Why HUMILITY is Insanely Attractive to Women and How to Be More Humble

0:00 Welcome to The Unapologetic Man Podcast, the only podcast that's all about self-improvement, confidence, success, women, and being a man without making any apologies for it. What is up, gentlemen? Happy Monday. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the UMP. And this episode is going to be a counterpoint, a counterbalance to Thursday's episode where I talk about how you need to be arrogant, how you need to be super confident, think that you're the shit, and any girl would be stoked to be with you. And I still want you to think that, but remember, in all things in life, we need balance.

0:38 We need to have that humility, which admittedly is not my strong point. I've been certainly working on it for the past 20 plus years and getting a little bit better, but it's all about balance, right? So I put you very far to the right, which is basically instilling you with that feeling of self-righteousness. You deserve a super high-quality girl. You are an absolute legend, mostly because you're ambitious and you're working on yourself. And this episode is to bring you back more towards the middle to, once again, get that balance.

1:14 Because if you're too arrogant, then women pick up on that. And I'll tell you, the difference between self-esteem and arrogance is self-esteem knows that it's great. It knows that it's the shit and it doesn't have to have that validated by others. Whereas arrogance wants others to validate it and it's reliant upon the opinions of other people, which is why it's so pushy in its arrogance. It wants people to validate it, to tell it that it is indeed worthy because it doesn't feel worthy within itself. So whenever you see somebody who's really cocky, really full of themselves, their ego is hiding their insecurities, right?

1:52 It's as obvious as them wearing a pink ball cap that says insecure on the front because you can just tell, man. And all of us have seen that and it's not a good look. But you know what? It's something we all have to evolve through. I know for myself, I was extremely arrogant and thus insecure in my 20s. And as I grow older, that humility comes into place. It's kind of weird, right? I'm saying, yeah, I'm getting more humble as I'm getting older, which in fact is the opposite of humility.

2:21 But as a podcast host, I have to speak about these things openly. So today we are going to talk about how to be more humble, how to have that balance, and how to still think inside your own head that, yeah, man, like I'm the shit. Like that girl is an idiot for rejecting me. Like literally her filter is broken and it's her issue because I'm a great catch. Like we always want to think that. But in our actions and in our openness to continue learning, we have that humility.

2:51 Humility comes from the word humus, which means below the earth. It means lowly, the low station in life. And if you look at water, water always flows into the ocean because the ocean is lower than all the rivers. When you are humble, when you admit that you have more to learn, when you admit that the journey is never done and you will never truly be an expert in anything, that's when you actually do become a master or an expert in that thing. I know for myself, I continue to get coaching, like even for people who make less money than I do from people who aren't as quote unquote successful as I am.

3:31 Like I pay coaches in all areas of my life and every single thing that I do, I have a coach in. Many of you guys will be surprised to hear that Marissa and I go see a relationship therapist. Now, some of you may think that that makes me less of a coach, but in fact, in my opinion, it makes me a better coach because I'm willing to be humble. I'm willing to go hear this person's perspective and all relationships take work. A lot of people get into relationships and think, well, now I'm with this girl, it's done.

4:01 It doesn't require any work, but you need to be humble in the fact that you don't know everything and know your relationship is not perfect, just as mine is not perfect. So we go see a therapist to work on those things that if not addressed and looked at and unpacked would go unsaid. And like I spoke about in a previous episode, it's like a crack on the bottom of a boat. It just gets worse and worse until the boat sinks. This is why, what is it like an 80% failure rate when it comes to relationships is because people don't understand that it takes work.

4:31 It takes humility. It takes the wisdom to say to yourself, look, I don't know everything. This isn't perfect just because it's manifest destiny and it's just meant to be perfect. And she's my soulmate and we're perfect for each other and no work is required. No, you need to have the humility, the low station to say, I don't know everything. And I hire coaches all the time who themselves hire coaches. I've actually worked with a coach who was coached by a dude who was coached by me.

