that, who isn't honest with you about it, is lying to you.

5:56 There is no easy way to the top. It always takes struggle. It always takes pain. But I guarantee you, brother, the good that's going to come out of this, the amount of joy, peace, enthusiasm, love, happiness, and just friendship and brotherhood that's going to come out of this is so worth it. So worth it. And let me ask you this. Who will push you if your coach won't push you? Who is going to tell you this if your coach won't tell you this? I'm going to tell you straight up.

6:23 It's going to be hard. But I'm going to tell you why it's hard. I'm going to tell you even deeper the purpose as to why it's hard. And I want to let you know that if you just don't fucking quit, if you keep your nose to the grindstone, if you keep pushing and say to yourself, I am never out of the fight, you will get to the top. And then you'll look up and there'll be another top. And you'll look up and there'll be another top again.

6:45 But you creating yourself into the strongest version of yourself that you can be is the purpose. The purpose isn't to get pussy. The purpose isn't to get money. The purpose isn't to get anything other than becoming the warrior that you were born as. So when those hard times come again, which they will, you're ready for them. And that's what we're going to talk about today. So let me tell you guys this. When you are changing, it is inevitable that you are going to have hard times.

7:13 In fact, listen to the podcast like this one, developing yourself, taking courses, working with coaches. You are inevitably signing up for pain. You are inevitably signing up for torment and difficulty. But you're also signing up to be the best motherfucker you can be. And for that, you should be proud of yourself. Pat yourself on the back because when you get to the top or even when you overcome one single challenge during your journey, you can smack yourself on the back and say, dude, you're a fucking champion.

7:43 You are my hero, which is to say, be your own hero. So when you first sign up, you have to understand that invariably there are going to be challenges. But I want you to think about the graph that looks like a stock market graph. Since 1920, on a general curve, the stock market has been increasing. So we can predictably say that when I put my money into the stock market over the long term, there will be downs, there will be ups. But generally speaking, it goes up in an upward trajectory.

8:14 That's why smart investors invest for the long haul. And that's what you're doing with yourself when you invest in such things as the coaching program, other coaches, programs, whatever it may be. You are investing for the long haul. And you know that like the stock market graph, and this is exactly why I tell my clients who write me those fanatic emails where it's like, Mark, I'm killing it. I had sex with three girls last week. I haven't gotten laid in six months. Thanks. It's all because of you.

8:41 I can't thank you enough. I want to give you a hug. What I always tell them is, bro, great, I'm happy that you got to that spike, but it's going to go down again. But you will never, and this is the point, guys, you will never go down to where you were before. Once you change, you cannot go back. Once you change, you cannot go back to who you were. You can go back to a different version, but you can never fall backwards. So you're going to go up, and then you're going to go down a little bit.

9:08 Then you're going to go up, and you're going to go down a little bit. Now, as long as you're working on yourself, as long as you're challenging yourself, as long as you're doing exactly what you're doing, Victor, which is showing up and doing the fucking work. You show up to the calls. You're doing all the NLP. You're doing all the training. You know that, generally speaking, your trajectory is going to go up. And, bro, between you and me, your fucking stock has been going up skyrocketing.

9:32 Like, the first month, you're just getting more ass than a toilet seat. All this shit is working out for you. So to get down a little bit because things happen is a little bit presumptuous, is a little bit presumptuous. And you shouldn't assume that things are always going to go right. You should assume they're going to go wrong. And here's the thing. When they go wrong, I want you to fucking celebrate. Why? Because it's when things are hard, you grow the most. And what is your purpose of taking this coaching?

10:00 It's to grow you the most. What is your purpose, the others of you who are listening, to listen to this podcast? It's to grow the most. So when something knocks you down, when something happens that's difficult, you need to celebrate it and say, hell yeah, dude, this is toughening me the fuck up. When it hurts, when it's uncomfortable, when you feel that shittiness inside your chest of anxiety, stress, anticipation about the future, distant sense of threat, that's when I want you to get excited. So this is a simple reframe.