5:00 Think about that one. But the point is, is that if you're not constantly working on yourself, constantly knowing that you have more to learn and that the journey never stops, then you lose that humility and you're stifling your ability to grow into the very best man you can be. So humility is required simply for you to sit here listening to me because I guarantee you, brother, you are better than I am in a lot of different things. Whatever your profession is, whatever you're super skillful at, like imagine me standing next to you and you teaching me that I would do that just because you're listening right now to my words, just because you may hire me as a dating coach, which happens to be the thing that I'm an expert in.

5:40 I would still sit with you and let you teach me shit. I actually have a client who's really into mountain biking and so am I, but he's been doing it for 25 plus years. His family owns a bike shop, so I go mountain biking with him and I take his tips and then I give him tips about dating and it's that exchange of information that comes from a humble place. He knows I know more about how to get girls than he does. I know he knows more about mountain biking than I do.

6:07 So we have that humility and we have an exchange of information, which makes both of us better. I always hire coaches and I strongly suggest you guys do the same thing. In fact, it's been said, and I mentioned this in a recent episode, that until you're making $250,000 a year, the only place you should be investing your money is in yourself. So go get a coach in whatever you want to achieve, whether it's dating, mindset, I don't know, maybe you're into tennis or baseball or soccer. It's always good to hire a coach.

6:40 Right now, I'm training for a triathlon. Don't really know what I'm doing. I haven't really done a triathlon before, so I've put out on my podcast several times that if you're a triathlete, hit me up, man. I'd love to maybe pay you or exchange with you some dating coaching for you to train me on how to be a triathlete. So I prefer somebody who's had several triathlons under their belt, not just some newbie like myself, because I've already watched an infinity of videos. I've been training, but I want to hire somebody who can take me to that next level for my first triathlon.

7:11 So it's that humbleness. It's that feeling like you don't know everything and being open, because when you admit that you don't know everything, that openness comes into your mindset and your ability to learn more flourishes. Every time I meet somebody who thinks they know it all, who one ups me, I'm always like, ah, this guy, you know, he's really elemental in his evolution. He hasn't quite gotten to the point yet where he admits that he doesn't know everything and he needs to feel right, because as I said previous, he's trying to build up his ego to cover up the insecurities.

7:48 It's like somebody who has a bunch of acne on their forehead who wears a baseball cap in order to cover it up. It only makes the problem worse. It hides it, but it only makes the problem worse. And it doesn't even hide it that well. Like when somebody's super arrogant, super full of themselves, says, I have all the answers, they don't have all the answers. Nobody does. Even me as a dating coach, I don't know everything. And if a client asks me something that I don't know, I'll straight tell him.

8:14 Now, the weird thing about me, and this certainly sounds not humble at all, but I always seem to get the answer. And even if it's not for myself, I feel like it's like divinely given to me. It's really weird. I've literally never had a client ask me a question on a coaching call that I didn't know the answer to just because this is what I'm interested in. I've been doing this for 15 to 20 plus years. It's what I'm obsessed over and I constantly study it. And that's why I tell you guys all the time.

8:41 I'm like, bro, I can't even believe some of you guys aren't coming into my program and you're hiring other dating coaches. Look, it's fine. I understand that maybe you resonate with that person better than you resonate with me, but it's like I've studied literally everything that I can get my hands on and I'm continuing to do it. So I see my program versus others. I see the results that I get from my clients versus others. So I'm literally like in a state of shock when somebody doesn't hire me because I'm humble to the point where I continue studying things, but I'm arrogant, quote unquote, or I should say self-confident to the point where, dude, I literally feel like I'm the best.

9:20 And that's that juxtaposition. That's that balance that you need to have. You are the best dude for that chick. You just know you are. But at the same time, you know, there's more to learn. You know, you could do better on every turn. And just like Marissa and I, you're willing to go learn more to be even better and better because the journey never stops. I had a client ask me once, he's like, aren't you afraid you're going to run out of content to speak about on your podcast?

9:46 And I said, that's a scarcity mindset, brother. I have enough content to speak about for literally lifetimes. I could do 10 podcasts a day for 10 different lifetimes and still not even cover a fraction of the things that I have to teach you guys. And I have to teach myself because it just keeps coming and coming. There's so much abundance in the world. And if you think you're done, if you think you know it all, you're not open to that abundance. The next thing I want to talk about is people who are highly successful and who are at the same time highly humble.

10:20 The first guy I think about is Jocko. I don't know if you guys have ever heard his podcast. It's called the Jocko Podcast. Retired Navy SEAL. Super successful businessman. Ridiculously successful podcast. Black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Just a fucking legend. But one of the most humble guys you'll ever talk to. Now, here's the thing about his humility. I know deep inside the guy knows he's the shit, right? He knows he could pretty much kick anybody's ass. He knows that he's a badass motherfucker. He knows he's making buku dollars.

10:53 He's extremely intelligent, a great speaker, just an all-around champion silverback of the highest degree. But that stays inside his head. And he also knows that there's more to learn. And he humbles himself to learn from others. I'm sure he hires coaches, too. I'm sure that he would even hire a coach such as myself who isn't quite as successful as he is, isn't an ex-Navy SEAL, hasn't probably accomplished as much as he has. But if I have mastery in something that he doesn't, such as dating in my case, he would be humble enough to hire me and learn from me.

11:28 Because, dude, even a bum can teach you something. Even a three-year-old could teach you something. You do not know everything. And that's why I say, if you and I were to hang out, I would shut the fuck up and listen. Because the person who's humble listens. He knows there's always more to learn. But what's going on inside Jocko's head? I'll tell you. He's extremely self-confident. He knows he's the shit. And I guarantee you, he talks to himself in that way. He wouldn't have been able to get through BUDS training, the Navy SEAL training.

11:58 He wouldn't have been able to become as successful as a podcast host as he is. He wouldn't have been able to become a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu unless he talked to himself in an extremely positive way, which is what I spoke about on last Thursday's episode, where any negative thought comes in. Like, I'm not enough. I can't do this. I still have so much to learn. I don't know if I'm able to accomplish this. You have that self-belief, but at the same time, you still have that openness that there's more to learn and you're curious.

12:28 So I guarantee you inside Jocko's head, he's like, dude, I'm the shit, man. I could kick that guy's ass. I know I can do this. I will never fucking quit. But on the outside, he doesn't talk about it because he doesn't need to. He knows he's enough. Anytime I meet somebody who's an expert at something, he never talks about that thing that he's an expert in. He's very humble about it. He doesn't talk about his exploits, his accomplishments, unless, of course, he's a coach like myself and he has to advertise himself.

12:58 And by the way, people who are too humble are afraid to advertise their services. I'm not afraid to tell you that I think I'm the shit. I'm not afraid to tell you that I think my coaching program is by far, like I'm talking miles, light years ahead of any other dating coaching program available on the market right now. I truly feel that way. And I have to say it as an advertiser. I have to say it because this is how I make my living. But when I'm talking to people who I just meet, I don't sit there talking about like, dude, I got this many clients, I'm making this much money each month.

13:30 I'm very humble about it. And I'm like, yeah, you know, I got a little podcast that's doing okay. Even though this podcast is in the top 1% worldwide, and thanks to you champions who listen, it has a near cult-like following. When I speak to people I don't know, I'm very humble about it. Why? Because I know I'm the shit. I know that I'm a great podcast host. I know I'm an excellent coach. The answer always comes to me. And the answer always comes to me from what I feel is a higher place.

13:57 I stay low and I say, hey, you know, I don't know everything. Please give me the answer. And then somehow, every time it just comes to me. Also, thankfully, because of the majority of experience, that I was humble enough to go get rejected. I was humble enough to admit I didn't know everything. I was humble enough to go approach a fat chick simply to practice those things that I've learned. Whereas some men are like, oh, I'm too good to approach that girl. I'm too good to hire a coach.