10:32 We have implanted in our minds from childhood that when things go bad, that is bad. Bad equals bad. There's no other way to look at it. But the way nature truly works, the way development really works is bad equals good. When you reframe it and you look at it as a pivot point, as a leverage point to spur yourself into the next chapter of your growth. So there goes that stock market going up and down, up and down. But generally, it's going up. Now, what happens before each big upswing?

11:06 There's usually a downswing, isn't there? A downswing and then boom, it goes up again. So we can predict with utmost certainty, Victor, that you're having a down week. Watch what happens in the next few weeks. You're going to email me. I can guarantee it. I'm a psychic, bro. I got my psychic ball in front of me. Here I go. I'm rubbing it. Oh, there's Victor sending Mark singing an email saying, bro, you changed my life. I'm getting your name tattooed on my butt. I'm getting a picture of you put on the side of my car with a late champion underneath it.

11:34 Bro, I don't need all that because I can predict that it's about to get really fucking good for you. But here's the thing. And here's the false thinking is letting those bad times get you down. Buying into it, thinking there's permanence in that. There's no permanence in it. It's temporary. This too shall pass. And instead of getting downtrodden, instead of buying into it and saying, this is how I feel. So this is how I feel. Fuck that. Don't take how you feel so seriously. Don't buy into it.

12:05 It's just an emotion. It's just a reaction. It's a chemical that's released in your brain. Now, in your particular case, and as well as other people who are listening, you might have some programming going around this. Okay. And a lot of this programming happens from when we were kids. When I feel bad, I get what I want. That is a programming that's instilled in us when we are toddlers. When I cry, when I feel bad, I get what I want. So we have to understand that life doesn't work that way.

12:35 That in fact, the more you feel bad, and I'm going to talk about this on Friday's podcast, the more you feel bad, the more you're attracted to yourself more bad. Because what you put out there will always come back to you. It's like a boomerang. You put it out, it's going to come back. That's why when you screw people over, you lie, steal, cheat, anything like that, it comes back to you. So, as children, we are classically conditioned to believe that when we cry, when we throw a temper tantrum, we get what we want.

13:03 But life begins to teach us as we grow older that that doesn't work. Now, look at some people. Some people never learn that lesson. They still harbor the unconscious belief that if I complain, if I'm negative, if I'm angry, somehow that's going to buy me what I want. But it never works like that. That's not the way the universe is designed. The way it's designed is you get what you put out there. So, something bad happens to you. And brother, it happens to me too. I don't always have great fucking days, but here's the fucking difference.

13:36 When it happens, I say to myself, yeah, dude, here's the training. This is the sword going into the fire, getting hit with the fucking hammer, right? And sometimes we're not in the fire. Sometimes we're in the water and it feels good and we're having a great time. We're partying and all this money's coming in. All these girls are coming in that seems like the better part of our growth as men. But I'm telling you, you're not growing when things are going your way the whole time.

14:02 You're learning a little bit. You're getting to relax. You're getting to enjoy and you should enjoy. You should take those times to indulge in those women, celebrate your money, be thankful. Certainly, you should enjoy that and you should enjoy it with every fiber you're being. But when the hard times happen, it's like you're going back to fucking basic training and you're like, yeah, let's toughen me up. It's those times you go into the gym and you hit the really hard session where your biceps are just burning like you just took a blowtorch to them.

14:31 Those are the sessions that make the most difference. And in your lives, when things go wrong, that's one of those sessions. So you have to look at it from that new perspective. When things go bad, it's hardening me the fuck up. My purpose is to become the best man I can be. And hardening the fuck up, getting through this adversity is not only going to make me this best version of myself, but it's going to prepare me for the next time things are going to go wrong.

14:58 If any of you believe that I have it all sorted out and my life is perfect and anything like that, it's not. Problems happen to me. Things go wrong for me too. But I reframe it and I say, yeah, motherfucker. I don't want to talk too much about the surgery because I feel like I way talked about that too much in the past. But surgery is a perfect example. When I got that diagnosis, when they said, dude, you need to have this pretty major surgery, I could have been like, oh, woe is me.