14:24 I'm too good to admit that I don't know everything because I do pretty good. I pull some eights and a couple nines here and there. So I'm good, bro. I'll just continue listening to information and not investing in myself. And listen, if that's you, that's fine. But in my opinion, unless you're investing in coaching, you're not humble enough to allow yourself to grow to the next level. So again, inside Jocko's head, he knows he's the shit, but at the same time, he doesn't tout it. He doesn't talk about it.

14:53 He doesn't brag about his exploits because like Lionel Messi, who, in my opinion, is the best soccer player that ever lived. He lets his playing do the talking for him. He lets the results show themselves. And I'll tell you, when it comes to women, the second you try to brag to a girl, the second you try to explain yourself to her or sell yourself to her and tell her how awesome you are, she loses attraction for you because you lack humility. And anybody who truly believes in themselves doesn't need to say it.

15:24 And anybody who does need to say it doesn't really believe in themselves. And women understand this concept intuitively. So the second you start bragging about your Ferrari, your job, or try to work in to the first five sentences that you're this guy, that guy, you have this much money, or you have this kind of job, or this much status, or this many Instagram followers, or whatever it is that your ego has attached itself to, she loses attraction for you. The best way to reveal those awesome things about yourself is with time and with the truth being revealed in its own accord.

16:01 Meaning the truth will always reveal itself, and it's infinitely more powerful when it reveals itself naturally than if you try to brag about it. So be humble and let your confidence shine through knowing that you don't have to explain yourself to women. That you know you're the shit deep inside because, brother, that's going to be communicated in your body language. It's going to be communicated in your tonality, the way you hold yourself, your bearing, simply the way you talk to this chick. And I'll even tell chicks I'm homeless, I live outside the bar in a cardboard box, last year I paid taxes on the $16 that I made in the entire year, and when you do that, it's called self-deprecating humor.

16:42 It shows her that, man, this guy is so confident in himself, he must really be something special because he's sitting here ripping on himself, and unlike every other dude, he's not trying to impress me. The less you try to impress girls, the more attracted to you they get because, again, they understand this concept intuitively. Any guy who is highly successful doesn't need to talk about it, but he knows it deep inside of who he is. It's like an expert MMA fighter. You think he talks shit and says, dude, I'll choke you out, and he wears like UFC shirts.

17:16 No, he's very humble. He wears flip-flops, a black shirt, never talks about it, but you can see it in his eyes. So humility lays the foundation for you to become an expert in that which you're studying. So be humble, brother. Don't brag to others, but certainly inside your own head, know that you're the shit, and eliminate all and any negative thinking. It's that balance. I have more to learn. I can learn from anybody, even a bum. Every person has value, and I wish everybody the best.

17:49 And I'm open to learning from them, to getting their wisdom, but at the same time, I know I'm the shit, and a girl would be super lucky to be with me. I am the emcee of this entire nightclub and responsible for everybody's fun, and I care about other people. I want other people to succeed. And if they do succeed, I'm not threatened by it. In the English language, we don't even have a word that expresses, I'm really happy for you. But in India, in the Indian language, and I'm sorry, I don't know what it's called, they do have a word for that.

18:21 A single word that expresses, I'm genuinely happy for you. Why don't we have that in the English language? Because it's an extremely ego-based society. I hate to say it, but that's how we are. The unfortunate thing about the American mentality is we're usually in it for ourselves. We want to prove ourselves to others. We try to show the perfect life on Facebook and Instagram. It's a big fucking dick measuring contest. But the person who really is successful doesn't even enter into the contest. He's back at his pool chilling with the hot girl next to him, and he doesn't even need anybody to see it because he knows he's the shit.

18:57 He knows that he has accomplished what he's trying to accomplish in life, but there's still more to go. He looks how far he's come. He sees how much he's done. He feels great about himself. He eliminates those negative belief systems. But at the same time, he looks ahead and says, man, you know, I have a long way to go. I have a lot to learn. I'm willing to hire you. I'm willing to shut up and listen to what somebody can teach me. I once went to lunch with a guy who was way higher in me in life.