15:23 Oh, shit. Fuck. No. Instead, I said, bitch, this is a great fucking opportunity for you to face one of your biggest fears. And I've said since I was 17 years old, one of my biggest fears is surgery. My number one fear is either open heart surgery or brain surgery. My number one fear. And this was close to that because I just something about it, man. I just don't like going under the knife. But I said to myself, bro, this is an opportunity. I want you to go into that fear with a full heart and a smile on your face and don't be intimidated by it.

15:53 And that's what I did. And because of that, I grew. And from that growth, I patted myself on the back. So here you are in a hard situation, whatever it is, you're getting rejected by girls. You're super unmotivated. You have some depression coming in. You're not making the money you want to make. Good. Use that to harden yourself. Use it to leverage, to spur yourself into that growth. And sit in it. Accept it. Be friendly towards it. Because as the old spiritual saying goes, what you resist persists and what you look at disappears.

16:25 And what that means is when you look at it, when you accept it, when you say, hello, friend, welcome to my life. Let me sit with you. Let me feel you completely. Stop trying to run from it. Go into it. It's like what David Goggins teaches. And David Goggins is so popular because you guys, just like me, resonate with this message, which is go into pain. Go into suffering. Face that motherfucker directly and rise above it. When you do, you become the hardest motherfucker you can be and nothing can get you down.

16:54 Because you know that this too is impermanent. And then when the good times come, you don't even take those so seriously. And by the way, part of the reason I always say to guys who write me those celebratory emails like, Mark, I'm in your coaching program. I'm getting so many girls now. I haven't gotten laid in so long. I can't believe you changed my life, man. I just want to give you a hug. I want to come over and clean your car. Let me vacuum your room.

17:15 I'm always like, good, bro. I'm happy for you. But dude, it's going to get hard. Okay. There's going to be challenges coming up. But bro, celebrate this, but relax. The reason I say that, guys, is because I know as high as guys get celebrating, that's how low they're going to get. Guys who are even keeled, who don't get so affected by either good things or bad things, are the ones who are going to rise above the bad things when they happen and not think that their life is totally solved.

17:42 And they've reached a condition in life that's going to bring them happiness when things are going good. Any of you guys who want to permeate and establish a good condition in your life are living in illusion. It never happens that way. All things are impermanent, including your good conditions. Including your once I have girls, once I have money, once I fill in the blank. It's in a fucking illusion that's out in the future that you think is going to make you happy. You will never be happy by a condition.

18:12 You are happy by your fucking mindset. Beyond happiness and unhappiness is peace. And when you have peace, no matter what bad thing happens, no matter what good thing happens, you're imperturbable. You're like a deep lake. The entire lake is completely still. And only the top surface is moving around. And that's the effect of your life. The tumultuous waves and everything like that. But dude, there's 25 miles of depth. And that's beyond happiness and unhappiness. That's your peace. So when you understand this, that dude, I am not my life situation.

18:46 Things are never going to be permanent. I will never permanently be happy. I will never permanently be happy. You'll never permanently be sad unless you allow yourself to go that way. But beyond that is peace. So that when these bad things happen, you say, look, look, look, I'm beyond this. I'm going to look at it and I'm going to face it directly. And I'm going to say to myself, this too shall pass. I'm going to get through it. I'm going to use it as motivation, use it to leverage myself into the good times.

19:14 And then when the good times happen, I'm going to celebrate them. I'm going to enjoy them. This weekend, Marissa took me out for my birthday. We stayed at the Ritz Carlton. We went to a Michelin star restaurant, had some of the best steak I ever ate, had this amazing carrot cake. It was great, but it's not like I'm trying to find myself there. I'm not trying to find my happiness there. And part of me was like, dude, I can't wait till tomorrow where I get to get into the gym and absolutely destroy my chest because tomorrow's chest day, right?

19:40 There needs to be a part of you that's kind of like a sick motherfucker that wants to go into pain because you're a warrior. You have that warrior inside of you. That's why you're listening 20 minutes in. You have that warrior inside of you. You know this is true. And so when that pain comes, invite it. Be like, hell yeah, dude, this is the sword going to the fire. This is going to make me sharper. This is going to make me stronger, more attracted to women, better at getting money, better at everything.

20:05 Celebrate it. Don't get down because the condition puts you down. Now you can get sad and cry and get down. Like, look, your mom dies, your cat dies, your dog. I understand. We don't want to deny our emotions. But after you've cried, you use that to better yourself. And when it comes to people dying, you say, dude, I'm going to even become a better person to honor that guy or my mom or whoever it is because they're watching me now. I owe it to them. Their life, their death needs to be a statement that's going to spur me into the best motherfucker I can be.

20:38 And this is the perception. This is the frame that you need to set for yourself as a successful individual, because all of you who are going for success, it's that same chart, brother. It's going to go up. It's going to go down. It's going to go up. It's going to go down. It will generally go up if you continue working on yourself. But if you fear the down point, if you hate the down point, if you resent them and say they shouldn't be, you're shooting all over yourself and you're living a fucking illusion.

21:05 And if you're only going for the up points, if you think you're going to find yourself there, if you think happiness resides in a condition, you are also living an illusion and you are going to be miserable. So what's the point? The point is beyond happiness and unhappiness is peace. Your mission needs to be being the best motherfucker you can be. And that includes when things go down, you celebrate it because you know it's making you stronger. When things go up, you celebrate it because that's a result of your success.

21:35 And that's the way life is, man. And that's the trajectory. So you and I, as we continue forward together as brothers fighting shoulder to shoulder in the phalanx, we both know we're going to fall. We're going to pick each other back up. And the guy who's on the ground, the other guy says, dude, you're about to grow a lot, but I'm doing okay. So I'll pick you up. And then I fall and you pick me up. And that's what we do as men. That's the purpose of life is growth, development, becoming the best version of yourself.

22:02 And that starts with shifting your perspective on the bad times. Bad times are impermanent, bro. And they're also an extremely valuable opportunity to better yourself as a man. This too shall pass. All is going to be well. You're going to be flying high in just a couple of weeks. So hang in there, grit it out, be a fucking man. Keep fucking going. Never fucking quit. Never out of the fight. All right, boys, that's it for me. And once again, if you want to jump on the phone with me for free 99, you can do so by going to coachmarkzing.com.

22:37 Click on coaching, click on apply, fill out the short questionnaire. Then you and I will email a little bit back and forth. We'll get on the phone together. See if you're a good fit. And listen, even if I don't feel you're a good fit or you don't feel I'm a good fit for you, I'll probably refer you to somebody else. But sometimes you just need to fucking pull the trigger. Do it. This is the way you better your life. Doing those things you're afraid of. Doing those things you've been procrastinating on and going into your pain and fears willingly.

23:06 That is the secret. So once again, brothers, thank you so much for spending your precious time listening to me go on and on about those things I'm most passionate about. The fact that you guys would even give me the honor of listening to me means the world to me. And once again, if you want to chat with me personally, one-on-one, apply for that one-on-one coaching session. Just go to CoachMarkSingh.com and apply and we'll get you on there. And guys, on Wednesday, I got one about my best first kiss technique.

23:32 So please stay tuned for that. I want to consolidate them into all one podcast. They're peppered throughout the 200 plus episodes that I have, but I want to give them all to you in one podcast. And then on Friday, Friday is going to be a really good one about the law of attraction. I've been waiting to do this. I have a lot of really good stuff to say about it. It does tie into the one we did today a little bit. So please stay tuned, man. Come back.

23:55 And if this podcast puts the pop in your giddy up, please leave me a review and then email at CoachMarkSingh at gmail.com and I will send you a bunch of cool shit. All right. That's it for me, boys. And I will see you in the next episode. I'll see you in the next episode.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.