19:27 He was making more money. He was more successful, way more famous, just an absolute champion. And he showed up to our lunch with a notebook. And as we were speaking, anything I'd say that he felt was really wise, he'd write it down. And eventually I said, what are you doing there? And he said, I'm taking notes. I always take notes with anybody who I meet because you never know what that person is going to know. And he took like two pages of notes about some of the stuff that we were talking about.

19:52 And me, being the arrogant asshole that I was, he was above me, but I didn't show up with a notebook. But now I do. And even those guys who I get on my breakthrough session with, that free session that I offer, I always take notes. Not only am I taking notes on what their issues are, but perhaps they know something. The other day I was talking to an electrical engineer and I picked his brain a little bit because I don't know anything about electrical engineering. And he told me some super interesting facts that I was able to add into my own knowledge and thus move up that mountain a little bit higher.

20:24 There's always something to learn. So be like water. Accept the low place. And when you do, all streams will flow to you. That's where the power is. It's like in the Tao Te Ching. He says, the master doesn't follow from the front. He follows from behind. And when his people accomplish something, he wants them to say, amazing, we did it all by ourselves. As a coach, there's nothing more fulfilling to me than when I get a client who says, dude, Mark, I figured this thing out.

20:51 And it's the thing that I told him six different occasions. But because I told it to him effectively, he thinks he came to the conclusion himself. The best leader makes his followers think that they did it all by themselves and that he was actually unnecessary. And that's my job as a coach is to make myself unnecessary, to teach you to be so damn effective with women that you don't even need me anymore. And maybe you even start kicking me advice, which has happened many times with my successful ex-clients.

21:20 Always be in that place of wanting to learn more. Always click on that next link. Always hire coaches. Always be trying to grow and always know that you are the shit. But as far as how you present it to other people, you have absolutely nothing to prove. Because you know, I'm the fucking bomb, bro. I'm a fucking alpha, silverback, unapologetic legend. And that's enough for me. Because really, the only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself. And when you really arrive to the point of understanding that, your humility will take care of itself.

21:55 Gentlemen, I do appreciate you listening. I drop podcasts on Mondays and Thursdays. As I've spoken about, I am giving a free one-on-one breakthrough session where you and I get on the phone together, talk about your issues with women. I can't help it. I always do a little coaching in those sessions as well. And see if you're a good fit for my custom three-month NLP-based dating program where you and a community of brothers learn how to become absolute girl magnets. And my guys continuously crush it, man.

22:25 I just get email after email about all the success my boys are getting. I was actually going to read a testimonial here, but I think I've done it enough times over the past few weeks. So I'll save it for the next one. But I literally have screenshots of, I'm looking at my desktop right now, 15 different testimonials that I've gotten over the past three weeks that I need to read to you guys. Shit, I'm going to have to start doing two per episode to catch up with all this because it's just an absolutely effective program, bro.

22:53 There's no other way for me to say it. And I know it may seem I'm not being humble about it, but I need to tell you, man, I need to shout it from the rooftops because I believe in this and I know it's the shit. And while I don't say it to people who aren't interested in becoming girl magnets, I'm going to say it to you guys because I want to meet you. I want to help you. That's my purpose here. So you got to let me flex up a little bit and tell you just how amazing this program is.

23:18 Come join us and you too will have experiences with women that right now seem like an unattainable, distant fantasy. But for all my guys, they're always like, bro, I can't even believe what's happening. I'm like, yeah, man, you got to believe, dude, that your craziest fantasy, the thing you want most to happen with women can happen. It can happen. Yes. Even for you listening, it can happen for you. If you're willing to commit, if you're willing to invest in yourself, if you're willing to move into your fears like a fucking man does, because I guarantee you, just like I spoke about in my previous episode, you have the heart to accomplish your goals.

23:54 You just need to take that courageous first step. And that begins right now. Go to my website, CoachMarkSingh.com. Click on coaching. Fill in the short application and you and I will get on that one-on-one call together. Thank you again for listening, gentlemen. I really do appreciate it. And I will see you in the next episode. Bye-bye.

This transcript was made automatically, so a few words may be off.